"Guys! Guys!" said Klein, banging on the door to Kirito and Asuna's log cabin.
The wooden door opened, revealing a very sleepy-looking Kirito.
"Ugh, what is it, Klein?" he said, rubbing his eyes. "I like to enjoy my break between episodes! Being a relatable blank-slate isn't exactly the easiest job."
"Forget about that, we have an abridged series!" Klein took out his phone. Kirito's eyes widened.
"Okay, get the rest of the cast,"
A little bit later.
Kirito sent out a group invite to the entire cast of characters, including Kayaba, Agil, Lisbeth, Silica, Leafa, Oberon, Sinon, and Sachi. They, along with Kirito, Asuna and Yui, were all sitting in Kirito's living room.
"Thank you all for coming," said Kirito, getting up onto the coffee table. "I know it's supposed to be our day off, but we have urgent news,"
"You already mentioned that in your invite, just get to the point!" said Lisbeth.
"Okay, prepare yourselves," Kirito took out his phone. "We have an abridged series!"
A collective gasp rang throughout the room.
"Can we sue them?" said Silica, hopefully.
"Afraid not," said Kirito. "The disclaimer is airtight,"
"Is it any good?" said Kayaba. "I mean, if it's abridged, then surely it can't be very serious. Remember Yu-Gi-Oh abridged?"
The group nodded in agreement.
"I don't know," said Kirito. He turned on the TV and started streaming his phone to it. "I figured we should watch it together and see what they come up with,"
"Good, I could use a good laugh," said Sachi.
And with that, Kirito turned on the first episode.
After episode one.
"I have to say," said Kayaba. "I kinda liked what they did with me. Much more relatable,"
"Good for you," said Kirito, frowning. "Why am I such a jerk?"
"I know, right?" said Klein. "It's like, you but with less sanity!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"They skipped a lot of the world-building," Oberon pointed out.
"I know right?" said Kayaba. "Wasn't that the hook to the show? Living in a video game?"
"I wonder what I'm like," said Asuna, her finger on her chin.
"Only one way to find out!" said Silica.
Halfway through episode two.
Kirito was laughing his socks off, while Asuna looked offended.
"Come on, Kirito! I'm not that stupid,"
"Are you kidding?" said Kirito, in between fits of laughter. "You were hilarious as a noob!"
"I have to admit, this is pretty funny," said Sinon. "Especially in the opening bit with the narrator,"
"And that theme song is so cool!" said Oberon. "I think I'll make it my ringtone,"
After episode two.
Kirito looked apologetically at Agil.
"Okay… maybe I was a bit of a jerk, back then," he awkwardly smiled.
"I'm just glad you changed for the better after episode three," said Sachi.
"I honestly don't know what to make of my counterpart," said Asuna.
Agil shook his head.
"Let's just watch the next episode.
After Sachi's death.
Kirito and Sachi were clinging to one another on the couch.
"That… was not fun to relive," said Sachi. Kirito nodded in agreement.
"What are you two doing?" said Asuna, glaring at their closeness.
"Nothing!" they jumped apart.
Yui giggled. Kirito glanced between her and Sachi a few times. He could swear that they looked… similar.
"In all honesty, it looks like they're just exaggerating Kirito's character arc for humor," she pointed out.
"In fact..." Asuna looked at Kirito. "Exactly what happened between you two that episode?"
"Nothing!" Kirito blushed. Sachi hid her face in her gloves.
After episode three.
Kirito and Klein glanced at one another.
"Woah," said Klein. "That was… unexpected,"
"No kidding," said Kirito. "What about the part where I heard Sachi's message?"
"Is no one going to mention the drunk man?" said Kayaba.
"I think they're trying to convey some kind of theme," said Sinon.
"Since when do abridged series' have themes?" said Leafa.
"Uh, I'm kind of scared to watch the next one," said Silica. "I can only imagine what will happen,"
"It's what the fans want," said Lisbeth.
