Word Count: 1821
Summary: "What is life without fun, Jordan?" A moment of reflexion of most of the characters.
Disclaimer: I don't own Crossing Jordan or the characters.
He made her start loving flowers.
Flowers weren't just given to the dead anymore. Whenever she had flowers on her doorstep, or in her office, or a single flower in her car's windshield, she would smile, her heart would flutter, and she would blush. Oh, yes, Jordan would blush. And then give a little smile that would make her embarrassed if anyone ever noticed, quickly hiding her face and smelling the flowers, the smile only leaving when someone approached her.
Whenever she worked nights she would get that fresh cup coffee on her desk or wherever she was at that moment. They would come with a kiss and a sweet "How you doing?" to which she would answer with a shrug and a smile. But it was those cups of coffee after a long shift that would make her fall in love with him even harder. She would receive those coffees whenever they saw each other at work and she was working before nine am and still had that sleepy face on. Those cups were thanked with a less happy smile, but an enthusiastic one, because damn if that girl doesn't love coffee.
He would leave her a lot of tiny notes around her office whenever he went there and she wasn't around. They were usually just tiny ones like "Came by and you weren't here. Love you." But sometimes were invitations for dinner or lunch like "Dinner tonight? Eight okay? Text me. Love you.". Either way, they would end with love you. She never told anyone – not even he knew – but she kept them all in a box and would go through them when she was sad.
There too many nights during the year where he appeared in her office after a tough case with ice cream, so sometimes at two or three am there would be two weirdos eating ice cream, laughing in a practically dark morgue. To the outside world, those were weirdos, but she loved those moments where they were relaxed and happy in their little bobble, ice cream in the middle of them just telling each other jokes or weird childhood moments – like that time he broke his arm climbing a tree or that time she laughed so much she fell from a chair.
But honestly, out of everything that man did for her, what she loved the most were those kisses he would give her when he showed up at the morgue for a case and saw her, or being asked if he went to see her because he had asked people where she was. Those moments would make her smile because he wanted to see her.
Those moments where he danced with her, whether it was in the Pogue or the middle of their living room, those moments where they were both the most vulnerable and he would tell her how beautiful she was, those moments that made the tips of her ears red and her cheeks a different color of pink, those moments where his eyes were a different color of blue, where they just stared at each other's eyes for a moment comfortably and lovingly.
Those were the moments she missed the most. Those flowers, the coffees, the little notes, the ice cream, the fast kisses, the dances, his eyes. She missed being able to be vulnerable with him, be okay with letting herself be her when they were together. Almost looking forward to the next day, because every day with that man was a surprise.
He was that man that would walk her to her car because he wanted to make sure she would get home safely. The first person that ever found out she hated the dark streets, that would hold her hand and tell her he hated them too, but less when they were together.
He was the man that grabbed her hand and took her to the sidewalk as it rained and started to dance, to sing, to drink the water of the rain, because "what is life without a little fun, Jordan?" he would tell her.
He was the man whose smile could light up the entire room. The kind of man that knew instantly if something was wrong with her, and was also the one that could predict when she was truly going to start talking. He was the man that had a rubber duck in his shower that he owned since he lived alone. He was the man that would enter a store and start to look for candy and start to pout right after she said no. He was the man that was amazingly good in being organized at work but was the most disorganized person she ever met at their house, with socks near his toothbrush and sometimes a toothbrush on his sock drawer.
But he was also the man whose last words to her were a question that still made her smile despite it being the last words she heard.
"Can we buy that gigantic gummy bear now?"
She remembers giving him a soft smile when he said that, whilst the tears started to fall, knowing that had been his last breath. And when his body appears at the morgue, she stays with him, until the last moment possible.
It takes her two days after his death to go to his office. It was the day before his funeral, and she went there to clear his desk so someone else could take his place. She took the dart set he had hanged there she had given him years ago and took all the photos from his desk and walls. It was only when she moved his chair that she noticed something on top of it: a gigantic gummy bear – half was eaten.
