Notes: Code Geass is an anime down by the studio Sunrise. The Penguin was created by Bill Finger and Bob Kane and is owned by DC Comics. This story is meant to be humorous and fun and isn't meant to be taken seriously.
Lelouch Lamperouge was at Ashford Academy's college. After finishing up swimming class, Lelouch and his classmates returned to their homeroom. Lelouch wasn't a very big fan of swimming, because he didn't know how to swim and he refused to listen to the instructor's lessons.
Although Lelouch tried to be a quiet and dignified individual, he had a big ego. He loved himself, which is something that all of his classmates knew. He thought he was one of the greatest people of all time. Although several fanboys and fangirls agreed with him, a majority of people thought he was desperate for fame. Even though Lelouch wasn't a good swimmer, he was expecting the other students to watch him and clap. However, most of the students weren't paying attention to him. Instead, they were paying attention to Suzaku Kururugi. Lelouch and Suzaku were best friends, even though they often argued and acted like opposites.
Lelouch noticed that his female classmates, Milly Ashford, Shirley Fenette, and Kallen Stadtfeld, were talking to Suzaku. Lelouch stood up and walked closer to them, while asking, "What's going on? Why are you giving Suzaku special attention?"
Suzaku calmly said, "No need to make a big fuss, Lelouch. We were just talking about swim class."
Lelouch whined, "Swimming is so boring. What could you guys talk about?"
Shirley asked, "Did you see Suzaku? He has such good swimming skills."
Kallen said, "He was one of the fastest swimmers."
Milly said, "Plus, he was probably the handsomest swimmer."
Suzaku had an embarrassed blush on his face, while saying, "I wasn't that great."
Lelouch replied, "Frankly, I'd have to agree with that."
Suzaku said, "If you're going to be frank, so will I. You're a bad swimmer."
Lelouch had an offended look on his face, while saying, "How dare you say that."
Suzaku replied, "You pretended to drown, just to troll the coach. In addition to that, you ignored the coach's lessons, you kept resting on people's shoulders, and you splashed water on people and their cellphones, which led to a lot of broken phones."
Lelouch said, "So, you think you're superior?"
Suzaku replied, "When it comes to swimming."
Lelouch grabbed Suzaku and said, "I challenge you to a boxing match."
Suzaku raised his eyebrows, while asking, "What are you talking about? Are you just making a joke?"
Lelouch smirked, while saying, "When I challenge somebody, I go through with it. I don't go against my word, even if my words seem like jokes. Suzaku, you and I are going to box each other. You better start training, because I know I can bring you can."
Suzaku replied, "You gotta be goofing around, Lelouch. You couldn't beat me."
Lelouch looked at his classmates and pointed to Suzaku, while saying, "Mr. Confidence thinks he can beat the mighty Lelouch." Lelouch stood on a desk, while saying, "Class, let me inform you of information you should already know: I, Lelouch Lamperouge, am the most powerful man in the universe."
Suzaku replied, "You're a scrawny college kid. It's not like you're He-Man."
Lelouch put his hands on his hips, while saying, "If He-Man challenged me, I'd bring him down. Plus, you're super skinny, too."
Suzaku replied, "That's true, but I'm also a member of the Britannian military. I constantly exercise and get into battles. I have tons of experience and training. You just prance around and brag about how amazing you think you are, instead of doing anything of value."
Lelouch said, "I'm about to do something of value and that thing is going to be bringing you down. Meet me at the local wrestling arena, on Saturday. We're going to battle each other."
Suzaku put his hand on Lelouch's shoulder, while replying, "Come on, Lelouch. I think we should be reasonable about this. Look, I was probably being a bit rude, but a boxing match isn't good for settling our differences."
Lelouch responded, "I'm going to bring you down. I'm going to show my superiority." The other students started cheering for Suzaku and started giggling at Lelouch.
That evening, Lelouch's girlfriend, C. C., came to Lelouch's house. She hadn't seen Lelouch, since morning, because she had been doing some shopping. She went into the kitchen and put down a couple of boxes of pizza, her favorite food. After chewing down a few slices of pizza, C. C. said, "Lelouch, I'm home."
C. C. went into the living room and saw Lelouch doing some jumping jacks, while shirtless. She asked, "What are you doing?"
Lelouch said, "I want to present my muscles."
C. C. replied, "You can't present something you don't have."
Lelouch said, "Your jokes aren't needed. I'm having confidence problems."
