4Dinner wasn't much better than lunch; it had vanilla pudding instead of lemon jello. The problem was that Pete was finally starting to feel like eating. Jello and thin pudding was not going to help him get well. He was eyeing what passed for broth in this place when suddenly, something smelled delicious. Pete looked up to see Jim carrying a paper bag and grinning.
"Please tell me that Jean sent me something good to eat. I'd hate to think I was delusional enough to find the smell of your aftershave appetizing." Pete watched as Jim took his time pulling things out of the paper bag.
"I brought you a book of crossword puzzles, two books to read, a few pens because I know you insist on doing the puzzles in ink…." Jim chuckled, Pete was giving him that "hurry up or I'm going to strangle you look".
"Will you stop fooling around and get to the food? I'm starving."
"I forgot how grumpy you get when you're hungry. You really need to work on your patience Partner." Jim was enjoying this way too much for Pete's taste, but he kept drawing it out. "Jimmy sent you his two favorite Matchbox cars so that you can race them when you have nothing to do."
"All I have is nothing to do." Pete enjoyed both Jimmy's gift and the love he knew came with it, but there was still that delicious aroma coming out of the bag. He decided on a plan to get whatever it was. "I'm going to tell Jean that you let me starve!"
"You wouldn't."
"I would." Jim thought that by now, he was used to Pete's moves and that they wouldn't work on him anymore; he was wrong. Those green eyes looked like they could bend steel. The glare was all the more impressive given that the man with the threatening glare was in a hospital bed.
"Fine Jean sent you some soup. She talked to your doctor and he said you can have some broth with a little rice; sorry, Partner, no chicken or veggies yet." Jim took a Tupperware container out of the bag, set it in front of Pete and gave him a spoon. Pete dove into the soup; the Central Receiving cooking staff needed to take lessons from Jean.
"This is great. Thank your wife for me." Pete watched as Jim stuck his hand back in the bag. Did Jean send something else for him to eat?
"I brought you a radio. If you're not too tired later we can listen to the Rams game." Jim took a seat by the bed enjoying the sight of his friend eating; it had been too close. "Before we do, Mac said there was something you still wanted to talk to me about." In between spoons full of that delicious gift Pete told Jim to wait; soup was more important. Finally, he pushed the container and spoon aside.
"It's about work. Since I'm not coming back for some time…." Pete kept himself from voicing the fear that he was never going back to work. "…I was wondering if you would be willing to take on one of the rookies starting next week."
"Are you nuts? I'm not ready to be a TO." Jim looked like Pete has suggested that he put on a dress and do a drag act.
"Yes, you are. You've been ready for quite a while now." To his credit, Pete managed to not laugh at Reed's expression. "I shouldn't have to tell you what you already know."
"I don't know how to be a TO. Riding with a probationer during their last few months is hard enough, but a pure rookie? No."
"You know all you need to be a TO. Just do what I did when we started riding together." Since he and Mac had discussed the idea of putting a rookie with Jim, Pete had been remembering those first few weeks. He had been tough on Jim, just like Val Moore had been to Pete; except Val hadn't resisted the friendship. Some days, Pete tried to keep a little distance between him and Jim, unwilling to risk getting close to another partner who might die. There were other times he couldn't help himself; Reed had wormed his way past all of Pete's defenses.
"You want me to scare him senseless?" Jim sputtered, spitting out some of the soda he was drinking, causing Pete to laugh.
"That's part of it. Your rookie will need to learn basic survival skills quickly. Nothing sinks in more than a dressing down when they make a potentially deadly mistake. Besides, sometimes it's fun to scare them." Laughter confirmed Jim's reaction; Pete had enjoyed some of those lectures.
"You rat! That's the last food I bring you." It was an idle threat which failed to fool the older man. Jim, who had taken a seat on the side of the bed, stood up, shifting restlessly as he did. "I'm serious Pete. I can't do what you did. Don't ask me to."
"Why? Is it really because you don't feel ready or because you think this will end our partnership?" Sometimes Jim was easier to read than a stop sign. "I'm not coming back to patrol for months…if at all." One of them had to broach the subject and Jim didn't seem willing to.
"Don't talk like that!" Over the years of their partnership, they had argued, but never before had Jim yelled at him like he did just then. He was furious at Pete for even considering that possibility; he walked towards the window, needing some distance.
"I….we need to face that very real possibility. Living on a disability pension might be in my future." Pete's hand was shaking as he ran it through his hair in a gesture of frustration. He didn't like the idea any better than Jim did.
"Not now! Not this time!" Jim wanted to knock some sense into his friend, but he had never hit Pete before and now was definitely not the time to start. With no other choice Jim began pounding on the stone wall.
"Why not now? Damnit Jim, stop hitting the wall. I won't help me and it's hurting you." Pete wanted to slam a fist into the bricks too; he understood Jim's frustration and his loyalty. Jim spun around to face his partner; his face was red with anger.
"Because God isn't that cruel!"
The words hung in the stale air between them; Pete didn't know how to respond to Jim's assertion. The truth was that after his last young partner had died Pete began to doubt all those religious beliefs his mother and a whole slew of nuns had drilled into his head. Baxter's death had helped no one; it devastated his wife, left his daughter fatherless and almost destroyed his partner. Pete knew a man of faith when he rode with one and Jim was; he couldn't tell his partner that he might be wrong.
