RWBY Hellsing

AN: wow, haven't updated in a while. Any who the long awaited chapter 18!

Chapter 18: hijinks

Let it never go unsaid the motivation of a hellhound chasing you down could produce resaults. Alucard was lounging casually on a lawn chair under the shade of a tree as he watched Baskerville Chase the students around the school for the 7th time. It was on the second try the students remembered what they were training for and tried to fight the hellhound only for Neo to be sent flying which lead to more running and screaming.

"Two more laps." Alucard lazily called as the students passed by once more with Ruby and Weiss in the lead followed by the local werewolves and Neo Ark. Bringing up the rear was Juan and Cardin's old team with the Ark boy narrowly outpacing them. A few meters behind them Baskerville snapped his jaws as he lumbered along.

"WHO WANTS TO PARTY YOU WANNA PAR-"

"Hello, fuck mothering vampire here." Alucard grinned widely as he answered his scroll. He would of preferred to of kept his old phone from the 2000s but they weren't compatible with technology past 2300. Staring back at him through the screen was a disheveled white haired Jaques Schnee. "Hi fuck nugget."

"Don't you 'Hi' me you bastard!" Jaques snarled in anger. "I want my wife back!"

"Hmm, let me th-NO!" Alucard snapped making the man jump. "she's a rather good fuck and fun when drunk, so basically most of the time, you threw that away, end of discussion." Alucard then ended the call as the students made their 10th pass and Baskerville padded to a stop and sat on his haunches panting. "Good boy." Alucard smirked at the hellhound. His smirk only grew as he noticed the terrified students were peaking around the corner asides Neo and Blake who had made themselves comfortable in the tree.

"Leason one. Do not fuck with the hellhound." Yang panted as she flopped onto her back with Velvet and Coco doing the same. "Especially the pervy one."

"You horn dog you!" Alucard laughed at the unrepentant hellhound. "Always chasing some tail."

"Your puns suck." Yang chuckled.

"And you're no howl either." Alucard shot back.

"Oh Satan, they're at it again." Ruby sighed as she lent against the shaded part of the wall with an exhausted Weiss on her shoulders.

Neo slumped in defeat as Juan started taking notes with Pyrrah on the bad jokes, apparently Juan was the only one who didn't notice the red haired woman's crush on him.

"Anyway, lesson two." Alucard smirked widely drawing shudders of fear from the students. "Walking."

"What." Nora deadpanned. "I ain't no baby! I can walk just fine hey renny!" She girl smirked widely electing a sigh from Ren as he shook his head in exasperation.

"He means the fun kind of walk that usually ends up with mass destruction, several hookers, booze and a stolen tank." Ruby stated with a cheerful grin. "When I go on walks I tend to end up in a brawl, several thousand lein in damages and with less cookies than I'd like."

"ONLY several thousand?" Wiess asked with a raised eyebrow. " How did you manage that?"

"I go for VERY enthusiastic walks." Ruby replied with a fanged smirk.

"Goof." Wiess muttered fondly as she messed up Ruby's hair.

"Any who, you have two hours to walk about the forrest and cause as much mayhem, preferably chaos, as possible. I have put a fair few of my firmilials in the forrest along with several vehicles. So what are you waiting for? Set loose the hounds of war! Crush your enemy, kill them! DESTROY THEM!" Alucard called dramatically, his eyes burning a bright red visible through his glasses.

"Give them a hug!" Ruby called with a fist pump and a small jump in the air, Wiess clinging to her back in panic.

"Heh, that too." Alucard gave a savage grin, his fangs glinting in the light. "You will be graded on this so get into your teams and go. Anybody looses a limb then it's their own fault."

"Wait, how is this important to monster hunting?" Juan asked as Alucard calmly drew a whistle from a pocket inside his jacket.

"Don't know, don't care BEGIN!" Alucard roared as he blew the whistle loudly making everyone, even those without enhanced hearing bolt from the painful sound.

[Elsewhere]

The mayor's eye was twitching in annoyance at the sight before him. Him and his men were well aware of Alucard's preference for special turkeys and as such would avoid them like the plague. However they ran into a slight problem, that being that the entire blood supply room had been raided and the bags replaced with turkeys.

"ARZT!" The major screamed in anger. "PRÜFEN SIE DIE SICHERUNGSVERSORGUNG, DIE DER BASTARD WIEDER ERHALTEN HAT!"

"Yes Herr Major." A skinny blonde in a white suit grinned as he adjusted his glasses. "HANS! Überprüfen Sie die Sicherheitsbänder!" He bellowed at a random white fang faunus, this one being a burly blonde with the horns of a mountain goat.

"Damn you to hell Alucard." The major growled in anger as a white substance began to leak from the turkeys. "Damn you."

[With Willow]

The mother of Wiess, Winter and witley giggled drunkenly as she sloshed her thirtyth glass of blood and wine while she staggered down the hall of what was her manor after she picked her ex husband out along with Witley, she did love to kid but he was too much like his father.

"Mary hatte ein kleines Lamm, dessen Blut rot war wie das ihre." She sang loudly, raising her glass as she stumbled against Seras who was equally as drunk.

Behind them a few paces staggered along a dark haired cat faunus with pierced cat ears, a glass of wine hung loosely from her fingers as she trailed along behind them hiccuping slightly as she went. "Can't wait till we find a bed." The woman gave a drunken giggle.

"Ich habe mich immer gefragt, wie eine Katze schmecken würde" willow giggled as she dragged the two into the closest room she could find.

"Whatevah yor sayin sondsh secshy." Seras slurred as they fell into a heap on a long couch in what appeared to be a library.

"Kali want some fun." The faunus giggled as she crashed her lips against Willow's making the vampiress moan. "Betah den firsht plan."

"Waz that?" Seras managed.

"Gonna...gon...take ya moony." The faunus slurred as she began to kneed Willow's breasts. "Dis bettah."

"Mehr." Willow groaned as she pulled the two drunks in closer.

End. Translations: ARZT: Doctor

PRÜFEN SIE DIE SICHERUNGSVERSORGUNG, DIE DER BASTARD WIEDER ERHALTEN HAT: Check the spare supplies, that bastard has gotten in again

Überprüfen Sie die Sicherheitsbänder: Check the sicurity tapes!

Mary hatte ein kleines Lamm, dessen Blut rot war wie das ihre.: Mary had a little lamb who's blood was red as her's.

Ich habe mich immer gefragt, wie eine Katze schmecken würde: Always wondered what cat would taste like.

Mehr: more.