The scene where Kirito saves Silica.
Silica was tightly hugging her dragon, her eyes blank.
"Well, that was weird," said Kirito.
"What do you mean?" asked Yui.
"Since when do women fall in love with me so easily?" he pointed out.
Silica, Lisbeth, Leafa, Asuna, and Sinon all blushed.
The scene where Kirito cries about Sachi.
"You remembered me for that long?" said Sachi.
"Uh… well..." Kirito had trouble finding the right words.
"I think he forgot about you until "Crimson Killing Intent," said Asuna.
"You… forgot about me?" said Sachi.
"Hey! Don't get the wrong idea, it's just… well… it was a while… and…"
"You wanted to avoid a subplot, didn't you?" said Lisbeth.
"Yes," said Kirito, admitting defeat.
"Looks like they followed through with that here," said Sinon.
"Well, it's not like it's gonna go anywhere," said Kirito. "It's an abridged series for goodness sake!"
After Kirito's monologue.
"That… was kinda embarrassing, now that I think about it," Kirito said, rubbing his head. "Even without the oversized ego,"
Everyone nodded in agreement.
After episode four.
"I… have no words," said Silica.
"Me neither," said Kirito.
Everyone sat there in silence.
"Welp," said Lisbeth. "Episode five!"
After episodes five, and six
"Why do we seem to hate each other?" said Kirito, a confused look on his face.
"Because it's a tsundere relationship, duh," said Asuna.
"Well, yeah. But in this version, it's almost like you actively want me dead,"
After episode seven
Everyone looked at Asuna with a scared expression.
"I'm… not a yandere, I swear," she said, quickly.
"Still," said Lisbeth. "That was terrifying!"
"I'm the tsundere, remember?" Asuna pointed out.
"Wait, I thought I was the tsundere," said Leafa.
"You're the kanidere,"
"Isn't that me?" said Silica.
"No, you're the dandere," said Lisbeth.
"What are they saying?" Kirito whispered to Klein.
"I don't know, I don't speak Harem!" said Klein.
After episode eight.
Everyone looked at Kirito now.
"I'm… not a sadist," he said.
"Is it just me, or did they put way too much thought into the romance subplot?" said Klein.
"Maybe," said Kayaba. "It's like they have chemistry, but the kind that makes an atom bomb," he blinked. "Oh great, I'm speaking abridged. Anyway, let's watch the next episode. I want to see how they made me,"
After episode nine.
Kirito covered Yui's eyes and ears as he and Asuna's jaws dropped.
Kirito cleared his throat and grinned at his wife.
"Well, I certainly remember that night," he winked.
"Kirito! Not in front of Yui!" said Asuna.
"What?" said Yui.
"Nothing!" said both her parents.
Kayaba was laughing like crazy.
"My counterpart is hilarious!"
"He certainly was, Mr. Akihiko,"
"Alright, now for episode ten!"
"Isn't that the episode where Yui shows up?" said Lisbeth
Kirito and Asuna swapped scared glances. Yui's eye's widened.
"I'm not sure I want to see… that again," said Kirito.
"Me neither," said Asuna. "Come on, Yui, let's go do something else,"
The three of them walked outside.
"Okay, roll the episode!" said Klein.
After episode ten, (My favorite).
Klein and Lisbeth were both crying in each other's embrace. Kayaba was wiping a tear from his eye. Silica's face was buried in Pina's feathers. Sachi was also crying.
"That was so romantic!" said Silica, in between sobs.
"And Yui's scenes were done perfectly!" said Kayaba.
"That roast to Yuilier was pretty epic," said Sinon, keeping her monotone.
Just then, Asuna and Kirito walked in on this rather disheveled scene.
"Well..." said Asuna. "Good thing we didn't see it,"
"I know," said Kirito. "These people sure are talented. Although, maybe we should wait until things die down until we watch the season finale,"