Wordgirl dodged to the left as the Butcher sent more flying meat at her head. All-day he had been attempting to rob the Ye Olde Fancy-Shmancy Jewelry Store, and all-day she and Captain Huggyface had been responding to the high pitched squeals of the owner. An entire weekend wasted on a battle that was going nowhere. Wordgirl looked down at her sidekick, his stomach was bulging due to the sheer amount of meat he had consumed. At least someone was enjoying himself. Hamburger 'Hammers' came flying out of the villain's hand next, bouncing off the wall as she dove behind the jewelry counter. Reginald looked at her with disgust.
"Wordgirl, would you please have the decency to end this soon? I do not have the time or patience to deal with your shenanigans today."
Wordgirl scoffed, earning a glare from slightly disheveled jewelry clerk. She was extremely tempted to point out the fact the Reginald had, on multiple occasions, invited the Butcher into his shop. It was almost like he wanted to be robbed. Another voice began speaking,
"Wordgirl, though I hate to agree with Reginald, this battle does have to end soon. We've run out of time for this episode, and I've narrated everything except for our end-card." She sighed,
"Would it help if I defined one of our featured words again?" Wordgirl asked peeking over the counter to see the Butcher poking Captian Huggface with a chicken leg.
"No, both you and the Butcher have used our featured words multiple times. Besides, I don't think you can end the battle with continuous or pliant." the Narrator remarked.
"But maybe I can end this battle using a different word!" Wordgirl rarely used her large vocabulary outside of the day's featured words, but this battle gave her a perfect excuse to pull out one of her favorites. The difficult part was choosing which word-
"Wordgirl! Hiding behind that counter will not prolong your defeat! Come on out and face the pork!" She grinned as the Butcher laughed, it was always nice to hear him using words properly.
"Alright, Butcher!" She hollered, rising from behind the counter. He turned to face her, a determined smile plastered across his face.
"Regardless of your pugnacity, I will not cower behind the counter any longer!" She landed defiantly, watching the Butcher closely.
"Yeah, well I- uh... My pugtacitly?"
He had taken the bait. Wordgirl jumped off the counter, walking over to Huggy. Her enemy stood there, watching warily as she walked by. His hands still glowing faintly red in case she attacked him.
"Not 'pugtacitly' Butcher, pugnacity!" She corrected.
"Are you calling me a dog or... like a dog? I'm confused."
The Butcher looked back towards Reginald, who simply shook his head. Wordgirl leaned over Huggy.
"Emergency plan 2.45" she whispered. Huggy just groaned in response, to full to move or care.
"Pugnacity has nothing to do with dogs Butcher, but you will when I send you to the doghouse! Monkey Throw!" Wordgirl yelled excited turning around and heaving Huggy at the Butcher. He caught Huggy, eyebrows furrowing deeper into confusion. The monkey latched onto his hand, basically hugging it with his paws. As the Butcher tried to set Huggy down, she quickly dashed outside to grab a light post. She barely had to focus on bending it to a proper 'Butcher' shape, as she sped back in and wrapped it around the unhappy villain.
"Well Butcher, it seems your jewel heist has gone to the dogs!" She snorted, choosing to ignore the pained sighs from the Narrator and Reginald.
"But wait, I thought you said 'puglyncity' had nothing to do with dogs?" The Butcher questioned, still more confused than upset over his capture.
"Oh well, pugnacity means to act aggressive or combative. Generally, when I come to face you villains, you all act with pugnacity against me." she defined.
"Oh, okay I get that now."
"I don't mean to interrupt but we really need to wrap up." The Narrator interjected.
"Of course! Come on Huggy!" Wordgirl picked up her sidekick and blasted into the sky.
The Butcher watched as Wordgirl struck a few poses while the narrator spoke indistinguishably. The police had arrived and were working on cutting through the lamppost he was wrapped up in. Though it was never fun to lose, he was glad that the battle had ended. A quick stop for a little bit of cash had turned into a full store robbery and had wasted his entire day. He felt the handcuffs clasp into place.
"Alright Butcher, let's go." He stood up and walked with the policeman to the paddywagon. There was no point in trying to escape, he was too tired to put up another fight. He'd escape prison after a small nap.
The prison wasn't that far away from the jewelry store, so why hadn't they arrived yet? The Butcher craned his neck to see outside. The paddywagon had begun slowing down, pulling in front of-
"City Hall? Why're we at City Hall?" Two policemen helped him out of the paddywagon, each taking on of his arms. They lead him into the dome-shaped building, the colder-than-need air conditioning washing over the trio. The Butcher shivered, the whole building had always made him uncomfortable, not just the A.C. He usually pled guilty to his crimes just to avoid going to trial in this place. The jail was much more welcoming. The police stopped in front of an oak door, knocking with a peculiar rhythm. The door opened with a pleasant
"Come in! We've been waiting for you!" He looked in to see the D.A., Mrs. Sally Botsford holding the door ajar. He had never had much to do with her, much less been in her office. He took a few step forward, noticing the police had removed his handcuffs.
"Why don't you take a seat Mr. Butcher, and we'll get started!" the D.A. chirped, sliding into her seat behind the desk.
