Heyo, haven't posted anything in a while. This isn't really a story, per se, or even a one shot. It's a series of skits written on the Ace Fiction discord server (run by A New Username and I, join at discord |.| gg |/| YU8A6Bp (unfortunately, you have to manually type it because FFN is retarded with links)). The characters featured in the skits are Kiko, Argo, and Kiriko, the former two are Xera Stark's (he's an author on FFN, go check him out), while the latter is mine.

Some of the skits are written by me, some by Xera. This post is kinda the 'prologue' to me posting the SAO RP adventures on the server, which I'll start doing once we reach a good end point (though we already have several tens of thousands of words). If you wanna see them now or even join in, you can join the Discord server (shameless self-advertising).

Some of the skits are branches off the main RP, so there'll be some context for them later, others are spontaneous. Here they are in order of writing. The formatting's a bit awkward, but the actual RP is in normal narration.


Argo: glares at Kiko Did you have to loot that entire dungeon before the clearers could get their hands on anything?

Kiko: staring up at Argo No...?

Argo: You know they're on the frontlines too, right?

Kiko: Maybe? I don't really see them much.

Argo: places her face in her hands Because you take everything...

Kiko: But I get bored.

Argo: You know, I can give you something to do? I can even pay you to do something.

Kiko: tilts her head Like a job?

Argo: Yes, Kiko, like a job.

Kiko: Can I choose my payment?

Argo: If it means giving the clearers some possibility of a chance to get as geared as you are, yes. Within reason, anyway.

Kiko: I want hugs and pats every night we work together.

Argo: ... O-Okay. Anything else?

Kiko: tilts head the other way I can have more?

Argo: N-Nevermind.

Kiko: opens her mouth to say more, only for Argo to snap it closed with a hand under her chin

Argo: Kiko, bad, no more.

Kiko: nods mutely, her expression growing lax as she melted into Argo's hand cupping her chin and cheeks

Argo: ...


Kiko: nomming on a cookie

Argo: Do you have to do that in the middle of a dungeon?

Kiko: lifts up from her nibbling I like cookies.

Argo: Just because the mobs here drop bakery ingredients doesn't give you the excuse to switch professions, you know. We need you at the top of your-

The room suddenly erupts in flashes of scattering polygons, Kiko's arms holding a fresh pile of cookies.

Argo: -game... I... I didn't even see them spawn.

Kiko: Who spawn? nibbles on more cookies

Argo: Nothing. grumbles because this floor was literally just unlocked


Argo: Kiikoooo?! for a half-pint, a small girl really shouldn't be THAT hard to lose through the new gates of a newly reached floor. Seriously, it's been three days... and Argo had been searching nonstop for the midget.

She was even putting her usual immediate information gathering on hold for this-

Argo: Kiko...? stepping over a breaching root, she made her way through into a clearing inside the forest. Kiko sleeping in the middle of it Oh for god's sake...

Out of all the rules Argo gave the girl, falling asleep outside of a safe zone was the absolute worst one to break. She could get killed. Or worse, attract unwanted attention from LC.

Argo: she sighed silently. Seriously, Kiko was lucky someone with Stealth stats as high as hers stumbled across her. At least she was a friendly-

Argo stopped. Something deathly cold ran down the length of her spine and chilled her to her bone... freezing her in place.

Argo: W-What-

An eruption of polygons shattered across Argo's vision, and for a moment, the numbing cold almost convinced her those polygons were hers. But...

Kiko: mid-yawn You should be more careful... it almost got you.

Argo: carefully watching the debuff blink silently in the corner of her vision, her body feeling like lead Kiko... what was behind me?

Kiko: The NPC called them Phantoms.

Argo: Uh huh... continue. she watched Kiko slip back down onto the ground and rub her tired eyes

Kiko: They only come out when a player hasn't slept for more than 48 hours.

Argo: Right... and you've been farming them?

Kiko: nods sleepily But I fell asleep.

Argo: she didn't know whether to be irritated or curious F-For what?!

Kiko: she lazily flicked her finger through the air, and a moment later, a cloak digitized around her in a flourish It gives me a buff to damage on targets unaware of me. And extra defense from blindsides. It also turns me invisible when I fall asleep wearing it...

Argo: Ah... so it's actually useful for you. I would've thought-

Kiko: It also has fur. It's soft.

