Love Me Like You Do

A/N: I own nothing

You're the light, you're the night
You're the color of my blood
You're the cure, you're the pain
You're the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much

Dear Angel,

I knew utterly and completely who you were when I first saw you at the poker party.

You had tried to conceal your bright self under the clothes and cosmetics of a common whore.

But I still knew who you were.

Your hair shimmered like moonbeams when it caught the light of the lantern, creating a swathing haze around you. You moved akin to a panther; a huntress stalking her prey.

I knew who you were, Angel, when I first kissed you. I knew everything of your dark past and even grimmer future. I knew Oliver Haddox was your kinfolk, my mortal enemy. I knew that you had acted upon his commands to slaughter my newsies. I knew that you most likely had at least a gun and a knife strapped to your thigh under that silly, voluminous dress.

I knew, Angel. But when I saw you in my room, the brightness of the kerosene lantern bouncing off your yellow hair, your steel-colored eyes brought to clear focus under the kohl that rimmed them, I was overwhelmed by the fitful urge of wanting you, of needing you, of craving you. Your bee-stung lips were full and blood red with the whore's lip stain, and they were all I could stare at. I was haunted by them. As a child I had had meager playthings, and always had enjoyed touching them. As a man I had had sumptuous females, and had always enjoyed caressing them. But I had never been quite overcome with such a profound feeling to just simply touch your pouted lips with the pad of my thumb, run it over them, perhaps removing some of it before I might be able to reach down and…

You're the fear, I don't care
'Cause I've never been so high
Follow me through the dark
Let me take you past our satellites
You can see the world you brought to life

…touch my lips to yours. I had never wanted something so much in my entire life, than to feel how you felt, your textures, your dips and curves. As you straddled that chair I was in, it took every single ounce of will power that I could muster not to allow my calloused hands to roam up your creamy white thighs to explore you more.

Angel, you entranced and intoxicated me. I knew my mind was entirely decimated by your slight being riding me, leisurely unbuttoning my shirt. I hated you. I knew I hated you. I despised and loathed you for what you were, what you had done to me to cause so much incredible agony. You also frightened me. Yes, Angel, I the Fearless Leader of Brooklyn, feared you. As your small weight settled in my lap, I was frightened how I could be so utterly consumed by you, by your aura, how much I just needed you on a primordial level. My blood ran high through my veins, white hot, at the prospect of you, Midtown's most feared assassin, perched on my lap, but also with the aspect of how much I wanted to explore you.

Angel, when I first kissed you that very night, I knew I was a marked man. I knew I was gone. I knew I had turned into a wraith. I knew that I would never to be able to serve anyone but you. I, the Fearless Leader of Brooklyn, was now forever and all time your indentured servant.

I hated you, I despised you. I loathed every atom that was bound together to create you. I knew you were already attempting to seduce me, but I was already not thinking straight. Maybe it had been the copious amounts of alcohol or the state of revelry that was around me, but everything was already shimmering when I pressed my lips to yours...

Fading in, fading out
On the edge of paradise
Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've gotta find
Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire

…and then my brain utterly imploded on itself. It became a kaleidoscope of bright colors. Fireworks of raw emotion plumed. I could feel myself in you. I knew then that we were two of the same, and that we would be bonded henceforth. We were living the same love, hate, disgust, jubilee, dread that resided in both of us. It was passed between us both.

Angel, my mind started to fade out for a moment. It felt like the glorious hues were vanishing, and I was left with a mind black as pitch, whiting out on the far-reaching edges. It was your slight whimper that saved me from whiting out. It brought back my senses to reality tenfold, and my mind sharpened swiftly. I remember it being so crystalline, how I honed in and began to commit you to memory, so that you would not be swept away in a tsunami of color and emotions.

From your quick fingers that knotted themselves into my hair. How you squirmed on my lap. The heat from where you straddled me. Your smell, the scent of gunpowder and lavender. Your hair, bright and tangled in my grasp. And your lips, full and lush…

Yeah, I'll let you set the pace
'Cause I'm not thinking straight
My head spinning around, I can't see clear no more
What are you waiting for?

…and upon my calloused ones.

Angel, I knew at that moment that despite our bloody histories and cursed feud, that I would always be subservient of you. I felt myself in you. I knew that we were two of the same; cut from the same cloth.

Even as I drank in the present situation with you on my lap, violently kissing you, I knew that this would always be burned into my psyche for as long as I lived. Other events and people and places may come and go, but I knew I would always remember this right here. It would be scorched...

Love me like you do
Love me like you do

Touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?

…into my heart like the sun.

Angel, I knew that I could not keep you. As for that matter, nor you I. We were two persons so much of the same fiber, but separated by impossible situations in life.

Angel, I would have gladly died at the hands of your brother, a happy man, with only the knowledge that you had fled and were living as a fugitive in a much better life. But I did not perish, and you escaped in the end.

I know that I should be joyful for you, that you escaped, that your brother is defeated, that Midtown is finally extinguished. But Angel, that final backward glance you parted upon me, seared my soul.

I loved you so much, Angel. I wanted to keep you so badly. But I knew I had to let you go.

I am not sure if this letter will find you, but if it does, please just remember that you saved this once broken man.

I will love you always and forever,

Jonathan Conlon