Universe Falls Zine Entry - Chocolate With Nuts
Author Note: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Here's a zine entry I wrote a while back for one of my favorite fanfics of all time, Universe Falls! I may be writing more oneshots in the future (I'm like over halfway through a Fairly Oddparents one that I started MONTHS ago, I really need to finish that) Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
It was just another regular ol' day in Gravity Falls. The Gems were currently on some mission that was too dangerous for Steven, so he was spending the day with one of his best friends: Mabel Pines. Currently, the two were sitting on the Mystery Shack porch, waiting for the mail to arrive.
"Waiting for Jamie! Waiting for Jamie!" Steven sang, rhythmically hitting his fists against his knees. Mabel soon joined in, also eager for Jamie to arrive. And soon enough, a mailperson did in fact arrive, though…
"Yay, it's…" Mabel began, standing up, though became disappointed upon seeing who it actually was. "Not Jamie…" Instead of Jamie delivering the mail, it was Barbara Miller.
"Aw come on, isn't it exciting to see me too?" Barb asked before she began to sift through her mailbag, trying to find the mail for the Mystery Shack.
"So where's Jamie at?" Steven asked, curious.
"Oh, he decided to go to Kansas a few days ago." Barb explained. "He said he was going to become a… thespian? Something like that." A few seconds passed before she finally got the mail out and handed it to Mabel. "There you go! I hope you kids have a nice day!" Barb waved to them before she walked off.
"Bye not Jamie!" Mabel waved back for a few seconds before she turned to Steven. "Okay Steven, it's mail time! You know what that means?"
"To the living room table?" Steven asked.
"To the living room table!" Mabel cheered. A moment later, both of them ran into the shack, chanting 'mail time' over and over.
At the living room table, Dipper was scouring through Journal 3 yet again, making sure he didn't miss a single thing. Of course, right as he was getting invested, Mabel and Steven came running in, chanting 'mail time'.
"Guys, can you please cut it out?" Dipper asked, getting frustrated. "I'm trying to-hey!" Mabel suddenly snatched the journal out of his hands and threw it to the other side of the table.
"Less talky, more mail-openy!" Mabel said, her and Steven taking a seat. "Steven, do you have your mail ready?"
"Yes mam!" Steven said, taking the mail out of his that already arrived at the Crystal Temple earlier that day.
"Perfect!" Mabel gave him a thumbs up before turning to Dipper. "Okay bro-bro, now you get half of our mail!" Mabel grabbed half of the mail she had and practically shoved it into Dipper's hands.
"Mabel, is all this really necessary?" Dipper questioned, eyeing the journal at the end of the table.
"Of course it is, it's a tradition!" Mabel argued.
"Oh, it's been a tradition for you guys?" Steven asked. "For how long?"
"It's not a tradition if it's only been two days!" Dipper said, getting frustrated.
"I don't hear you opening any mail!" Mabel yelled. Dipper groaned and rolled his eyes, beginning to open the mail just to get this over with.
"Let's see what I got…" Steven said, sorting through the contents of his mail. "Lion, lion, lion, lion, lion…"
"Wow, Lion has a lot of fans?" Mabel asked. "According to my mail, Waddles also has a lot of fans!"
"Bills, gold diamond jewelry, sharpening your sword, hey what's this?" As Dipper was mindlessly going through the mail, he stumbled upon a magazine lodged in between two letters. "Fancy Living Digest?"
"Ooh, lemme see, lemme see!" Mabel playfully demanded, trying to grab the magazine, to which Dipper reacted by keeping it out of her reach before shaking his head.
"Let's all look at it together." Dipper reaffirmed. He flipped the magazine to a random page before setting it down on the table in view of him and the other two kids. All three of them gasped, though, upon seeing the contents of the page.
Depicted on the two pages was a huge image of a rich man's front property, having many expensive things that were worth far more than they could hope to afford.
"Look at that! He has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!" Steven said, pointing to the left page, which depicted a large floatie sitting inside of a huge swimming pool.
"And this guy's got fancy shoes!" Mabel pointed out, pointing at the man in the image, surrounded by bags of money.
"You know, how'd we even get this magazine in our mail?" Dipper wondered out loud. "None of us are even subscribed to Fancy Living Digest!" But little did he know, that very subscriber just walked into the room.
