Part 2-Pain

Mikey's bedroom…

Mikey was in pitch-black darkness whilst curled up on his bed with a pillow hugged close to his body as he continued to sob his heart out.

He couldn't believe that his own brothers turned him down and scolded him heatedly when he said that he would be happy to fix his mistakes and help them bring Master Splinter back home. He just couldn't understand why they would do that to him.

All Mikey knew now was that none of his brothers wanted him anywhere near them and couldn't stand the sight of him. Even though he knew that Leo was unsure of how to speak to him, Mikey felt that his oldest brother was feeling the same way as Raph and Donnie deep down.

Sometime later, Mikey sat up from his position as he settled down from his crying episode, turned on his bedside lamp, and went to pick up an old but well-cared-for book from underneath his bed. On the front cover, the words 'Family Memories' was written on it and Mikey opened it to reveal a number of photographs, both old and new, meaning that it was a photo album.

The first few pages that Mikey looked through contained photos of when the turtles were just tots; one featured all four of them together in the bathtub wearing happy faces, another featured Leo giving a tearful Mikey a hug after he was picked on by Raph, and there were also a few photos that showed them doing their first training session after choosing their weapons.

Mikey smiled faintly as he looked at the photos but he then saddened when he saw the photos of when he first started baking and cooking for his family, who were all smiling with joy when they tried his food, and when his brothers tried to do it themselves but ended up causing disastrous results. Cooking was something that Mikey was proud of doing and it helped him be more useful to his brothers when they weren't training or out on patrol.

"What good will this do for them now? They didn't even eat their breakfasts that I made them this morning…" Mikey whispered to himself with a sigh before he closed his eyes and a couple of tears fell down his face. He closed the album and hugged it close to his chest.

All those memories in that album were his only reminder of the happier and fun times they had together as brothers and as a family, but these became less and less frequent as he and his brothers got older and trained more as ninjas. This was because each of the turtles had grown with their own personalities and interests; Leo was a serious born-leader and would risk his own life to protect his family, Raph became short-tempered but he turns that into power to help keep his brothers and father safe, Donnie was smart and had developed a passion for inventing, and Mikey continued to be a kid-at-heart turtle and brought light to the family.

Now, ever since the time travel incident, his brothers have lost their trust in him and decided to isolate him from what was their most important mission; saving and bringing home Master Splinter from Cyberspace. All because he wanted to try and help his family get back home safe and away from Viral who caused this mess in the first place.

"I didn't ask for this to happen…I never wanted to be the one who messes everything up just cos I was there…why can't they understand that!?" Mikey said in a firm but quiet tone before he remembered what Raph and Donnie said to him earlier.

'No matter what ya say or do, you will always be useless and nothing but a screw-up dat will bring everyone to their deaths, especially Master Splinter!'

'Nobody cares about what you say to us because you never keep your promises and will constantly let us down, even when we needed you most…and for that, we all hate you for it! We already know our place in this family, Mikey…it's time that you learned yours…'

Those words broke his heart; he never knew that his brothers thought that way about him until now. Mikey lifted his right armband and looked at his wrist; in the middle of his wrist were two small but thick scabby lines that were made around a couple of days ago, meaning that he had chosen the option of self-harming not long after the incident and when his brothers first scolded him. It was his way of punishing himself for his own actions.

"They're right…I don't know my true place in this family…and cos of that…I'm nothing to them…" He said in a heartbreaking tone before he took out a small kunai blade from his belt and aimed it at the same wrist in between the two lines before he spoke again with more tears falling from his eyes.

"I deserve this pain…cos I should have done more…instead of being so useless…and allowing Master Splinter to take the hit for us…For me…"

Slash! Slash!

Mikey added two more lines to his already marked wrist and allowed the dark crimson liquid to leave the wounds, dribble down his green skin, and drop onto his mattress sheet for a whole minute, before he reached for the secret first aid kit, which he had put together for events like this, from under his bed and took out a bandage, two gauze sheets, and antiseptic wipes from it to start the process of cleaning and binding the wounds.

After wrapping his wrist with the bandage and placing his armband back over it again, Mikey began to feel tired due to the slight blood loss so he decided that he should have a nap on his bed to regain his strength. Before doing so, he took off his mask and looked at it with sad and broken eyes.

"I don't have the right to wear this anymore…It should be worn by a real ninja, unlike me…" He said tearfully before he placed his mask inside a box and hid it under the bed so that he wouldn't have to look at it again.

