** Hello everyone, I haven't been able to update in a while because I've moved house and had some bad family stuff going on. I will be back and giving you more stories now though! **
On the anniversary of the moon landing, the scientists in Japan decided to do something really special. They had always wanted to go to the moon but their rockets were constantly failing, getting destroyed by tsunamis and giant monsters, and getting shot down by North Korea. They had gotten really downhearted and the government was close to cancelling the space program due to lack of funding, when one scientist hit upon a great idea. Rocket fuel was too expensive – especially because Japan's only refinery had been blown up by eco terrorists in a recent dispute over the sustainability of cod liver oil…but the boffins had come up with a new fuel source! Godzilla was hibernating near Kyoto and was crapping out large amounts of fecal matter every day. It was destroying the nearby city and creating a massive blow to Japan's tourist industry because nobody wanted to go there anymore because their holiday photos had lots of monster crap blighting the background. Godzilla was also emitting large clouds of toxic methane gas from his rear end and this had been causing acid rain all across the northern hemisphere – causing Russia's harvest to fail and the nation to go mad with famine. So the scientists came up with a plan to use Godzilla's shit as fuel for their space program, and his copious farts as propellant. The Japanese government thought this plan was amazing and approved it immediately and the world media rushed to Japan in order to film the historic moment that man went back to the moon. Unfortunately, Mothra was emerging from her chrysalis in Hawaii and accidentally flew into a plane carrying lots of journalists from the US – there was lots of screaming and panicked shitting before sadly everyone aboard died in a flurry of moth-wing-dust and egg.
The Japanese made a huge rocket that was much bigger than the Saturn V and was painted in the colors of the rising sun flag. A special team made up of scientists and military commandos went to harvest Godzilla's poop from Kyoto to fill up the rocket's fuel tanks. When they arrived, the city was in chaos. Poop was literally overflowing into every street – like the world's worst bowel blockage had been uncorked and had been left to run like a liquid, squelchy avalanche into every available space. People were waiting on their roofs to be rescued by helicopters, but all the aircraft kept crashing due to the rising heat from the crap creating downdrafts in the area. Unfortunately people and dogs suffocated in a terrible tide of turd. As the commandos started to shovel plop into hazardous waste barrels, the shovels started to disintegrate and they found that collecting the poop would be much harder than initially anticipated. One man tried to shovel the crap with his hands and was immediately killed by Rapid Onset Toxic Shock Syndrome.
The team regrouped in the only nearby bar that was still open and unaffected by shit. A decision was reached to send in a specialist Hazmat Poop Team which had been create from the world's best elite military units to deal with the Great Battra Crap Crisis of 1998 (a short summary of this was that Yokohama was totally destroyed by a sea-water-mixed-with-poop-tsunami which hardened over the city at a rapid rate, concreting over the entire area and creating a modern day version of Pompei – only with feces as opposed to volcano ash). The team was equipped with adamantium bulldozers and lead-lined shipping crates to pack Godzilla's poop in because it was highly radioactive and needed special containment. They worked tirelessly for two weeks shovelling poop and battling against the neverending tide of diarrhea that was streaming out of Godzilla (doctors had said he must've had a tapeworm or something that was causing such stencheous liquid poop). Eventually – after many deaths – the Hazmat Team returned to Tokyo triumphant with their many crates of radioactive rocket-fuel crap. Kyoto was abandoned for ever more because Godzilla was still asleep there and was pumping out crap like a volcanic mudflow and the radiation from his waste had made the city far more radioactive than the area around Chernobyl. The last bar closed and the barkeep died because his services were no longer required.
The rocket was fuelled and sat on the launchpad waiting for the day to come when it would fly off to the moon and deposit five Japanese and one Canadian astronaut there to start mining space ores. Everyone waited with anticipation and a rise in sales of antacids were reported as people became vomit-prone and bilious due to the rising excitement.