Argo: -_- That's more like the Kiko I know.


A rare floor meeting appears to discuss the raid plans of the most recent checkpoint boss.

Agil: What are you doing?

Kiko: hopping up and down, trying to see over the group of players I can't see.

Agil: twists his axe a little over his shoulder, its steel catching the light of the flickering torches What are you trying to see?

Kiko: The door.

Agil: It's just a door.

Kiko: I wanted to see how big it is.

Agil: takes a few moments to stare at the hopping half-pint You're a curious one, aren't you.

Kiko: nods

Agil: sighs Fine. Just don't tell Argo I did this.

Kiko: tilts her head before feeling herself get hoisted up onto the tall man's shoulders


Boss shatters into an illumination of colorful lights.

Next floor's door slowly begins to open.

Kiko: stops and stares in confusion at the breaching sunlight

Agil: Yes, that's another big door.

Kiko: small brow begins to furrow

Agil: Erm, you alright, Kiko?

Kiko: What happened to the boss...?

Agil: We... uh, we killed it.

Kiko: Wasn't that just an ad?

Agil: ... Kid, I do not wanna know what you face on a day to day basis.

Kiko: delicate brow only furrows more, the girl looking mildly disgruntled and pouty

Me ('cause Xera wouldn't write my prompt):

Kiko: Walks out from behind cover

Dragon: Brings it's car-sized head down to her.

Kiko: Can I have your loot?

Dragon: Brings head back Die, insect!

Kiko: Tilts her head as white-hot fire wells up in the dragon's mouth. There's a blur and the dragon's mouth slams shut, the fire leaking out through mouth and nose.

Kiko: Bad dragon.


Argo: looks up at Kiko's massive new dragon pet, all of hell's fury in its eyes as the ever-frustrating girl finishes her explanation. ... And that's all you did to tame it?

Kiko: nods Once we got over the part where it thought it could kill me, it was actually really sweet!

Argo: having thoroughly given up on trying to apply common sense to the half-pint in front of her You know what? Sure! The building-sized fire breathing engine of pure hatred is "sweet". I'm sure it also likes cuddles and rainbows.

Kiko: It actually really likes it when sunlight reflects off its scales and scatters into a rainbow.

Kiko: after a moment's pause it also likes when you hug its snout!

Argo: Riiiiiight... I hesitate to ask at this point, but... does it have a name?

Kiko: with absolute surety Cerberus.

Argo: waits warily for the other shoe to drop

Kiko: I call him Curby for short!

Argo: lets out a long-suffering sigh There it is.

Kiko: tilts her head at Argo's mumbling hmm?


Flying high above the clouds outside of Aincrad on Curby

Argo: screams out as the dragon does an inverted loop Why did I think this was a good idea?!

Kiko: laughs into the rushing wind, unaffected by centripetal force or gravity, only her hair seeming to obey the laws of physics

Argo: mutters as they level off Sure, "ride on my dragon" she says, it's a great idea! What could go wrong?

Kiko: not hearing Argo over the rushing wind Curby, show Argo some more of your tricks!

Argo: screaming in terror No! Don't show me any more tricks!

Curby and Kiko look over at Argo, wearing matching "kicked kitten" looks

Argo: Internally letting out a long stream of curses, mumbles And now there's two of them.


Kiko: loves Argo

Argo: -/- For god's sake, Kiko, stop wearing your emotions on your sleeves.

Kiko: But I-

Argo: Stop talking.

Kiko: takes Agil's sandwich



Kiko: "What's a romance?"

Argo: "It's when two people really like each other and do things together."

Kiko: "So... like us?"

Argo: "N-No, not like us."

Kiko: "But you like me, don't you?"

Argo: . "Yes, but not in that way."

Kiko: tilts head, confused "I think we should be in a romance, because I really like you."

Argo: / "Do you know what 'love' is, Kiko?"

Kiko: shakes her head

Argo: ... "Fine. Let's call it a romance." sighs "It'll keep the perverts from approaching our booth anyway."

Kiko: "Okay!" ^-^


Argo's harassed in a bar

Argo: "I never sell bad info! I don't know who gave you their word, but it wasn't one of mine and it certainly wasn't me so I don't get why you're so angry at Thousand Eyes!"

