A Danganronpa One-Shot
Notes: This fic is set in an alternate timeline to Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope's Peak Academy – Side: Despair, and in this universe's canon, sometime prior to the events of Class 78's Face-Off Hope Romp.
Hope's Peak Academy
"Kyeeehahaha! Guess who's here, everyone!?"
A collective sigh exited the mouths of Class 78. Jumping into a seat at their usual table, much to their reluctance, was the Ultimate Murderous Fiend, Genocide Jill. Again.
…this was becoming a little too frequent for their tastes.
"Oh, great," Byakuya muttered, pushing his glasses up his face. "She's awake today. I don't have the patience for this…"
"I don't think any of us are, dude," Mondo quietly agreed.
Jill smiled widely, sticking out her oddly snakelike tongue. "Hey there, Big Mac, Master! How are you this fine, murder-y morning?"
Byakuya grunted, not deigning to actually reply.
Sayaka, sitting next to Makoto, glared intently at the serial killer, as if it'd protect her crush somehow.
And the Luckster himself… wasn't very affected by any of this.
"Hey, Jill," he greeted her, without looking up from his e-Handbook. (No, I don't know what he's doing on that.) Having long been desensitized in general to Hope's Peak Academy's overall eccentricity, Jill's regular appearances barely gave him pause anymore.
Not that Jill really cared, of course. "Oh come on, is thatreally the best you can do? I know you can react better than that!" With aplomb, she whipped out her 'trademark' Genoscissors, cackling with them in the air. "Where's the action, the fear, the love? Lemme hear it already, why don't ya!"
("Carrying weapons at the cafeteria table is strictly against school rules!" Kiyotaka shouted, as per his custom as the Ultimate Moral Compass. He went ignored.)
"If you want to hang out," Makoto replied in a nonplussed manner—one wonders if he regrets doing so many Free Time Events with everyone—"can it be later? I've already got plans today, and I really don't want to change them right now."
"Yeah—he's got plans with me," Sayaka groused. She grabbed at her Luckster's arm defensively. "Hurry up and… do whatever it is you want with your 'Master' or whatever. Leave us out of it."
"Don't drag me into this idiocy…"
"Well, I was going to do just that," Jill said, "but since you made such a nice suggestion… I think I'll go play with Big Mac here instead! Kyeeehahaha!"
Byakuya noticeably relaxed a little at this statement. He got lucky, this time.
She leered curiously at the Pop Sensation, a perverted grin resting on her cheeks. "What—you jealous, sweet cheeks? You want his cutie booty for yourself, don't ya?"
"Wh-What!? N-No!" Sayaka denied, her face flushing red. It was incredibly obvious her actual answer was 'yes'. That is, obvious to everyone but Makoto—though he was pretty good at interacting with all of his classmates (to the point where he had everyone's underwear… for some reason), he could be a little… dense, sometimes. "J-Just… stay away, o-okay!?"
("Hey," Mukuro nudged her sister, "shouldn't we do something about this—?"
"Nah," Junko replied, munching on a bag of popcorn she pulled from… somewhere. "I wanna see where this goes! I haven't gotten my daily fix of chaos yet.")
"Aww, no need to be so shy," the ex-serial killer cooed. "Uncle Jill's here to make everything better! Mmm, I think you need something to spice up your little date…" She held the blades of her Genoscissors in such a way that Makoto's ahoge was now in-between them. "How 'bout a haircut!? They say that cute boys look so much better when they've got shorter hair!"
Suddenly, everybody jolted in their seat. Things had abruptly gotten serious.
…well, serious by their standards, that is.
"Wh-Wh-Wh-WHAAAAAAAAAAT!?" Hifumi screeched. "B-B-But—! He's a protagonist! You can't just remove everything he is on a plot-mandated whim! He'll never be able to recover!"
"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence," Makoto deadpanned.
"It'd certainly be harder to tell him apart from a crowd," Byakuya muttered, though his voice was noticeably a little on edge. "He's already enough of a plebian as he is."
"Oh, not you too, Byakuya…"
Aoi, meanwhile… "That'd be like—like getting rid of all the donut places in the world…!" she gasped. Clearly, her priorities were in the right place. "That's horrible!"
"And here I thought I'd seen the worst of villains from all my cases…" Kyoko growled, a gloved hand clenched into a fist.
"No kidding," Sayaka agreed. "I'm—I'm not gonna permit you to do something so vile, got it!? O-Only I get to t-touch Makoto like that!"
Uh, say what? Makoto blinked.
"Yeah, don't do it, man!" Leon pleaded. "A guy's hair is like, one of the most important things they can have!"
"U-Umm, I'm not sure about that," Chihiro stammered, "b-but you d-definitely shouldn't do something like that!"
Jill shrugged off their protests without even thinking. "Eh, I don't care. I said I'm gonna cut his hair, and by golly, I'm gonna cut his hair like I cut up all those cuties from ages ago! HERE GOES NOTHING!"
Several of the Ultimates reached out to the demented girl in an attempt to stop her—but by then, it was entirely too late. The two blades closed, and the slim lock of hair went flying off Makoto's head, plummeting to the floor in an overly dramatic fashion (to everyone's eyes, anyway). Jaws dropped, tears welled up, an approximately a dozen faces were stuck in looks of absolute horror.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yasuhiro wailed. "I—I totally saw this coming, duuuuuuuudes!"
"There is truly no end to your cruelty…!" Sakura declared (oh come on, her too?). "That weapon of yours has a strength unrivaled compared to its competitors!"
"What you have done is not permissible in a school environment!" Kiyotaka bellowed.
