It's been a cold chilling year, since the death of my beloved Stefan Octavius DiMera. If someone told me that I would be mourning the death of Stefan, let alone be the grieving Mrs Stefan O DiMera, I would laugh while sipping on my favourite martini, and tell them, estas loco.

I didn't expect to fall as hard as did for him. I didn't expect to want him or need him as much I do at this very moment. I miss the way he touched me, I miss the way he held me, I miss the way he made love to me. I miss how much I hated and loved him at the same time. I miss how he watched me every morning when I opened my eyes. I would wake up to breakfast in bed, he would tell me, 'you're beautiful, my sweet Gabriela'.

Getting up every morning wasn't the same. I occasionally still reach out to his side of the bed, everyday, hoping he is right beside me. When I realize he isn't there, that he has passed on, I shut down again.

Will and Sonny have been worried about me. I tell them everything is fine. I know Ari tells them how hurt mommy is. I try and show her that I'm okay with a smile, but she can see how hurt I am in my eyes. She sees the pain I have everyday. This pain never goes away. This pain feels deeper and deeper as the days pass by.

Stefan And I would talk about, how much we wanted start a family of our own with Ari. I can't carry a child to term, so we spoke about adoption or surrogacy. Having little DiMera's running around the mansion.

Our last day together was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. The promise he made to take me anywhere I wanted to go for us to start the rest of our lives. The diamond incrusted chain he gave me that symbolized me having his heart forever...

But I didn't have his heart. His heart was taken away.

I can never forget that day. I had just walked out of the chapel, where I prayed that my Stefan would recover. I prayed that if I had any tiny bit of goodwill left in the world, he would hold on for as long as he could, and we'd get a chance to at least say goodbye. Still I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew that life already had a plan for me - Gabi Hernandez doesn't get to be happy for long. So the news that Kayla and Valerie did everything they could but couldn't save him wasn't exactly a surprise. It was coming. The words ripped through my body, scarring every inch it touched. It echoed in my mind. I wanted to block it out. But my hands shook uncontrollably, my lips quivered and teeth chattered. I felt the blood first, it must have been from my lips. The sting from the tears that drew from my eyes made the pain unbearable. I sat there on the floor of that waiting room and hoped for everything to stop. Our time had run out and there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't want to be left behind. I wanted in that moment to go with him, wherever death had taken him.

With all this pain, also came anger, disgust, loathing towards the person who took all of this away from me; Lani Price.

I hated the woman with a passion of a thousand suns. It was bad enough that she managed to take away both JJ and Eli when I was dating them, but that was not enough for that puta. She had to be the one who took the one man who meant the world to me.

I vowed on Stefan's grave, that I will have my revenge, that I will destroy Lani and take away everything she values. Stefan would have wanted it that way. I will make sure she left dry and desolate by the time I finish with her, and she will know to never again mess with Gabriella Josephina Hernandez DiMera.

But even after I tried to ruin Lani's life, the pain came back. Life still went on whether or not Stefan was alive. I know now, what I should have known, that it was now time to finally move on from all this sadness and bitterness s begin to enjoy my life again.

The reality is, Stefan DiMera is gone, and he is never coming back...