"Give me that!" Stan's sudden voice caught the kids off guard as he snatched the magazine off the table. "First of all, I'm subscribed to that magazine, and second, why are you going through my mail? That's legally a federal offense, you know."
"Mr. Pines, you're subscribed to that magazine?" Steven asked. "But why?"
"So I can laugh!" Stan answered. "I'll laugh because I know that even though those people have money, that deep down that they really aren't happy with their current lives and-"
"Okay, existential crisis aside, how did that guy even get that rich?" Dipper asked. "He had literal bags of money with him!"
"They're entrepreneurs." Stan answered. "They sell things to people."
"But you sell things to people, and you're not ri-" Mabel began before she would shortly be interrupted.
"I'm a business owner, not an entrepreneur!" Stan yelled, interrupting her.
Steven leaned over to whisper something in Mabel's ear. "I thought Pearl told me they were the same thing."
"I heard that!" Stan said, causing Steven to momentarily freeze up. "Anyway, entrepreneurs can sell pretty much anything they want. Vacuums, TVs, toilet paper, just whatever people want to buy! So yeah, that's basically it." Stan began to walk away, but not before he turned back to them one more time. "Oh yeah, stay away from my mail!" He continued walking off.
After Stan was gone, there was an awkward silence for several seconds before Steven broke it. "Hey, why don't we become entrepreneurs?"
"Yeah, that's a great idea!" Mabel agreed. She turned to face her brother. "Dipper, we've gotta become entrepreneurs!"
"Okay, but if we're gonna do this, we've gotta be totally 100% percent serious about it." Dipper said. "First, we need to think of what we want to sell. If you could have anything at all in the world at this exact moment, what would it be?"
"Cookie cat!" Steven immediately answered.
"Something that you can still buy." Dipper reaffirmed, leading Steven to sigh in dismay.
"Ooh ooh, I know, I know!" Mabel said, raising her hand in the air and shaking it. After a few seconds, she lowered it. "How about… chocolate bars? They're easy to carry around and you can eat them so fast!"
"Yes, that's it!" Dipper said. "It's the perfect thing to sell!"
"Yay, we're gonna become chocolate bar salesmen!" Steven cheered.
After a short stop to the Gravity Falls mall, the kids bought a decent amount of chocolate bars to use for their impromptu business. Before they even went to the mall, Steven called Connie to see if she wanted to help out. Originally, she wasn't able to, but right before she hung up her mom yelled to her that her tennis practice for today was cancelled because her teacher got sick, so now she was free to do whatever she wanted today. And that meant helping out her friends.
The four kids exited the mall, each of them carrying a bag of chocolate bars. Though all of them were excited about selling the sweet treat, the possibility that something just might go wrong lingered a tiny bit in their mind.
"Okay everyone," Dipper began. "We are going to make sure that this goes a lot better than that monster hunt we did a while back."
"Yeah, it was really lame how the monster and McGucket were just the same thing the whole time." Mabel admitted. "I mean, a robot? Really?"
"Wait, McGucket was controlling a giant robot?" Connie asked, not having been there for that course of events. "I thought McGucket was just a loon!"
"Well… he still kinda is a loon." Steven said, before deciding to change the subject. "But hey, we've got our chocolate bars right here! This is our first step to being fancy like the magazine!"
"Right!" Connie encouraged. "Gravity Falls, make way for a group of entrepreneurs!"
"And there's our first house!" Mabel said, pointing at the first house in the nearby neighborhood. "Come on, let's go!" As Mabel ran ahead to the house, the others tried to keep up with her, although they weren't very successful thanks to Mabel's triple-shot of Mabel Juice that morning.
When Mabel got to the door, she immediately rang the doorbell and began jumping up and down, eagerly anticipating the door to open. The other three finally caught up with her, all of them except Connie out of breath.
"Hey Mabel… could you… slow down… next time… please…" Steven said in between deep breaths. He was about to eat one of the chocolate bars until he reminded himself that they were for selling, and not eating.
Just then, the door finally opened, revealing to the kids who their first customer was, and it was…
"McGucket?" Dipper questioned. Old Man McGucket, appearing to be in his 60s or 70s, stood on the other side of the door.
"Howdy, fellers!" McGucket greeted. "Look at this big ol' house I'm inside of!" He gestured to the inside of the house.
