Another self-insert story from little old me! this time from PBS hit Wordgirl; not only has the show been a childhood favorite of mine, but I've fallen back into the pit of obsession with it a couple times before, and now I'm obsessed with it again. As you can see, I'm particularly fond of Dr Two-Brains... actually, fond is an understatement. XD" so I wrote this little meet-cute fanfic that was intentionally written to be cheesy (get it? haha). I tried to keep it true to the spirit of the show, while also telling it as if it was something that happened just the other day, if that makes sense. there's like, maybe five total swear words in this, so small warning for that. also, considering the context of the show, you might wanna keep watch for the words "encounter" and "infatuated". just saying. ;P
It was just another beautiful day in the city. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and somebody was running out of the next building over screaming, but apparently that last bit was normal around here. I was just making my way over to the grocery store for, well, some groceries. I had really only been in there once before, but it seemed like such a nice little grocery store, reminiscent of the local supermarket I used to work in back home.
I had just recently moved to Fair City a couple weeks ago after getting accepted into the art school there. It was fairly cheap and had a wide range of programs to choose from, so I was thrilled to go there. Being a couple thousand miles away from my old home didn't bother me in the least bit. Heck, I was glad to get away. But I didn't realize how crazy this city could get until I moved there. The place was getting constantly pillaged by a wide array of villains, some with weird powers, some with giant robots, and some who were just looking for trouble, and people let a little kid and her monkey handle all of that? But, Wordgirl is an alien, and a very smart kid with a good head on her shoulders, so she seems like she can handle it. I was lucky enough to briefly encounter her about a week before, and the kid's got spunk, I'll tell you that. Not to mention Huggyface is an adorable sidekick. Yes, the city may have been safe in her hands, but little did I know the mess I was about to get myself into…
I entered the store and looked around, trying to remember where everything was. I was probably gonna have to go through every aisle in order to find what I needed, because my memory is TERRIBLE. I pulled out my miniature notebook from my pocket, let's see, what do I need—oop, that's not my grocery list, that's my villain encounter list! I turned the page, nope, that's a bunch of phone numbers, another page, still not it, that's school information, another page, oh there it is! Let's see here… coffee, bread, cheese, soda, chips… I squinted at the last bit of scribbles. Goshdarnit, I can't even read my own handwriting! What the heck is THAT? Oh well. I made my way through the maze of aisles, trying to navigate to my needed items. It didn't take me long for me to find the coffee, thankfully—but I also found a leak in the ceiling! I turned to the man that I recognized as the manager of the store; thankfully he was nearby.
"Uh, excuse me, sir," I said, waiting until he turned his head to me before continuing, "but, um, it looks like there's a leak in the ceiling right up there, cuz there's like, there's a puddle down here, so uhh…" I trailed off after pointing in the respective directions. The manager immediately perked up.
"Ah! Excellent eye! We could use perceptive people like you around here! You're hired!"
"I—I wasn't—" Actually, I could use a job, but this felt too informal; I didn't even fill out an application! "I was just trying to help y—AAHHH !"
I cringed as the stack of pickle jars I unwittingly backed into fell to the floor with the nerve-wracking sound of breaking glass.
"Oh my god, I am so sorry!" I immediately panicked.
"Aw, I just put those up!" the manager yelled. "You're fired!"
"Oh dear…" I shifted my eyes, debating on running away from the mess I caused and never coming back, but my manners got the better of me. "At least let me help you!"
"Well alright then," the manager said. "I'll handle the glass, here's some paper towels." He handed me a roll of paper towels that he seemingly pulled out of nowhere, and we immediately got to work. He quickly grabbed a bucket for the glass, and I worked on mopping up the pickle juice. Soon enough, I felt someone else's presence.
"Here, let me help, too," a familiar, high-pitched voice said. I didn't quite realize who it was until I happened to look up mid-sentence.
"Aw, that's alright, you don't have to—ey, Becky!"
Becky Botsford is a very smart and sweet fifth-grader that I met the other day when her art class took a field trip to my campus. If I may brag, she seemed rather infatuated with the cartoon-style art I was doing, and expressed her envy of her best friend's art skills. So I introduced her to some artist tips and tricks. I taught her the old lines and shapes technique, which is probably the oldest one in the book, but it really works, and the two of us felt most comfortable around each other during the time her class was there. I could've sworn she looked familiar, but she insisted that we had never seen each other before, so that was probably my brain playing tricks on me. How funny of her to show up again; I was just starting to miss the kid.
