X-Terminator

On a rainy day at Maitland Avenue, Ottawa, there's a trio of teenage friends: Ben, Ford and Cal. They walked down the sidewalk, getting soaking wet with all the rain.

Cal: Ugh, this rain is so annoying!

Ben: You're so annoying.

Cal: Yeah, well I hope it ends soon.

Ben: I hope you ends soon.

Cal: Ugh, I'm getting soaked.

Ben: You're getting soaked. Uh... and you're ugly as well.

Cal: As always, Ben, your sense of of humour never ceases to amaze me.

Ben: Was that an insult?!

Cal: You figure it out.

The three continue walking down the streets for school. But behind them, there's a flash of lightning. Another flash, and a ball of light appears on the ground before it disappears, then a man in a black trench coat kneels. He stands up, revealing to be an adult version of Ben.

Future Ben: Finally, after many years I return. Now it's time to...wait. That WAS an insult!

In a dark room, two silhouettes are looking at a huge TV screen, where it says "Time Travel Activated".

Silhouette 1: This is bad. He actually travelled back in time. Now what?

Silhouette 2: I'll think of something.

At school, the school bell rings, signaling the end of class. All the students walked out of the door, each exhausted from their tests. Last out is Ford, who runs out the door happily.

Ford: Hey, guys! Man, that test was cake! I didn't know whether to answer the questions to put frosting on 'em, am I right? Am I right?

Ben: Actually, Ford, I thought it was fairly challenging.

Ford: Challenging? My grandma's Chihuahua could've aced it. I thought connect-the-dots drawings that were harder.

Then, the teacher sticks out the door behind him.

Teacher: FOOOORD!

Ford: Exqueeze me, Mr. Slut probably wants to congratulate me on a job well done.

Later on, the gang walk down the hall as they look at a sheet of paper marked "History Test". Ford's name is written in the namespace, and every question is answered with Batman themed topics. All are marked wrong by a red X, and at the top of the sheet, a big red F rests next to Ford's name, along with four red minuses.

Ben & Cal: [in unison] Quadruple F minus?!

Ford: Well, how's that supposed to know that Batman wasn't the founder of our country? That's what it says on the Batman website!

Cal: W-w-wait, didn't you write the Batman website?

Ford: And your point?

As they walk to the schoolyard sidewalk, Cal and Ford begin their conversation. However, Ben looks ahead to find a shadow staring at him at the nearest alley way, much to his fear.

Ben: Hey guys, do you see a creepy-looking guy over there?

Ford: Whoa, yeah!

Cal: Whoa, that is creepy!

Ben looks back, finding only Freddy Krueger in a different way.

Ben: No, wait. I meant over there.

He points at Future Ben, only before a bus passes by and he disappears.

Ford: Kind of looked like Ben with a beard.

Ben: Don't be silly. Only Cal can grow a beard.

Cal: [with a beard] I have a disorder!

Ben: There's no way it could be me.

Just then, Future Ben shows up from behind.

Future Ben: Or is it-?

Ben: No! It isn't!

Cal and Ford are surprised. Cal's beard falls off.

Ben: Oh. Wait. Maybe.

Future Ben: Let's get to the point. I am YOU from the far off year of 2000-

Another bus passes by, read by the subtitles as 2000-OH NO A BUS.

Future Ben: ...where Coke has been outlawed as a drug around the globe. After several years I realized there was only one choice, I must travel to the past to... (pulls out gun) kill my past self to spare me from such a grim future!

Ben: But that doesn't look very futuristic.

Then, the gun turns into larger, laser gun, much to the Ben's shock.

The group runs from Future Ben in the town. Future Ben shoots laser, but Ben dodges it as the beam aims for a man at a fry truck.

Man: I wanted my hot dogs with onions.

Then, the chicken gets hit by the laser, as well as his hand.

Man: This changes NOTHING!

They're still chased by Future Ben. He shoots another laser, heading down to a man in a suit standing by an old lady.

Man 2: (pushes old lady) Excuse me, but I have some very important business to attend to so I can't-(hit by laser) AAAAAHHHH! WHAT CRUEL IRONY!

Old Lady: Such a nice young man.

The gang still gets chased by Future Ben. Another laser shoots to miss them, approaching another random guy on the road.

Man 3: Oh no, a giant laser! Help me, somebody!

Then Captain America jumps forward in front of the man, holding his shield in defense.

Captain American: Fear! With my shield, I can stop anything! Except if it's a laser- (They both get hit by the laser) AAAAHHHH!

The gang run into the house as Future Ben gets slammed into the door. The furious Future Ben regains his bearings.

Future Ben: Open- Uh... Duh, open- [pauses] Uh... how do you open a door again? Uh, open son-of-a-bitch? Open sissy-dog?

[inside]

Ford: Grab what you need and let's get out of here.

In his room, Cal checks the eye scan on the wall, and a secret door brings out his electric guitar.

Cal: Oh baby, I missed you.

Next, Ben looks through his drawers, searching for something.

Ben: Passport, nope. Medicine, nope. Precious heirlooms, nope. Aha, my lucky Ace card!

Ford is in his room, looking at his Batman movie and takes the one entitled "Batman and Robin".

Ben's voice: Ford, come on, we have to go!

Ford: Okay, I'll be right there! Sorry, guys. You'll be in my heart. (leaves)

Ben: Alright, it's time for... SUPER ESCAPE 4.

[outside]

Future Ben: GRR... Open Pizza Hut? Open Cybertron? Open sesame?

The garage door opens, and the guys come out as disguised go-karters, with corny music playing.

