213Barriss felt it when the shield went down.
She hadn't felt the shield go up - hadn't even known that it was there until Skywalker attacked her. When he threw her against the wall, her first instinct had been to reach to the Force to ground herself - to reach for help.
Instead of finding help, she'd found an impenetrable wall. A wall that Skywalker must have put up before attacking her, which was almost scarier than the attack had been.
Almost.
Her heart still pounded in her ears; her throat tight. In all of her life, she didn't think that she had ever been as scared as when she felt Skywalker's signature surrounding her, crushing her with a vice grip that she hadn't known was possible.
And now he walked calmly towards the door, his signature all but non-existent, as though he hadn't used the dark side at all. "Prepare yourself; I am certain that Che will have some ideas for treatment, and I refuse to subject myself to any sort of check up."
She'd only had a taste of his signature, and Barriss didn't doubt that if someone like Master Che saw it, Skywalker would be immediately discovered as- … what? He hadn't said that he was a Sith, but he didn't speak like a Jedi. He didn't act like one either.
But then, he spoke so derisively about the dark side, all while using it to attack her. Truly, whatever he had become after his vision, it was certainly no beacon of light, and it wouldn't take a check-up to reveal him.
The door swished open. Skywalker stalked out, leaving her to follow. No one else seemed to be finished with their sessions as of yet, and Barriss did her best to compose herself.
She had hidden her usage of the dark side well. No one had suspected her - neither Master Luminara nor Master Che - up until Skywalker had abruptly cornered her. Now the darkness seemed to stick to her, obvious to anyone who bothered to look for more than a moment. How had Skywalker managed to stifle his own signature so efficiently?
"Calm yourself." The advice wasn't spoken kindly, but neither was it derisive - merely a statement of fact. "They have not discovered you yet, and if you do not draw attention to yourself it will remain that way."
Barriss knew that he was right, regardless of how little she wished to listen to him, and released her anxiety into the Force with some effort. Their attention was likely to be focused on Skywalker, and a vindictive part of her wished that they would discover him - flay him open as he had done to her, revealing his true nature and castigating him for it.
But a larger part of her knew that they would not feel darkness from him. He would not let them. And if somehow they did discover his corruption … well. After witnessing the display of his raw strength and anger, Barriss feared far more for the Jedi Masters than for the monster hiding among them.
A meditation room on the far end of the hall opened and Ahsoka stepped out, followed by Bant. They both had neutral expressions, but Ahsoka's steps were a little too fast, and Bant's a little too slow. Both watched Skywalker as they neared, and Ahsoka broke her gaze with him to look around. "I guess Obi-Wan isn't finished yet." She gave a weak smile. Whatever they had discovered in their meditation had unsettled them.
Bant stopped before getting too close to Skywalker. They suspected him. With dread, Barriss imagined what he would do to them if his darkness was revealed. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to keep the darkness hidden. She wanted to hide.
Skywalker didn't respond to Ahsoka's attempt at conversation, and a long and awkward silence stretched between them. Barriss resisted the urge to wipe her hands on her robe, realizing that they had begun to sweat clasped in her sleeves the way that they were.
Ahsoka bounced slightly on her feet, fidgeting with her lekku as she looked searchingly between Skywalker and Barriss. "Well, what did you find?" She said the words in a rush.
Skywalker looked to Barriss, his expression cool with a slight challenge. She felt a nudge from him through the Force, and knew the threat that stood behind it. "It would be best to wait until Masters Che and Kenobi are here." Her voice sounded robotic even to her own ears, and Ahsoka's brow furrowed slightly.
"Yes, let's wait until we're all together." Bant's smile was much more genuine than Ahsoka's had been, and Barriss wondered if it was because she was actually hopeful or just naïve.