"Wait a second, something is really fishy here!" Mabel said, narrowing her eyes. "You don't have a house this nice!"
"Well, I came over here about thirty minutes ago asking for directions when this nice family in here let me stay after they ran and screamed into the bathroom." McGucket explained. "So anyway, what can I do for you kids?"
"We're selling chocolate bars." Connie answered enthusiastically.
McGucket instantly stopped. "Now did you just say… chocolate?"
"Yes, and would you like them with nuts?" Steven asked, pulling out a chocolate bar from the bag. "Or without nuts?"
McGucket just stood there, staring intently at the chocolate. "Chocolate? Chocolate?" His tone continually got louder. The kids looked at each other before starting to slowly back away. "CHOCOLATE!" McGucket suddenly began to chase them, forcing the kids to sprint away while the old, senile man ran after them while screaming, "CHOCOLATE!"
"Okay, the first guy didn't count." Dipper said after they finally got the slip on McGucket. During the chase, they all ended up in a different part of Gravity Falls that was off the route they originally planned on. Nevertheless, they were going to improvise and just try to sell any chocolate bars they could in this area.
"Yeah, we should totally erase that from our memory." Mabel said, unnerved by McGucket's reaction to the word, 'chocolate.'
"This house right here will be our first actual step." Connie said, referring to a house just ahead of them. The four kids walked up to the house and Connie rang the doorbell. A few moments later, the door opened, and thankfully the person on the other side was a lot saner than McGucket could ever hope to be.
"Hello!" Mabel greeted. "Would you like to buy some chocolate?"
"Hm…" The man, named Conner stood there at the door. "Chocolate bars, eh?"
"Yep!" Dipper answered. "As of today, the four of us are officially chocolate bar salesmen."
Conner merely laughed. "Four mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise, in those flimsy bags!"
"What do you mean?" Steven asked. As if on cue, the bag he was carrying suddenly ripped, leaving all the chocolate bars to spill out on the ground. "Oh no, the chocolate!" He kneeled down to try and hurriedly scoop up the chocolate bars back into the bag.
"No no no no, wrong." Conner shook his head. "You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?"
"Most certainly, sir." Connie answered politely.
"Well, no self-respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these!" Conner held up a medium-sized orange bag, allowing the four kids to get a good look at it.
"Whoa…" Mabel said, the most enamored out of all of them. "…What is it?"
"It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead!" Conner answered. "It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!" Mabel tried to reach up to touch it, but Conner pulled it away from her reach. "But I'm wasting my time. You guys don't need these bags." He began to walk back into his house.
"Wait, we do need them!" Steven called out as his chocolate bars began spilling again. Conner turned back to them, a grin on his face.
One purchase later, Conner was counting his newly-obtained money while the four kids walked away, waving him goodbye. "So long, kids! Happy hunting!" Conner waved back. They were soon out of earshot, and his grin turned evil. "Suckers…" He walked back inside.
Back with the four kids, they were counting their current profits… or lack thereof.
"So, after paying $50 for all those bags…" Connie said, punching the numbers into a calculator she brought with her. "And paying $80 for all the chocolate… We are in… $130 dollars of debt."
"I've spent nearly all of my summer savings on this, FYI." Dipper said. "We need to make something, or else none of us are gonna have anything left."
"Don't worry, Dipper. Pearl told me she has a bunch of cash stored in her Gem, so if we ever run out, we can just ask her for more!" Steven reassured. "She never told me where she got all of it though."
"We don't need Pearl with how much money we're gonna make!" Mabel cheered. "Fancy living, here we come! La la la la, la!" She skipped ahead of the others while singing her little ditty. "Come on, let's try next door!"
The four walked to the next house over and rung the doorbell. The door opened and Conner opened it, wearing different clothes entirely. "Yes?"
"Hang on a second." Dipper said, immediately getting suspicious. "Aren't you the guy who sold us the orange bags at the other house?"
"I… don't recall." Conner lied through his teeth. "But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there." He pointed at the bags, which Steven was struggling to hold. "You four are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags." He held up a large red bag, similar to the orange ones the kids already had.
"Uh, should we really-" Connie tried to voice her concerns, but then got interrupted.
"We'll take twenty!" Mabel eagerly said.
