Disclaimer: Gravity Falls and most of Stan's story about his ex-wife belongs to Alex Hirsch and Owl House belongs to Dana Terrace. This is merely a fic of a theory that's going around.
A Scandal in Vegas
"Eda, have you ever thought of organizing this stuff?" Luz asked carefully. Her and King were helping Eda route through her human collection for a specific item.
"No," Eda said bluntly, carelessly throwing stuff over her shoulder. "Besides, I have a system already."
"Is it no system at all?" King asked, holding up a shirt that says 'over thirty and very flirty' to his body. Eda snatched the shirt away.
"Look, I know where everything is this way. Except for this one time when I can't find it."
Luz sighed, picking up a clam shell. She pried it open. "Whoa," she exclaimed, eyes wide. She turned to Eda. "Where you get this engagement ring?"
Eda straightened up, shoulders slightly tensed. A second later, her bored demeanor was back and she looked to Luz. "What? Oh that."
The witch walked over and plucked the ring from Luz's fingers, examining it. "I didn't realize I still had this."
"Why do you have a wedding band? Were you engaged?" Luz questioned, her curiosity quickly becoming excitement. She gasped. "Are you secretly married? Did fate torn you two apart? Oh, did you find true love, but he died to save you like Azura's love interest did?"
Eda scoffed, waving off Luz's questions. "It's just something Owlbert found for me in the human realm. Can't get a decent snail for it."
Luz's excitement deflated. "Oh. Ok."
"I found it!"
The witch and apprentice directed their attention to the little demon, who was holding up a magnifying glass. He held it up to his eye. "I am the King of Finding Things."
Eda let out a chuckle, discreetly pocketing the golden band into her hair. "Nice work there, fuzz ball." She took the glass from King and headed for the door. "Now let's see if we can prove these things cause fires. Do that, and suckers will pay a fortune for it."
"So… What are we going to do? Start a campfire?" Luz asked, her and King following Eda out.
Eda smiled that smile that usually leads to trouble. "Nope."
Stan leaned back on the sofa, enjoying a Pitt Cola outside on the back porch with his twin brother. "Nothing like being back in Gravity Falls after a long time at sea, eh Ford?"
Ford took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh air with a smile. "Especially when the kids visit. Boy, I can't believe how much they've grown."
Stan let out a laugh. "Yeah. Before we know it, those kids will have kids of their own to bug them." He paused. "Sheesh, I'm getting all mushy."
Ford chuckled. "You know, that reminds me. You noticed how Dipper seems to act around Pacifica? I think he has a crush on her."
"If he does, at least it's more subtle than the one he had on Wendy."
"Well, I was thinking on giving him some advice-"
Loud laughter interrupted Ford, Stan doubling over where he sat. "You?!" Stan said between breaths. "Giving?! Dating?! Advice?!"
Ford frowned. "What? I dated before."
"How many of them were human?" Stan deadpanned, straightening up.
"Well, I…" Suddenly feeling very thirsty, Ford chose that moment to take a long sip of his soda.
Stan rolled his eyes. "Heh. I think out of the two of us, I'm the expert. I mean, at least I was married once."
Cue spit take.
Ford choked, banging on his chest in a vain attempt to clear his lungs. "What?!"
"What?" Stan repeated. "Oh, uh...you didn't know that?"
"You've been married?!" Ford exclaimed, astonished. "How? When?"
Stan sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. He gazed at the trees, his rough voice becoming just the tiniest bit wistful. "It was for less than a day. Vegas situation. We reached for the same slot machine handle and, I swear, it was love at first sight."
Stan can still remember the first words that lovely voice of hers said to him.
Hands off, pal! I was at this money maker first."
"Marilyn was her name. With hair like an airline stordis and a neon pink shirt that said 'Over 30 and very flirty'."
"Either your memory is getting better, or you had some of that smile dip Mabel keeps," Ford commented.
Stan ignored him. "Man I was, I was just head over heels for her. You should've seen the way she through dice. One time at my head."