"Hey Light," she said, grabbing a paper towel to clean the juice. "How's everything going?"
"Besides being a clumsy moron who knocks over stacks of pickle jars, life's been good I suppose." I chuckled nervously, which earned a giggle from Becky in response.
"Aww, don't say that, it happens to the best of us," she said. "I can't tell you how many times I've done similar things while trying to stop a crimi—I mean stop Bob from eating all the food." Her pet monkey, Bob, squeaked in apparent disapproval. I laughed a little at the animal.
"Hey, at least you have an excuse," I said, "I'm just a klutz."
"Well, you're not the only one," she reassured.
"Thanks for lending a hand, young lady!" the manager praised as he began plucking pickles off the floor.
"Yeah, thanks for helping out, Becky," I added, scratching the back of my neck.
"Oh, it's no problem," she insisted. She then got a little closer, as if she were about to share a secret. "Anything to get away from my mom's coconut craze," she mumbled.
I chortled. "Coconut craze?"
"Ugh, coconuts are on sale this week and my mom keeps obsessing over them!" Becky groaned exasperatedly. "She's infatuated with them! Like, what are we going to do with so many coconuts?!" Bob squeaked again just then, to which Becky said, "You got that right, Bob."
"I know how you feel, kid. My dad's the same way with his chili. I swear to god, every time I turned around he'd be making that stupid chili even though he knew darn well my mom and I both don't like it! He's especially terrible with it in the wintertime, like jeez."
"I hear ya."
We shared a laugh as the last of the mess was cleaned. "Phew, got that out of the way," I said. "Anyway thanks again for helping me with that. Are you sure we didn't encounter each other out on the street or something before the other day?" I was sure my brain was just tricking me into thinking Becky was a familiar face, but I pressed it one more time in jest. Becky giggled.
"Nope, I'm sure you never saw me before."
"Encounter?" the store manager suddenly butted in. "Is that some new type of material I've never heard of? I could really use a new kitchen counter."
"No sir, it doesn't have anything to do with kitchen counters," Becky began. "To encounter someone or something means to meet with or bump into them, usually unexpectedly. Like how Light here and I happened to run into each other in the store at the same time. We encountered each other."
"Yeah!" I agreed. "Or how I've encountered several villains since I've moved here, so I made a list of all the known villains in the city and put a check mark by each one I've met!"
"Wait, you have a list of villains you've encountered?" Becky asked. Bob squeaked in confusion.
"Yep I do! So far, I've ran into The Butcher, Mr Big, Amazing Rope Guy, Tobey's robots, a couple of Lady Redundant Woman's copies, and I met Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy twice. He seems so nice, I can't see how he could be evil."
"Wow, sounds like you're having a crazy time here," Becky said.
"Yeah, but I like crazy, so this is awesome!"
"Becky~! Bob~!" a jolly female voice suddenly called from a couple aisles away. "Come check out all these wonderful coconuts!" I wheezed in amusement.
"I'm guessing that's your mom?"
"Yes," Becky said flatly. "Guess I should get going," she sighed. "But hey, hopefully we can see each other around again sometime!"
"Yeah, see you around, kid!"
Becky quickly jogged over to the aisle her mom must've been in. I still couldn't shake the sense of familiarity from her, but maybe it was the start of a sibling-like affection towards the kid. I glanced back down at my grocery list, realizing I still had no idea where everything was at, and cautiously turned back to the manager.
"Uh hey, uhhh, I know I just made a mess a couple minutes ago, but I'm still new here, and I don't remember where anything is at, except for this coffee here, so uhh, could you help me out here please?" I showed him my grocery list.
"Why certainly!" he said. "The bread is right over in the next aisle to your right, the chips are aaaaall the way over on the other side of the store, the soda's right by there, I can't help you with whatever that is at the bottom of your list, oh, and the cheese is right down the aisle next to the meat! Asiago is on sale, and flying off the shelves fast, so grab it before it's gone!"
"Alright! I'll try to remember all of that! Thanks!"