Safe for now, the gang make a stop at a diner where they can get a bite to eat. They pass through a random guy, standing by the door.

Guy: Ey Hen!

They are sitting at a table where the waitress takes their order.

Waitress: Alright, you guys, so it was the pasta for you, the tacos for you, and for you?

Ford: Whatever you want, sweet chee-

But then, the waitress has an angry look on her face, silencing him.

Ford: Uh... I'll just have a cheese pie.

Waitress: Alright, would anyone want any drinks?

Ben: Okay, we'll just have one?... two?... Yeah, better make it two cans of coke, please.

[Waitress leaves]

Ford: So, why are we all running away from this guy if he only wants to kill Ben?

Ben: Hey!

Cal: Well, without Ben, it would just be me and you, and, well, that would suck. Has anyone else noticed this is like the most we've ever spoken?

Guy's voice: Ey Hen!

As Ben widens his eyes in shock from hearing that, the guy's corpse flies through a glass door, leaving a blood stain on the wall. Future Ben comes inside, glaring at the boys.

Future Ben: You think I wouldn't know where my past self would be hiding?

Cal: ...what?

Ben: Well, that would take you so long to find-

Future Ben: Shut up, and prepare to die!

Cal: Wait, let's just say for arguement sake, how do we really know you're really Ben from the future?

Future Ben: Well... Our lucky Ace card. It was around three months ago, when he got it after winning that poker game with your baby sister, right?

Ben: [awed] That is right.

Future Ben: Now that that's out of the way... (puts on sunglasses) Time to die.

Ben: B-but w-w-won't this create some kind of paradox or something?!

Future Ben: Don't be stupid, that sort of bullshit only happens in the movies.

The waitress walks in with the gallons of coke. Thinking fast, Ben grabs one of the gallons of coke, shakes it up, opens the top, and a stream of Coke shoots out.

Future Ben: WHAT THE F- (Coke splashes into his face) THIS IS DELICIOUS!

Ben, Ford and Cal start up their go-karts and drive off as Future Ben watches them leave from the back door)

Future Ben: Well, it's come to this, eh? It's taking longer than I thought, so it's time for plan B.

Future Ben rolls up his sleeve and looks at the time-travel device on his wrist. The words "LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN" are seen written on masking tape. He presses the button on his time travel device and warps out of sight.

Meanwhile, the future versions of Cal and Ford teleport in through a portal. Future Cal has a visor on his face, while Future Ford wore a Batman mask. They begin walking down the alley way.

Future Cal: It's a good thing Red Leader had a second time travel device.

Future Ford: Now we just have to stop Ben before he messes anything up in the future. So where should we start looking?

Future Cal: I'm not sure, but I hope Ben's past self has enough sense to hide somewhere.

Meanwhile, Ben, Cal, and Ford look at a Cola commercial through a window at a TV store, out of their go-karts.

Ben: Hahaha! I'm distracted.

Ford: Who keeps buying this stuff?

Cal: Yeah, we should probably get back to the cars now.

The three walk towards their go-carts, when Future Ben appears in front of them.

Future Ben: Not a chance. Time to finish this once and for all with my army of, uh... My other past selves. Benjimen, Sir Ben, Benious, and Bend. So, now there is no escape. Attack my brethre-

Benjimen suddenly screams to an "eat at Joe's" sign. Sir Ben screams as well to a motorcycle billboard. Benius screams to a tower. Bend screams to a tire. All four of them run off.

Future Ben: (facepalms) How can this plan get any worse?

[Enter Future Cal & Ford]

Future Ford: Hold it right there!

Ford: Oh god, I'm Batman!

Cal: Hey, uh, what's with the eye thing?

Future Cal: Remember that laser surgery you had years ago?

Cal: Uh, yeah?

Future Cal: Cancer. Anyway, Ben, we're here to stop you before you ruin the future for your selfish needs.

Future Ben: No! I won't go back! I won't go back to that bleak soda-free future! (grabs Ben) I'm gonna kill you, you son of a bitch!

Ben reaches in Cal's pocket and smacks Future Ben with the electric guitar.

Future Cal & Cal: No, my guitar!

Future Cal fires his laser gun at Future Ben. Future Ben ducks and avoids the laser, which causes the laser to head towards Ben. Ben grabs reaches for and grabs Ford's Batman and Robin movie.

Ford: Not the face!

The laser is deflected by the picture frame. The laser then strikes the lamppost and crushes Future Ford, Future Cal, and Cal, which knocks the time travel device out of Future Cal's hands. Both Bens run towards it. Ben picks the device up, but Future Ben tackles him which knocks it into the air. It then lands in Ford's hands.

Ben: Ford, Hurry! Save us!

Ford presses the button, and goes back in time. Things change when Mount Rushmore, where the faces of the four presidents heads are replaced with that of Michael Keaton's. Next it is the Sphinx, where once again George Clooney's own face is in place of the Sphinx. Then, there's a statue, which is changed to a statue of Christian Bale. Finally it comes to Easter Island, where every Easter Island Head simply dons Batman's hair. Scan lines as well as the BBC 7 logo appear.

News Reporter: Today, we have the pleasure of speaking to the well-known creator, author, founder, and king of Batman since the dawn of man known simply as Ford. Tell us Ford, how did you come up with the idea of creating and ruling the Batman franchise?

Ford: Well, it all started when I got my hands on a- I mean, uh, invented my own time machine. Anyway, I pretty much just went back in time and-

It's all broadcasted on TV, where Ben and Cal are both watching it at home.

Ben: I hate- (TV switches to Batman; Ben smiles) LOVE BATMAN!