Hi, this is my first fiction but I'm deeply in love with suits and thought I'd give it a try.
English is not my first lenguage, so please be kind and try to enjoy the story even with a few mistakes.
I'd really appreciate if you could tell me what you think, just to understand if this is my thing.
It's not like he hasn't run before.
Running keeps him fit and helps him blow off some steam.
Keeping his attention to his heart-beat is almost hypnotic and usually, when he's finished, he gets to spend some time in that spot of Central Park he really likes, cleaning his mind before a hard day at work.
Although this time is different.
This time he isn't doing it so he can eat more beagles without gaining weight.
He isn't doing it because a client pissed him off.
And most certainly it doesn't help him cleaning his head, because right now he can't help but thinking about a thousand things.
To be honest, what he's doing isn't even a proper run; it's just the right amount of meters that you are required to walk from the entrance of the hospital till the nurses's station.
Except he can't really walk, because he already feels like he's lost too much time.
So instead of walking, he runs.
His legs keep moving, bringing him forward but he's not really controlling them.
There's this numbness, this sense of confusion and disorientation that he can't quite address, but that makes him almost dizzy.
So that's probably why, when he reaches the nurse's desk, he suddenly finds himself unable to remember the reason he has arrived there.
He should say something, ask for the longed informations, and yet he just stands there.
To be fair they haven't given anything to him.
He doesn't really know what to ask because he doesn't know what to ask for.
The police just told him there had been an accident and that an ambulance was on the way to the Mount Sinai's emergency room.
Seeing him lost, one of the nurses tries to get his attention.
"Can I help you sir?" Says the nurse offering a polite smile and taking him out of his trance
"Uhm -yes. I'm looking for someone, the paramedics should have just bought them in"
"I see. Could you give me the names?" The brunette asks, typing something at the computer.
Just when he is about to open his mouth and respond, he hears a feeble voice behind him.
"Harvey?" Almost a whisper.
At the sound of his name he turnes around to face his interlocutor.
And there she is.
He releases a breath he didn't know he was holding and feels like a huge weight has just been taken off his shoulders.
His first reaction is to close the gap between them, pulling her in his arms with such vigor that he almost makes them trip.
When their bodies collide, she makes a few steps backwards because of the impact, but still holding securely onto him.
The heat he irradiates makes her lean into his embrace, feeling more relaxed than she has in the last hours.
Stroking his back gently and moving her thumb up and down, massaging his scalp,
she soothes him until he is able to pull back.
Still keeping his hands on her forearms, not really ready to let her go just yet, he finally gets to check her.
She doesn't seem severely hurt, apart from the little bruises and strains of blood scattered on her face and arms.
But there is something different about her, something that is definitely not physical.
When he looks her in the eyes, he finally recognizes it:shock.
Eyes wide and glossy, the chest falling and rising as she breathes heavily(almost afraid that if she stops, she won't be able to do that again), the shaking body; this not so nice picture tells him that the damage is more of an emotional one.
"I - the car...I couldn't -" she stumbles trying to explain the situation
All of the sudden he feels something never felt before.
This strange sense of unease is spreading across his chest, making him weak and almost ready to cry.
It's as if he can fell her pain like it's his own, like their souls are one.
Wanting that feeling to stop right the hell now, he takes her face into his hands.
"Donna you don't have to explain anything to me right now, I don't wanna hear it."
Her tense shoulders begin to relax, bringing her to sigh and then purse her lips, nodding her head.
"I just wanna know how you're feeling, why isn't someone checking on you?" He adds, feeling the anger rise.
"I'm fine, there's no need"
"Are you sure?You have a big cut right-"
"Harvey I'm not the one who's in danger..." she cuts him off, voice trembling.
"Ok, then maybe you can tell me what happened after all." He can sense she wants to open up and talk it through with him.
It takes her a few more seconds to finally be able to put together a sentence and start sharing the events with him.
"I was driving the car to get to that shop Sheila really wanted to visit to buy things for the baby," she starts, looking down at the floor.
"I swear I wasn't distracted, I was looking at the street but then a taxi came out of nowhere."
The guilt that's eating her alive it's obvious and makes him want to do nothing but tell her it wasn't her fault and that everything was going to be ok.
But the reality is different.
Because maybe she was talking and, even for a second, put her eyes off the street or maybe she was going too fast or maybe she didn't give priority.
That alone could have caused a disaster.
He just really hopes Sheila will get through it, because it may be selfish, but he would be more hurt by the impact that would have in the life of Donna, than the loss of Louis's girlfriend itself.
"She had the seatbelt on and I tried to stop in time -it just happened to fast.
How was I supposed to predict what was going to happen?" She keeps going, still clearly unable to talk looking him in the eyes.
"Donna look at me" he demands.
When she finally does it, he can see that what used to be a beautiful and forceful gaze, has been turned into a blood shot and desperate one.