"My pleasure!" the manager said before I made my way down the aisle to the cheese. They had a really nice cheese selection the last time I was here, and I wanted to try some of that asiago. So I took a good long look at all the cheeses when I got to them. Oh yeah, they've still got all kinds of cheeses… cheddar, havarti, gouda, muenster, mozzarella… oh jeez, there's only one asiago left… hmmm, should I take it? Or should I wait until they have more of it later and let someone else have this? I squinted at the price. Jesus, this stuff is expensive, even on sale. No wonder it's all but gone. I shifted my eyes again, trying to sort out my mental conflict. I always felt guilty for taking the last of something… but hell, I'd been here for two weeks and I'd been proving myself to be an independent adult just fine, I deserved to splurge and treat myself!
"Aw fuck it! I'm taking this ch—AHH!" I jumped and cut myself off as another hand joined mine in reaching for the cheese.
"Whoa there!" a somewhat raspy male voice yelled, sounding just as surprised as mine.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were trying to—" I cut myself off again, this time with a sharp gasp, as I looked up and saw just who was competing with me for the cheese. This man was tall and slender, and donned scientist attire. He was incredibly pale, with messy white hair, piercing red eyes, pink-tinted cheeks, and a few crooked, silvery whiskers protruding from around his subtly twitching nose. But what tipped me off was the small, exposed, slightly pulsating brain nestled within the white hairs on his head. I took a step back, slightly fearful.
"Y—y-you… y-you're… you're d-d—Doctor Two-Brains!"
"Yep, that's me," he stated proudly, shooting me a wicked smirk. He put one hand on his hip and began casually twirling what I assumed to be one of his ray guns with his other hand. "I gotta say, I wasn't expecting any competition."
"Heh, neither was I," I said, suddenly feeling flustered. "I mean, I guess I always run the risk if I'm anywhere near cheese, but I had no idea you'd be here today!" I perked up as I remembered something. "Oh, I gotta add you to my villain encounter list!"
Two-Brains blinked in confusion. "Your what-now?"
"My list of all the villains I've met so far! Most of them are pretty nice for villains, but Tobey's got quite the attitude problem. Kid's too young to be having a God complex."
Suddenly, Two-Brains bust out laughing.
"Oh my goodness," he wheezed. "Tobey—God compl—ahahaha!" He clutched his sides as he doubled over, shoulders shaking. "Did you hear that, henchmen?" He elbowed the bigger henchman, who simply exchanged confused looks with the smaller one. "Oh that is rich!"
I laughed a little myself, mainly at how amused this supposedly evil scientist was at my throwaway comment. "Well, I'm glad you got a kick out of that, haha." I could've sworn Two-Brains wiped a tear from his eye just then.
"Oh man, I haven't laughed that hard in ages. You're quite the comedian."
"Haha, well thanks, I try…"
Suddenly, as his laughter died down, our eyes locked. A sensation akin to that of a tiny electrical current coursed through me as he stared into my soul. His eyes were so mesmerizing. It's not very often you see such a lovely ruby shade. It was hard to tear myself away from them, but soon enough I felt nervous maintaining eye contact, so my eyes discreetly wandered to other parts of his face. I noticed his smooth, pale complexion. His rosy cheeks. His fluffy hair. His nice jaw structure, not too sharp but not too baby-faced either. Then his cute, pink lips. In that moment I was worried he noticed me gawking, so I looked back into his eyes. Those beautiful eyes, framed by long lashes. I gulped as the truth sunk in.
Oh no. He's gorgeous.
I was finally snapped out of my trance when Two-Brains cleared his throat. I shook my head, damn, I probably creeped him out by now.
"So," he began, casually leaning his arm against the shelves, "you're new here, huh?"
I sputtered in shock. "H-h-how did you know?!" Two-Brains chuckled at my reaction.
"Well, for one thing, people who are from around here don't have a 'villain encounter list'. Also, I come to this grocery store a lot, so I know who else comes here, and you're definitely not a familiar face. Besides, I think I would've noticed you before." If I'm not mistaken, he winked at me right then. I blushed.
"Pfft, as if." I smiled but waved my hand in dismissal. "No one ever notices me. Not without forgetting about me immediately after."
Two-Brains snapped into an upright position. "You're kidding."