C. C. replied, "Considering how often you boast about yourself, this is a real surprise. What's making you feel down?"
Lelouch said, "Today, at swimming class, all of the girls were watching Suzaku, instead of me."
C. C. sarcastically replied, "It's so tragic, that you can't get a bunch of girls to gawk at your eloquence. It's not like you have a girlfriend, who gives you all the support you could ever need."
Lelouch said, "You mostly make fun of me, rather than support me."
C. C. smirked, while saying, "I do love teasing you. However, I genuinely love you."
Lelouch said, "That's great and all, but that doesn't the fact, that Suzaku's hogging the attention. Suzaku's an ego-obsessed maniac, who wants everybody to love him and constantly boost his ever-growing ego."
C. C. replied, "That sounds like you, rather than him. Besides, who cares if some random girls like him?"
Lelouch said, "They aren't random girls. Everybody in my class thinks he's cool and they think I'm some kind of mindless simpleton."
C. C. replied, "Considering you tried eating our curtains and danced with a bookcase, they might have a point."
Lelouch said, "I came up with a plan, which is going to make me feel better about my myself."
C. C. replied, "I have an idea on my plan, that'll make both of us feel better."
Lelouch said, "Oh, really? What is it?"
C. C. replied, "We sit on the couch, eat some delicious pizza, and snuggle under a soft blanket, while watching anime."
Lelouch said, "That sounds nice, but I'll have to take a raincheck. Throughout the next few days, I'm going to be training, because I challenged Suzaku to a boxing match."
C. C. could hardly believe what she just heard. Lelouch often surprised her, by announcing all kinds of reckless and stupid ideas. He did very dangerous things, like drive broken cars and play on skateboards, despite never practicing. As much as C. C. enjoyed making fun of Lelouch, she loved her boyfriend and wanted him to be safe. She looked at Lelouch, while saying, "Cancel the boxing match."
Lelouch started doing pushups, while saying, "Come on, C. C. You should know I'm not the quitting type."
C. C. said, "Lelouch, you don't have the type of strength, that a boxing match would require. I know you can be smart, clever, and sneaky, but you're lacking in physical strength. A quick jog tends to make you feel like taking a nap."
Lelouch started feeling exhausted, from doing five pushups. Lelouch sat on the couch and started taking some deep breaths. He said, "Wow, those pushups took away my energy."
C. C. sat next to Lelouch and replied, "You can't get into a boxing match, if a couple of pushups make you lose your energy. You'd feel like taking a nap, shortly after the match started."
Lelouch said, "I know I'm an unconventional boxer, but I know what I'm doing. Suzaku's better at me, when it comes to intelligence, morality, responsibility, hygiene, and school grades. However, I won't let him be better than me, when it comes to physical strength. I might be skinnier than a napkin, but I'm a fighter and I'm really intimidating and hardcore, when it comes to battles."
C. C. sighed and said, "As your girlfriend, I shouldn't be telling you this, but you have an ego problem."
Lelouch had a confused look on his face, while asking, "What are you talking about?"
C. C. explained, "You tend to be paranoid, about how cool and popular you are. To compensate for that, you often brag about yourself. Your brags often turn into incomprehensible nonsense."
Lelouch said, "I don't think that's true." Lelouch put his hands on his hips and started having a proud look on his face, while saying, "I'm one of the greatest fighters, that this world has ever witnessed. There's very few people, whose eloquence and power could compare to mine. I'm like a wizard, who knows every type of magic. I'm like a volcano, who knows every type of lava. I'm like a writer, who's written about every genre. I'm like a garbageman, who's thrown away every type of household item."
C. C. replied, "You see? Those brags were a bunch of silly fluff. I want you to cancel the boxing match. You need to start making decisions, that are safe and smart."
Lelouch smugly said, "You're going to regret this."
C. C. asked, "Why?"
Lelouch said, "I was going to be doing shirtless training, throughout the week." Lelouch started reaching for his shirt, while saying, "Now, you'll no longer be able to see my award-worthy stomach. Instead, you'll see my silly shirts."
C. C. threw Lelouch's shirt out the window. She blushed, while saying, "You know what? I've reconsidered my decision. Maybe you should try to box."
Lelouch said, "You're just saying this, because I'm handsome, right?"
C. C. answered, "More or less, but if you're going to be superficial, so will I."
Lelouch replied, "I can't argue with that logic."
