Over and Over
"Over and over,
Over and over"
It had taken over a year for before Cordelia to go into Misty's room. Every inch of it held onto Misty's aura, her energy that had yet to fade away. Cordelia knew it was only in her head, but it was too hard for her to feel as if Misty was still there, like she had just walked out of the room and would be running back in at any moment. As the academy began to grow, she knew it was something she could only put off for so long. In such a big house there were still only so many rooms for all the young girls eagerly arriving into the Coven, and most were already sharing. Another influx of girls were expected within the next few days and Cordelia knew it was time to clear out Misty's room.
She opened the door of Misty's room and was hit with a wave of emotion, it had been exactly how Misty had left it. Tears were welling in Cordelia's eyes before she even crossed the threshold of the room, taking in a deep breath as she stepped forward. Misty hadn't come with much to the academy, a few sets of clothes and shawls, most of which were scattered around the floor. A small smile spread across Cordelia's face, who shook her head as she looked at the mess. She could remember Misty in her youth and her room being in the same state, something that would drive most people crazy, and in their time together, it had been a pet peeve of Cordelia's, but now it seemed to bring her a sense of joy. It was a memory of Misty that didn't mean much, but it was a memory of how she had been.
~ Then ~
Misty lay on her stomach, feet up in the air as she carelessly flipped through the pages of a book while on Cordelia's bed. Cordelia walked around the room, putting her clothes away, each item carefully folded before sorted into their respective drawer. She had been at the academy for nearly a year, her room as clean as the day she walked into it. Her and Misty had been spending most of their days lazing about Cordelia's room, she was one of the few girls who had a room to themselves, one of the only perks that came from being Fiona's daughter.
"You havin' fun over there?" Misty asked.
"It's not a crime to be clean, I can fix up your room next." Cordelia replied with a smile spread across her face.
"As fun as that sounds I think I'll pass."
"I'm going to do it eventually, you know that right?" Cordelia chuckled as she made her way over to the bed, taking a place next to Misty.
"And that is why I always come to your room."
"Oh that's why?"
"Among other things." Misty smiled as she leaned into Cordelia, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.
"Just, get a laundry basket for all those clothes. Please. For me?"
"Y'know I'll do anything for you."
~ Now ~
She spent the night in Misty's room, surrounded by half filled boxes. Although there wasn't much to go through, Cordelia did her best to draw it out as long as she could, as if there was a chance Misty would enter her room at any moment. By the end of the night most of her clothes had been packed safely away. Cordelia had set aside space in her own room to fill with Misty's things, not willing to part with any small piece of her that remained.
In a years time, her grief did not become any easier, just a lighter weight on her shoulders. There were days Cordelia would struggle to get out of bed, unable to do anything but cry; as if every inch of her body couldn't help but feel the pain she held in her heart.
When Misty had first returned to the Coven, Cordelia had taken it as a second chance for them, it had made her believe they were meant to be. Even with the death of Misty, it was still a feeling she couldn't shake off.
The sun that flooded through the curtains cast a warm light on Cordelia as she began to wake. It was the first time in the past year she had been able to comfortably sleep through the night. Once she was up, she began to move the boxes from Misty's room into her own, unpacking each with care. It wasn't something that should have taken the amount of time it did, but Cordelia wanted it to drag out as long as it could. She needed all the time she could to absorb all that remained of Misty.
The last thing that remained in the room was the makeshift urn Myrtle had used for Misty. It was with a heavy heart Cordelia picked up the urn, as she did, she noticed a small box that must have been pushed to the back, hidden from sight. She gently placed the urn down and turn her attention to the box. As she opened it, the sight of the rings immediately brought tears to her eyes, Cordelia finding herself breathless.
It was a moment that was full of both great joy and overwhelming sadness. Cordelia had thought when she was unable to find Misty's frog rings that she had been wearing them when she had attempted descensum. She slid the rings onto her fingers, wiping away tears as she did.
"One is you, and one is me."
Although Cordelia was thankful for the constant distraction from not only being the Supreme, but running the academy, it was something she had wanted to share with Misty. Misty had always been so adamant about she knew it was Cordelia that was destined to be the Supreme. Every day that passed, there was always a moment Cordelia would want to tell Misty about; and she would, but never received an answer as she had hoped. She hoped she could hear her, just so she knew Cordelia was still thinking about her, and refused to accept a life without Misty.
As Cordelia lay in her bed, gripping her hands tightly against her chest, the coolness of the rings hitting her skin, she talked to her. It was, what would have been, their anniversary. Despite going their separate ways in their youth, Cordelia had always thought about Misty on this day, even during their time apart, and throughout her marriage with hank, she would always find a way to be alone, and to mourn what could have been. It had been a brief time in her life, but held so much. There had always been something about being with Misty that had just felt right.
In the second year, Cordelia had started to move forward as best she could. She had returned to the greenhouse, the first time since she had performed the Seven wonders within its walls, rising as the new Supreme. She had often thought about returning to the greenhouse, but each time she did, she stopped herself. It was something that had always made her think of Misty, even in their years apart, it had been a way for Cordelia to feel connected with her when she wasn't there. She felt now it would be too hard, it would only make her think of all the things she hoped to share with Misty, but now knew it would be something she did on her own. The memories of her and Misty in the greenhouse were too overpowering for Cordelia to push aside, and so each time she would come close she would end up turning back. Eventually, it came time when Cordelia found herself opening the old wooden door, memories flooding through her as she walked into the greenhouse. She thought of Misty, when she had returned to the Coven and the two had gone out to the greenhouse. It had been just like when they were young and in love, the thought making Cordelia's heart ache. Nothing was the same without her.
