Of all the things I could be doing with my near-endless free time, I choose to write dumb April Fool's fanfictions.
Once upon a time, there was a smol bean named Pit. Oh, wait, he's actually a flightless lil' chicken. Sorry. Anyway, Pit the Flightless Lil' Chicken had a twin brother named Pitto the Edgy Flightless Lil' Chicken. They-
"There are no words to describe my level of hatred towards you," Pitto the Edgy Flightless Lil' Chicken seethed to the author when he heard what she'd decided to call him. "And stop talking in 3rd person! Better yet, stop talking at all."
"Oh, calm down Pittoo," Mother Hen Palutena told her emo son. "It's just harmless fun."
"Shut up, you're not my reeeeal mom!" Pittoo the Edgy Flightless Lil' Chicken yelled. His brother, Pit the Flightless Lil' Chicken, gasped.
"How can you say that?!" He demanded, before pretending to faint with a melodramatic sigh.
Pittoo rolled his eyes like the hobbledehoy he was. When he heard the author call him a hobbledehoy, though, he got all agro again.
"Aw, it's not all that bad, Pittoey!" Pit said, still lying flat on his back on the floor. "Wait, what's a hobbledehoy?"
"My flightless lil' chickens, a hobbledehoy is a clumsy and awkward youth," Mother Hen Palutena explained.
"I am not clumsy and awkward!" Both flightless lil' chickens yelled at the same time. Then they got into a petty squabble, as usual. Geez. Some siblings actually get along. But at least their insults were amusing.
"You're so ugly, when Lady Palutena dropped you off for school she got a fine for littering!" Pit the Flightless Lil' Chicken shouted.
"You idiot, we don't go to school, that's why we're illiterate!" Pittoo the Edgy Flightless Lil' Chicken yelled back. "People like you are the reason they have to put instructions on the back of shampoo bottles!"
"Hey, with tea tree shampoo-"
"Oh, you mean like the kind I use?!"
"-you're supposed to leave it in your hair for longer!"
Pittoo's face went blank. "You are?"
Mother Hen Palutena laughed. "Ah, silly chickens. But Pittoo is right- Pit is the reason they put instructions on the back of shampoo bottles."
Pit the Flightless Lil' Chicken looked wounded. "Are you a chiropractor, Lady Palutena? Cuz you just stabbed me in the back."
And then Medusa Who Isn't Evil For The Purpose of this Story appeared, very non-evilly.
"Hola, mi hermanita," Mother Hen Palutena greeted. "Why are you here?"
"To conquer the world for entirely 1-dimensional and selfish reasons!" Medusa Who Isn't Evil For The Purpose of this Story cried.
"You'll just fail again," Pit the Flightless Lil' Chicken said threateningly. Medusa Who Isn't Evil For The Purpose of this Story laughed maniacally.
"I'm to eeeeeeviiil to fail!" She cried.
Mother Hen Palutena looked at her hermanita. "But didn't you hear the author's name for you? In this story, you aren't evil."
"Oh," Medusa Who Isn't Evil For The Purpose of this Story pouted. "Guess I'll just disappear, then, cuz my name is too long for the author to keep writing out."
Then she disappeared.
"Thanks for nothing! You useless reptile."
Did you enjoy this 500-word disaster, featuring a bunch of inside jokes only a select few people in this world would find funny? Probably not. But it was fun.