Meanwhile, back on the Hoth Base,
everyone was just going about their day.
Except for Bob and Leia, however.
They were in somewhere private, and Bob was saying a few sweet nothings to a reluctant Leia.
"Love I get so
Days pass and this emptiness
fills my heart
When I want to
I drive off in my
way I go
I come back to the
"Oh Leia, my sweet..." Sighed Bob. "You could use a good kiss." Bob leaned in and gave Leia a great big smooch on her gorgeous lips. He kissed and kissed, holding Leia down if she tried to escape.
And the grand
facade, so soon
Without a noise,
without my pride
I reach out from
"YOU COULD USE
A MINT!" Leia screamed after the kiss.
As Bob's "little woman" continued to spit at the floor, Bob received a distress signal on his comlink. It appeared that Cuke Skywalker was in the more wasteland part of
Hoth, and was dying of frostbite!
"Sorry, 'Honey.'." Said Bob. "Gotta go to work."
"What do you mean?!" Asked Leia.
"Cuke's in trouble, he's dying out in the cold-I'd hate to leave such a gorgeous face alone, but duty calls!"
"I'd hate to leave such a gooooooorgeous face alone..." Said Leia in a mocking tone.
She rolled her eyes. Bob was about to exit the door, when he stopped.
"In your eyes,
The light the heat,
In your eyes
I am complete,
In your eyes..."
"One more thing...Are you a galaxy?" Said Bob.
"What?" Replied Leia.
"Cause you've got a heavenly body.."
Leia smacked Bob. Bob started rubbing his face. "WOW!" He quietly exclaimed. "What a woman!"
"HYAH!" Bob kicked his TaunTaun in the shin, and it zoomed off across the barren, freezing cold planet. Every now and then he watched his GPS in order to find the tracking device on Cuke's suit.
Later, he had ridden for hours and hours on his TaunTaun and yet there was still no sign of Cuke!
"Great..." Said Bob. "He's probably dead in all this cold."
Just then, Bob's TaunTaun screamed and shook a lot.
"Whoa! Whoa! What is it, girl?" He said, trying to calm his TaunTaun down. Then he saw why it was having a panic attack.
Cuke had passed out in all the snow. He lay there, completely motionless, little beads of ice
forming on his face and skin. Bob's TaunTaun fainted at the very sight of Cuke's limp body. Bob had an idea, he quickly grabbed Cuke's lightsaber, and SLLLICED that TaunTaun open! A warm wave of blood, guts and intestines splattered everywhere, even on Bob's face.
"OH MAN!" Exclaimed Bob, getting a whiff of the disgusting guts. "AND I THOUGHT THEY SMELLED BAD ON THE OUTSIDE!"
Bob grabbed Cuke (despite he was heavier than he looked!) and
opened up the TaunTaun skin, placing Cuke inside with a disgusting 'SPLITH!'. Bob lay on top of Cuke, smothering him in a slush of sticky, unsanitary TaunTaun bodily warmth. From within the pile of intestines, Cuke looked up to the sky and thought he heard someone calling him.
"Cuke..." It said.
A pure white snowflake-filled wind came and materialized into something small and round. It began to take shape more and more until it took the form of Obi-Wan!
"...is this the frozen wasteland
form of a mirage?" Thought Cuke.
"Cuke, my dear boy." Said Obi-Wan. "You must continue your Jedi
"...hOw?" Asked Cuke, very delirious.
"You must go to Dagobah and find the old Jedi master, Yoga." Said Obi-Wan. "He was once my
master's master, and now he will be
Obi-Wan disappeared in a flurry of snow. Cuke blinked. W as he delirious or did he actually have an
encounter with his long-gone friend?
"Yoga..." Sighed Cuke.
Then everything went black.
"beep...beep...beep.."* went a heart rate machine.
All Cuke could see was nothing but green around him with little swirls of light. He had been placed in the Hoth Base's hospital.
"OH CUKEY-BOY!" Bob called from the hospital corridor. He squeezed through the door with Leia, and a bunch of 'Get-Well-Soon' presents. ("What the heck's all this junk?" Bob thought at the sight of the hospital supplies and wires.) He looked around at
all the hospital equipment.
"Where'd they put hi-uAAAAAH!"
Bob screamed. The medical droids had placed Cuke inside a large tank of some kinda fluid. He looked at
Cuke some more, then he laughed as Cuke opened his eyes.
"blAaahblh!" Said Cuke.
"Hey there ol' buddy ol' pal ol' friend of mine! (He picked up a few dozen of Cukes' presents (mostly stuffed animals) Oh, these are all yours. I just hope you'll be better soon-I know I've been a bit of a jerk, but I like you! We all really do!" He leaned down. "...but you can reeeeally be a naïve little hick sometimes!" He whispered under his breath.
"Ahem." Leia nudged Bob.
"Oh yeah!" He exclaimed. Bob wrapped a non-existent arm around Leia. "Guess what: Leia and I have a little thing goin' on, isn't that great?!"
"...no we don't.." Said Leia, gritting her teeth.
"A-hah...what was that, dear?" Said Bob, clearly trying to rush their relationship. He leaned in and kissed Leia yet again.
Leia's eyebrows knitted, her non-existent fists clenched, and she pushed Bob away from her.
"I HATE YOU!" She exclaimed.
"HOW DARE YOU KISS ME SO INAPPROPRIATELY, YOU STUCK-UP, HALF-WITTED, SCRUFFY-LOOKING NERF HERDER!"
"WHO'S SCRUFFY-LOOKIN'?!" Yelled Bob. He looked back at Cuke.
"Don't mind Bunhead, she's a
little crabby from earlier."
Cuke then shook his head, as he remembered something. He swam to the top of his container and opened the air hatch.
"BOB!" He said.
"What?" Replied Bob.
"I gotta get out of here ASAP and get to Dagobah!"
"Wh-Dagobah?! ARE YOU OFF YOUR ROCKER, KID?! YOU'RE STILL RECOVERING!"
"Nope!" Said Cuke. "The ghost of Obi-Wan appeared to me in the form of snowflakes and told me I had to go there."
"...right..." Said Bob. "The doctor
said to stay in the tube for a month, so I wouldn't check out if I were you."
"TOO LATE!" Cuke jumped out of the fluid and started running towards the dock. He ran, but strangely he felt very cold and
like he wasn't getting anywhere.
"CUKE!" Yelled Bob.
"CUUUUKKE! Buddy! You gotta obey the Doctor's orders! You need to heal and recover...and...one more thing."
"What?" Asked Cuke.
Bob looked down.
Cuke was completely naked.
He covered his body with his non-existent hands in embarrassment. Bob wrapped a blanket around him, and carried him back to the Hospital.
"Shoot." Said Cuke. "Alright, alright, I'm goin' back in." He closed the lid and continued to float in the liquid.
He had an idea: when everyone was asleep, he would sneak off the Base!
Bob was about to walk away, when Cuke blew a raspberry at him. He turned, but Cuke quickly closed his eyes.