The next day, Lelouch exercised, while C. C. stared at him. Lelouch did two pushups, a couple of jumping jacks, and some jogging. He looked at C. C., while asking, "What do you think?"
C. C. grinned, while saying, "You look hot."
Lelouch rolled his eyes and asked, "What do you think of my exercises?"
C. C. said, "Frankly, it wasn't much of anything."
Lelouch said, "Those were the only type of exercises I knew. I'm not really an exercise expert. I need somebody to train me."
C. C. asked, "Are you going to hire somebody?"
Lelouch smiled, while saying, "Indeed I am. I know the perfect person. This particular person is an expert, when it comes to boxing. In fact, there isn't a single person, who knows more about boxing." Lelouch got out his cellphone and called Oswald Cobblepot, better known as the Penguin.
The Penguin was sitting in his lair, when his phone started ringing. He wasn't used to people, who weren't the police or fellow villains, giving him a call. He put down his cigar and answered the phone. He said, "Hello?"
Lelouch asked, "Is this Oswald Cobblepot?"
The Penguin said, "Yes it is, but you can call me the Penguin. Can I help you?"
Lelouch said, "I'm Lelouch Lamperouge. I'd like your help."
The Penguin replied, "Oh, are you a crook, who wants to become a major supervillain." The Penguin had a smug smile on his face, while saying, "If you've called for advice, you called the right type of bird. I know everything you could ever need to know, when it comes to being the ultimate criminal." He squawked.
Lelouch said, "I haven't called for villainous advice. I've called, because I need help in a certain area, which you are an expert at."
The Penguin replied, "If you're wanting relationship advice, you've called the right villain."
Lelouch said, "I need boxing advice, not love advice."
The Penguin asked, "Boxing advice? What are you talking about? I'm a genius businessman, a dastardly criminal, and a protestor against bats. I'm not a boxer."
Lelouch replied, "True, but you know how to train boxers."
The Penguin said, "I don't know what you're talking about. You must of lost your marbles."
Lelouch replied, "I know you haven't lost your sense of greed."
The Penguin started sounding offended, while saying, "Listen up, you clueless punk. Yes, I've run a countless amount of businesses and have robbed thousands of banks, but that doesn't mean it's socially acceptable, to label me as a greedy type of person. You ought to receive angry letters, for your biased and rude assumptions."
Lelouch replied, "I'm willing to offer you a reasonable stack of cash, to help me prepare for a boxing match."
The Penguin started smiling, while saying, "You've peaked my interest. What would I have to do?"
Lelouch replied, "I'm not an expert, when it comes to boxing practice. I assume you would just bark orders and judge my exercise."
The Penguin responded, "That sounds like a piece of cake. Where do you live?"
Lelouch answered, "Britannia."
The Penguin said, "I live in Gotham, which is a far away city."
Lelouch replied, "I'll pay for your flight."
The Penguin responded, "I admit it's a bit embarrassing, that the Penguin needs to ride in an airplane. However, I can't argue against what's practical. I'll agree to your deal."
Lelouch replied, "Thank you, Penguin."
The Penguin got off the phone and said, "Wow, that guy's an idiot. I usually frown upon a complete lack of intelligence. However, when idiots offer me a ton of cash, I'll reserve judgement. I better start heading to the airport." Penguin started waddling out of his lair, while squawking.
The next day, Lelouch was in his living room, while attempting to do pushups. C. C. cheered Lelouch on, but she was more focused on his appearance, than his strength. After failing to do a proper pushup, Lelouch sat down and started taking a break.
A moment later, the Penguin knocked on Lelouch door. Lelouch walked to the door and opened it. He shook Penguin's hand, while saying, "I was expecting you to have flippers."
The Penguin replied, "I was expecting you to have muscles."
Lelouch said, "I'm Lelouch Lamperouge."
The Penguin said, "I'm Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, better known as the Penguin."
Lelouch let Penguin waddle around his house, while saying, "I've been trying to do some exercises, but I only know pushups, jumping jacks, and jogs."
The Penguin replied, "Then you're totally unprepared."
C. C. responded, "That sounds about right, but he's easy on the eyes, so it's all good."
The Penguin stared at C. C., while asking, "Who are you supposed to be?"
C. C. replied, "I'm supposed to be whoever I want and I want to be C. C., a pizza-loving witch."
The Penguin waddled closer to C. C. and whispered, "You should consider dumping your wimpy boyfriend. I happen to be single."