After doing that, Mikey laid his head down onto the pillow and fell asleep seconds later, but not without letting a couple of more tears fall first.

/

Leo's side...

Leo was sitting cross-legged on the mat in his bedroom with his eyes closed and his breathing was slow but even, meaning that he was in deep meditation. There were also lit incense candles in a circle that was surrounding him and giving out a strong but gentle scent to help him relax better.

He needed to calm and clear his mind because it was early morning and things had already gotten heated during breakfast. In fact, he was so caught up in what had happened earlier that he had completely forgotten about his own breakfast, resulting in him having an empty and grumbling stomach to deal with whilst he was meditating.

A moment later, Leo was now in the astral plane and was starting to relax a bit more since there was nothing around him that would disturb or threaten him. Suddenly, he sensed a change in one area of the astral plane; an aura that felt familiar but also felt negative at the same time.

'What was that?' He thought to himself before he moved towards the area where the strange sensation was coming from.

As soon as he approached the area, he noticed a small ball of warm orange-coloured energy floating in mid-air in front of him. The colour and warmth of the energy sphere made Leo smile and made him want to touch it, but as he reached out to do so, a wave of dark aura suddenly covered the sphere and prevented Leo from coming any closer to it.

Then, a faint muffled voice could be heard from behind the curtain of darkness.

'Don't know my place… nothing to them… I deserve … pain … so… useless… allowing… Splinter to take… hit… for us… me…'

"That voice…is that…Mikey's?" Leo said with wide eyes when he recognised the voice belonging to Mikey, and he saddened when he heard the way his youngest brother was speaking because he sounded heartbroken and miserable.

A moment later, the dark aura quickly began to expand and pushed Leo away from the area, so hard that it kicked him out of the astral plane altogether.

Leo gasped and opened his eyes as he panted whilst returning to his senses from his meditation before he slowly stood up from his cross-legged position and took a moment to recollect himself after what he just experienced during his trip through the astral plane.

After he calmed himself down, he began to piece together what that orange ball of energy really was and why a shroud of dark aura was covering it like a barrier from those who would come near it.

"If that really was Mikey's voice that I heard, then that orange sphere must be Mikey's spirit that I saw in the astral plane…but why was it suddenly covered in a dark aura…?" He thought aloud quietly to himself before he started to feel concerned for his orange-banded brother on how upset his voice sounded.

It's true that Leo was equally disappointed and upset with Mikey for making things worse during their struggle back to their own time, but out of the three older brothers, he never saw him as a bad person and knew deep down that Mikey never really meant to allow things to go from bad to worse during their journey home from the future.

With concern and worry filling his heart, Leo decided to go and check how Mikey was doing since the last time he saw him was when he broke down and ran straight to his room. He blew out his candles and made his way out of his own room to head for Mikey's room.

/

Mikey's room…

Leo reached Mikey's room and when he tested the door to see if his baby brother had locked it, he was surprised to see that it was unlocked so he slowly and quietly opened the door slightly and poked his head through the gap to take a peek inside.

The first thing Leo noticed was that Mikey's room was dark and he could hear the faint sounds of snoring in the right corner of the room, so he carefully opened the door a bit wider and let himself in to investigate further. It was then that he saw, through squinted eyes due to the darkness, his baby brother laying on his bed asleep with his shell-covered back facing the door and his blanket covering him up to his head. The blanket also covered up the blood patch on Mikey's bed, making Leo oblivious to what Mikey did to himself earlier.

When Leo got closer to the bed, his eyes saddened when he saw Mikey's now maskless face; it was full of pain and covered with now dried tears, and he could also hear Mikey groan and sniffle quietly whilst he slept.

Even though he wanted so badly to wake his baby brother up and ask him where his mask was and if he was ok, he knew that it could make things worse and might not get a lot of answers from Mikey whilst in this state. With this in mind, Leo leaned over and gave Mikey a gentle kiss on his head before he silently left the room and closed the door behind him.

Shortly after this, Leo sighed sadly after what he had just seen seconds ago. He never knew how hurt Mikey really was until the trip in the astral plane revealed it to him.

After taking a moment to recollect himself, Leo decided that he would wait until Mikey was awake and moving around again before he could have a word with him about his current feelings. In the meantime, he walked away from the door and headed towards the kitchen to make himself a cup of herbal tea to help calm his nerves.