"God gives you a choice and you live with the consequences of your decision. Do you think that I wouldn't trade my job for your life and Jimmy's?" Pete believed that, but a decision rarely involves one person. Tony decided on revenge; he paid the price but the effects of his choice still rippled in the lives of others. Jim wanted to argue that it wasn't fair, but held back instead of interrupting his friend.
"I probably meant to die when I ran at Tony. I don't remember, but when it came down to it, I made the choice to live." Pete managed to find a brief smile. "We can discuss the wisdom of that choice later." Despite having once told Ed this, it was still hard to talk to about, even to Jim. "When the time comes, God presents you with the options; go back in the same condition you left or die, but it doesn't come with any guarantees." He paused, motioning for Jim to take the chair next to the bed. Reed didn't miss the slight trembling of Pete's hand. "It's hard to describe, I think it happens when your heart stops. I knew how bad I was hurt; what it could mean for the rest of my life. Still, I came back."
"Because you didn't trust me to take care of those you leave behind?" Jim had spent over a week wondering about that dream; it was time to ask.
"What do you mean by that?" It wasn't like Pete didn't recognize the phrase. He had made that promise to Tom Porter; had extracted it from Mac. While Pete was still in the hospital recovering from the accident in Griffith Park, the sergeant had spoken to him about Jim's reaction to his disappearance. Mac forced Pete to acknowledge how important he had become to the Reeds.
"Isn't that what you asked me to do?" Jim paused, watching Pete to see what, if any, reaction he had to the question. How far should he go; was he really going to ask Pete if he visited him in the hallway? Would Pete think he lost his mind?
"When did I ask you to take care of my parents?" Pete was wracking his brain, trying to remember if he ever expressed concerns about what would happen to his parents if he died. They were the only ones who depended on him financially.
"I got the impression that you meant more than just your parents; Sally perhaps?" Had he dreamed it or did Pete forget that conversation? It was also possible that Pete didn't want to admit to knowing what Jim was talking about. "You don't remember…um….haunting me?" There, he said it.
"Haunting you?" Pete couldn't keep back the laughter, not even when he saw Jim turning bright red. "I'd ask you if you'd been drinking, but I know you haven't."
"Never mind, I was kidding." Jim turned his back to his best friend and began to gather his things; preparing to leave. Pete watched him for a moment, before speaking.
"No you aren't." Jim was midway through putting his jacket when Pete spoke; he was actually trembling. "Tell me about it. Please Jim. I'm sorry I laughed."
After deciding that Pete was sincere, Jim sat back down and told him the bare bones of the incident: a voice in an empty hall way, being flippant about whether he was dead yet, the joke about the operating room and the touch of a hand on his shoulder. Pete listened to the details without comment. Jim ended with the fact that Dr. Franks confirmed that Pete had gone into cardiac arrest during his second operation.
"Were you clicking your pen and did I make ghost sounds?" Pete's brow was furrowed and he was lightly scratching the side of his neck.
"So it wasn't a dream! You remember it!" The biggest grin appeared on Jim's face. He looked like Jimmy when you put a dish of ice cream in front of him.
"Did you tell Jean or Sally about this…dream?"
"Both. Mac heard too." Once Pete was back in the ICU, and while his parents went to get coffee, Jim told them what had happened. He wanted them to tell him if it was real or not. "Do you remember talking to me?"
"I honestly don't know. There are images in my mind, parts of a conversation, but I don't know if I remember doing it or if someone told me about it." Pete felt horrible that he couldn't confirm what Jim surely wanted to have happened. "It does sound like me though. Who else would give you such a hard time?" That comment, they both laughed at.
"Only you would. Except, then you got serious, telling me I saved more than your career the first night we rode together; that I saved you." Jim sighed, leaning back in the bright yellow plastic chair. "Maybe it was wishful thinking."
"I never told anyone that, not even Mac." It was almost as if Pete was speaking to himself; his voice taking on a deeper quality. Over the years, he had come to the decision that Jim did save him, but it wasn't his style to share his deepest feelings. Where would he be if he had quit the job he loved? If he was going to tell anyone it would be Mac, who along with Val Moore, had purposely thrown Jim Reed at him in a last ditch effort to stop Pete from quitting.
"You told me."
"Yeah, but I thought I was dying, so it doesn't count." Once again, Pete fell back into his habit of making a joke when things got too emotional. When Jim looked like he was going to call Pete on it, the older man beat him to it. "I just explained the moment between life and death to you; do you expect me to know the truth about what happened in the hall too?"
"I guess it's enough that I believe that it happened. From the time Jean found me asleep in that hall, I've known that it was real." Once Jim made a decision, it was extremely difficult to change his mind. The thing was, Pete really wanted to know too.
"If you remember what time I spoke to you, ask Dr. Franks what time I went into cardiac arrest. That might confirm part of it." That was the only solution Pete could come up with. If the times match, maybe he did float around without a body. The possibility was intriguing, but Pete was too tired for the metaphysical. "Hasn't the game started by now?"
Jim dropped the dream question in favor of listening to the football game. The two friends spoke only during the commercial breaks; other than brief comments about the game. As the first quarter was ending, a new nurse came in to change the IV solution and administer a dose of morphine to Pete. Ten minutes later he was fast asleep. Jim leaned back in the chair, put his feet on the edge of the bed and continued to listen to the game. He would be there when Pete woke up; in case his partner needed anything.
A/N. I do not own the characters in the story nor did I have any connection with people involved in its production. I am just a fan. Thanks to Martin Milner, Kent McCord, William Boyett and others for bringing these characters to life.