Ahsoka clearly didn't want to wait, and Barriss couldn't really blame the Padawan. She chanced a glance in Skywalker's direction, but he was staring at Ahsoka with an unreadable expression while the silence fell again. The air was charged with tension, and Barriss was careful to keep from meeting anyone's eyes, though she could feel Ahsoka's gaze flickering between her and Skywalker.
The time that it took for Master Che and Master Kenobi to leave their meditation chamber felt interminable, but when they did Barriss almost wished that they hadn't. Both of the masters were impassive, walking towards the group in the middle of the room at a deliberate, unhurried pace.
Too deliberate. Too unhurried.
It reminded Barriss of her own Master, who tended to walk more slowly when she had a lot on her mind. It was an impressively serene front, but Kenobi looked even more exhausted than he had before, and Master Che's lekku were stiff. It was likely that they had discovered the same thing as Bant had during their meditation, and Barriss for a moment feared that she would choke on the overwhelming task that Skywalker had set upon her.
He might have been able to hide his signature with no effort - something that still made her skin crawl - but she had no such talent. How was she supposed to lie with him looming behind her, knowing that her failure could mean death? How was she supposed to keep the truth from three Jedi Masters (plus one persistent padawan), who likely already suspected it?
Masters Che and Kenobi stopped, and Che looked carefully at all of them. "We have a lot to go over." The words were heavy, and Barriss wondered just what they had discovered. "Was everyone given sufficient time?"
Bant nodded while Barriss responded. "Yes, Master."
"All right. Let's meet and see if we can't start remedying this." Che kept walking, leaving the rest of them to follow behind. Barriss kept her eyes down - she didn't want them to ask her what she'd found. She was nervous enough about the upcoming confrontation as it was.
They all entered the group meditation room behind Master Che, who rearranged the chairs with a wave of her hand. It didn't take long before they were all sitting, Barriss between Ahsoka and Master Che, and Skywalker sandwiched between his master and padawan. He met her eyes, and she swallowed past the ache in her throat.
"Now, based on what I just saw with Kenobi, we've got a pretty big problem on our hands." Che's tone was brisk, and a slight worry tainted the air. "Skywalker, whatever happened in your vision has affected more than just you." She turned to Barriss, who stopped breathing as Che asked, "What did you find?"
Skywalker had made it clear that she wasn't to tell anything about his vision to the Jedi, and so she spoke with that in mind. "Knight Skywalker was gifted a vision of the future; it showed him years in seconds, and …" her eyes flickered in his direction before she began to say all that she had planned, stuttering only marginally, "we believe that the timespan is causing at least as much backlash as the contents. He needs time to meditate on the vision - even more than that, he will need someone to guide him through it." She didn't look at anyone except for Master Che as she finished, "He has requested me as his personal healer during the time that it will take him to break the vision down and discover its true meaning while recovering from the backlash." She nodded towards Skywalker, who remained silent. "I have estimated that with daily sessions over the course of a month we will be able to repair much of the damage caused by the vision - and by extension we will be able to relieve both Master Kenobi and Padawan Tano of their pain."
For a moment no one spoke. Che was looking at Barriss with a thoughtful expression when Ahsoka broke the silence. "He wants you to be his healer?" Her voice was laced with an emotion that Barriss had never heard from her, but Skywalker spoke before she could decide what it meant.
"Yes. Knight Offee will be my personal healer."
"Master Che," Bant interrupted whatever response Ahsoka might have had, her voice tentative. "When Ahsoka and I were looking at her bond, it was … damaged. It looked-" Bant paused, "I think the dark side might be involved."
Barriss felt herself stiffen as Che nodded, seemingly unsurprised. "Kenobi and I noticed something similar. We also fear that the dark side had a hand in his vision." She looked at Barriss again, "Did you see anything like that?"
A glance at Skywalker gave Barriss nothing. He was a terrible cold void in the Force, and his gaze was dark. She was on her own, and for a moment floundered under the weight of the question. "It's all right to be afraid," Master Che said, and Barriss had a sudden desire to laugh and cry all at once. "The Force is with us, and it will stay with us while we serve our fellow Jedi."