"Nope. I was always the weird kid that got left behind…" I rubbed my arm, suddenly feeling insecure. I wasn't anybody, yet here I was, thinking I could talk to a guy like Two-Brains. What was I doing wasting his time?
"Gee, that's awful." The doctor's voice softened.
I shrugged. "It's alright. I'm used to it by now."
"Still, it's a shame. But let's not talk about that!" His voice quickly returned to its regular pitch as he plucked a block of cheese from the shelves and immediately tore into it. "So what's your name?"
"My name? Oh, well uhh… you can just call me Light. I don't really like going by my real name anymore."
"Yeah me neither," Two-Brains deadpanned, taking another bite of his cheese. "It just isn't who I am anymore."
"Exactly!" I snapped my fingers. "Like, no offense to my dad, since he picked out my name, but I needed a new identity with my fresh new start."
"My mom picked out my name." Two-Brains shrugged. "Safe to say, I'm not her sweet little boy anymore."
"I bet," I chuckled.
"So why Light?" he questioned, carelessly tossing the now-empty cheese wrapper behind him and taking another block. "You got some special glowing power or something?"
"Oh no, not at all, it's just, the word was in my internet username, so people started calling me that and it kinda grew on me. Doesn't really mean anything, although 'light' was my first word as a baby, sooo I guess that counts as something, haha."
"Interesting…" he pondered the thought as he munched on the cheese.
"Hey boss," the smaller of his henchmen interjected, "are we actually gonna steal this cheese, or…"
"Uh, yeah, start loading it up in the cart." He waved his hand in a "get going" motion.
"But wasn't the plan to threaten everyone with this big ray machine?" The henchman gestured to a very large contraption behind them. I took a step back in shock.
"Uh, whoa." How did I miss that big honkin' thing?!
"Change of plans, we're not gonna cause a scene, we're just gonna take the cheese and leave," Two-Brains answered. "But fire up the ray in case Wordgirl comes around."
"Gee, I hate to get in the way of your, uh, cheese heist," I awkwardly shuffled my feet. "I know you're infatuated with the stuff."
"Aw, you're not in my way," Two-Brains cooed, "why do you think I'm changing my plans?"
"Uhhhh, becaaauuuse… I don't know."
He chuckled, leaning against the shelves again as his henchmen loaded up the cheese behind him. "You're a little dense, aren't you?"
"Um, honestly, yeah, I'm really not that smart," I sheepishly admitted, rubbing the back of my neck.
"Hm. You guys know what I'm doing, right henchmen?" He craned his head in their direction.
"Uhh, not exactly," the smaller admitted. Two-Brains facepalmed.
"Oh, you'll all figure it out soon enough." It seemed like the statement was directed at all of us, but he turned back to me to say it. Suddenly he was gazing at me with those eyes. My heart skipped a beat. I looked at him, then at the cheese, then the henchmen, and back to him. A crazy idea formed in my brain.
"You know… I could buy this cheese for you." Oh god, why did I say that?! I'm broke as hell! I can't afford all that cheese!
"Well aren't you a sweetheart~" he crooned, taking a few steps closer to me. I felt my face heat up. Sweetheart? Such a word never usually struck a chord in me, but for some reason, the way he said it sent shivers down my spine. He leaned in, giving me a sweet smile, before his expression turned more malicious. "But I want to steal this cheese. Ahahahaha!" He tilted his head back and let out an evil laugh. I laughed as well, but it was more out of embarrassment.
"Right, of course. I'm not entirely sure why I said that. Pretty soon I'll be offering to buy Mr Big a hypnotism kit."
Two-Brains' wicked cackling quickly turned into a giggle fit. Guess I tickled his funny bone again.
"She's at it again, boys!" he giggled. "Hypnotism—pffahaha!" He put a hand over his mouth at he attempted to stifle his laughter. I blushed. Good lord, this man was adorable. "As if he isn't rich enough to buy all the hypnotism stuff he wants!" He shook his head as he calmed himself down. "Where did you learn to be so humorous?"
I shrugged. "I dunno, my family? I come from a long line of goofballs."
He giggled again. "Well hey, the world needs more charming goofballs like you." He made a finger gun motion with one of his hands, and I sputtered again.
"Me? Charming?! Haha, that's… I think you're the charming one around here."