"We're now $200 dollars in debt." Connie bluntly said as they walked away, now carrying red bags.
"At least we don't have to carry so many bags!" Steven said, trying to ease the situation.
"Okay, we have to sell some chocolate bars." Dipper said. "All we've been doing is buying and buying, we need to start selling!"
"Relax Dipper, it'll all work out." Mabel shrugged him off. "When have we ever failed at something before?"
"I can name several times off the top of my head." Dipper replied. "Maybe we should try a different part of Gravity Falls to start selling. Clearly this area of town only wants us to buy stuff."
"Well, where should we go first?" Connie asked.
"How about Sadie's house?" Steven suggested. "She's not at the Big Donut right now because there was a small gas leak, so she be at home!"
"Then to Sadie's house it is!" Mabel cheered.
A short while later, the kids finally made their way to who might hopefully be their first real customer. They rung Sadie's doorbell, and around a minute later, she opened the door.
"Oh, hey guys." Sadie greeted, yawning a little. "What are you up to?"
"Hey Sadie, we're selling chocolate bars." Steven said. "Do you want to buy one?"
"Right now, a chocolate bar sounds heavenly." Sadie said. "Eh, why not. I'll take one."
"Yay!" Steven cheered. "Now to get one chocolate bar!" He unzipped the red bag and pulled out an orange bag, which he then unzipped to pull out… another orange bag? "Huh?"
"Hang on, you probably just put one bag in another accidentally." Dipper explained as he unzipped that bag, only to find yet another orange bag. "Wha-how is that even possible?"
"This does not make any sense." Connie sighed as she unzipped the bag, which resulted in the same thing as the previous few times.
"Oh no, this is a bag emergency!" Mabel yelled. She took the bag from Connie and began to unzip and toss bags rapid-fire, hoping to at least find one chocolate bar.
Several awkward seconds later there was still no chocolate bar to be found. Sadie checked her watch. "Look guys, this was a really nice gesture, but… why don't you come back later when you actually find a candy bar, okay?" Sadie slowly walked back into her house and shut the door.
And right as she did, Mabel finally found what she was looking for. "I got it!" She cheered. "One chocolate bar for-"
"-Sadie." Mabel and the others froze as they heard McGucket's shrill scream. The kids screamed as they ran away from the crazed old man that somehow caught up to them as he was still screaming the singular word, 'CHOCOLATE'.
After losing McGucket again, the four kids were now sitting at a table in Greasy's Diner, pondering on what they should do next. They'd been trying to sell chocolate bars for two hours, and they still had zero customers.
"Guys, we aren't doing so well." Steven sighed sadly. "We need to try a new approach."
"Let's start by learning how to do taxes!" Mabel said.
"No, let's save that for when we're doing real estate." Connie said. "Hm… there must be something. Why did we even buy those bags in the first place?"
"That guy told us we were mediocre, which frankly I don't agree with." Dipper answered.
"That's it!" Steven realized. "He made us feel special!"
"Yeah, he did…" Mabel said. She suddenly stood up. "I'm going back to buy more bags!" She raced out of the diner.
"Mabel, wait!" Dipper yelled, causing his sister to freeze in place right as she opened the front door. Dipper and the other two walked over to her. "Does anyone have any ideas on what we should do?"
"Why don't we just try being nice?" Connie suggested. "It… almost worked when Steven was talking to Sadie, until we couldn't find the chocolate bar…"
"Hey, that's a great idea!" Steven said. "If we're nice, then everyone will want to buy our chocolate!"
After the four kids agreed that they should try being nicer to the customers in order to get more sales, they set off yet again to try to sell some chocolate bars. Their first stop was the currently on-break Gravity Fries, the family-owned business.
"Remember, we should try to flatter the customer." Connie said as they walked to the door. "Let's make them feel good." When they were at the door, she knocked on it. Several seconds passed before the door opened.
"Hello?" Peedee asked.
Mabel gasped, stars in her eyes the second she saw Peedee. She stared at him for several seconds, making things incredibly awkward. "I love you." Drool came out from her mouth as she seemed drawn toward Peedee.
"Yeah, no." Peedee slammed the door in her face.
"Mabel, I think you might've really overdone it." Dipper said. "Let me handle it this time."
