Chapter 1
Its been six years since Weirdmageddon, and I'm back in Gravity Falls with my favorite sister ever, Mabel. I must say that things have calmed down considerably since then. Its almost normal, but, as usual, things are still quite strange. This year, I am coming up on my nineteenth birthday- and so is Mabel, now that I think of it. Ford is coming back from his mission tomorrow evening (He saves dimensions from disaster and does all-around tourism). Stan is as usual- a cheapskate who scams people. After getting to my room, I flopped onto my bed.
This time I take up more than the entire thing, which made me hit my calves.
"fuckfuckfuck," I mutter, almost like a mantra. Mabel walks in, wondering what the bump was.
"You okay, BroBro?"
"No. I banged the shit out of my calves on my bed" She gave me a sympathetic look and said, "Oof"
Then she left, probably off to find her friends or something. I was left to unpack my stuff in peace, which I did.
I heard a couple loud noises downstairs followed by Stan shouting "WHAT THE FUCK?" I jogged down to see the portal open and Ford with an impossibly flat hat. And a triangle. THE triangle.
"Umm, Ford, pardon my French, but what the actual FUCK IS THAT?" I ask while pointing at Cipher. He stares at the yellow Dorito before saying "Bill." Stan and I give him a No-Shit-Sherlock look before he explains that he found Bill, and is going to keep him locked up in the basement behind the vending machine, so as to not let him cause any more damage.
Bill looked... weakened. He didn't look like himself. I felt almost... pity? 'what the fuck Dipper? this is Bill that we're talking- no, thinking- about! BILL!' I internally shook my head to clear my thoughts. I watched as he was dragged into the basement by Ford. Part of me wanted to help Bill, but the rest of me suppressed that urge. I decided to talk to the Little Illuminati later. For now, it was food and catching up with Grunkle Ford. Ford took me to the main basement and we talked of the other worlds that he'd been to. This time, his tourist trap was at the second dimension. It's not a code name or anything- the world is in two dimensions. He showed me the hat that he got as a souvenir, and then he changed his tone.
"Mason," he began, "Promise me that you won't go talking to Bill. He'll only lead to trouble for Gravity Falls... again."
I stared at my great uncle. "I won't."
He took this to mean that I won't go talking to Bill, I assume, as he smiled slightly and left the basement to talk to Stan. Ah, the wonder of vague answers.
I head up to play Go Fish or some shit with Mabel, and to give me some time to think of what I'll do once I get enough free time to talk to the yellow Dorito.
I decide on three things:
To have him promise to tell the entire truth, clearly worded, how he found Earth, and why Earth was so special that he had to take it over.
The game of Go Fish passed fuzzily. I remember nearly nothing of it. All that I know is that Soos is apparently a fucking god at it and won by a margin of 7 points. (one point per pair of cards) Stan called us up to help him cook because his lazy ass barely wants to. I'm fine with that, though. I like cooking. Sometimes you can't exceed an amount at all or the recipe is fucked up, and other times it is just 'Oh? You want rice? Add some fucking rice. I don't care.' For dinner, we're having Spaghetti. Mabel keeps saying NYEH HEH HEH and I keep telling her to shut the fuck up if she doesn't want to have a bad time.
Ford said that he can't make it to dinner tonight because he has an emergency mission to go on. I, for one am glad. It means that there are less people to stop me from talking to Bill. 'I hope he's alright.' I imagined giving myself a funny look. 'What the FUCK did you just think?!' 'That I hope Bill is okay?' 'Yeah, and WHY DO YOU CARE?' 'AAAAA I don't know!' I mentally cleared the slate in my brain to stop my two conflicting views. Fuck. The spaghetti is boiling over
"Shitfuckdamnfuckshitespeciallyfuckthisshitfuckthewaterisboilingoverandowitburnedmyhand OW HOT" Soos looked over at me a little worriedly. "Dude, you okay?" "No. I got hit with boiling water- which I also have to clean up, as it spilled over." Soos turned off the burner and got a dry washrag. He flashed me a thumbs up once he cleaned up the water "Thanks, man." "No probs'."