C. C. whispered back, "I could have Commissioner Gordon arrest you, so you better watch out."
The Penguin walked to Lelouch, while saying, "I better help you train."
Lelouch asked, "What am I supposed to do?"
The Penguin said, "I was predicating you'd be a clueless simpleton, so I brought a bag of stuff, which I think will be helpful." Penguin opened his bag and pulled out a punching bag.
Lelouch asked, "What's that thing for?"
The Penguin explained, "It's a punching bag. You're supposed to use it, for practice punches and stuff like that." Penguin pulled out a pair of boxing gloves and handed them to Lelouch. He said, "Put those on. They should be useful, when it comes to punching the bag."
Lelouch started punching the punching bag. He tried to look stern and intense, but C. C. thought he looked attractive and Penguin thought he looked like a corny fool. Lelouch felt like he a leading man, who had been cast in a blockbuster film. He felt like he was one of the coolest and most powerful fighters, while hitting the punching bag. However, after a few minutes of punches, he started feeling exhausted. He walked to a nearby table and drank a can of soda. Afterwards, he started wiping sweat off his face.
The Penguin asked, "What are you doing?"
Lelouch answered, "I was taking a break."
The Penguin replied, "You gotta be kidding me. Do you think you can take a break, after a few minutes of work? You can't slack off. Boxing matches are intense, vile things. I'm the gentleman of crime, so I don't approve of those sorts of fights. However, they can lead to pretty big awards, which can boost people's ego. You look like the type of fella, who has confidence problems."
Lelouch proudly said, "I'm an expert, when it comes to being paranoid about fame."
The Penguin replied, "Your brags are nothing short of pathetic. Hit the punching bag, for an hour."
Lelouch's eyebrows raised, while asking, "An hour? Come on, Penguin. That sounds like torture."
The Penguin grabbed Lelouch, while replying, "Listen up, you smug slacker. I've experienced torture, like listening to Riddler's pathetic attempts at being smart and Joker's cringeworthy attempts at being humorous. If you want to be a real boxer, you have to deal with real challenges."
Lelouch responded, "If you say so." Lelouch continued hitting the punching bag. C. C. gushed over Lelouch, while Penguin smoked a cigar. Lelouch tried to do what Penguin told him to do. He was hoping he could do an hour of boxing. However, after a half-hour of boxing, he felt like a broken train. He started laying on the ground, while saying, "I'm afraid that'd all I can do."
The Penguin replied, "It's okay. The boxing match probably won't last that long. By the way, who are you going to fight?"
Lelouch said, "Suzaku Kururugi. He's a friend of mine. He's pretty skinny and scrawny, like I am, but he's in the military."
The Penguin replied, "Oh, my."
On Saturday, Lelouch was in the wrestling arena's changing room. Lelouch put on an outfit, that Penguin picked for him. The outfit was a swimsuit, which said, "Penguin for mayor." Lelouch walked up to Penguin and asked, "What's up with the mayor slogan?"
The Penguin explained, "I've tried to become the Mayor, in the past, but it didn't work out. I've had failures, but I learned to get up and keep trying."
Lelouch said, "That sounds inspiring. Do you have any words of wisdom?"
The Penguin put his arm around Lelouch, while saying, "At this point in the story, the mentor is supposed to give an overly-sentimental speech. I'm not really good at inspiring people. However, I do know one thing and that's that the underdog always wins."
Lelouch asked, "What do you mean?"
The Penguin said, "In stories, you'll have a protagonist, who seems like they won't win. However, due to sappy amount of good luck, the underdog magically defeats their opponents, despite not being as skilled or strong."
Lelouch replied, "In that case, I'm going to do a great job."
A few minutes later, Lelouch started heading towards the boxing arena. C. C. was sitting in the crowd. She clapped and said, "Lelouch, you look great!"
Suzaku was already at the boxing arena. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants. He looked like he had been doing a lot of training. His fangirls started clapping and cheering.
Lelouch got to the boxing arena and faced Suzaku, while saying, "I'm going to bring you down."
Suzaku replied, "I want to wish you luck, but frankly, I don't think you're going to do a very good job."
Lelouch said, "You're going to be proven wrong, my dear Suzaku. You see, I was trained by somebody very special. In fact, I was trained by the person, who knows the most about boxing."
Suzaku asked, "Who are you referring to?"