"Actually, I think I should talk to him." Steven said. "Peedee and I know each other from when we went on those small rides in front of Funland Arcade that one time a few months ago. We go way back."
Dipper merely shrugged in response before Steven knocked on the door. It opened more hesitantly this time, Peedee partially hidden behind the door. "Please, can you just go away?"
"Hey, Peedee!" Steven waved enthusiastically.
"Hey, Steven…" Peedee said through his teeth, trying to force a smile. "Mind telling me who your weird and creepy friend is?"
"Aw, I'm not that creepy!" Mabel whined.
"We're selling chocolate bars, would you like to buy one?" Connie asked, trying to get to the point.
"I would, but…" Peedee said, finally coming all the way through the door. "Ever since my great uncle Gerard Fryman got diabetes from a chocolate-eating competition, our family has abstained from eating any kind of chocolate at all." Peedee then pulled out a picture of said great uncle, who didn't really look in the best of shape.
"Can I buy it?" Mabel asked.
"Sure." Peedee shrugged, handing it to her. "That'll be five bucks." Mabel fished through her pocket and gave Peedee five dollars. "Thanks!" He turned around and ran back into the fry shop. "Hey dad, I figured out what else we can sell!"
"We still haven't sold one chocolate bar." Dipper deadpanned as he and the other three walked through Gravity Falls. "Guys, I think we should really start getting more focused."
"Yeah, we're too easily distracted." Steven agreed, eating one of the chocolate bars, which Dipper momentarily took notice of.
"Steven, what are you doing?" Dipper questioned, stopping Steven in his tracks. "That's for the customers!"
"Ah, sorry! I was getting hungry from all this walking!" Steven quickly apologized.
"Mabel, you've been staring at that photo ever since we left the fry shop, are you okay?" Connie asked, seeing Mabel stare blankly ahead at the photo in her outstretched hands.
"It reminds me of Peedee…" Mabel said, not really paying attention to Connie.
"Maybe we should put that away." Dipper suggested. "Anyway, Connie, where are we going? This next house seems really out of the way, we've been walking for a while."
"Well, I figured that we should go to a bunch of different houses with a bunch of different personalities, and it just so happens that the next house is… Robbie's." Connie explained.
"Robbie's house?" Dipper asked. "Can't we go somewhere else? I doubt he'd be the type to buy chocolate from some kids."
"Don't underestimate him, Dipper." Steven said. "Anyone has the ability to change!"
"Just remember, we need to focus on selling this time." Connie reminded.
Soon, the four made it to Robbie's house. They stood there for several seconds, deciding if this was really a good idea or not, until Steven knocked on the door anyway. About a minute passed, and no one answered it. Steven knocked again.
"Okay okay I'm gonna open it, geez!" Robbie yelled from inside the house. The four kids waited as they heard booming footsteps that quickly grew louder. The door swiftly opened, an angry Robbie on the other side. "I already told you, I don't want your-wait what?"
"Hello, Robbie." Dipper said, purposefully being overly formal. "We are currently in the business of selling chocolate bars. Would you like you make us a sale?"
"Look, I don't do any of this girl scout cookie stuff, okay?" Robbie said. "So you punks are just wasting your time."
"Are you sure?" Connie asked. "Because we're trying to become entrepreneurs and-"
"Don't know what that means, so I don't care." Robbie shrugged. He happened to glance at Mabel but then got weirded out. "Uh, why is she staring at me?"
"Focusing." Mabel answered. Throughout that entire exchange, she'd been 'focusing' by staring directly into Robbie's eyes.
"Wow, that looks like a cool place you got there, Robbie." Steven said, trying to get a better look inside. "Hey, can I come in?"
"Whoa, back up, jack!" Robbie quickly went back into his house and slammed the door in Steven's face.
"Ow, that hurt!" Steven yelled so Robbie could still hear. "And it's Steven, not jack!"
"That went about as well as I expected." Dipper said, already starting to walk off. The others soon trailed behind him, all of them walking on the sidewalk.
"Just what were we doing wrong back there?" Mabel asked. "We were being nice to the customer, we were cheerful, we were kind, we were just like big ol' rays of sunshine!"
"Yeah, I'm sure staring directly at someone is being 'a ray of sunshine'." Dipper responded sarcastically.
"There has to be something to this that we're missing." Connie said. "All we need is that final piece of the puzzle and then we'll be set for selling!"
