Tatiana never used to know what doing good meant. She'd never known it and she'd certainly never made it.
Tati had thought she was doing it while working for Von Nazi, to help save her family, help protect them. Protect herself. Yet it turned out to be like her life…contracted killing with no regard for her or for the poor person involved innocents or not. No one saw her for anything else, even her parents saw her whisked off to be the trained killer the KGB told her she'd become.
She wondered if they still would see her like it.
All she'd ever been built for was killing.
So maybe when she decided to help the all American boy she had other motives in mind. Maybe after Von Nazi had cracked him, she could torture him in order for more Intel, after all this man seemed kind but lacking in the brains department where things were concerned. Maybe the man would see her inner battle in her struggle for good or kill her saving everyone the trouble. God knew she most likely deserved it. After all Tatiana was a solider through and through and back in Russia, they weren't known for their kindness.
Back where she came from, she had been one of the most ruthless. And she'd known it. No there had never been any goodness in her and there never would be. Even if she wished it most.
The spy became resolute. Nothing more stood to be gained. Not even the incessant and rambling questions when they got back to Mega's safe house although Mrs Mega proved to be one of the quirkiest characters she'd ever come across. There was a reason she did NOT talk about herself, the question hit the spot she hated most, if he kept this up who cared, she'd bring up a new number to her kill streak.
And yet…the affection and soothing tone of his voice transported her in a way back to her mother's voice and the story started to poor out. She'd misjudged him, he had the smarts after all. She willingly gave him the ammo to destroy her. His face when she finished, she never wanted to see it again.
He had his answers. Tatiana recognised horror when she saw it. Horror was all she'd seen reflected in herself in other's eyes. There may have been love interspersed but never enough. She never saw it within her but she recognised it in Agent Curt Mega for all his brashness.
If this agent couldn't help her with his wish to redeem himself..his wish to somehow redeem his partner and what he died for, no one else could. She watched his goodness later on battle his love. There was more than good in him than there'd ever been in her.
Friends helped. Tatiana had a good friend. What chance did she ever have with Von Nazi, with Owe…him. She'd help Curt because Curt was her friend. Curt was her friend and she knew he'd do the same. She picked up her gun, always ready to fight.
They'd fixed things, and Curt started to look better each passing day, it had been hard to wish goodbyes but they'd done it. The Russian spy watched one more bit of goodness spill out as she was handed the papers for her family, her joy of being free reaching for hugs she never thought she'd get. The American had seen her struggle from day one through those eyes, she never thought she'd get help.
Yes of course she'd find him, of course she'd work with him again. They were friends. Partners.
No Tatiana hadn't had much good in her, she felt the memories of her childhood flood back so many times she'd cry out in pain and she'd witness the eyes of horror. This time however she had someone she could go to when she needed that escape.
No she didn't have much good in her but this new life, this new friendship, this new her..she knew there was a chance to make some. Tati could move on. She could finally live instead of survive.
She was ready to let in as much as possible.