The words seemed to resonate, though the room was small, and Barriss could see the other Jedi relax slightly as waves of calm surrounded them. Skywalker didn't relax, though, and neither did Barriss. Knowing that the Force was with them meant nothing to her when she was doing her very best to hide from it.
"There was darkness." Skywalker said, and Barriss looked at him in shock. "Knight Offee sensed it."
"How did it feel?" Master Che asked, looking between them with a furrowed brow.
"It was terrifying." Barriss admitted, blinking away tears as she met Skywalker's impassive gaze. "I did not see details of his vision, but Knight Skywalker has been greatly affected by the dark events that he witnessed. It is why I believe daily meditations will help him. It is too much to resolve in just one session."
Silence fell again, and Barriss finally tore her gaze away from Skywalker to look at the others. Kenobi appeared lost in thought, and Ahsoka watched Skywalker with worry. Master Che spoke again with a decisive nod.
"I agree. Daily meditations are in order, but it needs to be more than just you and Skywalker if we want to repair these bonds. Kenobi and Tano will take part in them as well."
"No." Skywalker's response was immediate, and the Force began to simmer slightly around them.
"The backlash from your vision has hurt others, Skywalker. You need to meditate with them as well."
"I will not." Skywalker shook his head.
"Why not?" Master Kenobi cut Ahsoka off with a look, and Skywalker leveled a powerful glare at him.
"My vision is what caused all of this. I refuse to subject you to seeing it."
"But Barriss gets to?!" Ahsoka was clearly done staying silent, but her anger made no dent in the icy armor of her once-warm master.
"Yes. Knight Offee is my healer. You are my padawan."
"Skywalker." Master Che stopped the argument, her voice sharp. "Kenobi and Tano are suffering from this vision as well, and unless you wish them to continue suffering, you'll agree to meditate with them."
Skywalker's glare moved from Ahsoka to Che, and for a moment the room felt heavy with the pressure between them. Barriss wondered what she would do if he attacked. Would she even have a chance to fight him? It never happened, though, as Master Che softened her voice. "Anakin, allow them to help you. You don't have to show them your vision, but please meditate with them."
Skywalker reacted unexpectedly to that, his glare receding before he looked away with a vaguely chastised expression. "I will allow it. But not daily."
"Once every other day." Master Che said.
"Weekly."
This time their confrontation was much shorter, and nowhere nearly so heavy as before. Che nodded, "All right. Weekly." She held up a finger, "As of right now, we aren't going to speak to the council about the darker aspects of your vision - but we're only prolonging it to give you a better chance to recover. If I discover that you have been skipping meditations - daily or weekly - I might have to get them involved."
Skywalker looked as though he had something to say to that. Based on his expression, it was something derogatory, but he paused before he said it. Then he nodded. "You are a belligerent woman."
"As long as it works." Master Che smiled, then looked around at all of them. "Now, my next prescription is sleep - for all of you." She stood, nodding towards Skywalker. "Tomorrow you can begin your treatment, which I expect you to plan out with Knight Offee." Here she turned to Barriss, "Speaking of which, I'd like a word with you alone."
"Of course, Master." Barriss bowed her head in deference. She didn't need to see Skywalker to feel his frozen grip through the Force, phantom fingers brushing against her throat in an unmistakable threat.
"Thank you again, Vokara." Kenobi was up and hovering next to Skywalker, who still seemed wobbly despite the fact that Ahsoka was glued to his side.
"Just let me know if you need me." Master Che gave him a weary smile, and a moment later the room had emptied. The door slid closed, and Barriss was disturbed to find that she didn't feel any safer with Skywalker gone. "Offee." Che's voice brought her from her thoughts. "You seem scared of what you saw in the meditation. Is it something you can handle, or should I have Skywalker choose someone else?"