"You know, why is it that we're the only ones failing at this selling stuff?" Steven asked. "Mr. Pines seems to do it really well. Yesterday, I saw him sell a box that he said had two smaller boxes inside of it that would tell you your potential futures, but he told me afterward that they were just regular boxes."
"Typical Grunkle Stan." Dipper muttered. Then, it clicked. "Wait, that's it!"
"What's it?" Mabel asked.
"Grunkle Stan only sold those boxes because he lied about them." Dipper explained. "So that means-"
"Wait, you want us to lie?" Connie interrupted. "Dipper, I don't know if that's…"
"Look Connie, I've already put a lot of money into this, and I'm not going to let it go to waste." Dipper said. "Besides, what are we even gonna do with all these chocolate bars otherwise?"
"I'll eat 'em!" Mabel unhelpfully suggested.
"Dipper, I have to agree with Connie here." Steven solemnly said. "I mean, what if everyone we sell to finds out we lied to them? Then we're gonna get in a lot of trouble, and I don't want the Gems to know I lied!"
"Steven, let's be honest here." Dipper said. "Most of the people in Gravity Falls aren't really… the brightest."
Just then, across the street, Thompson found a quarter on the ground, and tried to pick it up, not realizing it'd been glued to the sidewalk. He kept trying to rip it out until he heard snickered from his friends. Thompson quickly put two and two together. "Hey guys, that's not funny!" In a rage, he ran after them, and his friends cackled as they ran off.
"Case in point." Dipper crossed his arms.
"Besides, Steven, don't think of it as lying!" Mabel encouraged. "Think of it like… like… you're stretching the truth!"
"Stretching the truth…? …I guess." Steven said.
They heard McGucket screaming for chocolate again, and ran off.
"Look, there's another house!" Connie said, pointing ahead at a smaller green house, after they'd finally gotten rid of McGucket for the
"Perfect." Dipper said. He turned to his sister. "Mabel, let's work together on this one. Let me get the customer warmed up, and then you come in for the kill."
"The kill!" Mabel cheered as she and Dipper walked to the door. "Steven, I want you to pay extra close attention to what we do!" She rang the doorbell.
The door soon opened. In the house, there was an elderly lady supporting herself with a cane. "Yes?" The elderly lady, Margaret asked.
"Hello, young lady." Dipper said, earning a snicker from Mabel. "We're selling chocolate. Is your mother home?"
Margaret stood there for a moment. "MOM!" She yelled. There was a squeaking noise coming from somewhere else in the house.
"What, what, what's with all the yelling?" The owner of the voice soon came into view. It was Margaret's mother, Susan… sitting in a wheelchair. With how old she was, it was a miracle she was even alive at all. "You just can't wait for me to die, can you?"
"They're selling chocolate." Margaret said.
"Chocolate?" Susan asked.
"What, what are they selling?"
"Chocolates!" Margaret all but yelled.
"What?" Susan asked even louder.
"I can't hear you!"
Dipper and Mabel looked at each other, both of them giving a weird expression aimed at the situation they were currently in.
"They're selling chocolates!" Margaret yelled at the top of her lungs.
"They're selling chocolate?" Susan asked.
"Yeah!" Margaret said.
"Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate." A smile crept onto Susan's face. "Sweet, sweet chocolate." She suddenly frowned. "I always hated it!"
Knowing he was close to losing the sale, Dipper tried to divert the topic. "Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for…" Try as he might, he couldn't think of a good enough lie.
"You rub it on your skin and you'll get to live forever!" Mabel came to his rescue.
Margaret suddenly looked worried, shaking her head while repeatedly saying "No" over and over again, hoping that the kids would backtrack on what they just said.
"Live forever you say?" Susan asked, intrigued. "I'll take one." At Susan's statement, Margaret facepalmed. Dipper gave Margaret the chocolate, and in return, Margaret reluctantly gave him two dollars.
Susan wheeled out of the doorway. "Come on, you lazy Margaret!" She yelled from in the house. "Start rubbing me with the chocolate!"
Margaret glared at the twins. "I hate you." She slammed the door. Dipper and Mabel walked back to Steven and Connie, happy that, after a few hours of trying to sell chocolate bars, they were finally able to get one sale.
