13(A/N: I do not own Duck Dodgers or Looney Tunes. That right belongs to Warner Bros.)
Duck Dodgers was known as many things by people: A dolt, moron, incompetent buffoon, an arrogant ass but above all else (For whatever reason), he was known as a hero. Mostly because of his luck. No matter the circumstance, he always managed to make it through at the last moment. That was one thing that everyone agreed on despite how they may have felt about him.
Unfortunately, it seemed his luck ran out today for he was captured by a fleet of Martian ships. The surprise came out of nowhere and was shockingly similar to the time he was kidnapped the first time by Martians. Of course, anyone would have thought that maybe an upgrade to the security system would be appropriate for an event such as that. However, Dodgers felt that his...cat like reflexes would let him know when he was about to be attacked. Obviously, that wasn't the case here.
After being knocked out for about an hour, he was now wrapped in chains and held in a light green shaded tube as the Martian guards carried him throughout the palace. Dodgers wouldn't admit it, he was rather nervous. After all, not only was he stepping in the belly of the beast, he was also stepping in the home of his former short-lived lover: Queen Tyr'ahnee. He knew she wasn't over him and like the old saying went: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...or something like that, Dodgers thought.
Suddenly his tube was placed down on a surface and the walls around him came down to reveal Commander X-2 (Marvin as the locals called him) as he was surrounded by the traditional martian guards.
"Hello, Dodgers. I hope you had a pleasant nap. It was a warm up to the eternal slumber you'll soon be experiencing rather soon" X-2 said and even though he didn't have a mouth, Dodgers knew a pleased expression when he saw one. Dodgers rolled his eyes.
"Well, itsh good to know thath you're thish obseshed with me to kidnap me for no good reashon, ol' pal o' mine" Dodgers said.
"We are not 'pals', Dodgers. You are a thorn in my side that I am most eager to pull out. Also, I didn't abduct you out of sheer boredom, Dodgers though I do say would be a marvelous idea for a new hobby. No, you see I was instructed by higher authority to capture you and hold you here...by the beautiful queen herself...in the torture chamber" X-2 said.
Dodgers let out a gulp. Torture and chamber were never words that went well together.
"Finally, after all this time, this universe will be rid of the nuisance that is Duck Dodgers. Unfortunately, I won't be here to finish you off. My beloved queen will be the one to do it" X-2 said, half-disappointed. After this mongrel had ripped his beautiful queen away from him, he was determined to exact some revenge against him. He supposed this would do and maybe his queen would come to her senses and love him as she once did for a short time, X-2 thought with giddy.
After a few more minutes of tormenting Dodgers, X-2 had the guards place him in restraints held by pure energy that spread out his arms and legs. He would be an easy target to blast right then and there but he had his orders.
Suddenly, X-2 heard the doors to the torture chamber open and he turned. Inside came the beautiful Queen of Mars herself. She was wrapped in a tight black latex body outfit that covered every inch of her body other than her head. X-2's eyes nearly popped out of his head at this sight for extremely sore eyes. The queen also had a whip in one hand. She kind of almost looked like some earth villain X-2 had read about somewhere...she would fight against some bat-type creature. Anyway, it didn't matter at the moment but boy was he enjoying the sight.
"Commander, you and the guards leave here at once. I want to perform this act of justice personally and alone" The queen said.
X-2 bowed. "Yes my queen. As you command"
He started to walk (Or what looked like running very slowly as his feet moved so quick) out of the room with the guards floating behind him. The queen and Dodgers exchanged eyes as she held the whip around her neck.
When the doors slid closed, the queen removed the whip from her neck and lashed out her whip into the dead air, cracking it inches away from Dodgers face. The duck flinched at the near contact.
"Finally I have you right where I want you, Dodgers. Nowhere to run now" The queen said, stepping closer to Dodgers. She wrapped the whip tenderly around Dodgers neck, toying with him. A part of her wanted to finally have her way with him...but no. She was over him. She was a strong queen and would not be broken down by a duck of all things.
"Never took you for the kinky type, milady" Dodgers said with a smirk.
The Queen scowled and quickly swiped the whip away off Dodgers neck. Dodgers flinched at the slight pain caused by the swift removal.
"What's the matter, Dodgers? Nervous? Afraid?" Tyr'ahnee asked.
"What? Me? No, no, no. I'm not afraid. I'm just…..distracting you while forming my master plan to escape" Dodgers said.
"Which is?" Tyr'ahnee asked with an eyebrow raised.
Dodgers looked to Tyr'ahnee with an expression on his face that indicated that he had no plan whatsoever.