But then….a terrible surprise happened! The Spanish-speaking aliens from the moon – known as Moonites – had intercepted the media broadcasts coming towards them from Earth and did not want humans coming to mess up their world! They did not want big open mines that would poison the ground of the Moon and lots of spacecraft polluting the thin atmosphere. And so they sent their Champion to Earth to DESTROY THE ROCKET and with it man's best hopes of returning to the Moon. Their Champion was wearing armor like Darth Vader from Star Wars only red and white (to symbolise his conquest of Japan) and was wearing a mask so that he could breathe in Earth's heavy and car-engine-polluted atmosphere. He also had a cape for appearances. His name was….HOMBRE ESPACIAL! (See link below for what he looks like)
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Hombre Espacial flew towards Earth at Mach 3 with his rocket-booster shoes propelling him onwards. He reached the shores of Japan within the day and the shockwave from him exiting hyperspace caused a tsunami that enveloped the shit-encased city of Yokohama and polluted the South China Sea for ever more, smashing China's dreams of Pacific naval supremacy. With his tracker device locked on to the rocket – Hombre Espacial ran through cities and fields and rivers all across Japan until he came to Tokyo…
The Cosmos – who were the tiny Japanese women who lived in a box and flew around on Mothra's antennae – felt a disturbance in Earth's balance with the arrival of the mysterious space champion and so teleported to Kyoto to wake Godzilla. Mothra would have done it, but she was recuperating after the unexpected collision with the plane full of journalists over Hawaii. The Earth needed a hero – and because Batman was broke…it was going to have to be Godzilla. Using their mind powers, the two tiny Japanese women tried to wake Godzilla but he was enjoying his nap too much. They thought about going to get Rodan or one of King Ghidorah's spare heads to help…but Rodan was off looking for a mate and King Ghidorah's heads couldn't be found anywhere. So they did something drastic. They flew inside Godzilla's colon and put a knot in it to stop the stream of rancid feces pouring out of him like stinky treacle – this caused an intense build up of pressure inside him which woke him up in a hurry because it was so uncomfortable. Godzilla was now moody, angry and primed like a pressure hose waiting to discharge. Now that he was awake, the Cosmos were able to communicate with him telepathically from inside his large intestine and guide him towards Tokyo. The rest of Kyoto was destroyed when Godzilla walked through it in order to exit into the sea. Then a tsunami came and washed away the radioactive shit and rubble – cleansing the area but carrying a lethal cargo out into the sea – washing up on the Solomon Islands and causing untold ruin.
Meanwhile, as Godzilla took his time getting to Tokyo (he was mad that his nap had been disturbed and wasn't feeling too co-operative) Hombre Espacial was destroying the National Japan Space Center with his eye beams and sodium bicarbonate bombs. He had orders to take as many human scientists back to the Moon as possible to face Moonite justice for their crimes and so lashed them all together in a bag which he tied around his waist and dragged along behind him. It got harder and harder for him to move as he had unwittingly carried moon-germs to Earth with him and everyone he came into contact with began to suffer from uncontrollable fire-hose diarrhea which had accumulated in the bag of scientists – soaking them – and was now creating drag whenever he tried to move. They also had all started to decompose due to cholera. Heroically battling with the weight of the bag of humans he had strung around his waist, Hombre Espacial fought against the laws of physics to draw closer and closer to the rocket.
The astronauts were already aboard and were desperately fighting to prime the ignition sequence and take off before the tiny man could reach them – but alas, they had forgotten the propellant needed to lift off and so had to rely on an experimental pump system which had been designed to push the rocket into space manually. One of the astronauts followed the manual as his colleagues kept a look out for the slowly approaching Hombre Espacial and his net of poop-soaked humans. The astronaut connected his dong to the pump system and initiated the machine which began jiggling around awkwardly in his crotch – generating kinetic energy through a backwards and forwards motion which was strangely pleasant to the astronaut. The pleasant nature of the experience was ruined by his colleagues staring at him and the slow motion approach of Hombre Espacial who – watching the scene through his thermal eye vision – was enraged by the human's growing boner and decided he would recommend Earth was destroyed when he reported to his superiors on the Moon. He readied another sodium bicarbonate bomb to blow up the rocket…
Suddenly, Godzilla slowly ambled into view! The heroic monster of Japan had once more emerged to protect his country! His eyes met Hombre Espacial's and immediately he felt his bowels tighten in anticipation of a fight. He was however beginning to feel decidedly unwell as his knotted bowel strained against its bindings and began to grumble worryingly. Sadly for Godzilla, the tiny Japanese women in his colon were being cruel and refusing to let him crap until he had successfully defended Japan. He uttered a long "KREEEOOOOOONNNNK" of rage and hobbled like he had painful hemarroids towards Hombre Espacial. The Moon Champion was prepared for this however and initiated the atomic modulator on his wrist which caused him to grow in size until he was almost the same size as Godzilla! The bag of scientists he carried at his waist no longer weighed him down and he began running towards Godzilla very quickly and very angrily. The angry running caused multiple concussions to the scientists in the bag who all vomited simultaneously as motion sickness overwhelmed them. The vomit touched Hombre Espacial's leg armor and fell onto his utility belt full of sodium bicarbonate bombs! The stomach acid reacted with the bicarb and Space Hombre now started to fizz dangerously. Godzilla was tackled to the ground by the giant, bubble-ridden spaceman and the two went down in a heap. They began to wrestle and Godzilla accidentally killed all the captive scientists on Hombre Espacial's waist when he did a super cool wrestling move and dropped his butt onto the Moon Champion's chest. A stream of vomit emanated from the spaceman and hit Godzilla transferring lots of virulent moon-germs to the radioactive dinosaur and secretly infecting him with SODS (Sudden Organic Diarrhea Syndrome). The two fought tirelessly for a few moments before Godzilla began to feel even more unwell than he had done when he entered Tokyo earlier. He staggered to his feet and flailed around as he felt sick rising in his stomach and the pressure of his bowels beginning to push downwards on his anal muscles with all of it's stinky might.