She laughed then, laughed until her belly started to hurt, until the pain of thinking he would never finish those gummy bears, she would never be able to call him a child anymore, he would never eat peanut butter sandwiches that Lily made him anymore.
She remembers thinking of how unlucky she was that the man she had opened up to, the man that she allowed to enter her heart, the man that made her have fun with life, had left her alone. But she didn't know how to be alone anymore.
It was only after his funeral, a week later, that she understood that no one in that morgue knew how to live without him there either. Sure, they didn't live with him in the same house, they didn't share a life with him the way she had. But they all missed that detective that looked over their shoulder and asked questions about everything. Kate, of all people, though it was weird for her not to have someone following her around during some cases like a lost puppy.
Lily would run away to the bathroom or her office with tears in her eyes whenever she saw peanut butter because it reminded her of all those sandwiches she had made for him because "I like them better when someone else makes them, Lil. Please?" worked with her, but now only made her cry.
Bug missed that man that would ask him about every insect he had displayed and heard with interest even when he started to tell things that no one would care about, but he would listen, and nod and smile, and would actually ask a question about what Bug had told him. He missed that detective that would ask so many questions that seemed interesting.
Nigel would still walk around at the morgue looking for the blue-eyed detective that would practically live at the morgue, thinking he would want to hear what he had just found out. It broke everyone's heart to see Nigel with a gigantic smile on his face until he realized Woody wasn't around anymore, and his smile would fade away.
Dr. Macy missed that energetic detective that always had a smile on his face and a glint in his eyes, one mixed with happiness and loss. He would be like Nigel sometimes, looking up from his desk whenever he heard a door moving, hoping, almost wishing it was the cheerful detective that would have a new case for them, or simply got bored of being closed in his office.
When Jordan started to notice the little things in her friends' faces, the look of disappointment, of wistful longing for someone that will never appear in their lives, that's when she understood the mark that a simple person could make in everyone's lives. So, she started to give Lily a smile whenever she saw peanut butter, asking if maybe she could have some. Lily would smile at her and nod, and eventually, the tears were fewer, but there was always a part of her heart that hurt.
She started to get interested in Bug's insects, asking questions like he used to do. At first, Bug didn't want to answer her questions, but eventually, he caved in.
She started to follow Kate around too, and Kate would laugh at the way Jordan seemed, until that feeling of missing her man-puppy started to fade, but never truly gone.
With Nigel and Garret was more complicated, because she couldn't be cheery. It was never her thing, and especially after he was gone.
But she would sometimes go to them with a cup of coffee and a smile, other times she would simply show up to ask how they were. Those simple moments reminded them of him, the way he would show unannounced or he brought them coffee from that place that was actually good, unlike the coffee at the break room.
And after a year or so, they all still missed him and knew they were forever going to miss him.
But they no longer looked up from their desk to see if he was getting there, they would no longer hide to cry because he wasn't there, they would no longer need to feel his presence there. Yet, sometimes they still searched for that man, without any luck.
Eventually, they learned how to live without him. No matter how hard it was, they learned how to live without him.
And when Jordan walks outside and laughs at the sky as it starts to rain, she can practically hear him tell her to have fun with life, and she walks home feeling safe, as if he was there smiling and jumping in puddles, making her feel happy.
For the first time in a year, she doesn't feel miserable thinking about him. Instead, she decides to think about everything that he did that made her happy.
She still cried, of course, especially when she visited his grave or found something of his around the house instead of being in the attic.
But she would smile at things that would have made her cry a year ago.
She was going to be okay.
I didn't know to put this in, but Lily, Nigel, Bug, and Jordan ended up eating the rest of the gummy bear that Woody had bought. If anyone is wondering what gummy bear I'm talking about, it's the one Andy Dwyer from Parks&Rec bought in S6E18.
Sorry I killed off Woody, but I felt like it. I was going to make it sweet, but halfway through writing it, I figured out that I didn't know how to make it sweet with all the characters in the story. So, here it is! :)