(We open with two droids walking down a hall. One is

an AP-5 with a Joisey accent, another is a mouse droid.)

AP-droid:"..So I said; "What's up with Bothans?" You ask em' to get a, a taco, they die tryin' ta bring it, y'know?"

(The mouse droid beeps in agreement. Archie-p0 and R2 approach them.)

AP-droid: "Say look at this-A nerd and his dork!"

(R2 gets angry. Archie-p0 clears his throat, chuckles.)

Archie-p0: "Excuse me, sir, but using such vocabulary isn't going to get you out of most situations. Besides, I do believe you and your, er, tiny friend fit that description better than we do."

(The AP droid and the MSE become more agitated.)

AP-droid: "(clearly angry, groans) NOW LISTEN HERE YA PIECE A' HOT GAH-BAGE, JUST CAUSE YOUSE KNOW ALL DEM FANCY WOIDS AND GOT A FANCY ACCENT DON'T MEAN YOU'RE T' KING O' DA HILL!"

(While the AP-5 rants, Archie notices a lovely female droid. This is TC-14, she is silver, and resembles Lovey Asparagus. Cue romantic music.)

AP-Droid: "AN' DATS WHAT YOU...uh, HELLOOOOOO! GALAXY TO-"

(Archie-p0 decks the AP-5 into a wall. He proceeds to follow her, clearly love-struck. R2 beeps questionably.)

Archie-p0: "Like her? Well, OBVIOUSLY! The problem is, my dear R2 unit...I am fluent in over 6-million forms of communication...but (sighs), the language of love isn't one of them.."

(R2 beeps.)

Archie-p0: "(sarcastic) you're gonna help me date her?"

(R2 chuckles. Cue "Love Machine" by the Miracles. We go through a montage of R2 picking out a suit for Arch, practicing acting suave, and watching black and white romance films. Later, R2 has set up a date for Arch, the latter is nervous.)

Archie-p0: "(hyperventilating) R2 HELP ME! I was always told that women appreciate fine things in life, like ballet, violin music, cheese, wine, shoes, and Barry White, but WHAT IF SHE'S NOT LIKE THAT! WHAT IF SHE'S ACTUALLY A MAN?! WHAT IF SHE'S A DROID-IST?! WHAT IF SHE SELLS REAL ESTATE?!"

(TC-14 arrives, which shuts Arch up. R2 pushes him forward.)

Archie-p0: "Hello..."

TC-14: "(in a sultry tone) Hello.."

(Archie-p0 is turned on by how her voice sounds.)

TC-14: "I must say tonight is rather lovely, wouldn't you?"

(R2 holds up signs for Archie-P0 to read, written in bad penmanship.)

Archie-p0: "(reading) Oh, how I adore the intricate beauty of

these..." (he tries to read what R2-Pea2 is saying)...CONSTIPATIONS!"

(TC-14 laughs, loudly, Arch realizes the error of what he said.)

Arch: "(nervous) Um-I mean-oh..."

TC-14: "(sultry) You're funny...I appreciate humor in a droid.."

(TC-14 kisses him. Archie-p0 short-

circuits.)

End.

Happy Valentines...