Lelouch answered, "Oswald Cobblepot, also known as the Penguin."
Suzaku replied, "Lelouch, you must be joking. Penguin's a villainous cornball, not a boxer."
The Penguin grabbed his umbrella, which he used to hit Suzaku. He said, "You're lacking a good set of manners." Penguin angrily squawked.
A few minutes later, the boxing match started. Lelouch started charging towards Suzaku. He punched Suzaku. However, his punch didn't leave much of an impact. Suzaku punched Lelouch in the stomach.
C. C. angrily said, "Don't get any bruises on Lelouch's stomach!"
Suzaku punched and kicked Lelouch. Lelouch wanted to fight back, but a catchy pop song started playing. Lelouch couldn't resist the charm of pop songs, so he started dancing to the song. Suzaku had an amused look on his face, while saying, "You gotta be kidding me. You aren't putting any genuine effort into this fight. That doesn't surprise me, because you rarely put effort into your work."
Lelouch replied, "You're wrong about that." Lelouch continued dancing, while saying, "When it comes to putting effort into work, I'm like a king. In fact, kings don't compare to my type of royalty and superiority. There are very few things, from all the galaxies in the universe, that could compare to my superiority. I'm one of the most dazzling and important things, that any planet could ever gaze on. Sure, I might be slacking off, when it comes to bring crap. However, when it comes to boastful acts of goofiness, I'm the best of the best."
Suzaku said, "As usual, you're doing your incomprehensible attempts at bragging. This is your problem, Lelouch."
Lelouch had a confused look on his face, while asking, "What are you talking about?"
Suzaku explained, "Instead of actually doing things, you brag about random crap. You talk about things, rather than accomplishing things. You keep talking and talking, but you rarely say anything of value."
Lelouch had an offended look on his face, while saying, "Dude, I know you're probably trying to give me useful advice, but you're being a jerk about it. Because of that, I'm not going to listen to your advice."
Suzaku replied, "Give me a break, Lelouch. You're being unreasonable."
Lelouch said, "When it comes to being unreasonable, I'm the best. I love being unreasonable. It's a very underrated way of living. In fact, it's one of my favorite things. Speaking of favorites, I'm one of the world's favorite people."
Suzaku couldn't stand Lelouch's pathetic brags. He continued boxing Lelouch, while Lelouch danced around and said a bunch of nonsense. After a few minutes of boxing, Lelouch fell to the ground.
Lelouch asked, "Did I lose?"
Suzaku said, "I'm afraid so. I'm sorry, if I was too hard on you. I know I shouldn't been so rough on you. However, you shouldn't of arranged this boxing match. Frankly, it was a dumb idea."
Suzaku helped Lelouch get up, while saying, "You might have a point. It seems like you're the winner and once again, I'm the loser. Everybody's going to be proud of you and they're going to make fun of me." Lelouch looked at the crowd. He saw several people, who were staring at Suzaku and applauding. He felt disappointed in himself. However, Lelouch looked around and noticed that C. C. was smiling at him. Despite everything he had done, C. C. still adored him.
Lelouch said, "You know what? It's okay I lost. I don't need a crowd to love me. I only need one special person, who has a lot of love in their heart. That person is C. C. and she's the most wonderful thing in my life." C. C. blushed and whistled at Lelouch.
Lelouch's sentimental moment didn't last long, because Suzaku said, "Lelouch, your boxing outfit fell down, while you were talking."
Lelouch looked down and realized he was in his underwear. His swimsuit had fallen next to him. Instead of being smart and putting his swimsuit on, Lelouch ran up to the crowd and said, "Crowd, don't look at me! I'm in my underwear!" Lelouch ran around, back and forth, for several minutes, before going back to his dressing room.
After getting dressed, Lelouch went outside, along with C. C. Lelouch said, "Well, I made a fool of myself. I hope nobody took pictures of the fight."
C. C. replied, "I took videos and pictures. I also made some memes."
Lelouch sarcastically responded, "Your loyalty is greatly appreciated."
C. C. replied, "It's okay. You realized you just need love, in order to be happy and believe me, I love you more than anything."
Lelouch responded, "I feel the same way." Lelouch and C. C. kissed each other.
The Penguin waddled by Lelouch, while saying, "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to become the Mayor."
Lelouch said, "You know what? I need a new hobby. I'm going to challenge Penguin, by running for the same position." Lelouch started waddling away, while C. C. rolled her eyes.