Deloris van Cartier didn't know what she was doing. At first, she was pondering why the hell she was in the convent and now, she was pondering why the hell she was feeling a certain way towards a certain nun. Deloris knew that the young girl wasn't supposed to fall in love with another man, but damn, falling in love with another woman could possibly get her killed and Deloris cared for her too much to let the girl get hurt. Deloris knew that she hid her affection extremely well, even if she masked her love for the nun as platonic.
She wanted to not be in love, but she had no choice. As she watched the soft face of Sister Mary Robert made a soft smile, she couldn't help but to smile back at the young woman. Deloris knew she shouldn't corrupt the young woman. She didn't want to corrupt the young woman, but the way she moved gracefully and innocently made Deloris simply want to ravish her. "What's wrong, Sister Mary Clarence?" Also, there was that fact that she was hiding as a nun, but none of the nuns, save for Mother Superior only knew that. She was only hiding to escape from Vince and yet, as she stayed from the man, she found herself growing sinful feelings towards another woman and she cursed herself. Why God? Why must people be so judging? Deloris thought to herself as she knew how other people thought about lesbians and gays in particular. However, she knew that Sister Mary Robert wasn't judging like other people and she couldn't help but wonder if Sister Mary Robert personally identified with the people that have an alternative lifestyle.
When Deloris had just arrived at the convent, she remembered meeting Sister Mary Robert and feeling a little resentful of the pure and innocent young woman. As she grew to enjoy the nuns' company, her resentment turned to guilt as she realized that the young woman had no other life outside of the convent. All she knew was the convent and Deloris couldn't blame that on the young woman. By comparison, Sister Mary Robert was a child while Deloris was an adult. Deloris remembered having that same childlike innocence at one point in her life, but Sister Mary Robert still had hers and she didn't want anyone to ruin that, not even Deloris herself wanted to ruin Sister Mary Robert's childish outlook on life. She knew that if Sister Mary Robert get curious about her nightly outings, Deloris knew that her plans of being hidden away will be ruined.
When she brought up her concern with Mother Superior, the woman only gave her a disappointed stare and she spoke coldly. "If you don't want to be caught by her, then don't go." She merely stated. Deloris remembered sighing in almost full contempt, but it was also filled with slight worry. If the Mother Superior noticed the worry, then, she had said nothing of it. Instead, she had left Deloris to her own thoughts, which was a very dangerous thing to do as Deloris knew that she would be condemned to Hell for her thoughts about ravishing a woman of God, but if the nuns preached about helping people, she knew that they shouldn't judge either, but she knew how cruel people could be when they find out about people being gay, lesbian or bisexual. She had a feeling that she was bisexual, but every time she looked at Sister Mary Robert, she wanted to show her that she liked her, but her feelings of liking conflicted with her feelings to protect and she would just ignore her own feelings of liking in order to protect Sister Mary Robert from the harsh reality that was called reality.
She didn't want her to ever get hurt, especially by Deloris herself, but Deloris should have known that she was probably the best choice to protect Sister Mary Robert.