This wasn't meant to happen.

this isn't how it should have happened,

She should have told him when she had the chance, but instead she was afraid of dating a co-worker even though he was the only man she'd ever truly loved,

Amy remembered receiving the news like it was yesterday,

1 Month ago,

Amy was sat at her desk staring at the empty desk that lay next to hers, it was baron no silly toys or pictures or old bits of food that he would constantly leave around just to annoy her, or solved case fillies that he would build up over the course of a few days,

She had gotten into this habit of coming to the precinct early, making a cup of coffee,sitting at her desk and just watching the elevator silently hoping he would gleefully stroll through the door with that stupid grin on his face and say something equally stupid like " wassup bitches",

Her Trance was broken by the ding of the Elevator, she tried not to get her hopes up she knew it wouldn't be him, hell who was she kidding he'd been undercover for a year now She doubted he'd come home anytime soon.

Captain holt stepped out of the elevator, dressed in his police uniform, as Amy watched her Mentor walk she noticed something off, over the years she new the Captains posture was always straight up holding his head high, but today while he was stood straight his police hat obscured his eyes from view.

She couldn't help but be a little concerned, what happened was it serious? Obviously there was an issue.

Before she could finish her thought Captain Holt spoke from the centre of the bullpen

"Squad!" His voice boomed hoarse from what Amy hoped was simply a saw throat. after the whole squads attention was solely on their Captain he continued.

"I..I have some incredibly Distressing news" Raymond's voice was breaking,

From mildly concerned to terrified Amy's thoughts grew dark

"Detective Jacob Peralta, was shot and killed in the line of Duty while undercover in the Lanucci crime family" Captain holt had now gone from his voice breaking to silently weeping still keeping his eyes covered by his hat,

No no no she wouldn't accept it she couldn't. She wouldn't.

1 week later (still flashback)

They had later found out, Jake had not only gathered more then enough evidence to bring down the entire Crime family he had also emailed it all to Amy but he had also found a far darker part of the family, child trafficking, and so he had to be the hero and he did it.

The idiot saved a little girl who was going to be sold to slavery over seas and got her to an orphanage but was caught and shot several times in the chest

The email he sent read as such

Dear Amy

I don't know if you'll see this but if you do, I've done something stupid, but don't worry I'm sure I'll be fine and that I'll be back at the precinct in now time to keep annoying you haha,

in this email is the evidence needed to bring down the who family, and send them all to jail for a lifetime, also I need you to do me a favour,

I'll miss you I never stopped thinking about you I'm sorry goodbye Amy...

I love you.

Present day,

It was quiet he would have hated this.

by now he would tell a stupid joke trying make her time, which was something she hasn't done for a very long time,

She was stood at his coffin side

She wanted to say something but she couldn't find the words. Nor did she know what to do, and so she did the only logical thing.

She broke down and dropped to her knees crying, months worth of fear and depression washed out her eyes in the form of tears she'd held this back dam of depression back for so long now, and finally it broke

It felt like something was choking her heart,

There was so much she wanted to say like "you idiot", "come back" and even "I love you too" but all she could do was cry

She lost the love of her life and she couldn't even tell him that,