"I...would tell you...but I can't. It wouldn't be wishe to give away a mashter plan like that, you know?" Dodgers asked with a nervous chuckle.
"Clever. Knowing you, it would be a plan similar to the plan you formed when you sought to humiliate me by planning a wedding with me and betraying me the night before we were to be wed" Tyr'ahnee.
"Ah, come on now. It didn't happen like that" Dodgers said, trying to defend himself.
"Oh, didn't it? Then tell me, what did it happen like, Dodgers? Because all I can recall was a consort throne empty, a wedding dress left unworn, a bridal chamber left barren and a woman's heart broken and a queen being mocked by her own citizens. Does that not sound familiar?"
"Alright, I adhmit, I washn't exactly thoughtful in my departure but hey, you can't blame the whole thing on me. I wash fooled by that bucket head you call a Commander!" Dodgers said.
Tyr'ahnee rolled her eyes. "I don't want to hear it, Dodgers. I've heard enough of your lies. This is a long time coming. Your arrogance and insolence will be your undoing"
"Whatever floatsh your boat, babe. I'm not the guy you should be goin' after here" Dodgers said.
"Arrogant as ever, Dodgers. I should have expected as much. I'm going to enjoy this" Tyr'ahnee said.
She cracked her whip once more and began to aim it for real towards Dodger's body. A part of her pained to do this as she was still madly in love with him but she knew that this was how it was supposed to be. It wasn't meant to be between the two of them. They were too different. They wanted different things. They were enemies. It was for the best.
"Can I at leasht shay something before you finish me off?" Dodgers asked.
Tyr'ahnee hesitated for a second before putting her arm down.
"You have a minute" Tyr'ahnee said.
"Good. All I have to shay ish don't act like I don't regret walking away from what was supposed to be our wedding" Dodgers said.
Tyr'ahnee raised an eyebrow.
"What are you babbling on about?" She asked.
"I left because before I went into your bedroom, my ol' 'buddy', X-2, came into my room and told me all about theshe methane farmsh I would have to look over when I would be king" Dodgers asked.
Tyr'ahnee gave a confused expression.
"Methane farms? We have no methane farms. Besides, a consort only really has symbolic power. It has no actual responsibilities" Tyr'ahnee said.
"I know that now. He lied to me. I thought you wanted me as a king so you could use me to do thish methane farm thingy" Dodgers said.
"That's ridiculous...Commander X-2...he...he wouldn't dare" Tyr'ahnee said.
"Uh-huh. Right. I bet. Keep tellin' that to yourself, babe. I've said all I have to say. You want to finish me off? Go ahead a get it over with" Dodgers said, closing his eyes as he awaited the strike.
Tyr'ahnee stood there silent. She didn't know what to think. Was that what it was all about. He left her because of a lie the commander told him? This was all very confusing to her. She stayed still for several minutes with her hand up ready to strike Dodgers until she put her hand down.
"Very well, Dodgers. I'll investigate this matter first hand. Until then, you are to be escorted to a prison cell. Note that if what you say isn't true, the punishment will be twice as cruel as to what it was originally going to be. Understand?" Tyr'ahnee.
"Yeah. That soundsh positively lovely, sweedums" Dodgers said sarcastically.
"Guards!" Tyr'ahnee called. From outside the chamber, two guards came in and hovered toward the queen, waiting for her command.
"Seize the prisoner and take him to one of the holding cells" Tyr'ahnee said.
"Yes, your majesty" They both said simultaneously. One of them pressed a button on their arms and Dodgers was released, falling to the ground. The two guards picked him up and proceeded to drag him out of the room.
Outside, X-2 was eagerly awaiting the news of Dodgers demise but he saw two guards drag Dodgers out of the room, looking like he didn't even have a scratch on him. Now he was really confused. He entered the room and walked towards his beloved Queen.
"My Queen, I thought you were going to finally vanquish him. I don't understand" X-2 said.
"There's been a change of plans, Commander. Dodgers execution has been suspended until further notice while I...think things over" Tyr'ahnee said, giving a quick glare to X-2 before walking towards the doors to the chamber.
Before stepping out, she stopped.
"Oh and Commander...this may have a drastic effect on your future here on Mars" She said. She turned her head around and narrowed her eyes, deepening her glare at him.
"A very drastic effect" Tyr'ahnee said before stepping out of the room.
X-2 blinked and gave a gulp. This didn't sound good whatever it was. He didn't know what happened but he was starting to think the bigger loser of all this may not be Dodgers after all.