I told you I'd be fast.
A Film by Gwen Stacy
(Through a small, rectangular screen, we see the scenery of New York passing by at a high velocity. We seem to be on a highway)
Gwen: (in a gravelly voice) New York. Queens. It's a rough borough, but hey, it's home.
Happy: Who are you talking to?
(Camera quickly pans to reveal Happy Hogan driving in the front seat)
Gwen: (in a normal voice) No one. Just making a little video of the trip.
Happy: You know you can't show it to anyone.
Gwen: Yeah, I know.
Happy: Then why are you narrating in that voice?
Gwen: Uh... Because it's fun.
(Apparently, Happy thinks this whole situation is the opposite of fun. He puts on his sunglasses and solemnly looks out the windshield)
Gwen: So, uh, why do they call you Happy?
(Happy raises the limo's partition. We see a reflection of Gwen Stacy holding up her phone and filming)
(Gwen gets out of the car to find a small private plane waiting for her)
Happy: Come on. I'm not carrying your bags. Let's go.
Gwen: Hey, should I go to the bathroom before?
Happy: There's a bathroom on it.
(Inside the plane, we see a view of the cockpit. Two seats for the pilot and the copilot are there no one is sitting in them)
Gwen: Whoa. No pilot? That's awesome.
(Gwen sits down across from Happy, directly facing him)
Happy: Is that where you're gonna sit?
Happy: This is your first time on a private plane?
Gwen: My first time on any plane.
(Happy moves away to sit in another seat)
Gwen: Should it...? Should it be...? Should it be making that noise?
(Later. Gwen puts a finger to her lips and makes a shushing sound)
(Camera reveals Happy snoring. At the sound of Gwen's chuckle, Happy jerks awake, causing the whole frame to shake)
(Inside Berlin Brandenburg Airport, we see German signs, Happy dragging his luggage behind him, and Gwen's face in quick succession)
(Gwen is sightseeing Berlin. We see Berlin streets, the Brandenburg Gate, a street performer, foreign girls, and a pretzel vendor)
Gwen: No one has actually told me why I'm in Berlin or what I'm doing. Something about Captain America going crazy.
(Happy and Gwen enter a hotel)
Happy: (pointing at a door) This is you.
Gwen: Oh, we're neighbors?
Happy: We're not roommates. Suit up.
(Gwen's hotel room. Standing in front of a mirror, we see Gwen wearing her homemade Spider-Woman suit, consisting of a thin, baggy sweatshirt, goggles with shutters, and web-shooters)
Gwen: Okay, Gwen, you got this. You got this.
Happy: What the hell are you wearing?
(Happy is staring at Gwen with a horrified look. Gwen tilts down the camera to reveal her feet)
Gwen: It's my suit.
Happy: Where's the case?
Gwen: What case? That's not my...
(Happy opens a door, showing Gwen another area of her suite)
Gwen: What? I thought that was a closet. This is still my room?
Happy: Go. Please.
Gwen: My room is way bigger than...
(A case is sitting on a coffee table)
Gwen: I found the case. I found the case. I found the case.
(He plucks up a card that says "A minor upgrade -TS" from the case)
Gwen: "A minor upgrade"?
(When Gwen unbuckles a lock the case unfolds itself, revealing a high tech Spider-Man suit complete with awesome holograms)
Gwen: Whoa. Oh my God.
Happy: Put it on.
Gwen: What the...? This is the coolest thing I've ever seen-
Happy: Let's go.
Gwen: But, yeah. Well, I don't understand. Is it for me?
(Camera spins to find Happy leaving the room)
Gwen: Happy, Happy, wait.
(Gwen takes off the mask of her homemade Spider-Woman suit with a huge, excited grin on her face)
Gwen: This is insane. Insane. Look at this thing. Look. Look at the eyes. This is the greatest day of my life.
Happy: Let's go.
(He has come to drag a hyped-up Gwen out of the room)
Happy: Come on.
(Outside Flughafen Leipzig-Halle, We see Iron Man, War Machine, Captain America, Black Widow, and Black Panther confronting each other)
Gwen: (whispers) Okay, there's Captain America, Iron Man, Black Widow. Whoa. Who's that new guy?
(We see Gwen, now dressed in the Spider-Woman suit that Tony gave her)
Gwen: Oh, that's me. I gotta go. I gotta go.
(Gwen puts down the phone and proceeds to snatch Captain America's shield with her web)
Gwen: Hey, everyone.
(She is holding her camera and flying through the air to find a safe spot. We see and hear explosions everywhere)
Gwen: Okay, so the craziest thing just happened, right? I just had a fight with Captain America and I stole his shield and I threw it at him-
(We hear a metallic noise. Ant-Man grows into a giant in the background and grabs War Machine by his ankle. Gwen turns to see this)
Gwen: What the hell? He's big now. I gotta go. Hang on.
