With apologies to JoJo for the title.

Lieutenant Rush Knows Nearly Everything

At the start of it, Lieutenant Rush never imagined that her first date with Jonas Quinn could turn out to be so dull an occasion as the Colorado Springs Astronomical Society annual dinner. But by the time she got back to her quarters in the early hours of the following morning, she couldn't wait for breakfast in the commissary to come, so that she could spread the gossip, er.. news.

Their table was a small one, the other four diners unknown to them. But it gave them an excellent view of the top table, where the officers of the Society and the Guest Speaker were seated. Which was why Colonel Jack O'Neill (secretary) was sat next to Major Doctor Samantha Carter (the invited speaker), both in formal evening attire.

The opportunity to view the renowned 'couple' at leisure, in addition to being able to interrogate SG-1's newest member, had suddenly transformed the evening for the Lieutenant. She would be queen of the rumour mill for days on the strength of this!

"Does General Hammond know they're here together?" she asked.

"Of course." replied Jonas. "He has to authorise any off-base presentations by staff."

"But does he know they're 'together'?"

"What do you mean, 'together'?"

"Well, just look, they keep smiling at each other as they talk."

"So what? They do that at the SGC and on missions most of the time."

"Yes, but look how she keeps touching his arm and leaning across to make a point. And look! She's just removed a speck from his jacket shoulder."

"Lots of people do that."

"Yeah, people who are 'together', if you get my drift."

"Well, they've known each other for six years, so it's quite natural. And you know what they've been through together on missions. You see them in the infirmary often enough."

"She seems to laugh at a lot of his jokes. Don't tell me that's normal behaviour."

"Well, I laugh too, but I admit not as much as Sam. His sense of humour is pretty weird."

"I was on duty in the infirmary yesterday when they came back from a mission. Now *that* was weird. They were sitting on adjacent beds speaking alternate lines from Monty Python sketches, and falling about laughing every so often."

"Ah, so that's what it was. I've only seen a few tapes of that show. It's strange Earth humour. Can you tell me what a 'Norwegian Blue' is? And what's an 'ex-parrot'? And why can't they look in history books to see what the Romans did for them? And they kept whistling a funny little tune together. They wouldn't tell me the title, and Sam just explained that it was a love song."

"I'll show you some of the tapes at my apartment, if you'd like to, one evening?"

"Why, thank you, that'd be great."

"Oh my goodness! Did you see that?"


"She gave him the carrots off her plate in exchange for the sprouts off his! And they never said a word. And she poured gravy for him without asking!"

"Well, six years of eating together.."

"Don't give me that, Jonas. They only eat MRE's and self-service commissary food together. Or do they?..."

"How would I know? Eat your dinner, its going cold."


"What I don't understand is how she can get over the age difference. I mean, it's not natural going out with someone that much older."

"How old are you, then, if I may ask?"

"23 last October. You?"

"Measured in Earth years, I'm 29. So do you think its unnatural being here with me?"

"Er, well you don't look 29. You look mid-twentyish. I'm comfortable with that. But the Colonel - well, just look. He's gone grey, for a start. He must be 15 years older than her. Well, 10 or 12 anyway."

"But you still think they look like a couple?"

"You'd have to be blind to miss it. Wow, if a guy kept looking at me the way they're carrying on, it'd be mega-serious."

"OK, let's assume - hypothetically - that they're a couple. Do you think that they'd care if there's an age gap?"

"Well, I.."

"They don't. Er, I mean, they wouldn't. My observations of Earth culture show that teenagers regard one year as a huge gap. Twentysomethings think five years is significant. In their thirties, people wonder about it but it's not so important. After that, it doesn't even bear thinking about if you've found someone that you really get on with."

"So, they've 'found' each other, have they?"

"Please don't put words into my mouth."

"Everyone on base knows there's something going on. They say the two of them had to confess to a Tok'ra lie detector to stop from being labelled as spies."

"That's just hearsay. I'll bet 'they' say General Hammond caught them making love in the briefing room as well, I suppose?"

"God, did he? See, I told you there was something going on!"

"No, you've got it wrong, all wrong. Their relationship is purely professional. And anyway, you said he was too old for her."

"Yeah, but when you think about it, they could spend the next thirty years together."

'Yes, that's a distinct possibility if we survive the next few years.' thought Jonas.

And at the end of the evening, as they saw Jack briefly kiss the top of Sam's head as he placed her coat round her shoulders, followed by her glowing smile as she quickly looked round at him, Jonas found himself in total agreement with his date.