A/N: I have been dreaming of writing this fic since the episode aired almost a year ago. Jealous Harvey is my fave! It will be a multi-chapter fic, and I plan to update quickly. Thank you to Heather, Stephanie, and Blue for your amazing guidance as I venture into this world of Fanfiction, and thanks to Nathalie for all your unwavering support.
Harvey walks into his apartment with an extra bounce in his step. Well, a bounce in his step, anyway. Extra would imply that Harvey Specter's typical step has a bounce, which couldn't be further from the truth.
Today was a good day. He had gotten Stu out of what seemed like an impossible jam, and he had done so by teaming up with Donna. He also made amends with Louis, hopefully for good this time. Shit, they'd even shared a prunie, no pun intended.
He tosses his keys on the counter, loses the jacket, and rolls up his sleeves. After pouring himself a scotch he walks out onto his balcony.
Harvey has never thought of himself as an introspective guy. In fact, he rarely looked back, much less inside. He kept his eyes forward. Focused on the future. On his goals.
But, lately, he had noticed a change. He found himself pondering… wondering about things.
For example, what did Gretchen mean last night when she said Donna had plans? What kind of plans? Something about the way she had said it bothered him. It was like she knew something he didn't.
Then, on top of that, this morning Donna was late to work. And not just 20 minutes late, like I couldn't get a cab, or I spilled coffee on my dress kind of late. Hours late. Like, morning meeting late. And that didn't sit well with him at all.
Harvey shakes his head and curses himself for being such a pussy. Christ, if Mike knew what was going through his head right now, he would never hear the fucking end of it.
So, to prove he's no pussy, he picks up the phone and calls Donna. It doesn't mean anything. He just wants to celebrate.
He gets her voicemail.
"Hey Donna. I was thinking we could grab a drink to celebrate. I'll leave it up to you if that's interesting enough or not."
He ends the call and sits down. There it is again, he notices, as he takes a swig of his scotch. That weird feeling that something is off.
"I'm losing my shit," he mumbles to himself.
He calls Mike next.
Harvey leaves a message for Mike as well and then finishes his drink. Well, three drinks.
When he finally gets up to go to bed, he tells himself the queasy feeling in his gut is due to the liquor, not the fact that Donna never called back.
Ever since this morning when Harvey had explained to Donna about the trouble with Stu, she hasn't been able to shake the bad feeling in her gut.
She paces around her apartment thinking about what could've happened today. She's relieved, of course, that it worked out. And a little proud of her role in it, if she's honest with herself. They had been able to use their connection with Cahill to corner _ into a blackmail accusation and it had been her idea.
But that bad feeling doesn't really go away. It's the same feeling she has every time she gets involved in something shady. And every time she gets involved in something shady, it always circles back to Harvey.
She takes a sip of her wine, and looks out her window.
Her thoughts shift to her night with Thomas, and a smile slowly spreads across her face.
He's… perfect. Handsome, smart and most importantly emotionally available.
She decides to call him with the intention of just talking. She's carrying the weight of what happened today and she wants to share it with him. I mean, that's what couples do, right?
But before she knows it, she's agreed to go to his place. She's going to spend the night with him, two days in a row. The thought makes her a little giddy.
What she doesn't know, is that when she sets her phone on the coffee table to go change her clothes, she misses a call from Harvey. A call that just may have changed her plans for the evening.
Harvey hasn't even put his lips to his coffee when he runs into Scottie outside the firm the next morning.
She plays innocent, of course, but he knows better.
Back in the office, he immediately finds Donna and tells her to drop everything and figure out what the hell Scottie's business is with him.
That woman is definitely up to something and finding out what it is should have his full attention.
So why does he almost stop Donna to ask if she had gotten his message last night? What the fuck is wrong with him?
Turns out, he was spot on with his concerns about Scottie. And as much as he tried to stay one step ahead, he fell right into her trap.
Damn Black Widow.
He unintentionally sells out Samantha which gets his balls in a vice and the more he tries to fix it, the worse it gets. And once he tries to offer Scottie a way out of the war she had gotten herself into and gets a "fuck off" for his efforts, he decides to wash his hands of the whole thing.
Donna's not sure who she thought she would find on the other side of her door this morning, but it certainly wasn't Scottie.