(The phone is put down and for a moment, all we see are the sky and the clouds. Then we hear the battle commencing and see Gwen being flung through the air)
(Back in Gwen's hotel room. Gwen is facing the camera, now dressed in a grey NASA T-shirt. It is obvious that she is still high on adrenaline)
Gwen: It was the most amazing thing that's ever happened! So Mr. Stark was like, "Hey, Underoos!" and I just sort of flipped in and I stole Cap's shield. I was like, "Hey, what's up, everybody?" And then...
(There's a knock on his door)
Gwen: Hey, just a second! Coming!
(She backflips to the door, but before she can open it, Happy enters in a bathrobe)
Happy: We have thin walls here.
(Camera starts rolling. We are now inside Tony's car. A hand reaches for it and we tilt up to find Tony Stark in a suit and sunglasses ensemble)
Tony: What are you doing, a little video diary?
Gwen: (embarrassed) Yeah.
Tony: It's all right. I'd probably do the same.
Happy: (from the driver's seat) I told her not to do it. She was filming everything.
Tony: It's okay.
Happy: I'm gonna wipe the chip.
Tony: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You know what? We should actually... We should make an alibi video for your mom anyway. You ready?
(Tony takes off his sunglasses, revealing a badly bruised face)
Gwen: Yeah, hold on.
Tony: We rolling?
Gwen: An alibi? Sure.
Tony: Get in the frame.
Tony: Hey, Helen. How are you doing? What are you wearing? Something skimpy, I hope.
(Gwen turns to Tony with a frown on her face. Tony chuckles and pats Gwen's shoulder, whose face now wears an uncomfortable smile)
Tony: Gwen, that's inappropriate. All right, let's start over. You can edit it.
(Looking at Tony, Gwen chuckles)
Tony: Three, two, one. Hey, Helen. My gosh, uh, I wanted to tell you what an incredible job your daughter did this weekend at the Stark internship retreat. Everyone was impressed.
(Tony is putting on a solemn face. Gwen offers the camera a wide-eyed, tight-lipped smile, trying to look innocent. Suddenly, we hear a loud honk)
Happy: Come on! It's a freaking merge. (To Tony) I'm sorry.
Tony: This is because you're not on Queens Boulevard. (to the camera) See, Happy is... is hoping to get bumped up to asset management. He was forehead of security, and before that, he was just a driver.
(Still driving, Happy gives Tony a sidelong glance)
Happy: That was a private conversation. I don't like joking about this. It was hard for me to talk to you about that.
Tony: No, seriously, was he snoring a bunch?
(Happy slams on the brakes, making the car screech to a stop)
Happy: All right. Here we are. End of the line. Whoops.
(Tony laughs and films Gwen, who looks a bit pale)
Tony: Happy, can you give us a moment?
Happy: You want me to leave the car?
Tony: Why don't you grab Gwen's case out of the trunk.
(Gwen's film finally stops rolling. She slowly lowers her phone, shocked)
Gwen: I can keep the suit?
Tony: Yes, we were just talking about it.
(Tony puts his sunglasses back on and clears his throat. Through the rear window, we see Happy struggling with Gwen's case)
Tony: Do me a favor, though. Happy's kind of your point guy on this. Don't stress him out. Don't do anything stupid. I've seen his cardiogram. All right?
Gwen: (enthusiastically) Yes.
Tony: Don't do anything I would do, and definitely don't do anything I wouldn't do. There's a... There's a little grey area in there, and that's where you operate.
Gwen: Wait, does that mean that I'm an Avenger?
(Happy knocks on the window and holds the case up)
Happy: This it?
Tony: Seventh floor.
Gwen: I can take that. You don't have to take it.
Happy: You're gonna take it?
Gwen: Yeah, I can take that.
Happy: Thank you.
(Happy drops the case by the car)
Gwen: So when's, when's our next... When's our next "retreat," you know? Like...
Tony: What, next mission?
Gwen: Yeah, the mission. The missions.
Tony: We'll call you.
Gwen: Do you have my numbers?
Tony: No, I mean, we'll call you. Like, someone will call you.
Tony: All right?
Gwen: From your team.
(Tony reaches for the door. Gwen mistakes the gesture as a hug and brings her arms around Tony)
Tony: It's not a hug. I'm just grabbing the door for you. We're not there yet.
(Gwen awkwardly climbs out of the car. Almost as an afterthought, Tony calls out)
(Tony and Happy drive off. Holding her bag and the Spider-Woman suitcase, Gwen grins)
Gwen: They're gonna call me.
(She heads to the apartment entrance. There is a definite spring in her step)