~ Then ~
Things weren't the same without Misty in the academy. It was as if her presence within the Coven's walls had given the place the life is so desperately craved. Cordelia found herself feeling lost without Misty. Since she had first come to Miss Robichaux's it had always been the two of them. Being the daughter of the Supreme, and Fiona Goode at that, made it hard for the other girls to welcome her with open arms, most lived in fear of her mother and wanted to keep their distance. Misty had been the only one who hadn't cared she was the daughter of the Supreme, who could see her for who she really was. It was the first time Cordelia hadn't been bound to the shackles of her mother's image and began to search for herself, to figure out who she was outside of Fiona's shadow. She didn't know if she would have searched for her own identity if it hadn't have been for the insistence of Misty.
The other girls would give Cordelia an odd look every time she mentioned Misty, even Myrtle would look at Cordelia with the same confusion in her eyes. It only made it all so much harder, there was no one to comfort her in her sadness. No one could miss Misty if they never remembered her, but of course Cordelia did and she refused to let herself forget even a moment of their time together. There was so much she buried down it would take a lifetime to bring her emotions back to the surface. She did her best to focus on her studies, anything to keep her mind occupied.
Misty had spent years by herself, but only now felt truly alone. Her years of bouncing around different homes had helped her acquire a fierce sense of independence, for most of her life, she had always resisted the urge to form any meaningful relationship as they were, more often than not, temporary. It wasn't something that saddened her, she knew she couldn't miss something she had never had. Leaving Cordelia behind, she could feel the sadness that ached in her chest, the longing she still had for her. Miss Robichaux's had been the first place Misty had started to feel settled, as if she had finally found where she was meant to be. She had pictured herself and Cordelia moving forward together, a future with the woman she loved that had come crashing down in seconds. She knew leaving had been for the best, but all she wanted to do was run home and curl up beside Cordelia.
Before Cordelia had arrived at the Coven, Misty had bonded with Myrtle; the mother figure she had always craved but had never found. She had found a sense of comfort within the academy, it had felt like the first place she could call home. She got along well with the girls in the school, but usually found herself by Myrtle's side, either asking for some sort of advice or merely basking in her presence. Myrtle had really been the only person who had, not only saw the potential that Misty possessed, but encouraged her to work on her craft.
After leaving the academy, Misty couldn't help but feel lost. She had let herself get comfortable and believe she had finally found a place to call home. She felt no anger or bitterness, she knew it was no use and wouldn't change a thing. Even if the girls at the academy did forget about her, she knew Cordelia could remember her and their time together, and that was enough for Misty. She knew the love they held for each other could outlast any time apart. Everything in life was temporary, she would remind herself, and their time apart would only be temporary, however painful it was.
~ Now ~
In the third year, Zoe and Queenie had taken the liberty of arranging a blind date on behalf of Cordelia. She found herself unable to diminish their excitement, allowing them to pick out her wardrobe and put on her makeup, only for her to drive past the diner. Cordelia drove straight to the swamp, not even batting an eye as she passed the spot where her date was waiting. She had thought things would get easier over time, but some days it felt as if it only got harder. She spent the night curled up in the hut where Misty had lived, the blanket on the bed still faintly holding her smell. Whether it did or if it was a figment of her imagination Cordelia didn't know, and she really didn't care. She was just happy to feel any sense of closeness she could.
By the fourth year since Misty's death, Cordelia had exhausted any and every method that held of possibility of bringing her back. In her travels as the Supreme, she found herself meeting every form of witch and warlock imaginable. Each she had talked to about bringing back a soul stranded in hell, and each would send her back with a different spell or potion she could try. Each of them would make sure Cordelia was aware there was never a successful attempt in bringing back a soul from the underworld, and that once they crossed the veil, they were property of Satan. She had even attempted a deal with Papa Legba in the third year of Misty's passing, but his terms were unattainable for Cordelia; in exchange for bringing back Misty she would be required to sacrifice one of the newer witches to the Coven, Mallory.
After numerous failed attempts, Cordelia sought out Marie LaVeau's successor; Dinah. She was the first to give her an answer, a full-proof way that Misty could return to the world of the living. Cordelia sat across from the woman as she explained the details of it all, but all she could think of was seeing Misty once again.
"The Son of Satan is the only one who can pass between our world and the underworld. Only he can bring those who have crossed back to us here." She said.
"How can I summon him?"
"You think he's just a phone call away?" DInah began to laugh at Cordelia. "Foolish witch, I thought as the Supreme you'd be smarter than that."
"If money is the issue, I will pay you whatever you want. Please. I need your help." Cordelia begged, tears beginning to fill her eyes.
"Listen, I'm sorry for your loss, I really am, but the Son does not come when he is called by us. I know we ain't any sort of friends, but I'm sorry I can't help you. I know what it's like to lose someone you love, when you're willing to do anything to get them back. The loss will become lighter for you as the years go on, but it will never fully fade away."
"There has to be something, anything." Cordelia began to weep.
"When the Son comes from the Underworld, he is here to serve his father. Even if you could meet with the boy, you could never get him to do what you ask. There will come a time when he graces us with his presence, but he is no regular man, but you will know it's him when he appears."
"If you don't, well I guess we're all fucked."