My day starts the same: Wake up after a few hours sleep, go over to the desk and find the baggie behind the picture on the wall, take two pills then climb into bed before Brittany or the kids wake up.
I'm not an addict. I'm not. I just need to feel relaxed all the time. I need to forget how I feel without them. The constant self-loathing, hatred, anger. They help me forget all that and make it easier to pretend to be happy for my family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and they do make me happy. But the bad outways the good. I don't want anyone to worry and I'm helping myself by taking the happy pills.
It's been around 2 hours since my fix this morning. All I've done since then is stare at the ceiling, my gaze was interupted when I felt Brittany roll over into my side. I looked down at her. She's so beautiful.
"You're staring." Brittany mumbled through her now curved lips. She slowly opened her eyes and her smile grew wider when she looked up at me.
"I can't help it, you're so beautiful." I lent down a placed a gentle kiss to her lips.
"Mmm, I love it when you wake me up like that." She pulled me back down and kissed me again softly.
"What time is it?" She asked me. I glanced to my right to looked at the clock.
"6:30." She groaned and got up off the bed. I pouted my lips. "Hey where are you going, I wants my cuddles."
She giggled. "I know baby but I've got to leave in an hour." I furrowed my eyebrows.
"But you don't start until 9?" I asked her and slowly sat up against the headboard.
"I know but a client asked if he could have an early session and he offered me more money so I couldn't turn it down." She explained whilst rummaging through the drawers pulling out clothes and a towel. "I really need to shower too."
I got out of bed and stood behind Brittany. I placed my hands on her waist and traced patterns across her stomach. I leaned forward and whispered in her ear.
"Well could I at least join you?" My voice was low and husky. She let out a soft hum and slowly turned around wrapping her arms around my neck.
"You know I could never turn that down." She leant in and joined her lips with mine.
I pushed my head forward to deepen the kiss and let my hands move their way down to her ass. I squeezed my hand and played with the pale flesh when the door opened. We both pulled away and looked at the door. Our daughter was stood there looking sad. Her blue eyes were glistening and her tanned hands were gripping onto her stuffed unicorn.
"Mamí? Mommy?" Her voice was muffled with sobs but I could just about hear her call out for us.
Brittany immediately rushed to her side and bent down to her level pulling her into a hug. Ava Lopez-Pierce collapsed into the hug and began dampening Brittany's t-shirt.
"What's wrong baby-girl? Did you have a bad dream?" Brittany spoke into her dark-blonde hair. Ava nodded against her chest, Brittany rested her chin on the top of the five year old's head. Brittany looked up at me and pouted her bottom lip out whilst furrowing her brows. She was tracing her fingers on the girl's back to try and soothe her.
"What was your dream about bunny?" Brittany got to her feet bringing the girl with her. Ava's legs were wrapped around Brittany's stomach, her face was buried in the crook of the older blonde's neck and the young girl was clinging onto her tightly.
"M-Mamí... sh-she..." Her words were being cut off by the body racking sobs and her uneven breathing.
"Shh, just take a deep breath. You're safe now." Brittany started to bounce the girl slightly to try to calm her down. Once she composed her self she finally managed to speak up.
"Mamí got taken by the mean angel that took abuelito." As the final words rolled off her toungue she went back to sobbing into Brittany.
Pedro Lopez, my abuelo, died last year. It was a tough time and we had to explain to the kids that he had passed away. We told them about how an angel comes and brings you up to heaven but on the school yard one of Ava's classmates told her that it's a dark, evil angel that takes away your friends and family. It took a long time to convince her that nothing bad would happen but she occasionally brings it up and gets upset and sad that she won't see us again.
I walked closer to my wife and daughter and Ava quickly reached out for me to hold her. I accepted and pulled her into my arms. She held on tightly and moulded her little body with mine.
"Mamí's fine baby-girl. I'm not going anyway." I muffled into her hair and started to rock her slightly whilst peppering kisses onto her head.
I looked up at Britt and stared into her ocean eyes. She looked at me sadly and eagerly. I then remember that she had to go to the dance studio in 40minutes and she still hadn't showered or changed. I nodded my head and mouthed it's okay go, I've got this and gestured my head towards the little girl in my arms. She gave me a soft smile and then rushed to get her things.
"Come on baby-girl lets go back to sleep. I'm going to be right here with you." I whispered into her ear and walked towards the bed. I layed her down and climbed in next to her pulling the covers over both of us. "You go to sleep now, okay?"
Ava nodded and snuggled into me. Her short, raggedy breaths became more even when she had drifted off to sleep. Parents are supposed to feel happy in moments like this but I couldn't help but feel broken.
A short chapter that sort of slowly opens into the new lives of the Lopez-Pierce family. Have fun!