Barriss probably shouldn't have been as surprised as she was. Master Che had always been blunt, and there was no reason for her to suddenly change. Yet to have her so casually mention Barriss' fear, even offer her a way out … well. It was tempting.
In fact, Barriss wanted to burst into tears and reveal exactly what had happened. Even if it meant confessing her own dabblings in the dark side, her relief would be worth it.
But no. She couldn't. If there was anything that Barriss was sure of, it was Skywalker's promise to kill her should she prove dangerous to him. So she said, "I can handle it."
Master Che seemed skeptical, and rightfully so. "All right. I'll trust that you know your own limits." The older twi'leks voice softened. "Remember, the dark side of the Force only ever has as much power over us as we give it. Skywalker's vision may have been caused by it, so stay aware as you begin your meditations with him. If you find anything that you don't understand, I want you to come straight to me."
"Yes, Master." The promise was a hollow one. Barriss already understood very little about the situation she found herself trapped in, and she doubted that Skywalker was going to be any more forthcoming.
"Good." Master Che stepped towards the door, "You're an excellent healer, Barriss. I'm glad that Skywalker trusts you." Barriss had never in her life wanted to scoff as badly as she did now, but fortunately Che continued. "Try to help him accept help from Kenobi and Tano, too. Their bonds will never heal if he doesn't let them."
"I'll try, Master." Another hollow promise.
"All right." Master Che turned to dip her head respectfully. "I have more work to do, but I want you to head to your quarters and get some sleep before tomorrow. May the Force be with you."
"And you, Master." Barriss returned the nod with a formal bow, then walked towards the entrance to the Halls of Healing.
Almost working on autopilot, she stepped through, stiffly heading towards her dormitory as her mind ran over everything that had happened. In the past few months she had felt rebellious and clever, even powerful, as she experimented with the dark side. No one had even begun to suspect her, and so her confidence had only grown.
The thought of being caught by the Jedi - hiding in plain sight among them - had been thrilling until now. Now she wanted to take it all back. The thrill had become fear, plain and simple, and she wished that she had never encountered it.
Preoccupied with those thoughts, she didn't see Ahsoka until she was practically on top of her. She stopped just short of running into the padawan. "Ahsoka."
"What happened when you meditated with Anakin?"
Straight to the point. Maybe even a little hostile, though that could have been Barriss' imagination. "What happened between your master and me is confidential. You'll have to ask him."
"You don't think I did?" Ahsoka snorted, a surprisingly bitter sound. "He won't tell us anything."
Barriss wasn't shocked at all by that news. "Well unfortunately I still can't tell you." She gave a slight bow, "Now if you'll excuse me-"
"Why did he choose you?" Ahsoka interrupted. "He could have chosen any healer - so why you?"
Barriss paused, not certain how to answer right away. Then she said, "The Force led him to me." It was technically true, even if it was the dark side of the Force.
Ahsoka was silent, searching Barriss' expression, though Barriss wasn't sure what the young togruta was looking for. "Let me and Obi-Wan know when you're planning to do the joint meditation." It was an unnecessary request, and Barriss nodded.
"Of course."
"Barriss?" Ahsoka's voice wobbled. "Please tell me if he really needs help, okay? Help me help him. He's my master." It was a raw and desperate plea.
"I'll do what I can." Barriss said. Yet another promise she wasn't likely to keep.
"Thank you." Ahsoka left as suddenly as she had appeared, and Barriss watched her. Skywalker did really need help, not that she would dare defy his mandate and speak with Ahsoka about it.
Frankly, Barriss doubted that he could be helped.
Merry Christmas, Gremlins!
It's been a while, but I'm back with more :) I went and got distracted by joining like five other fandoms, but I've been slowly working this out and I'm excited to tell you that it's finally done! Writing from Barriss' POV was more difficult than I had anticipated, but I felt that it was important to the feel of this chapter.
Anyway, I hope that you all had an excellent 2023, and that you have an even better Christmas and New Year!