Let the Fanfic 2019 Advent Calendar officially begin!
The Following Trailer Is Rated NFM For No F##king Mercy!
The year of 2019 gave us the beautiful conclusion of Toy Story, Keau Reeves' best movie since Speed, the greatest video game adaptation ever made, and the masterpiece that became the highest grossing film of all time. It was also the year that saw the X-Men films commit suicide, Brie Larson begin the destruction of the MCU, the airing of CW's Batwoman, and the Terminator franchise F##king implode.
Terminator: Dark Fate!
The last great holdout among the Kings of Sci Fi has finally fallen to the scourge of progressive Hollywood politics, and it's ready to go out with a bomb. A $100 million bomb to be precise.
Open to the brutal and completely unnecessary death of post T-2 John Connor, completely erasing the weight and gravity of the franchise's greatest film, as over 34 years of story telling, character building, and narrative integrity gets blow to hell, all so they make the savior of humanity some Mexican chick with no personality.
Now, Mexi Jesus is on the run from the latest Terminator with her lesbian-ass-looking cyborg protector, who looks like she belongs in some secret underground MMA fight club for transgender people. Hey, Butch, Ruby Rose called, she wants her plugs back.
Grit your teeth for a cast of women so damn ugly, they make the cast of Ghostbusters 2016 look good by comparison. The fairer sex my ass.
See the decaying corpse of former genuine badass Sarah Connor, as Linda Hamilton manages to disconnect from her life support just long enough to try and resurrect the glory days of her most popular character. Sorry Linda, it'll take a hell of a lot more than your wrinkly old ass to save this trainwreck.
So prepare to take back every complaint you ever had about Terminator 3 and Genisys, and witness the spectacle of yet another once great franchise brought to a tragic end… until they reboot it again in a few years and create a new timeline where this travesty never existed. Not that it ever existed in my mind. As far am I'm concerned, this rotten egg isn't any more cannon than the Baby Terminator skit from Robot Chicken.
I won't be back- Arnold.
The Mummy Returns- Sarah Connor
The Butchinator- Grace
False Messiah- Daniella
The T-Twins- Rev-9
Terminator: Dark Fate! (Why should I change it? The title is perfect as it is. One might even say that it's… fate.)
Obviously we've all suffered because of this shit, but I can't help feeling extra sorry for Gabriel Luna. First his Ghost Rider series gets canned, and now he ends up in this stinker. I very much doubt this is how he imagined things would turn out when his agent told him he'd be starring in a Terminator movie.
Be sure to come back tomorrow. The Fun has just begun!