Belated gift to my awesome friend Sammie aka dreamydrarry to celebrate our 4 years of friendship. Based off a deleted scene in Parks and Recs with Leslie and Ben and veggies that was so cute. Thought I'd continue your two favorite things together into one. Hope you like.
"What did you say?"
Shite. Shite. Shite. Shite!
Heart thundering underneath his chest, Harry took a cautious step back, his senses set on high alert. Aware of the heavy tension stiffening his limbs as he moved his body back. Aware of the soft drip-drip of the water beads leaking from the faucet, adding more sharpness to the tension. Aware of the hard, cold gray eyes fixed on him, their glare like sharp tips of knives, pressing more and more against his skin.
Hard, cold eyes belonging to the blonde-haired, rigid dragon that was standing across from him, with the small kitchen table separating them. And Harry's only line of defense.
"What did you say?" Draco repeated. Tone set deceitfully soft and calm with seething fury breaking through.
Harry's eyes wandered around the kitchen, searching for the nearest exit. There was a backdoor that led to the backyard, but Draco stood closer to it. There was a chance he could side-line him, dodge from his attacks and dash upstairs, barricading himself in the room.
His plans, though, died in a fiery death as Harry felt magic thrumming in the air, sizzling as it expanded to fit the room. The workings of a shielding spell to prevent any attempt of escape. Courtesy of his husband who doubtlessly was readying his wand to fire the next spell at him. Likely a hex.
Harry cursed himself for the mess he and his big mouth landed himself into. Again.
To be fair, it wasn't entirely his fault. He came down to the kitchen to check on dinner, half-curious about the silence and Draco's eagerness, half-anxious since Draco's meal experiments tended to be more misses than hits on their stomachs. He was stunned to see his husband over the countertop, standing in front of a steaming dish of baked bacon mac and cheese, a family favorite, and topping it off with tiny bits of green that were either broccoli or spinach.
"Babe?" Harry asked. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like?" Draco switched his spatulas and stirred the pasta. "I'm cooking dinner."
Cooking dinner? A chuckle nearly slipped through Harry's mouth that he crushed into a throat-clearing. He was sure that reheating a dish Harry made earlier afternoon, back when he was under the impression he'd the one handling dinner plans, didn't qualify as cooking.
"Fine." Draco groaned. "Finishing up dinner."
For the last few steps of the staircase, Harry leaped down instead of walked, managing a solid landing. He strolled into the kitchen and took a closer look at the pasta. The green flecks could have been mistaken for spices if not for the slightly bigger sizes. "How so?"
"In case it may have escaped your attention, we've been saddled with five little bundle of joys who are also the worst picky-eaters known to man."
This time Harry didn't bother holding back his laughter, letting his chuckles out freely. Their five bundles of joy from Teddy who refused to eat nothing but honey for the first few years of his life, which should have been taken as a prominent clue to his House sorting. To James, who preferred having banana and peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Albus and Scorpius who inherited both their fathers' insatiable sweet tooth. And Lily, whose favorite foods consisted of pink frosting and sparkles.
"Trust me, I know."
"So," Draco continued, shooting him a quick smile. "I've been sneaking some greens into their food to keep them up to date with their vitamins. Last week, it was spinach and onions mixed in with the rice. This week, it's spinach with mac and cheese. I think the greens will go quite lovely with the bacon."
Harry tried so hard to hold in his laughter. He really did. For the sake of his darling husband he loved so much as well as his own neck. But Draco's impossibly adorable enthusiasm over his grand master scheming made it hard for him to keep control.
Draco heard the laughter, and it was clear from his frown he mistook Harry's smothered laughter as disapproval. Arms crossed against his chest, Draco said, "I know deception doesn't sit well with you, Great Righteous One."
Well, that was certainly a step-up from Chosen One, and a breath of fresh air compared to Scarhead. "I didn't say that."
"But," Draco pressed on. "That's what parenting is all about. Doing what's right for your kids, even if it's done under their noses." He thought for a moment and shrugged. "Or behind their backs. Depends on the situation."