"Well, I do what I can," he said in a proud voice. He winked before continuing. "But I think you're not giving yourself enough credit. You need to have some confidence in yourself!" He reached over and clasped my shoulder, making my face turn red.
"Pfft, easier said than done, Doc."
His brows curved upward as he patted my shoulder. "Aw, I'm sure you'll get it someday, sweetheart." I let out a strangled noise that sounded like a cross between a choke and a lovestruck sigh. Dammit, there's that word again. I'm pretty sure my entire face looked like a tomato at that point. Then I noticed he was gazing at me again. I nearly lost my breath as a realization formed in my brain.
Wait, holy shit, is he flirting with me?! No, that's crazy. There's no way a guy like him would really wanna flirt with ME! Besides, he's a villain, he probably flirts with everyone… but he's like, being genuinely nice to me too. Could it be?
"Heheh, you know," I began, "you're also pretty nice, for a villain. I mean, we just met like, five minutes ago, and you're already treating me better than most of the people I knew for years ever did."
"Hey, I may be evil, but I'm not completely heartless!" My breath hitched as his arm snaked around my shoulders. "Say, could I take a look at that little villain list of yours?"
"Oh yeah, sure! I really gotta add you to it now!" I pulled my notebook out of my pocket and handed it to him. In response, he pulled out a pen.
"I think I'll add myself onto here." Two-Brains clicked the pen and began scribbling into the notebook. Then his henchmen butted in again.
"Alright boss, the cheese is all loaded up… should we go?"
"Bring everything to the van, boys! I'll catch up with you two in a minute."
I opened my mouth to tell him how honored I felt that he was setting aside his time for little old me, but suddenly, I heard a familiar whoosh noise and an even more familiar voice.
"The only thing you'll be catching up to is jail, Doctor Two-Brains!"
"Wordgirl!" Two-Brains assumed a defensive stance. He glowered as he realized she was blocking the henchmen's path. "No surprise you'd show up eventually."
"Well, that big ray machine was pretty hard to miss." Wordgirl vaguely gestured to the large contraption Two-Brains had somehow rolled into the store.
"Impressive, isn't it?" Two-Brains said smugly. "Just feast your eyes on what it does!"
"Wait a minute, uhh… is she with you?" she gestured to me before he could press any buttons on the machine. I shuffled awkwardly, suddenly very aware of being in between a spunky superhero and a cute supervillain.
"Oh, her?" he pointed his thumb at me. "This is Light, and uh, she's only with me if she wants to be." He threw his arm around me and winked again, a sly smirk playing at his lips. I sputtered yet again.
"Aw, gee, I'd love to, but um, I kinda gotta keep my record clean, heheh."
"Shame. I'd love for you work with me." My face reddened and I opened my mouth, but he pulled away before I could respond. "Now, back to my marvelous machine—"
"Let me guess, it turns things into cheese?" Wordgirl crossed her arms, apparently unamused by Two-Brains' ploy. Huggy made a noise that sounded like a groan.
"No!... Maybe… okay, fine, yeah, it does!"
"No surprise." She was clearly not impressed.
"Hey!" I butted in. "Figuring out how to turn things into cheese couldn't have been easy for Two-Brains! Like, that's altering entire chemical compositions here! And since he's figured that out, I don't really blame him for using it over and over. It's impressive if you ask me."
"Thank you!" Two-Brains exhaled, throwing his arms up. "See? She gets it."
"Well hey, I know if I had machines that could turn stuff into cheese, I wouldn't have any stuff left!" This statement caused Two-Brains to laugh yet again.
"I know, I don't have much left either, haha."
"Right? And honestly, I don't blame you for stealing cheese, either."
"Oh boy, she's as infatuated as he is," Wordgirl offhandedly remarked to Huggy.
"What can I say? It's darn good stuff," I said, stealing a gaze at Two-Brains. Huggy made some chirping noises, and Wordgirl craned her head towards the simian sidekick on her shoulder; he seemed to be asking her something.
"Oh, well I'm glad you asked," she answered cheerily. "To be infatuated with something means to be very passionate about it, and love it a lot! Like how I'm infatuated with words! Or how Doctor Two-Brains is infatuated with cheese." She pointed towards him, and Huggy squeaked in understanding. "Or how Light there appears infatuated with Doctor Two-Brains."