I played go fish (again) with Mabel and Soos to speed up the game (and time) and have them move on with their lives elsewhere, so I can talk to Bill. I don't remember much of this game either, but apparently Soos was still a fucking god at it, and won by a margin of 9 points this time. Mabel, Soos and I went to bed. After lying awake for about five minutes, I heard Mabel softly snoring. I went downstairs, and got a plate of spaghetti to give to Bill. Upon reaching the basement, I didn't see a triangle, but a male around my age.
It was clearly Bill, but WOW it startled me. He had blonde hair, pale skin, and a black and yellow vest /slacks combo, accented by a white undershirt. He looked hot. 'What the fuck did I just think?' 'ADMIT IT DOWN TO YOUR UNASHAMEDLY BISEXUAL SOUL HES HOT' 'Dammit you're right, Dipper' what the fuck is wrong with me? I walked down to talk to Bill, and find a way to give him the food. He looked up at me and smiled. Not in an 'Im-evil-and-will-kill-you-and-your-planet' smirk kind of way, either. Like a genuine smile. Bill beckoned me forward, and pointed to a hole in the lower part of his plexiglass prison. He spoke, but this time without the damn near surround sound and omnipotent voice. "I can bring you in if we make physical contact."
"But can I get out?" I asked apprehensively. "Yes, but only you can." He smiled sadly. Deep down in my soul, I felt bad for the former Dorito, and this time I didn't question myself. I reached to poke a finger into the hole in the plexiglass, and Bill reached out to touch it. In an instant, I was sitting next to him, and he was reaching for the food. I handed him the spaghetti, and he inhaled it. He said what sounded like a 'thank you' through a (thankfully covered by his hand,) full mouth. I chuckled lightly, and said "You're welcome. It's the least I could do."
After he finished eating, I asked him question one. "Bill, do you promise to tell me the truth for the next, oh about ten minutes and not be vague?" He looked down towards me and smiled softly. "Sure, Pine Tree" 'THAT FUCKING NICKNAME OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD' 'Calm the fuck down, Dipper' "Okay, so question number one: How did you find Earth?" He looked at me and said simply said, "Well, that one is easy. My mom told me." I saw no signs of a lie, so I continued forward. "And question two: Why did you want to take over Earth in the first place?" This one took him longer to speak. "I didn't want to, but my dear old mother forced me to. She can't control others, but she can control her kids. When it comes to her, struggling is futile. After I failed in giving her another dension that she can rule vicariously, the bitc-" he caught himself. "-bad lady disowned me. Ford found me drifting through space, and now here I am." I looked at Bill and felt horrible for hating him for so long. 'HUG HIM HUG HIM HU-' 'Fine.' I leaned in and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Sorry, Bill." He looked stunned, and then hugged back. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Pine Tree." I looked up at him and started. "But I hated-" Bill decided to cut in, "-hated a puppet that my mom controlled, right?" I looked down, mostly to hide my growing blush. "Yeah, I guess" Bill looked at me kindly. "But that's no longer me, is it?" I stared back up at him, pretty surprised? Shocked? Amazed? God what the fuck are words if you can't use them properly? "N-no, I guess you're not." "Good boy" FUCK! DOES HE KNOW HOW TO PRESS EVERY BUTTON TO MAKE ME BLUSH!? Bill giggled at what I can only assume was my face, and GOD his laugh was contagious. Pretty soon we both were laughing at nothing in particular. Over time we calmed down, and Bill reminded me that Ford might come back tonight. My God, I want to help him, but I can't right now. Fuck, that makes me feel horrible. Bill handed me his plate and teleported me out of his glass cage. I smiled sadly towards him, and waved goodbye.
Going upstairs, I thought about what he said. So, if he wasn't evil, but his mom was, then I might be able to plea his case to Ford. The only problem is proving it. Fuck. This will be harder than I thought. Upon arriving at the sink, I washed, dried, and put up the plate and fork that Bill had used, and then headed to sleep.