"What happened to Sheila?" He carefully asks with a hint of sympathy
"She was hit on her right side and at first it seemed like nothing, but then the paramedics said that she was bleeding internally..." she crunches her nose and blinks a few times, probably to prevent the threatening tears.
"I called Louis on the ambulance to inform him and then she was taken to the O.R. as soon as we got to the hospital. It's not been that long." She finishes
Both of them are thinking about the same thing, but it's her who has the courage to speak up.
"I'm afraid she can loose the baby. I -I can't just stay here and wait for Louis to tell him that I'm the reason his life is ruined..."
Now it's his turn to speak.
"No, I don't want to hear you say anything like that again. Or think about anything like that for the matter," he intensifies the grip on her, as if trying to make her feel that he's there for her.
"I trust you and believe that there was nothing else you could do, and Louis will know that too."
"You know him, he will go crazy and blame me. And for the record I would say he's right." She argues with a shake of her head.
"Yes, he may be angry at the beginning but Donna, you were there too.
You risked your life as much as her, and it's only a miracle you didn't get hurt too.
God, you have no idea how scared I was, how scared I still am."
With everything going on she hasn't thought about how Harvey may have felt.
But the way he had looked when he first landed eyes on her, gives her a pretty good idea.
Suddenly she fells bad for him and, cupping his face, brings her lips to his to try and give him some sort of reassurance.
He responses, putting everything he has into the kiss and letting her know how much he loves her.
"I know it won't help you, but I think that we should try to not think about the worst until we have something to really worry about." He whispers, putting back but keeping their foreheads together.
"I'll try." She gives.
In that moment he starts to open up to the possibility that maybe they're gonna be okay and the situation will work itself out.
But just when you let your guard down, life throws you a curveball.
All of the sudden she falters, letting out a hiss and putting the hand that was resting on his bicep on her thigh.
It's an involuntary reaction, given by the strange pain on her lower belly, that brings her to squeeze her legs together and try to stand on them, even though it fells like they've turned into jell-o.
Instinctively Harvey's eyes follow her motion, until something catches his attention.
For a moment he believes he's seen wrong, a strange trick played by his stupid and tired mind.
But, focusing on the area, he sees it clear as day.
Blood that dirties her dress in the worst spot ever.
Blood that cannot have been dropped from one of the cuts she has on her face.
That blood is not drained, it's fresh and he knows it wasn't there before.
It makes him sick.
Donna lowers her head and the minute she realizes what's going on, she looks at him again.
What he sees in her eyes this time isn't sadness or guilt, it's fear.
He doesn't like it one bit.
"Harvey..." she calls him, hoping for him to do something.
Panic rises fast and he's soon shouting for someone to help them.
What happens in the next minutes is only a blur memory.
Next thing they know, she's lying down on the examination table and he's sitting beside her on a chair.
Legs up in the air, feet on the stirrups, only a little paper blanket covering her middle, she feels more exposed and vulnerable than ever and crosses her arms in front of her chest, trying to shield herself.
Her leg trembles, making her whole body shake, almost convulsively.
He, on the other hand, is completely disconnected.
It seems like everything around him is moving, evolving, changing, while he remains behind.
Maybe he's prepping himself for a world where he will always be stuck, reliving that moment.
Thinking about it, they could have handled things differently.
They have taken what they had for granted.
Maybe, if it hadn't been for Donna's stubbornness, they would have gone to that appointment they skipped to work on a case.
Maybe during that appointment they could have prevented whatever it is that she's having.
What if she had taken those vitamins earlier?
What if he had convinced her to rest more?
What if they had been more careful?
Too many what if's and not enough answers.
The bustle of her movements is making him loose his mind even more, so he places his hand on her shoulder to calm her down.
Still, even with his reassuring touch, nothing changes; that's definitely a first.
He isn't even sure she's blinked in the last three minutes, the inexpressiveness of her eyes and the fact that she's staring at the ceiling, makes it difficult for him to understand what's going on in her head.
"Donna" he calls her out, on the verge of tears
When she hears him say her name like that, cracked voice and everything, her lip quivers, but she doesn't give up.
"I am so so sorry." She confesses, clenching her jaw.
"Please don't say that."
"Let's not fool ourselves Harvey,because it's happening whether we like it or not."
"We don't know that for sure."
"I'm bleeding after a car accident,being eleven weeks pregnant after my forties.
What else do you think it is?"
"I'm having a miscarriage." She blurts out.
She doesn't even know how she manages to say it out loud, straight to the point, ripping the band-aid off.
She's just so tired and she just wants to go home and forget anything has ever happened.
But truth is, it has happened.
She has been carrying a child, her and Harvey's.
She has seen her bump grow and she has tried on at least ten clothes every morning to find the one that best hid it.
She's been hiding it. Because she's been taken by surprise and didn't expect to become a mother now, if ever.