"See, Steven?" Dipper said. "All we have to do is just smooth-talk and lie a little, and then we make a sale!"
"…And that's all we have to do?" Steven asked.
"Don't worry, Steven." Connie reassured. "Once we get going on selling, it won't be long before we become entrepreneurs!"
"Hooray for lying!" Mabel cheered. "I mean… hooray for twisting the truth!"
With their newfound strategy, the kids set out to sell as many chocolate bars to as many willing customers as possible. Even if they twisted the truth to the point where they were blatantly lying, that didn't stop them from making quick and constant sales.
"You'll confess your love to the person you love most!" Steven said to Lars, who responded by glaring at him, giving him two dollars, snatching the candy bar, and slamming the door to his house, all within a few seconds.
"They'll make you live forever!" Mabel said to Onion.
"It'll make you smarter!" Connie said to Tyler.
"Your long-lost friend will come back to you!" Dipper said to Soos, who responded with pumping his fist.
"You'll be more compassionate!" Steven said to Pacifica.
"You'll be less of a creep." Mabel quickly said to Gideon before running off.
"They'll make you have more business!" Connie said to Mr. Smiley.
"You'll… find out the truth about this town?" Dipper said to Ronaldo.
With these lies and so many more, the kids were quickly racking up money from sales, to the point where they were beginning to run out of chocolate bars. Their sales made their total money output go up into the positive, netting them several hundred dollars in the span of only a day. Their lies began to get more and more extreme, to the point where they began faking sick and acting like they have injuries.
But even so, they were beginning to run out of customers, so they went to one of the few houses they'd yet to pass, planning their biggest lie yet. Each of them wore at least one cast, some bandages, and Connie even had an IV pack, courtesy of borrowing from her mother for a 'project'.
"This is gonna be so hilarious." Dipper said while snickering. There was a huge cast on his left arm, and multiple other bandages strewn about his body.
"I know, this looks so believable!" Steven said, looking at his own bandages. "I hope this customer doesn't know I have healing spit, though."
"Steven, the only other person that would know besides us is currently flying through space." Dipper deadpanned, reminding Steven of what happened with Lapis and her cracked Gem.
"I hope my mom doesn't find out what I really did with this IV bag." Connie said, pulling said bag closer to her. "I told her we needed it as a prop for a movie we were making. She had a bandage wrapped around her left eye.
"This sucker will feel so sorry for all of us that he'll have to buy everything we have!" Mabel said in between laughter. Along with having several bandages like everyone else, she was faking holding herself up with crutches. Using one of the crutches, she rung the doorbell. It was a bit hard to reach thanks to the door being on some steps.
The four kids began uncontrollably snickering, imagining the sorrowful reaction of the customer when they opened the door. But as it opened, the customer only peeked his head out a little bit.
"What can I do for you boys?" The customer asked, his voice noticeably strained.
"Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar?" Connie asked, making sure to look sad. "We really need the money for an operation."
"Really?" The customer asked. "Small world." When the customer got out of the house, the four kids' hearts sunk. He was covered head to toe in bandages except for his eyes and mouth, one of his legs was sat upright on a small wheeler, leaving him to only be able to move around by hobbling on the one leg. It was impossible for him to move his arms, and one of his eyes was covered with an eye patch. There was even a breathing mask around his mouth, and some wires keeping him upright. "What's the matter with you guys?"
Mabel grew nervous. "Well, uh… we've got… head trauma and…"
"Internal bleeding." Steven finished, trying to look convincing. "It hurts on the inside!"
"And my arm nearly got chopped off in a freak accident." Dipper added, showing the arm wrapped in a cast. "I can still feel the pain… thankfully there was just a sliver still attached."
"Ah, some guys just have all the luck." The customer sighed. "I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms." The kids couldn't help but shed a tear. "At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep."
Without warning, the wires that were holding the customer suddenly snapped. "Oh no…" The customer said, almost like he knew this was inevitable. He fell onto the stairs, making a noise like glass broke. He continued to fall until he reached the bottom of the stairs, making sounds of agony.
"AH, we have to help him!" Steven yelled. He and the others ditched their bandages and casts in order to help lift the customer back into his own home. They managed to carry him to a couch where he could rest safely, despite the pain he was in.
"I feel really, really bad." Mabel said. "Is there anything we can do to help?"