Water streamed down Mondo's face in a manly way (I think). "Rest in peace, my good friend… I will remember you always…"
"…okay, I didn't think you'd actually go and do it," Byakuya admitted, for once shocked out of his haughty demeanor. Then he schooled his features. "It appears I must convince the Togami Empire to start developing hair-growth products…"
Celeste sipped her tea. "And I believe I need to gift our Luckster a little monetary loan for when it arrives on the market."
Mukuro twitched. "Suddenly, I have an urge to start throwing my knife around."
"You do that, sis," Junko shrugged. "I'mma keep enjoying the scenery! Man, I should've had this event occur months ago…"
"No, no, no, no no no…!" Sayaka fretted, her hands frantically hovering over her Luckster's newly-cleaved hair. "This can't be happening, this can't be happening—! M-Makoto! You're—You're okay, right!? If you need me to go punish Jill for what she's done, I'm more than ready to help!" She won't see me coming, not when I've got a kitchen knife in my hands—
"Hey, hey! It's alright, Sayaka!" Makoto reassured her—and everyone else, by proxy. "I'm not mad. Stuff like this happens all the time for me! It's not a huge problem or anything."
Everyone stared at Makoto, expressions ranging from quizzical to baffled on their faces.
"A-All the time…!?" Sayaka repeated. "But knowing your luck, that'd be every other week!"
"That's impossible," Kyoko said. "Even though Makoto gets into bizarre situations frequently, he usually comes out of them unscathed—many of us can attest to that."
"Blegh! Who cares?" Junko interjected. "I just wanna know why you're not panicking! Seriously, you and that other guy with the ahoge—I forget his name; probably wasn't important—you two fuss over your thing like Byakuya fusses over his money!" ("I don't fuss over my reserves, don't be absurd!") "I hope the answer isn't in 'you're still in shock', 'cuz that'd be a really boring answer—"
And that was when Makoto's ahoge inexplicably grew back in place, springing up like a jack-in-the-box.
A number of eyes now leveled their gaze at the aforementioned lock of hair.
"…what," Byakuya stated.
"I agree," Mukuro joined in. "What."
"Eh!? What is this!?" Jill narrowed her eyes, examining the ahoge as if it were one of those sexy hunks she loved to 'admire'. "Is your hair tryin' to sass me, or something? Hell's up with this crap!?"
She cut the ahoge again, only for it to grow back a few seconds later. Third time's the charm, she then thought—and then came back twice as fast. It didn't take long before her scissors were slicing and dicing at speeds close to a hedgehog (with a pile of discarded hair rapidly building up behind them), halted only by Sayaka snatching her arm with a fierce glare. "Stop," she ground out.
The Murderous Fiend pouted. "Spoilsport."
"I, uhh…" Mondo rubbed the back of his head. "I don't—what?"
"Ahoges aren't—" Aoi gulped, confusion clearly evident in her eyes. "Ahoges aren't supposed to do that."
"How is that possible?" Sayaka asked, patting the piece of her Luckster's precious hair delicately. "I've seen hair-growth products in use before, and none of them work as fast as you."
"Funny story, actually…" Makoto replied. "My family has a history with ahoges—almost every generation has at least one, and they're pretty resilient. You can throw everything you have at 'em, but it'll just grow back in no time at all." He sheepishly grinned. "Trust me—my sister and I know that well…"
A silence briefly passed over the entire table.
"…that is so bullshit," Junko finally said, her Analyst skills for once failing her.
"How remarkable, for an otherwise unremarkable plankton," Byakuya commented.
"Bwehehe!" Hifumi laughed, his good nature restored. "It appears your protagonist power is stronger than I had believed! I wonder, as your level increases, just what other abilities will you reveal to us…!?"
"It's—It's not that big of a deal…" Makoto said. "I mean, it's just my hair."
"I think it's pretty special," Sayaka confessed, a light blush on her cheeks. It was soon shared by her crush. "You may not think it's much, but I think it adds that much more to your charm."
The two of them smiled, that light-hearted atmosphere from before returning and hovering over the duo.
("Oh boy, they're going into that trance again…" Junko sighed. "How long is it gonna take before they finally get together?"
"I'd say, give or take a few more months," Celeste replied.)
"Kyeeehahaha!" Jill cackled, interrupting their moment. "Gee, Makoto, I can't believe what kind of shit you're capable of! You're almost as interesting as Master now!" Abruptly, she took Makoto's arm and started dragging him to the exit, drooling all the while. "Now I've got to mess around with you today! Don't worry—you'll be back with Master and friends in no time at all!"
"W-Wait, Jill! I haven't finished my food yet! A-Ahh—!"
"Hey! Get back here!" Sayaka exclaimed, getting up and shooting after them. A few of the other Ultimates—the ones Makoto was closest to—followed suit, while the rest just sighed at the type of normality they had gotten used to.
And so, life continued on at Hope's Peak Academy.
I've had this idea rummaging around in my brain for a while. In fact, I've had half of this fic written out since January—but I've been way too busy to come back to it. So since I'm in a schoolwork-induced hiatus from all of my major fics… here we go, with a dumb humor one-shot.
We all poke fun at how so many characters—and protagonists—have ahoges in the Danganronpa franchise – and while thinking about how much thicker Makoto's and Hajime's were compared to everyone else's (n-no, not like that!), this came to mind. Hey, this series is anime enough as it is; this is totally something that would happen. Now I just need to find a good opportunity to do the same for Hajime…
This was good writing exercise for the rest of Class 78, too. I haven't really written too much for them, so it's great to get a feel to their character dynamics and all. (Also, it's gonna be a long, long while more before I get back to Class 78's Face-Off Hope Romp. Sorry, guys.)
Well, that's all for now – see you guys around!