I own nothing this is a parody of bad fanfiction, please support the official release.

"Shot through the heart and you're so vain darling you give love a bad name" - Bon Jovi _





"Oh come on, are you really gonna make me ask?" Said Lucy looking over at her eternally broody friend Gray Fullbuster who was sitting next to her without a shirt on as usual.

"Ask what?" he said raising an eyebrow.

"About that?" she said pointing to the 'couple' cuddling over in the corner. Well one of them was cuddling the other looked like he was trying his hardest to pretend not to be there. Hoping that willing himself out of existance would make it so.

Said couple being Laxus Dreyar and Juvia Lockser.

Now I know what you're thinking dear reader, Laxus and Juvia? The rain-woman and lighting-dragon slayer? DATING! With three exclamation points! Well its actually simple. One day after a particularly harsh rejection courtesy of the resident ice mage Juvia had been found by Laxus at the bar drowning her sorrows (WATER PUNS).

Not particularly interested he sat down and allowed her to spill her guts to him over a few beers while he mostly tuned her out. Apparently according to Fairy Tail's resident Demon take-over barmaid she had been doing this for several hours to anyone who had sat at the bar. Nonplussed Laxus carried on through the night listening half-heartedly to the various mood-swings the blue haired water maiden went through while occasionally muttering a nonchalant "hm" or "I see".

Que next morning and after a waking up with a horrifyingly bad hangover Laxus came to two stunning realizations.

1. His alcoholism might be just as bad as Cana on a drinking binge.

2. He had taken the water mage back to his apartment and his bed.


Not wanting to make Juvia feel taken advantage of (she was always overly sensative) he had decided to ask the rain-woman on a date and to his surprise she had even said yes.

Things were going pretty swell between the new couple.


After a few months of dating Juvia more "eccentric" qualities started to manifest, and the off putting adoration she previously showed the dark-haired ice mage had been transfered to him!

Sure having her make him food and call him "Laxus-sama" had been cute (though it made Freed wanna eat his fist in rage) eventually the darker parts of her personality started to manifest.

How she would follow him all over the place even when he made it clear he wanted to be alone. Even to the bathroom at time!

She would constantly give any girl who approached him the evil eye and muttered how Evergreen was her "love-rival" simply because of her proximity to Laxus. Which was non-sense as the stone-eye mage was clearly inlove with the guilds resident meat head and "man enthusiast" (his words) Elfman.

Not to mention he found out that she apparently had some oddball shrine to him in her house full of plushies and other effects with his likeness on them.

It was starting to take it's tole. To an outside observer who wasn't the recipient of Juvia's strange behavior this behavior might seem cute and endearing. A girl showing affection for the object of her heart.

To the one who was the target of her obsession it was madening.

But back to our two friends Lucy and Gray.

"It doesn't bother you at all?" the golden haired spirit mage asked?

"Why would it?" said Gray.

"I mean she used to show so much attention and affection to you, and now she acts like you barely exist. I thought that this might make you have some kind of existential crysis where you realize you're actually secretly grateful for her feelings and are sad now that you've lost them or something?!"

"...have you been reading Erza's trash romance novels again?" said Gray.

"Wha-what? No!" Gray raised a skeptical eye-brow at her. "Okay maybe, but DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT GRAY!" said Lucy.

Gray sighed as he looked over at said couple disinterestedly. While he had felt bad for blowing up at Juvia a few weeks ago he had resolved not to apologize since he still felt he was justified at being frustrated at her actions. He had hoped this would give him a week or two of freedom from the rain-girl but when he had found out she was dating Laxus he had one reaction.




He had actually jumped out his pants in joy infront of a very surprised and annoyed Mirajane and Cana respectively when he had overheard the gossip between the two hens (his words not theirs, not that he'd say that to their faces).

As far as he was concerned if Juvia wanted to attache herself to someone else as if that would fix all of her crippling self confidence issues then more power to her.

