I can't believe I haven't bothered to write this yet, by Odin I'm dense.
I've decided to rewrite this fic, skål! I've gotten six chapters deep into it by this point and I'm still disappointed in myself for not thinking to tell you guys about it. Well, here it is! Here's hoping half of you still give a shit about this story, though I won't blame you if you don't. I'm going with a different direction from the old one, though it does kinda have the same premise (sorta). If you're interested, go give it a read.