Chuckles bubbled inside Harry like champagne. He bit down on his fist, though some laughter managed to slip out. "Not just parenting."
Draco's brows rose questioningly. "Beg your pardon."
Harry ran his tongue over the bottoms of his teeth. On one hand, as Draco pointed out, deceptive acts could be overshadowed if the intentions behind them were good. On the other hand, adding Draco's dramatic flair and his quick temper and his pettiness….
There was a good chance Draco would turn himself into a widower, digging Harry's body deep in a ditch underneath a bed of daisies to avoid suspicion. "Well…"
"I suppose this is a case of great minds thinking alike, love," Harry started off gently, giving his best charming smile.. "Just shows how right we are for each other."
Any hint of confusion that was on Draco's face harden into stone.
"Draco," Harry took in a deep breath, as if he were preparing to jump. "I've been sneaking vegetables into your meals for years. Since way before we were married." Including the five years they've been dating. Also eighth year, when they started their tentative friendship and Harry noticed how dangerously thin Draco was becoming.
Draco stared back at him in pure shock, jaw slacked, eyes wide. Every muscle still and stiff like a mannequin.
Any other person would have simply taken the silence and dismissed it. But all the years they've been together, one of the first things Harry learned was whenever Draco was silent, it was a preview to the storm of fury that awaited him.
The anger that blazed across Draco's eyes confirmed it.
"What did you say?" Draco demanded.
"What. Did. You. Say?!"
Harry never cursed his big mouth more ferociously than he did in that moment, knowing he just buried himself.
"You've been vegging me?!" Draco demanded, outraged.
The way he said it, it was like Harry had instead slipped narcotics into his food.
"Draco, love, you're blowing this way out of proportion than this needs to be."
"Answer the question, Potter!"
"Now, wait just a second, Malfoy. A minute ago you were grinning over the fact you were doing the same to the kids."
"Well I'm the parent!" Draco shot back. "So that makes a huge difference. And I'm also your husband, which makes it a bigger difference." He fixed Harry with a chilling glare that made Harry's skin feel like those imaginary knives were a breath away from piercing his skin. "A faithful, naïve husband who was under the impression that he was an equal partner to you when in fact he was a court jester it seems."
For the love of Merlin. Harry lowered his head and pinched his nose. If there was one of many things he could count Draco Malfoy on, it was his dramatics. "Draco, you're definitely blowing out of proportion."
"Oh! So I'm the one in the wrong, right? Is that what you're saying?"
Harry should have just stayed upstairs and just wait to see what Draco was planning for dinner. A simple decision that could have saved him the trouble. "Of course not-"
"I've never been so angry before in my entire life than I am right now."
Harry was so damned tempted to point out that was a lie right now, already counting several incidents this past month alone where he'd see that Malfoy fury strike. However he already landed himself in the grave. Last thing he needed was to add more feet to the already buried, much-abused coffin. "I-"
"Walk away, Potter."
"But I just-"
Harry was going to do just that, disappear from his husband's sight until that temper cooled down. Like maybe hiding upstairs and having dinner be sent to their room. Or stopping by Honeydukes and picking up Draco's favorite chocolates, along with flowers. Like roses.
Yes, Harry would do just that. At least, that was the plan until Draco called out:
"CHILDREN, ATTACK YOUR FATHER!"
Harry tried to escape. He tried to get away. But he quickly heard the herd of excited feet thundering upstairs, jotting down the banister, excited shrieks and laughter thrown in the mix.
"NO!" Harry cried in dramatic anguish as they stormed into the living room, manic glee on their faces.
"NOOOOOO!" Crying out again, as five hyper, eager kids jumped on him, piled on top of him, and brought him down to the ground. Latching onto his arms, his legs, his torso.
Through the swarm of ticking fingers, small bodies, and mazes of blonde and black and blue hair, Harry made out Draco standing in front o him, watching the mayhem with both a triumphant and fond look in his eyes.
"It's what you get for playing dirty, Potter."
"This is war, Malfoy!"