I nearly choked.
"Whoa whoa hold up what?! I—wha—"
Wordgirl stiffened as she realized her mistake. "Oh my goodn— I am SO sorry! I just—"
"What gives you that idea? Hahahaha…" My nervous titter made it clear that I knew exactly where she got that idea from. Why did I always make things so damn obvious? I'm like an open book. I thought maybe I was doing an okay job at concealing my little crush, but even the kid was able to see right through me!
"Well I was kinda… just trying to define 'infatuated', haha." She sheepishly folded her arms behind her back, trying to make herself smaller. "Sorry about that."
"Well hey uh, defining words is your job, right?"
"That and protecting the city by fighting cr—AAAHK!"
Wordgirl shrieked as she was suddenly whacked out of her midair hover and onto the floor by a sticky, yellowish substance. Two-Brains' wicked cackling filled the aisle.
"Oh, did I forget to mention that my ray machine also shoots sticky nacho cheese? Bwahahahaha! Thanks for helping me escape, Light! Haha!"
I froze as I realized that I had accidentally distracted Wordgirl long enough for Two-Brains to trap her in a nacho cheese cocoon. It must've been super strong cheese, too, for as much as Wordgirl struggled, she couldn't break free, even with her superstrength.
"Oops," I mumbled. Two-Brains started making his way out of the store, with his henchmen rolling the ray machine away, but something made me panic.
"Wait!" I cried, lunging forward and reaching my hand out towards him. Two-Brains simply looked over his shoulder with a quizzical expression. "I uhh… this is kinda… this is probably a longshot, with how… I mean you're such a well-known villain so you're probably busy a lot but… do you think we could like… I dunno… hang out some time, or something?"
Two-Brains blinked once, as if in disbelief, before a sly smirk etched his face. "Way ahead of ya, sister." With that, he winked, made a finger gun gesture, and waltzed away, but not before tossing something at me. I fumbled it for a moment, but I did manage to catch it somehow. I looked down, and saw it was—asiago cheese. The last of the asiago cheese. He let me have that? I stared in front of myself in silence for a second or ten, trying to figure out if that entire interaction really happened. But I was cut from my thoughts when I realized Wordgirl and Captain Huggyface were still struggling to break free from the cocoon that was partially my fault they got into in the first place.
"Oh. My. God. I am. SO. Sorry!" I panicked. "I swear, I did NOT mean to do that!"
"It's alright, nothing I haven't been though before," Wordgirl said. "Besides, this one is kind of on me." Suddenly, with a grunt and a burst of strength, she burst free from her cocoon of cheese. "Ah, that's better. Now off to find Doctor Two-Brains. I'm not about to let him get away from me again!"
"Yeah, sorry again about accidentally aiding him… also, this is gonna sound crazy, but you remind me of someone."
"Oh?" Wordgirl raised an eyebrow. "Well, people have said I look like a young Dana Hill." I laughed a little.
"That could be it. But I feel like I know you from somewhere outside of superheroism… it's probably just my brain being weird on me again though, haha."
"Probably. Also, it's great that you and Two-Brains are getting along, but he is a supervillain, so just… be careful around him, okay?"
"I gotcha, kiddo. He seemed really nice to me, but if he ever tries to pull something, I know who to call." I gave Wordgirl a finger gun motion. "Anyway, I better let you get back to your business."
"Thanks. Now come on Huggy, let's go get Doctor Two-Brains! Word up!" And with that, she sped away. It was then I remember the last thing Two-Brains said before he left. Way ahead of ya, sister… what exactly did he mean by that? I picked up my little notebook that had fallen onto the floor and flipped to my villain encounter list. When I looked by his name, I almost dropped the thing in shock. Not only was there a nice little signature, but written beside it was a seven-digit number, with the words "call me" and a wink face. Holy shit.
"He gave me his number…" I whispered in shock. As it sank in, a grin slowly creeped onto my face until I'm pretty sure it was ear-to-ear. "I GOT HIS NUMBER!"
"Nice!" a random person from somewhere inside the store shouted.
"Thanks!" I shouted back. I just could not believe it! Man, I really came in this store for groceries and ended up with a cute mad scientist's phone number and Cupid's arrow impaling my chest, huh?