"Scottie. What are you doing here?" she asks, not hiding her surprise.
"I need to know if Samantha Wheeler is really the attack dog Harvey says she is," Scottie responds.
"Noooo. I heard about you tricking Harvey into giving you information. I'm not going to let you do the same thing to me." Donna starts to shut the door.
"This is not about tricking you, Donna," Scottie says as she stops the door with her hand. "This is about me staying out of prison."
Donna lets her in after that bombshell and Scottie fills her in on the trouble she's in.
A few minutes later, Donna shows Scottie out. She knows what she needs to do. And she also knows that Harvey isn't going to like it.
As she sips her wine she can't shake a few of Scottie's comments from her mind.
Let's face it. For a long time now you've had a lot more sway over him than me.
You mean, steer clear of Harvey?
She knew what Scottie was implying, so why hadn't she set her straight?
She should have said, I'm in a relationship with someone else, Scottie. Or, I don't need you to steer clear of Harvey, it's the firm I'm worried about.
She knows why, of course. She does want Scottie to keep away. Scottie and every other woman for that matter.
It doesn't mean anything.
She finishes her glasses of wine, heads to bed, and blames the dream she had about Harvey on Scottie as well.
The next day when Donna confronts Harvey about helping Scottie, the conversation goes about as well as she had expected.
"Okay, what are you going to do it about it?" she asks Harvey.
"I'm not going to do anything about it," he practically spits out.
"What is wrong with you?" Donna says, disgusted with his attitude.
"Why the hell are you even defending her?" Harvey's face and tone incredulous.
"Why shouldn't I defend her?" Donna fires back.
"Because, you've always been…," Harvey hesitates and doesn't finish his sentence.
"Been what?" Donna challenges. "Afraid to say it?" She looks down. "Yah. That's not a surprise."
After they finish their conversation, Donna walks out and Harvery feels pissed off. Pissed off at her for making him feel guilty. Pissed off at Scottie for putting him in this situation. Pissed off at himself for not being able to finish his sentence about Donna usually being jealous of Scottie. And even more pissed off that he knows he prefers it when she is.
And despite being knee deep in a complete shit show, his main concern is still what Donna was up to the other night. And, more importantly, with whom. He grumbles as he rubs his pounding temple.
Donna is confident that despite Harvey's typical combative behavior, she had struck a chord by using his, Loyalty is a two-way street, mantra, and she's confident he'll do what she asked.
Later that evening she's working in her office when Louis comes in to get her advice on Stan's case. She sees it as the perfect opportunity to tell him about Thomas.
She's relieved to hear that Louis has no problem with the two of them seeing each other.
Relieved, that is, until he asks the question she should have seen coming.
"Have you told Harvey yet?"
She hasn't. And, thank God, Louis didn't ask why she hasn't, because she would've had no answer for him. She has to tell Harvey, and she'd better do it soon, before things get even more awkward.
It's no big deal, she assures herself. They have always been open about when and if they were dating someone.
But after Louis walk out she glances to the spot where she was sitting when Harvey told her about Paula, and her stomach turns at the memory.
Yah, right. No big deal at all.
She has plans with Thomas, and just as she's finishing up the day's paperwork, she gets a call from Scottie to let her know that everything worked out. Scottie's grateful for Donna's role in getting her off the hot seat with Samantha, but she wants to know why Donna decided to help her.
Donna considers her question. "There are a lot of things that we're at odds with each other about, Scottie, but the one thing we've always had in common is that we both care about him. And you've always protected him. That means something."
"I called to tell you that I'm going to live up to our agreement. From now on, I'll stay away from him," Scottie responds.
"I told you, that's not what I meant."
"I know. I'm going to anyway. And, Donna. I… I hope someday he sees what everyone sees."
Donna hangs up her phone and sits is silence. She has really got to stop letting Scottie get into her head. But there is that small voice inside her that she can't seem to ignore saying, me too Scottie, me too.
Harvey pours himself himself a scotch and stands in his office looking out at the skyline. His hand is shaking slightly as he raises it to his lips.
His conversation with Samatha hadn't been fun. But he had made his point, and she had come through.
That wasn't the conversation, however, that had his heart beating out of his chest.