They both laughed at that.
"And I was just winning when I was around her. Having all this fun gambling and making a bit of trouble. Next thing I knew, Elvis pronounced us man and wife." Then Stan frowned and annoyance crept into his voice. "After that, things went downhill. Turns out, she only married me to distract me while she stole my car and all my winnings. Managed to get my car back, but she took all my money."
Ford's jaw dropped, listening intently.
Stan took a sip of his drink and burped. "I guess her name was fake, and even her hair too. But ya know, the love felt real. She was the one that got away. Like, literally, it was a proper get away. She was chased by cop cars for a mile out of Vegas before ducking out a door and into a canyon and making off with all my loot. Sometimes I still think of her. That pale bingo hall skin. That one weirdly sharp tooth." Stan waved his hand dismissively, looking away. "Sorry I'm getting nostalgic."
Ford just stared at him. "So you got married to someone you barely knew and then conned by that same person, and you still think you're the expert?"
"Hey! Don't forget I dated in high school," Stan defended, turning to face his twin. "Sure, after high school, my luck with the ladies involved one divorce and more slaps to the face than I can count, but there's some wisdom to be learned here."
"Yeah," Ford responded, "Don't marry someone you just met."
Stan rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Okay, maybe I'm not an expert on these things. I guess it wouldn't matter anyway. Dipper probably won't need any advice. If I know Mabel, she's already trying to play matchmaker."
"Oof, good luck to Dipper. Better keep the fire extinguisher close at hand then."
Stan chuckled. He went back to watching the sunset. "But, you know, sometimes I wondered whatever happened to Marilyn."
Later on in the Boiling Isles, after taking care of the burn marks and soot, Eda sprawled herself across her nest. Dressed in her lounge attire and feeling sore from all that running.
The Owl Lady pulled out the ring Luz found earlier from her hair and held it up to the light.
Her mind wondered back to that crazy weekend in that human city known as Vegas. How much fun she had with that human Stan Whatever-His-Last-Name-Was and conning him. It was clever in her opinion, and she almost got his moving machine. Too bad he managed to catch up to her and wrestle the keys out of her grasp. At least she didn't go entirely empty handed. Still, afterwards, she had this weird feeling in her gut that made her feel bad. Guilt? Did she secretly harbored feelings for a man she met and married in about a day?
Eda scoffed at the thought. "Yeah right. It was nothing." Only idiots marry someone they just met. That was all that human was. An idiot. Nothing more. Just an idiot that showed her a good time and had fun causing lots of trouble with.
Eda turned to lay on her side, tossing the golden band over her shoulder. Soon enough, she was snoring.
Not far off, the ring landed near a pile of treasure, right next to a red book with a golden handprint on its front. A handprint of six fingers and a number '3' at its center.
Eda's hair hold secrets, that's why it's so big.
I once made a joke that Stan and Eda would team up to pull a con if they ever met each other. Turns out, by a theory that is still new, Eda would be the one conning Stan. I came up with this fic after reading a comment someone left (i think the name was Pink Diamond) on a Roundtable video that Eda is Stan's ex-wife. The next day, i found inlovewithcartoons on Instagram and saw the post of Eda the Owl Lady is Stan's ex-wife with points to back it up. Which had a sketch of Eda in a 'over thirty and very flirty' shirt and then Stan's commentary from the Gravity Falls boxset when he describes his ex-wife. Most of the dialogue above is from that. We may never get confirmation on this, but I like this theory. What do you guys think?
Also, the Roundtable on youtube just released a video of this theory today. I believe there is a big connection between these two shows, and I guess Bill is not the one responsible for it. Review please.
EDIT: When I said I believe there is a big connection between these two shows, it's mostly wishful thinking that one day there'll be a crossover. I see The Owl House as a completely different show from Gravity Falls and love how much hard work Dana and her crew have put into it. I just love the thought of Stan and Eda once being a couple cause, honestly, that would be terrific.