Hey, so this is my first Jelsa fic, and honestly, one of the first fics I've written in a long ass time, not counting my on-going Superman series TAOCK. Please, leave a review, it's what keeps me going!
Warning: A panic attack occurs in this fic, so if you think it might trigger you, best avoid it. The attack is described as I usually experience one, so it might not be accurate for everyone!
It had been such a trivial thing, really. A small argument, the cause of which soon slipped from his mind. A small argument, closely followed by a larger one, with issues unsaid, buried deep inside, coming to the surface, faster than any of them could predict.
„Oh, and you always have to be the center of attention, don't you, Jack?! You know why?!" she yelled, her face red, eyes full of unshed tears.
In any other situation, after seeing that look on her face, he would've stopped. He would've stopped, and opened his arms, ready for her to come crashing into them, as she had always done before.
Not this time. This time, he was too angry, too frustrated, too hurt. Too proud.
„Why, then?! Don't be shy, now! We both know you aren't a scared little girl anymore! Or are you?!" he yelled back, his voice nearly cracking.
He briefly saw a flicker of hurt in those usually bright blue eyes of hers. Now, they just shone with anger.
„You've been invisible your whole fucking life! And you think that by always, ALWAYS putting attention on yourself, people will actually like you! Well, newsflash, genius! They don't! Not all of them!" Elsa was ranting, she knew. And normally, she would never say these words out loud – mostly because she knew they weren't real. She was too angry to care. „God, what do I even see in you? What did I ever see in you?!"
The moment these words left her mouth, she wished to take them back. Too late. She was the flash of surprise in his eyes, saw the way his jaw tightened. Saw the way she hurt him – in his eyes, in his body language. She knew, despite how angry she was, that she had just crossed the line.
„Sometimes," he whispered, „I ask myself the same question."
His voice broke by the time he finished the sentence. Without sparing her another glance, he turned around and walked out of the apartment, the door closing behind him with a final, deafening bang.
Elsa stood in the middle of the living room, her posture going from tense, to deflated, to finally sinking down to her knees. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and finally, she let go, letting them stream down her face.
What had she done?
She buried her head in her knees and silently cried. Silent sniffling slowly turned into violent, ugly, gut-wrenching sobs she couldn't control even if she wanted to. God, what had she done?!
After what seemed like hours, but was probably just a couple of minutes, she decided enough was enough and tried to pull herself together. She needed to compartmentalize right now. She needed to find him. She had to apologize and hoped that he would be a better person than her and actually be able to forgive her.
They'd known each other for years. Been dating for nearly two of those. She knew he had insecurities, she knew he didn't think he was worthy of her, for some strange reason, when in reality, it was she who didn't deserve him.
Today's argument proved that.
He left their apartment, and there was only a couple of places she could think of that he would go to, in his state. After calling both North and Tooth, both of them having denied his presence, she decided to try Aster. He wasn't at his place, either. He definitely wasn't at Anna's.
That only left one place she could think of.
He couldn't breathe.
Come on, Jack, deep breaths. Just try. Come on, come on, come on. What's happening? Whatshappeningwhatshappeningwhatshapp—BREATHE!
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Let's try that. Deep breaths.
In. And out.
And in. And out.
„That's it, come on," he whispered to himself, his hand on his chest, trying to measure his breaths.
„She hates me."
He couldn't breathe again. His vision was clouding. Everything was too hot. Too cold. Too hot. Jack was pretty sure he was crying, but then again, he couldn't be completely certain. She hated him. She despised him.
She was with him out of pity, not love. She didn't love him.
Did she? Maybe she did. She loved him like one loves a puppy; yes, it's adorable and cute and one wants to play with it, but that's it.
He could barely even see in front of himself, only vague shapes and sizes. Everything was out of focus, and it was as if he felt everything and nothing at the same time. Jack felt the soft cotton of his hoodie, felt the cold all around him. He felt the hairs on his forearms prickling. He couldn't breathe.
No matter how much he tried, he couldn't. His lungs burned. His heart burned. His eyes burned.
Everything burned. The walls were squeezing in. He was drowning, every sound muddled.
„—ack! JACK!" he felt a small hand touch his shoulder, the touch seething hot. Instinctively, he recoiled from the touch.
„Jack, sweetheart, look at me. Come on, look at me, please," a soft voice said. Soft, yet commanding. Without a second thought, Jack looked at the source, his eyes focusing sharply, his breaths quick, short, not deep enough.
He felt a gentle touch on his jawline, a caress on his cheek. He blinked twice, his gaze catching on. She was there, with him.
She hated him...? He shut his eyes tight.
„Come on, baby, breathe with me. Come on," she said. Looking around, Elsa quickly grabbed his hand and put it on her chest. „Deep breaths. I believe in you, Jack. I'm so sorry, sweetheart."
With his eyes shut, he could still hear her soft, melodic voice. He loved her voice, but it had never been as calming as it was right now. He felt her chest rise and fall in regular rhythms, and subconsciously, he followed her lead. Ever so slowly, his breath evened out, and he was able to breathe deeper and deeper.
„Look at me," she pleaded, one hand on his, the other caressing his cheek. „I love you," she whispered.
His eyes widened, but she continued, not giving him a chance to respond. „I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean those words. I didn't mean any of it. I was just angry, and frustrated, and I took it out on you. It wasn't your fault," she whispered, holding his gaze. Cerulean met cobalt, and he saw nothing but honesty, regret, and sorrow.
„You don't hate me?" he eventually choked out, his voice raspy from the crying. And the attack.
Impossibly, her eyes softened even more so, her smile as gentle as her touch. „I could never hate you."
Jack looked at her, finally, properly. Her eyes were red and puffy, he guessed about as much as his own. Her mascara and eyeshadow were smudged – remnants of tears. Her usual, trademark braid was nowhere to be seen, leaving her hair to fall down, framing her face and her back. He realized his hand was still on her chest, her hand covering his, and he gently withdrew it.
Jack saw a look of confusion cross her face, which immediately turned into one of relief when his hand reached for her hair, and eventually, her cheek. She was beautiful. She leaned into his touch, letting her head rest on his palm, and kissed it.
Out of nowhere, at least for her, he threw himself at her, burying his face in her neck. Elsa's arms immediately wrapped around him tightly, almost as tightly as he held her. He kept whispering I'm sorry into her neck. She quickly assured him he had nothing to apologize for.
„In arguments, both sides are at fault," he mumbled, and she giggled.
„I love you," he whispered, and she said it back, without hesitation. Without fear.
She held him until her body went numb, and when he eventually untangled himself from her, he kept her hand in his. She knew he forgave her, but there was still something very comforting about his touch. His love.
„How did you know I was here?" he eventually asked, once they were near the exit.
She looked at him and smirked, „North's ice-skating rink? The place we first met?"
He squeezed her hand. „The place we first kissed."
She squeezed back. „Yeah."
Elsa looked into his eyes. Where only mere hours ago, they were full of hurt and pain, there was happiness, radiating and powerful.
And when Jack looked into her eyes, they were back to their beautiful bright blue, not even a hint of anger. Just love.
And when he leaned down and captured his lips with hers, he could feel her smile into the kiss.
Everything was okay.