The customer stayed still in thought for a moment. "Well, there is one thing… as you can imagine, my medical bills are extremely high. But luckily, I am able to keep myself by selling… chocolate bars." He gestured his head over to the back corner of the room, where there was a few boxes of chocolate bars.
Despite the considerable progress the kids made throughout the day, this guy's medical bills were more important than some dream of theirs. Added to the fact that they even tried to pretend multiple times that they were sick when this guy was sick all along only pounded the guilt harder into them, which was why after taking one look at the chocolate, they knew what they had to do.
The customer looked out his window as he saw the four kids walking away from his house, each carrying a crate of chocolate bars.
"Such nice kids." He let out a small sigh before unexpectedly, he began to laugh, pulling off all his bandages, revealing his regular clothes underneath. "It does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those four!"
Yet again, Conner had conned the kids, leading them to spend all of their hard-earned money. As far as they knew, they'd done a good deed, but as they walked along the sidewalk, they couldn't help but feel solemn. They were so close to victory, but…
"You know, it is great that we helped that guy out, but…" Connie let out a sigh. "We won't be able to make a profit anymore, there's no one else in town to sell chocolate bars to. Guess we're gonna have to go to Velocity Springs…"
"Let's just admit that… we failed." Dipper said. "We were so close! I just hope no other horribly injured people show up."
"…I can live with failing." Steven shrugged. "Sometimes when I go on missions with the Gems, I… don't exactly do the right thing."
"Let's change our names to Why, Bother, Even, and Trying." Mabel sighed, eating a chocolate bar in shame.
But as the kids continued their sorrowful walk, a sudden shriek literally knocked them off of their feet, spilling the chocolate bars. McGucket was standing in front of them, looking crazed, like a wild animal that hasn't eaten in days. The kids looked at him in horror. McGucket began to stalk toward them.
The four screamed before trying to back away, all of them pleading with McGucket for him not to hurt them. Steven even tried to summon his shield to protect them, but despite it working three times before, it refused to appear now.
McGucket laughed wildly, standing in front of them. "Finally! I've been trying to catch you four all day!" He pointed at them. "And now that I've got you right where I want you…" Against everything they thought he'd do, McGucket took his hat off and pulled a large sum of money out of it. "I wanna buy all of your chocolate!"
The kids could only look at him in a mixture of shock and surprise.
"Thanks again for all the chocolate bars!" McGucket waved back to the kids as he walked away, behind him a wheelbarrow full of chocolate bars.
"You're welcome!" Mabel said, waving back to him. "Next time don't look like you're trying to kill us!" She turned back to the others, a large sum of money on the ground in the middle of them all.
"I-I can't believe it!" Dipper said, picking up one of the dollars. "We actually did it! Look at all this money!"
"What are we even gonna do with it?" Connie asked. "How would fancy people even use this much?"
"Hmm…" Steven was in thought. "Oh, I have an idea!"
It was night. Stan got out of his car and walked to the entrance of Seafood Aquatica, the fanciest seafood establishment. He strode up to the waiter standing outside.
"Table for one." Stan, not having any kind of courtesy. "I've had a long day today, and I'm gonna have a long night tonight, so I figured I may as well relax here and eat a bit. I suppose you couldn't hook me up with one of those fancy booths, could you?"
"Sorry sir, but the entire restaurant has been rented to a private party tonight." The waiter apologized.
"What? The entire restaurant?" Stan questioned. "What kind of loon would do something as stupid as that?"
"Oh, just a quartet of rich entrepreneurs." The waiter answered.
Stan put two and two together. It wasn't hard to figure out who these "entrepreneurs" really were. He grumbled and walked back to his car before he drove off.
Inside the restaurant, the four kids were living it up, sitting at one of the fanciest booths. All of them were clearly having a great time, they were talking to each other, reliving previous fun memories they had, and even tried some seafood they never would've eaten otherwise. All in all, today had been a clear success in every sense of the word.
"To entrepreneurship?" Dipper asked, raising his glass of water.
"To entrepreneurship!" The other three kids said. The four tried to clink their glasses against each other, only for them to all break, spilling water everywhere. They were silent for a moment before they burst out in laughter, only reaffirming the strong friendship between the four of them, as they enjoyed this night the best they could.