Orson Krennic: The Cape wars

Orson Krennic sat on a couch at the window of his quarters while a hologram of the Batcape sat hovering over his hand.

"What are you made of my darling…" he muttered longingly as he attempted to stroke the light beam and only succeeded in blocking the light and causing the wonderful image to fade momentarily. He allowed it to reappear again. "I could glide on the air too! Wow. I could escape from any enemy! And avoid their weapons. I wouldn't need those two idiots flanking me and treading on you my love. " He reached out to the 'empty' seat beside him and stroked the end of Tide white Work Cape that was spread out there. "For which I am humbly sorry my love that you and your companions have to go through that. That's why some of you are only allowed indoors, while the shorter ones are allowed outside. I can't have them putting their filthy mud boots on your gorgeous whiteness now can I?" He put the hologram device on his leg so he could pick up the glass of Carellian brandy from the table on sip it while suavely observing his harem hanging out alluringly in his wardrobe where he had slid one door open just enough to see them shyly hiding in wait for him. He sat for a few moments before wincing as he had flashbacks of that horrible day three months ago when one of his beloved darlings had almost lost its life when that Batguy had coated it… no…he didn't want to think about the waste products that the two of them had been coated in… From that the flashbacks took him through the trauma of having his lab slaves undress him in the decontamination room and carefully carry it away to be showered and soaked in various enzymes that he had developed to clean his cleans to aseptic conditions. He then spent the night kneeling in his shower crying

"IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR! HOW DID THAT CRETIN BEAT ME? THAT POOR CAPE! HE'LL HURT IT! AND MY DARLING WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU! LIVE! PLEASE LIVE! I LOVE YOU! IT'S NOT FAIR!" while scrubbing himself with another detergent that was guaranteed to kill every space molecule that touched him. He cried and cried until his water allowance for the week was over (he had cried the next day when he accidentally touched a plant in the lab without gloves and had nothing to wash himself with. So he had one of his assistants tied up so he could steal the poor guys water ration from him.) Krennic shook his head as he came back out of the flashback and gasped. He needed to forget it all. He never wanted to think about that again. Oh the pain he would cause that idiot when he got his gloved hands on him! He would do all sorts of horrible experiments on him, starting with have his slaves stitch up the man's anus to prevent any more potential capicide. And while he watched the suffering, he would enjoy wearing New Cape and bonding with it.

He had now forgotten the flashback as he fantasized about his two favourite things: Capes and painful, interesting, experimentation. He thought about standing proudly in Bat Cape (he would think of a better name later) while he watched the Batguy screaming in pain through a glass window as chemicals burned into him. He felt an organic movement in his pants and announced "Hmmmm" thinking that he really need to sort out the problem of carnal desire…. He was NOT like any other species out there- he was far greater than any of the humanoids and was quite ashamed that his body still performed the same type of involuntary reactions. He winced as his fleshsaber began to swell and pull against the strap he had used to tie it to his leg to prevent it standing to attention when he was on duty due to enjoying the torment of his victims too much. He tried to fight it but the pain became too great. Dam, he was going to have to deal with it. He downed the last of his Carellian brandy and stood up wincing. He crossed to the wardrobe and tormented himself by running his hand along every cape until he found midnight blue Shower Cape (he couldn't use white as when wet it would cling to him and ruin the beauty by showing his body through it.) He nearly fainted at being surround by such beauty as the different materials brushed and swished past him. He carefully took his uniform off taking care to hang everything up smoothing out the creases and making sure Work Cape was tucked cosily between Sleep Cape and Nap Cape, Then he pulled Shower Cape around his shoulders and strode to the shower room where he positioned the shower head over his crotch ready to wash any nasty pathogens and bacteria away as he released the band on his fleshsabre and gave into the annoying carnal desires his body seemed to desire. (He used a special metal instrument he had developed specially so that he did not even need to touch himself and get his hands dirty)

Ten minutes in and Krennic was about to shoot his white laser off when he felt something large hit him in the side and almost pin him against the wall of the shower. It would be a while before he figured out what it was as the thing had smashed through the window of the bathroom and the room started to decompress so it sucked all the juice from his sabre and it pooled around him as he was pulled along the tiled floor while wet Shower Cape stuck to his body and head so he could not see. (The metal thing got pulled out into space.) He tried to yell at the computer to activate emergency shields but he was being smothered by wet linen and procreational liquids and combined with the fact his distressed state made his speech impediment worse, he was incomprehensible. He kept yelling as he reluctantly curled his fingers into the plughole to stop being sucked into space until an upper class voice commanded

"Computer raise emergency shields!" The bathroom started to pressurise again and Krennic stopped screaming. He pulled Shower Cape off him and screamed again as he saw the white seminal fluids dripping from Shower Cape and the pool of defecation that had been pulled from his rectum.