"Honestly, I feel more bad for Laxus then I care about Juvia dating him." he said with genuine disinterest while going back to reading the magazine he had been occupied with when his blonde friend walked over to make small talk.

Lucy flinched. "Ouch. Well if it really doesn't bother you I guess that's that then. Wanna go on a mission with me and Natsu later?"

"Nah i'm fine just chilling (hah) here for now, besides it'll give you two love-birds some quality time." said Gray with a smirk on his face as he regarded the celestial maiden with a smirk.

"Sh-shut up." said Lucy face turning red as she got up and stomped away.

Gray chuckled before turning to back to his magazine reflecting on a scene from a few months ago that he vaguely remember.

*Flashback because organic scene transitions are hard.*

"...Gray-san" Said Juvia as she had spotted the dark-haired man as he was scanning the mission board since it was his turn to chose Team Natsu's next assignment.

"Hey." said Gray as he continued to go over the the missions to find the perfect one for his team.

'Extra security needed at the Easily Combustible Fire-Hazard village, no hazard pay.'

"Definitely not" he thought.

"Juvia just wanted to talk to you."

"Uh-huh." said Gray still not bothering to properly face the water mage.

"Juvia knows Gray-san cares about her and Laxus-sama's relationship-"


"Juvia did love Gray-san, don't mistake that. However she has come to realize that that love for Gray-san was built more on admiration than actually love. Her feelings for Laxus-sama are more genuine and come from an honest place in her heart."

"That's great kiddo."

'Busty blonde needed for skimpy photo-shoot op.'

"Lucy would kill me" thought Gray.

"So it's with a heavy heart that Juvia has to tell Gray-san that she wouldn't feel right continuing to persue him with her newfound love for Laxus-sama at the forefront of her thoughts. Juvia sincerly apologizes." She said bowing her head as if she had just given someone some emotionally devastating news.


'Tempermental red-head with zero chill needed for bodyguard duty for visiting foreign dignitaries.'

"Man these missions are oddly specific, gonna say no." thought Gray

"Thank you for being so understanding Gray-san!" said Juvia as she skipped away to find her beloved Laxus-sama. Not noticing the red-headed knight who walked up the request board after her childhood friend.

"Gray, have you chosen our next mission yet?" asked Erza with her hands on her hips.

"Just about." He knew it was bad to keep the girl with a thousand armors waiting, as her patients was legendarily thin.

"Good." Erza nodded her head. "What did Juvia want by the way?"

"...Juvia was here?"

Yep, things were definitely looking up for Gray Fullbuster now that he no longer had an obsessive stalker shadowing his steps.

Laxus however, well that's a story for another time.

A/N: Yeah so was reading this idiotic story where this Laxus fangirl had it in her insane mind that not only is the way Juvia treats Gray totally healthy and not at all toxic, but that Gray was an ungrateful bastard who didn't "deserve" Juvis's creepy insanity and he deserves scorn and that she has deluded herself into believing that Laxus of all people is some perfect husbando. Honestly this seems to be a particularly big problem with Laxus fanbase where they all like to compare him to other male characters while pointing out and overinflating their own flaws to make Laxus look good.

You know that guy who once threatened to murder an entire town full of innocent people because he was mad his grandpa wouldn't let him be guild master.

Yeah that guy totally gets the moral high-ground.

Don't take that to mean I dislike Laxus (i'm pretty meh about his character as he seems kind of bland after he stopped being a villian) but i've read a few stories with him as lead and they were pretty good I even saved some of them to my favories. Check them out. "Soundpod on Shuffle" is the pinnacle of what a GOOD LaLu fanfic should read like. I say good LaLu fanfic because so many of them are terrible and are the exact some story.

Anyway read and review if you want I only banged this out in like an hour so it's not my best work but I won't be bothering to read reviews since I know it's good regardless of others opinions.

Later skaters (boomer-ass reference).