One Piece: This is a completely un-original femLuffy Zoro romance one-shot I was doing where Zoro mistakes Luffy for a prostitute then a whole bunch of awkwardness happens. This was all I had written.

Zoro swear he only closed his eyes for a second. But he opened his eyes and the marine courtyard was gone replaced by cleavage. He blinked at the breasts stupidly. Eventually he realized there was usually a woman attached to these-he blamed his slow thoughts on the lack of food-and glanced up at the girl who was staring down at him with a fierce grin.

She had black hair, dark brown eyes and long eyelashes that gave the illusion of her eyes looking even rounder than they already were. It was like looking into an innocent woodland creatures face. Puffy cheeks and curious head tilting-all that was missing was a bushy tail.

If wasn't for the breasts that were waaay to close to his face he would have mistaken the girl for a child, what with all the squirrely innocence looking down on him. An innocent girl never stopped him from speaking his mind though, so he sneered.

"What do you want?" He asked rudely. Thankfully she bounced back, taking her breasts with her and rested both hands on her hips, puffing out her chest. Zoro couldn't help the glance down at the bouncy appendages. He wasn't really the type of man to be distracted by breasts but he was sure he'd never seen ones so…bouncy.

He cringed. She put a single finger over her lips and leaned forward and Zoro forced himself to look up into the girls face.

"Are you pirate hunter Zoro?" She asked around her finger, excited. He squinted at her, taking in the bikini top, cropped vest and short-shorts. She was absolutely shameless showing that much skin, Koushirou would be scandalized. He'd never met a prostitute, but he seem them before and…well. Zoro was suspicious.

"Why do you want to know?" Zoro asked. The girl smiled widely; "I heard he's a strong guy."

Zoro raised a single brow and it disappeared into behind his bandanna; "Is that your type? Strong guys?"

The girl nodded and laughed loudly, bouncy on the balls of her feet, making everything else bounce too. Zoro made sure his eyes didn't stray from her face. Good thing too because suddenly those innocent eyes narrowed sharply and she glanced at him from beneath dark lashes, straw hat casting a shadow on her face.

"There's no place for weak willed men on the sea." She purred. Then her expression cleared and she laughed again. Zoro felt a jolt run through him not even sparing a thought to where it ended up, only looking at the girl in surprise.

"Heh," He chuckled, actually interested in the first time in awhile, pity it was at such an unconvient time, "…you're in luck, Roronoa Zoro, at your service."

"I thought so!" The girl chirped. "I'm Monkey D. Lucy and I'm

-they get cut off by onion guy

-Luffy ask Zoro to 'join her' and he completely misinterpruts but like her and says yes

-usual canon stuff happens

Zoro sipped at his beer, distracted by the curve of Lucy's back as she politely inhaled the food in front of her. It was kind of a contradiction because she was eating fast but it somehow still done primly. He found it wasn't just the way she ate that was a contradiction either.

Lucy was cute, yet sexy. Soft and strong. Girly but also a bit boyish too. Zoro had never met anyone like her. She hadn't led him to a bed yet either. Well, she already proved to be quite different than most other prostitutes. Picky too. She wasn't even charging him, not that Zoro would ever pay for anything like that anyway.

But, maybe he was missing something. Maybe she just…liked him? Zoro liked that a lot better than what he had been thinking. Besides…imagining Lucy escorting other men made him grind his teeth.

Shit-this girl. He was already unreasonably attached.

"I'm gonna be the Pirate King!" She roared at the saluting marines. Coby started yelling something about a Marine Admiral but Zoro was hardly paying attention. He blinked stupidly at Lucy's back.

Wait, what?

Zoro laughed. He couldn't stop, he laughed till he cried. It all made such stupid sense now. Of course. Of course. Pirate King…Worlds Greatest Swordsman. He was an idiot. A horny idiot.

He collapsed at the bottom of thier tiny dingy, tears streaming down his face while Lucy gave him a confused look.

"I…I thought-" He gasped between laughs, but he never finished his sentence. His pride wouldn't allow it. This was his fate now. First mate to Monkey D. Luffy future Pirate King.

He was already helplessly devoted to her anyway. If she asked him again he would say yes in a heart beat. His laughed eventually died and he stretched both hands arms to rest behind his head, getting comfortable.

"So, where too, Captain?" Zoro smirked at her.

Lucy grinned right back.