"IT'S ON ME! IT'S ON ME!" He yelled as a burley blonde-haired man pulled him up by the cape. "DON'T HURT IT!" Krennic pulled the shower head over him and blasted the filth from his body and Shower Cape. He felt dirty and contaminated… but at least the issue with his flesh sabre was over. "So what the hell are you?" he yelled at the man. And then he stopped with puppy-dog eyes. The stranger had long blonde hair, facial hair, barbarian rebel armour, a giant hammer and….and… Krennic forgot about his current contamination and felt the breath catch in his chest. "Oh you are a beautiful cape" he exclaimed to the deep red folds of wool that hung impressively around the brutes neck, who puffed up his chest to try ad look impressive.

"I am Thor of Asgard, son of Odin." He announced as he looked Krennic up and down. "Might I enquire as to why you are stood under your magical indoor waterfall in just your cloak sir?" Krennic did not recognise his accent though it had hints of the Empire. He pulled Shower Cape around himself protectively.

"How dare you! I wear capes! Not cloaks! A cloak would make me look like a common peasant! I don't wear them to keep warm like common folk. I wear them to show my authority! And…. Well…. Because I look good." Thor narrowed his eyes.

"I see…. I'm sorry to have ruined your wonderful transparent wall" Thor indicated as Krennic started to sluice himself down with cleaners. "And who are you with your knowledge of my garb?"

"Director Orson Krennic." He muttered never taking his eyes off the cape. "Where did you find that wonderful thing on your back?" He reached out a hand to stroke it but Thor pulled away.

"It was crafted from the very flesh of the Gods good sir!"

"There are no gods. Not even Jedi could have called themselves gods. You are a fool if you think that." Thor looked up and down.

"I would say that I'm not the one standing there naked in a wet cloak but it's nothing I haven't seen before. I grew up with my brother. Though to be honest he was less impressive." Krennic got angry at his persistent use of the word 'cloak' and went to press a console button.

"Guards!" He yelled but then realised he hadn't pressed the comms button. Instead the hairdryer switched on and both of them were blown up into an indoor hurricane (the thing had malfunctioned probably due to Thor smashing through the window. Thor through his curtain of blonde hair managed to smash the console with his hammer as Krennic escaped from the bathroom into his quarters.
"Guar…" he went to yell but the barbarian put a hand over his mouth.

"Shhhh!" Thor whispered almost crapping himself (being Thor it was electrified poop and so he felt the fizzing around his asshole. "There's no need for that. I just have grief with Lord Vader." Krennic winced at that.

"He's not here! He's not allowed on my ship!" Thor laughed at him.

"You would say that. You all protect one another." Krennic's lip trembled.

"There are some members of the Empire that I would never protect."

2If you do not let me search your ship sir, I will do it by force and smash it all up with Mjolnir here". He fingered his hammer and readied it to smash a table containing Krennic's handmade copy of his self-published popular monthly magazine Capes and You. Krennic screamed.

"NO! Fine. I'll make you a deal. You can search my ship and you give me your cape." Thor took in the naked man now clutching his damp cape around him.

"You want Vararfeldur?" Thor asked feeling his crap hole get electrified again at the thought of what he was asking for (Odin was going to be angry) Vararfeldur…. A name fit for a godly cape! Krennic was completely in love as he watched the beautiful think flutter in a breeze that was not there. Oh how he wanted it to join him on those lonely nights.

"I want it rebel!"

"WHAT? You think me a mere peasant? Have you not shame sir?! For I am son of OOOOOOOOOOOOOOODIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN!"

"Free your cape and let it live with me or I will call the guards!"

Thor couldn't believe it had come to this- bartering part of his Viking uniform. But he needed to find Vader. And besides, he hated killing. And wasn't sure just how many laser weapons he could withstand.

"FINE" he yelled and unpinned the clasps so that Vararfeldur fel to the floor. Krennic gasped as he threw himself forward to catch it and felt the soft wool slip onto his skin. Vararfeldur was very heavy. Good for cold winter nights in space. He felt a twitch in his crotch area again.

"Thank you. Now get out. And don't come back here." He opened the door for Thor to leave and he did. In panic Krennic laid Vararfeldur on his bed and braved the shower again to finish himself off once more.

Awesome Krennic lay on his bed with Verarfeldur wrapped around him and his shoulders. It was such a luxurious feeling against his skin and he felt peace for the first time as he started to drift into slumber. He was so happy that he didn't hear the hull breach alarm in the distance as Thor left the ship via his lightening bolts. And then he remembered.

Batcape was still out there waiting to be rescued. Krennic sat up. He looked around. And then cried again.

The End