Hombre Espacial sensed a disturbance in Godzilla's bowels and – looking through his thermal vision – he saw a torrent of superheated dinosaur shit brewing inside his enemy! He panicked and tried to use his foot-thrusters to shoot away…but his cape got stuck on one of the fins of the rocket and caused his chest armor to come off – leaving him in only his leg armor, his cape, his mask and his crotch-protector. His atomic modulator fell to the ground, useless, and Hombre Espacial returned to his normal size. He was now only able to look on in horror as Godzilla flailed like a rag-doll towards him – looking for something to lean on and support himself and travelling towards the nearest tall object that he thought was suitable….the rocket!
The astronaut had almost succeeded in powering the rocket with the dong-pump, but his dong was now oscillating at such a dangerous level that warning lights were flashing inside the rocket – and his wang looked like it was pole-dancing in a strobing club. He has reached climax already and was now just in intense pain as the dong-pump jiggled around obscenely in his lap and gradually got more and more clogged with cum – the clogged circuits began to malfunction and the item began to administer electric shocks to the brave man's groinal region every two seconds until he was unconscious and foaming violently at the mouth with the horror of it all. It looked like the rocket was doomed to never take flight…
…but then…with a terrible grumble from his bowels and a loud "BRAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWNNNNK!" from his toothy mouth, Godzilla's poop was unleashed into the world. The knot in his colon came undone and thus did his poop-hose reach up into space like a geyser – showering the world in fecal rain. His entire intestine shot out and fired the two tiny Japanese women who lived there into space – fulfilling Japan's desire to put Japanese people on the Moon. They would remain stranded there for many months until Mothra finally recovered and came to save them. Godzilla was propelled forwards, riding the torrent of liquid crap as though he was surfing, and collided with the rocket – getting it lodged up his anus and dangling from the top of it. He started to vomit too, as the Moon-germs took effect, and the vomit not only completely enveloped Hombre Espacial…but it also detonated his entire stash of bicarbonate of soda bombs! A combination of the vomit-poop propellant from Godzilla, the fizzing energy of the bicarb bombs and the furious dong-pumping of the astronaut gave the rocket enough force to take off and leave Earth's atmosphere. It flew towards the moon in a flurry of crap – Godzilla riding on the front like a terrifying, feces-filled hood ornament.
Moments later they landed. The rocket disintegrated on landing killing all aboard and ending the suffering of the man who had his penis lodged inside the rocket's manual lift off mechanism. Hombre Espacial ricocheted back into space and lost all of his clothes except his mask…floating there waiting for his people to find him by the emergency sonar tracker he kept stuffed in his butt. Godzilla got up and groaned – the Moon's atmosphere acting as a cure to the space-germs and ceasing the diarrhea stream almost instantly. He walked around dazed and totally confused before deciding that he needed a nap and settling down in a crater to sleep. The Moonites had no idea how to handle the situation and so left him in peace and began the process of winching Hombre Espacial out of the sky. Japan was in ruins, as was most of the Earth, but at least man had gone back to the Moon!
Nearby…on the dark side of the moon…one of King Ghidorah's species was awakened by the impact of the rocket and sensed the presence of Godzilla. The three-headed space monster yawned and had the ritualistic fight for dominance amongst his heads before establishing that the middle one was still in control and the other two were just hungry and rabid. Sensing that Earth's protector was stranded and wingless on the moon, the space monster flew off towards Earth to cause havoc. The stage was set for the destruction of mankind…