"Okay, what do you see in this one?" I sighed as the picture was held up, I had done this over and over again since I was admitted to Westin Hills 2 years ago.
Apparently, the way to find my inner demons was a monthly Rorschach test and group time, where we get to talk about our 'feelings' and whatever else is on our minds in a safe environment.
I didn't have to go to many of those after 'acting out' aggressively when another patient began taunting me, I soon learned he had a personality disorder that made him act out towards new people.
He stopped bothering me after our first group session together, his black eye and split lip healed after a week.
"a black splodge" I answered with an annoyed huff as Dr. Myers raised an eyebrow at me but continued onto the next ink dot, she was used to my passiveness when it came to our sessions "another splodge" this went on for the following few cards.
"I want you to take a moment and really look at this imagine Katherine, this is very important" I frowned at her words, but I did as she asked.
I had seen the card before, it was red, black and white.
I usually just called it a colored splodge and moved on, but this time I gave myself a moment to really think about what I saw. I could tell by the look on my doctor's face that this was relevant to something.
What it was relevant to; however, I had no idea.
Eyeing the card, I felt my breath hitch when my mind revealed what it saw "a mask" I answered weakly as Dr. Myers watched my movements when I continued to stare at the card "a mask with blood on it" I could feel her eyes on me, but I kept my face blank.
"How did that make you feel-..." The brunette doctor questioned, scribbling on her notepad as she gave the card a quick glance "...-seeing something like that?"
I knew saying what I really felt would probably go against me, so I just gave a small shrug with an innocent smile.
She gave me a hard stare before moving onto the next card, which I gazed at before my eyes meet doctors Myers once again with a knowing grin "a messy splodge" The older woman sighed exasperatedly as she placed the cards down.
"Katherine this important to your recovery" I rolled my eyes as she pulled her chair closer to mine and reached out to touch my hand "I know you hate doing these, but you've been here for two years and today was the first day you admitted to seeing anything in these cards."
"The cards are stupid," I pouted childishly as I curled my legs up to my chest and leaning my chin on my knees "I'm fine now, so I had a tiny little breakdown in the hospital. I've been good since then."
Dr. Myers sputtered at my words as she gave me a look of disbelief "Kat since you've been here you've injured eleven fellow patients, incited three riots against the staff, and managed to escape the facility 3 times-" my mouth dropped into an 'O' shape.
"-But you've also studied to the best of your ability to graduate, come to all of our sessions even though you think they're a waste of time and developed some healthy bonds with other patients and staff" I could see the small smile on her face.
"I tried really hard on all of those things" I pointed out as I played with the sleeved of my cardigan when I noticed her eyes narrow like she was observing me, or waiting for me to jump up and say 'just kidding, I'm actually a monster, fooled ya!'
"You've come so far in these last few months, we've had no reports of acting out or fighting. You had better grades here than you ever had in school and you even managed to graduate in time" I nodded at her words as I stared at a loose thread in my sleeve.
The older woman handed me a book of characters I had made up, a short scene and movie board that I had designed during art therapy; I had no need for macaroni necklaces or painted ashtrays.
"Sue told me about your passion for film," I nodded, knowing that Sue wrote on my notes, and Dr. Myers read them being my primary doctor.
But Sue was also good at keeping secrets, especially if it was something she didn't think the doctors needed to know "she also told me that she thinks you are ready to leave."
My head shot up as the brunette doctor analyzed my expression before giving me one of her wry smile "I think she's right" I jumped up happily with a grin as Dr. Myers laughed and motioned for me to sit back down "you'll still have to check in with a doctor to monitor you."
"I can do that, I promise" two years in a nuthouse would send the craziest person sane, I knew I still had problems, but no-one was perfect, I could work on them from home.
"I think we should give it one more month just to make sure you're ready, I don't want you to get overwhelmed by the thought of being out in the 'real' world if it's too soon" I was so excited to see my dad and to go home that I wasn't really listening to her.
"There's also something I think you should do," the older woman admitted as she pulled out an envelope out from inside her notebook and handed it to me, opening the brown package I noticed the words 'Windsor College Application'.
"I called in for you, and they're willing to let you go as a late addition if you get accepted" my eyes blurred as I held the papers tight, I wanted to get out of here but was I ready to go back into education with other people.
"Don't let them continue to take up room in your head Katherine, push all those bad thoughts aside and let yourself think about what you want" I bit my lip as I read through the paper before smiling at the older woman.
"Let's do this" I finalized, this was going to be the next chapter of my life, yes I thought about Billy and Stu every day, but I could no longer be the sad little girl who cried over the dead body of the people who killed her mother and friends.
Doctor Myers handed me a pen as she sat next to me to help me fill out the application. "Oh, and I saw images in every single card you've ever shown me," I admitted offhandedly as I neatly wrote my name and details in the corrected boxes.
An amused glint appeared in Dr. Myers's eyes as she looked at me, fondly, "I know you did, Katherine."