Super Omega Hero Hit Squad GO
Once upon a time there were sooo many cool super heros and they all went to university. Not even gonna talk about how dumb and powerful the evil villains are… not yet, but like the main dude was disowned by his entire family even the pet dog Lucky.
So at the school all the teachers got together for a meeting. These teachers were also SUPER OMEGA HERO HIT SQUAD! READY FOR ACTION! OH MY G- you don't even know! You got Anger Management Bruce Banner sooo he's actually mostly useless cause he never gets angry and turns into Hulk. Then there's Neo, outside of the matrix, soooo also kinda useless. Then Chun Li, straight out of Street Fighter II Turbo somehow materializing in the physical realm. Lastly these special happy people are lead by the really old version of Luke Skywalker in the next Star Wars movie.
"Gather around my children!" Screamed Luke. "Can you hear me speaking telepathically?"
Everyone knew Professor Skywalker was serious about the telepathy question and just nodded their heads sarcastically.
Neo looked past the professor with mind boggle stare. "Like, dude why we here bro?"
Professor Skywalker laughed and pointed at everyone in the room. "Good question… good…. QUESTION!" He was testing them.
Bruce looked unease. "Hey come on professor… is something bothering you?"
Skywalker used the force to look at Bruce Bannner and was like "I dunno, something bothering you you obtuse SOB?"
Bruce took the insult like a wet hanky on a Saturday night in the middle of a cold forest. It was spiritual.
Chun Li stomped the ground with one foot. "Mr. Jedi you stop being stupid cray cray and just explain away all this here nonsense or I will double flipping star kick you in the face." She was living serious.. worse than dead serious.
Skywalker made his eyes super wide with that expression you get when you see something you can't unsee. Truth was he was Skywalker was scared of everyone in the room… even Neo, with his faux beach boy accent and pseudo philosophy mind games.
Skywalker screamed suddenly and then miraculously exploded into glitter… like that scene from Twighlight.
"What just happened?!" Asked Bruce. "I was busy looking at the Hello Kitty poster on the wall. Where's the professor?!"
"Cha, like he's totally gone… vanished just Iike that!" Neo snapped his fingers inappropriately.
Bruce was sad, but Chun Li was ridiculously suspicious and took out a pare of binoculars to inspect the room.
Suddenly the door to the room opened and Skywalker leaped through shouting "Ta DAH!"
Chun-Li freaked out, and caught of/on guard, leaped across the room doing a spinning-moon-faced-return-thrust-upper-down-chopping-motion-dragon-kick to the center most location of his body (the one with emotional trauma associated with it).
The professors tried to use telepathy to express his agony. Everyone laughed and pointed except Bruce.
Bruce was like "oh, come on guys. Can't we all be friends?"
Chun Li slapped him and then Neo "slow motion" slapped him.
Bruce imagined his happy place. As the narrator to this story I can't describe it cause it's actually truly inappropriate… but whatever floats his boat.
Chun Li looked at Neo. "I'm so angry that we can't get Bruce angry anymore!"
Neo put on his sunglasses and stared blankly at the wall. "Yes… but what is anger?"
Chun Li squinted her entire face together in rage and then head butted Neo. She sounded like a dinosaur. Bruce stared on hopelessly trying to stop the two from fighting.
Suddenly four evenly matched villains crashed through the walls for a well balanced fight scene! Chun Li let the limp Neo fall to the floor unconscious beside an unconscious Skywalker. Bruce felt uncomfortable.
Turquoise Goblin heckled on his speeder bike. "Ho Ho Ho, what have the four-" he stopped talking and look around the room.
Count Dracula scratched his head. "Seriously… we were here to beat the four of you up!"
Chun Li got into a cool battle pose. Bruce raised a hand and was like "Listen, just take the tv and stereo or something. We'll be cool." Chun Li was extra salty about that commentary and also head butted him. "OW! My nose!" Bruce's nose was bleeding. "It's alright, you probably meant to drop me unconscious."
Chun Li rolled her eyes. "Seriously! SERIOUSIOLULYYY!"
"Dude, let's leave this lame university for realz yo" stated an evil bunny rabbit. Turquoise Goblin, Dracula, and Steve from accounting all agreed and jumped on the speeder bike to fly away.
One of the children at the school was a pyromaniac, the school burned down, the bad guys won. The End.