He had just hung up the phone with Scottie and of all the things she had ever said to him, nothing had ever shaken him like this.
She's in love with you, Harvey… but I think she's moving on. If you don't tell her soon, it may be too late.
She had caught him so off guard, his denial was forced and weak. She saw right through it. And for the first time he could remember, so did he.
"Jesus," he shakes his head, downs what's left in his glass, and heads out to see if he can catch Donna, before he loses his nerve.
Harvey's heart is pounding erratically as he walks down the hall toward her office. He runs his fingertips absently over his palms and notices they're sweaty.
Determined not to back down this time, despite having no idea what exactly he plans to say, he wipes his palms on his pants and picks up his pace.
As he approaches Donna's office he can see it's empty. Just when he thinks another chance has passed him by, he catches a glimpse of her rounding the corner towards the elevators.
He swallows the lump in his throat and lets out a shaky breath.
He continues to follow her but doesn't call out her name. He's certainly not looking for an audience for what he's about to do. Instead he stops, momentarily, to try to slow his heart rate.
Act casual, you idiot.
"Hey," Harvey manages.
"Hey," Donna says back. Feeling a little awkward about the fact that she's about to meet up with Thomas.
"I just wanted you to know—"
"Scottie called to thank me Harvey," she cuts him off. Where is he going with this? she wonders.
"That's funny. She just called me." Harvey shoves a hand in his pocket. Say something else!
"Well, I guess she's grateful to the both of us," Donna adds as the tension between them builds, silently wishing she had already pushed the elevator button.
"I guess so," he offers lamely. Hands in pockets. Heart racing.
"Um..." Okay, Harvey… this is it. He tells himself as he pauses to touch his nose for no good reason.
"Did she say something... to you… about…"
The look on Donna's face, in her eyes, makes Harvey want to run for cover. He feels like his stomach in his throat.
Donna's own heart is pounding now as she senses where he is headed. His timing could not be worse.
"About what?" she questions him, sure that he won't finish that sentence. Because, he never does.
"About... us." He is just as shocked to hear those words as Donna is.
"What do you mean, us?" Donna's voice is almost defensive. She wants to scream at him, "WHAT DO MEAN US?" But she remains calm.
"I mean, you and… me, and well, us." Harvey exhales and wipes his face with his hand again.
"Look, Donna," he continues. "You know I'm not good at this. How about you let me take you out for a drink? Maybe some alcohol will help me get out what I am trying to say."
He offers her the most vulnerable smile and then adds, "Even though I think you already know." He mumbles it in a sheepish tone she is certain she has never heard coming from Harvey Specter.
He is looking down at his feet so he doesn't see her gaping mouth.
Donna is in complete shock. Her mouth has gone completely dry and she is certain that this must be a dream.
Harvey, looks up at her with that gorgeous smirk. "What do you say?"
Before Donna has a chance to respond, the elevator doors open.
"Oh. Perfect timing." Thomas Kessler smiles as he places his hand on Donna's arm.
Harvey feels the other man's entrance like a sucker punch to the gut. It takes all the wind from his lungs.
There is no mistaking what is happening here. He grapples internally for something to hold on to. Something to ease the grip on his heart.
"Thomas." Donna is nearly as blindsided as Harvey. Clinging desperately to her composure, she tries to sound natural. "I thought we were meeting downstairs."
The next few minutes are like an out of body experience for Harvey. He is flooded with a sense of numbness and a ringing in his ears.
He is saying something and shaking hands but his vision is foggy and he can't seem to think clearly.
Instead he hears a voice in his head. His own voice, he thinks, but it's so hard to focus.
This is who her plans were with.
She did have a morning meeting. With Thomas Kessler.
You're too late.
It's too late.
Donna has never been more torn. She doesn't just see the pain in his eyes, she feels it. A part of her, an integral part, wants to reach for him. To comfort him. To say yes to whatever it is he's trying to offer.
But her situation is impossible. Thomas walks into the open elevator and she follows.
She turns back to Harvey briefly.
"Goodnight, Harvey," she says softly, her eyes locking with his.
"Goodnight," he responds. But it feels a lot more like goodbye.
The elevator doors shut and Harvey is left alone. More alone than the day she left him for Louis.