"Um, get started with what exactly? I wasn't informulated about what I'm doing here."
"I think you mean 'informed.'" A short man sat in a chair in front of the desk. The Butcher hadn't seen him until his gray head had poked out to correct him. Already this was getting more uncomfortable. The Butcher sat down, looking between the D.A and the short, gray man.
"Oh this is Mr. Ilure, he is with the City's CVIRM Branch." Mrs. Botsford introduced. Mr. Ilure rolled his eyes.
"What's that? I ain't ever heard of a 'CIVRTMC' branch in or out of the city."
" M," Mr. Ilure over-enunciated,
"stands for Construction and Villain-Induced Reconstruction Management. We are in charge of rebuilding the city after your type wrecks it."
Mr. Ilure was one of those.
He glowered at the Butcher, and the Butcher just looked straight back at him. Normally people with this kind of attitude go on some kind of rant after making statements like that. He had practiced blocking out them out, as his father always had something to say about his crimes. A hand appeared in his vision, waving back and forth. He and Mr. Ilure broke eye contact, each looking back toward Mrs. Botsford.
"Okay, right now isn't the time for a staring contest, but I'd be happy to take you both on later! We had the police to bring you here because we would like to discuss a plea bar-"
"I plead guilty," interrupted the Butcher.
"I always plead guilty. I one hundred percent tried to rob the jewelry store today. Can I go to jail now?" Mrs. Botsford laughed,
. "Oh Mr. Butcher, while I appreciate your honesty, I insist that you hear us out. You see, recently the city has been a victim to numerous building-related crimes. With Tobey's robots, Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy's crusher, and the Whammer going on a rampage all this week, Fair City isn't doing so Fair at all." Mrs. Botsford laughed again. The Butcher found it odd how someone could be so sincerely cheerful, especially when Mr. Leer or whatever was glaring at her from just over the desk's edge.
"Anywho, we have determined that the best way to fully reconstruct our city is to get as many villains off the street as possible."
"Isn't that what the police already try to do?"
Mr. Ilure leaned forward towards the desk, speaking in his nasally voice,
"Yes, that is what the police try to do, and yet they fail so epically at it that they have to rely on a little girl to do their job."
Mrs. Botsford sighed, standing up and moving next to the Butcher.
"City Hall is prepared to offer you a full pardon on all of your crimes," she stated, placing a hand on his shoulder. Her eyes were so wide, they almost reminded him of little Meathook.
"What we ask in return is for you to spend three months in jail and complete community service within that time."
Three months for a full pardon. Now, he certainly wasn't the best businessman, but this was a deal only an idiot would pass up. Committing any crime is much easier if you aren't wanted by the police.
"Hold up, why would ya' give me a break like that, huh? I'm already getting sent to jail, why would you try to bride-uh, I mean bribe me?"
Mr. Ilure opened his mouth to speak, but the D.A. began explaining first.
"We want to give you more incentive to go to jail, and not escape. Next month is citywide Deli month. As you can image, the whole city will be celebrating. Stores will be selling deli-inspired jewelry, there will be ancient deli exhibits at the museum, you name it, its deli! Everything that can be deli WILL! BE! DELI!"
Mrs. Botsftord excitedly threw her hands in the air as she yelled this last part. She cleared her throat before continuing, her face slightly red.
"We are expecting some major crime sprees from the villains of Fai- "
"Oh, you can BET on some major crime sprees! Deli month! That's the best month that this city has ever had! OH ho ho, just think about...uh, Not that I would be absolutely going on some big major illegal crime spree." The Butcher trailed off, his excitement had earned another glowering stare from Mr. Ilure. How could he not react in such a way? A whole month dedicated to deli and deli meats! Who knows what kind of crazy loot will be pulled out?
"Say, just outta curiosity, do you happen to know what stores are precipitating in Deli month?" Mr. Ilure reached over Mrs. Botsford's desk, snatching a piece of paper off of it. He held it up in front of the Butcher. Every establishment in the city was written on it.
He was half-way down the list, mentally checking their locations off in his head when he noticed the heading over one group of stores.
Dr. Two-Brains: City Hall, Museum, Cheeseum, Fenway Park- He pulled the paper out from Mr. Ilure's hands, holding it closer to his face. There were four different headings on the list.
Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy,
and The Butcher.
"You see Mr. Butcher," Mrs. Botsford began as he looked up.
"We know this is your type of crime spree. That's why we are willing to offer this plea bargain. The city needs time to reconstruct, and we can't do that if a villain is attacking or escaping every three seconds." As a supervillain, this decision should have been much harder to make than it is. The Butcher was growing tired of the same old routine again.
"Now, I will call up another attorney to help you go over the bargain. Unfortunately, the one Mr. Ilure asked to come is running extremely late." The Butcher held up a hand.
"So, say I took this bargain, I sit in jail for a few months, make a few street signs, and then gets released with a clean record. Do I receive any more punishment before or after that?" Mrs. Botsford shook her head.
The Butcher sighed,
"I'll take the bargain."
A little break from villainy would renew his vigor. Though missing Deli Month was a high price to pay, he would be able to try it again next year.