Log Entry 1, July 18th, 12:04 PM - LAB MEMBER 001

Greetings and Salutations my fellow men and women of science! It is I... the elusive, the unknown, the dangerous, the hot and sexy, myth, legend - HOUOUIN KYOUMA.

That's right, bear witness in unbridled awe to the words you read on-screen now, slacken your jaw in amazement to the wordsmith at play here, for only a true martyr of Science is capable of such feat.

The click-clack of this keyboard here feels good actually... hmm, maybe I should invest in one... (Scientist Note's: Need to refer this matter to Lab Member 003 in terms of our budgeting.) For now, this potato chip crumb layered keyboard that smells like sweat and something that's too disgusting to mention will do just fine!

Ah yes! The time log, time log. Okay, it is now July 18th, 2014 12:06 PM Japan Standard Time on a Friday.

Now for all you fellow men and women of science, you may be wondering the exact purpose of this first entry in this potentially lengthy journal of mine.

You see... fellow men and women of science... A catastrophic event is at hand here. A crisis that will shake the very foundation of this lab to its CORE. An impending upending to our very way of life. I ran the calculations, I've done the maths, I did the gizmos and stuff and I managed to gather the exact moment in time this calamity would be upon us... and it is...

July 25th, 2014 2:30 PM Japan Standard Time on a Friday. Yes - exactly 7 days before this event I dubbed "The Return" will occur. A little more than a week, a measly amount of time to try and combat this crisis.

Oh, woe is me, If only I could have foreseen this sooner but alas, what's done is done. Grieving is no fit for the likes of my prestige. But! A big, big but, if you believed me so weak-willed as to give up over something so insignificant. Who do you think I am? I AM HOUOUIN KYOUMA! MAD SCIENTIST EXTRAORDINAIRE! THE ONE AND ONLY! Danger and doom are my forte, there is no worldline where that is not true. The choice of Steins;Gate wills it so.

Oh? oh? What's this? A silhouette in my peripheral vision, oh-ho, it appears to be heading my way, there's no mistaking it - someone has breached the premises of the lab. Could it be? Has The Organization finally initiated an attack? Oh no, it's getting closer... not good, not good. Oh god... his big... OH MAN, HIS HUGE. OH MY GOD, HE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF- Oh it's just Daru.

As I type this, I see his face scrunched up in a slightly confused manner, he appears to be reading the log and it seems my remark at his stature had bothered him. Oh... he's looking mad now. Not good. An angry lab member is an unproductive lab member, especially since he's already so fat.

Okay, I shouldn't have typed that - wait why is he reaching for the switc-

Log Entry 1 (Continuation), July 14th, 3:05pm - LAB MEMBER 001

I would like to end the first-ever entry in the Scientific Journal of the Breakthroughs and Discoveries of Fellow Lab Members (name subject to change) with a word of warning. Never anger Lab Member 003. As the head of security and technical difficulties, changing the computer password isn't exactly the hardest thing for him to do. I had to evoke the aid of Lab Member 002 in order to convince him to change it back.

Anyways, that is all I have to say. For today, that is. Once again, this is Hououin Kyouma, signing off.

El. Psy. Congroo.