Kiko: innocently flicking her gaze back and forth from the booth, watching the shouting reach a fever pitch

Random Meanie: "Listen, bitch! You're lucky this is a Safe Zone! Because honey, if we were out in the wild, I wouldn't think twice about-"

Immortal Table slaps Random Meanie across the room, each bounce of his ragdolling body emitting a purple "Immortal Object" prompt

Random Meanie: wheezes

Argo: wordlessly gaping at Kiko, the half-pint standing with a table in her hands

Kiko: "What? He was being mean..." pouts as she shuffles across the bar and glances down at the guy

Random Meanie: "Y-You... w-won't get away with this... girly..."

Kiko: "Okay." to the random meanie's disbelief, and censored pain, the half-pint lightly places the immortal table on the crumpled and disgruntled man before grabbing more. And more. And more... Until all of the immortal tables in the bar were stacked on top of him

Random Meanie: muffled cries for help, lacking the strength to get up

Argo: "How do you know he doesn't have any teleport crystals?" standing in mild astonishment beside Kiko

Kiko: head shoots up like she just realized that too "I'll go stack some tables in the middle of town then."

Argo: "R-Right..."

Xera (prompted by a section of the main RP):

Argo: "Kiko, you know those cat ears are gonna be a lower level than what your hood is, right?"

Kiko: nods fervently "I just want to wear them in safe zones."

Argo: "What for? You have good enough hearing as is."

Kiko: "To look cute."

Argo: "Ah... I'm glad you're aware how cute you are."

Kiko: "You think I'm cute?"

Argo: "I didn't say that."

Kiko: "So you don't think I'm cute?"

Argo: ... "You're cute..."

Kiko: ^-^

Me (also prompted by a section of main RP):

Kiriko: I found the dragon-tiger quest.

Kiko: perks up happily Can you show me.

Kiriko: Sure, let's go... smirks teasingly but you can't tell Argo.

Argo: deadpans I'm right here.

Kiriko: Well you're not allowed to come and she can't tell you where it is.

Kiko: tilts head innocently Why not?

Kiriko: Because it'll be our little secret.

Argo: eyes Kiriko suspiciously You better not be planning to share it with a different info broker.

Kiriko: with a shit-eating grin Of course not! I'd never cheat on you.

Kiko: looks back and forth before settling on Argo Can I go Argo? Please?

Argo: M-

Kiko: kitty-look intensifies Please?

Argo: lets out a mixture of a groan and a sigh ...Alright... Just don't do anything stupid.

later, while heading to the location after accepting the quest

Kiko: So why can't I tell Argo?

Kiriko: grins Nah, you can tell her. I was just messing with her.

Kiko: pouts before attempting to be stern That's mean. Don't be mean to Argo.

Kiriko: carefully I'll... take your thoughts into consideration.

Kiko: perks up proudly Good!

later still, after filling the conditions for spawning the dragon-tiger

Kiko: looking at the two-meter-tall (at the shoulder), horned, scaly tiger with a face somewhere between dragon and tiger I wanna ride it!

Kiriko: thinks for a moment How about first we weaken it a bit and then I'll hold it down while you get on.

Kiko: nods happily in agreement

A horribly unfair beatdown proceeds in which the poor draconian creature finds itself utterly outmatched

Kiriko: holding the dragon-tiger's head pressed into the floor by the horns Alright, hop on!

Kiko: bounces onto the tiger's neck before grabbing onto the horns, grinning happily even as it thrashes futilely in Kiriko's adamant grip to dislodge her

Kiriko: uses a healing crystal to restore the tiger's health and physical abilities before vaulting over its head, and Kiko, to sit on its back Onward, steed!

Tiger: pounces off, running wildly and demonstrating its impressive, and woefully insufficient, physical prowess in a futile attempt to dislodge its troublesome riders, who respond by happily cheering it on

an amusing 20 minutes later

Tiger: collapses from exhaustion

Kiko: cheers Yay, that was fun! Here! pulls out slab of meat half her size and tosses it down, the tiger sniffing it suspiciously for a moment before consuming it in seconds

System: to Kiko, after a moment Congratulations! You've tamed a Draconian Tiger, what would you like to name it?

Kiko: smiles happily Oh! I tamed it!

Kiriko: grins, imagining the aneurism it was going to give Argo That's awesome!

I'll probably post these in batches as we write more. Main RP coming some time in the near future probably.