She has been ungrateful of the possibility that has been given to her, considering it even a problem for her career.
And Harvey? Oh, Harvey has been the best.
He has been over the moon from the moment he had learned there was even the possibility of Donna being pregnant.
He has been thoughtful and caring and participating, letting her know every day how much he loved them.
He had known since the very beginning what he wanted.
She doesn't deserve him.
She begins to speak again "I know it's hard to hear it, but it's the truth; and I am sorry.
Because I have been a horrible person, for not taking care of me well enough, forgetting that there was someone else I had to look out for" she pauses and takes a breath before continuing
"I've been selfish and today I just ruined the possibility of being a father,not only to Louis,but also to you," at this point she's already sobbing
"Right now I just want this be over."
He's taken aback by her sudden confession and doesn't know if he's more sad because they may be loosing their baby, or because of the way she's been feeling.
"Hello, I'm doctor Martin, someone told me you are having a problem." A man in his fifties enters in the room, interrupting the couple.
He has a big pair of glasses that gives him a know-it-all look.
Normally Harvey wouldn't have liked that, but giving the situation, he's more than okay with it.
Neither of them talk, while the doctor studies the patient's file, humming as he acquires the informations he needs.
"So, shall we look at the baby and see what's going on here?" Martin says, closing the envelope he was reading.
The doctor doesn't get a response, but proceeds, anyway, setting up the necessary to examine the woman.
A thousands questions are asked: when and how it started, where it occurs, how long it lasts, if it is acute or dull, and if it is constant or intermittent.
Meanwhile the doctor checks Donna's temperature, heartbeat and blood pressure.
Until they are left with nothing but the moment of truth.
The older men gets the doppler and, placing it on Donna's lower belly, starts to look for the fetus on the screen.
The cold gel makes her shiver and she starts to find the cracks on the ceiling way more interesting than finding out if she's lost her baby or not.
Harvey is sure he doesn't know how to breathe anymore and the only thing his mind can catch up with is the gut-wrenching sensation.
He follows the doctor's eyes, scanning the image, until he hears him announce "Here's your baby."
Before he has the chance to ask anything, he hears the most delicious sound of all.
Whoosh whoosh, whoosh whoosh.
There's a heartbeat.
Heartbeat means alive.
Alive means his kid is fine, as far as he's concerned.
Suddenly, Donna doesn't find the ceiling as appealing as before, and brings herself to watch their little dot on the ultrasound machine.
"Oh my god." She can't keep it together anymore, releasing something between a sob and a chuckle and bringing her hand on her forehead.
"This is definitely a healthy baby, everything within the norm." Martin begins to explain the situation.
"So why am I bleeding?"she asks, not sure she can already sigh of relief.
"We're not always sure why that happens, but it's more common than what you would think. The impact of the car crash may have caused the rapture of a capillary, that being the cause of the more copious amount of blood you've lost," he scribbles something before completing the prognosis.
"But it hasn't affected the fetus, he's still there ,happy and safe, no reason to worry."
"He?" they ask in unison.
"Oh sorry, I assumed you already knew.
Yeah it's a baby boy." The doctors confirms with a bright smile.
"We're having a boy" Harvey's overwhelmed with emotions; from thinking he wouldn't be a father, to knowing he will be the father of a baby boy.
"We're having a boy." She repeats, crying happily and squeezing his hand.
Now they're both crying, but this time is for the absolutely right reason.
Him drying her tears, her drying his.
Their chests feel like they can explode for all the love they're sharing.
They've never felt more connected, like they're sharing one soul.
Thinking about it, it's always been like this.
But in that moment, it hits them more than ever.
A message announces its arrive with a ding on Harvey's phone.
"Who is it?" Donna sniffles while she asks.
"It's Louis. Sheila came out of the O.R. She and the baby are going to be just fine." He concedes with a sigh of relief.
"Oh thank god." She breaths out, putting a hand on her chest.
"He wants to know what happened to you and how you're doing. What should I tell him?"
"The truth," she reacts in a beat.
"Harvey, we could have lost everything and I'm sorry it took me that to realize how much I really want this. We're happy and I don't want to hide that anymore. I hope you can forgive me for my behavior."
"Donna, I don't think you've reacted in a bad way. This is big and it takes time to come to terms with all these changes. I love you and I couldn't be more glad you're going to be the mother of my child." He reassures her with complete adoration.
She's amazed that he's grown so much, and she's couldn't be more proud than she is at this very moment.
He moves one of the red locks out of her face and kisses her deeply but softly.
She cups his cheek and pours all she's feeling into the gesture.
When they pull back, they look straight into each other's eyes; a look full of promises and hopes.
"Now go; run and tell Louis everything." She demands.
And with one last peck, off he goes.
Except this time he doesn't run. He walks.
There's no need to run anymore.