I sighed, irritated as I looked at the ground. I should have brought sunglasses. I didn't think it necessary, but apparently winter made way for summer instead of the cloudy rain-heavy spring that it should've been. I glanced at the temperature, before sighing again. Or, you know, my body rather hates any temperature above freezing, seeing as it wasn't even 50 degrees out. I sighed, taking off my beanie. Still too hot. Was I sick or something? I scoffed under my breath, fuck no I wasn't.
My pace slowed. I glanced around. I stopped, frowning. Snarling, I kicked a rock as hard as I could, grateful for my steel toe shoes. "Aargh! Fuck this, man. This isn't fucking helping!" I snapped, taking my backpack off and throwing it as hard as I could. It hit a wall pathetically, slumping down to the ground. I glare at it, before groaning. "I couldn't just get the staff, could I?" I snarked to myself as I walked over and picked my backpack up.
"Sorry," I mumbled, "I'm just sad."
"That's interesting. Usually people recognize when they've been teleported," A voice called, and I turned around casually. I realized that the entire unimportant background changed to more unimportant, but noticeably different, background. From being lost in a residential area that I didn't recognize due to my thoughts, I was instead in an industrial area. Lots of homeless people were around, I noted in the second it took me to observe the situation.
I looked at the man in front of me, and hummed, "The Master." What was the actor's name again? Jimm Simmons? Simon … Simp? Sean- no, it wasn't Sean. Simon White? Justin- no, not Justin either.
"You know me?" The man asked, sounding confused in a desperately insane way. It reminded me of his character a lot even though I had never heard him use that tone in the show, I don't think.
I pull out my phone, going to the transcripts, seeing what it says the actor's name is, "Yeah, I do… Mm'uh fan," I muttered, barely loud enough for him to hear. What was his first episode? Sound of Drums? Utopia?
Utopia, I knew. I clicked on it and scrolled to the bottom. Blah blah blah, new Master, ooh new voice- John Sim! Aha! I was right! I blinked, clicking my phone screen off and shaking my head. No, I didn't know that. John Sim? That was his name? Huh.
I looked up at the man before me and quickly deduced that he was from the second showing. Not the third, with Peter Capaldi, but the second, when he turned everyone into himself and… Ate the homeless?
"A fan," He repeated dryly, "You don't look like you care."
I grinned, barking out a singular laugh, grin fading just before the sound of the laugh died off, "No, yeah, I'm a fan. Sorry. Wait, you- I mean obviously I've been teleported, but you're acting all blasé about it, so what's up?"
I observed him closer, and realized that he looked like he had been living rough for a few weeks. Acting career not enough? No, this wasn't John, I didn't think. My brow furrowed. Dream? Real? Hallucination? Not a dream, I noted after running my hand through my hair. My beanie dropped, and I stooped to pick it up, positioning it and putting it back on. I mean… If this was a hallucination it was excellent timing, seeing as I was just yelling about how taking a walk wasn't helping me figure out how to make my Doctor Who fanfictions any more realistic.
Even my SI's weren't me. I mean, how could I know how I'd react, really? I was typically apathetic, but who knew how'd I actually respond in any situation I've never been in before? So this hallucination was quite needed, although… I observed the Master some more, seeing how he was doing much the same. It didn't really seem unrealistic, but… There were so many plot holes in this situation.
How did I get here, for one? How did the Master know I'd been teleported specifically, and why did he say teleport instead of any other Time Lordian scientific bullshit? Why wasn't he attacking me, because wasn't that the entire point of him in this entire arc?
One of my legs swooped, tip of my shoe letting me keep my balance as my legs were crossed as if I were about to curtsy except a lot tighter, legs touching, and my left hand rested palm-inwards beneath my right elbow as my right hand rested on my chin, curled pointer finger resting against my lower lip in my typical "hmm" position. Arms half-crossed and legs fully crossed, it was quite the notable transition.
"This is wholly unhelpful, for this is unrealistic," I muttered to myself, "I mean, sure, due to my biology and typical mental health problems hallucinations are reasonably possible, and due to some of my friends getting drugged is a… small possibility, but really? The Master, specifically this one, on Earth, with this Earth having the same language as my own, the probabilities are simply too small."
"Are you calling me fake?" The Master asked blankly, giving me a calculating look.
"Unrealistic. Fake, no, but you are supremely unrealistic. Even though millions have wished for this specific occasion to happen, not only did it happen to someone, but I ended up in this precise location at this precise time in a manner that not only would tell me exactly where and when I was but would put me in the immediate position of at least a semi-important background character, or, as is more likely due to my limited knowledge, a very important side-character that could potentially destroy the very universe with every action… Yeah, no, unrealistic. Unlikely. I have deemed you a hallucination caused from my subconscious henceforth, so uh, yeah," I said, even as I gave him a hard look, brows furrowed. My logic says this isn't possible, but my instincts say it is, which is then boosted by more logic saying that if it is I have to shut the fuck up and run, which was causing me to be frozen in place due to indecision. My frown increased, and my head tilted to the right a small amount.
Oh, it seems that if I were actually put into this position I'd just turn into a logic-whore. I blinked, relaxing and shaking my head. That's not how I usually worked, I mused, even as I glanced around more urgently. Things to hide behind, things to run and duck behind… Nothing that wouldn't get me caught before I could reach.
Great. Logic. That helps, best way to stay alive if this is real? I bit the inside of my lower lip, great, logic side is done for the day, I guess.
"So, seeing as I'm done freaking out," I lied, interrupting whatever the man before me was going to say. I stopped before I said the next sentence, thinking it instead. Is there a way to keep you from immediately killing me? Or, maybe you called me here? That'd be convenient… Improbable…
"You never shut up, do you?" He snapped, and I blinked, before grinning, the grin leaving just as soon as it arrived.
"No. Yes. Depends. Not at the moment due to the specific circumstances," I shrugged, "What do you want?"
"Finally," He groaned aloud, and I gave him a confused look. Was he even in character? "Which planet do you come from?"
I blinked. Ah, he didn't call me here, then? Fuck, semi-important background character, also known as one of the Master's kills, it is.
"Covidess," I lied after a short pause. It was short enough to be excused for surprise at the question, right? It wasn't 2020 here, yeah? He wouldn't know about COVID-19, would he? "Where are you from?"
"Never heard of it, why'd you teleport to Earth?" He ignored my question. I frowned. It was fucking obvious I was from Earth. I glanced at my outfit and suddenly understood. It looked like I was trying to fit in, due to how mismatched my clothes were. Along with my phone being before its time, and of course the most dangerous man on the planet would think I was an alien.
"Due to excess energies being deemed useful to the Covid-kind, though I presume the energies came from your technologies, so I'll just do the mandatory check-ups around and leave. Don't worry, I won't mention you to the higher-ups, that'd be too much paperwork…" I sighed and decided to walk passed him, so that when I sprinted he'd have to turn to get a shot at my back.
"How many of your kind are up there?" The Master asked curiously.
"An entire warship. I assure you, they're only there in case I am injured while here, where they will then attack whichever signature attacked me. And you," I made it so it looked like I scanned him with my phone, "Have quite the signature. Worry not, nothing bad will happen unless you attack me. Now if you'll excuse me," I gave a sharp nod and smiled before walking towards him. I walked passed him without incident. I winced as he inhaled sharply, and immediately broke into a run the moment he went to turn. I was around a corner when the lightning shot passed, and I gasped, eyes wide as I fucking bolted.
It wasn't quite the speed I'd hoped for, which I had hoped would be faster than Usain Bolt, because a superpowered alien of doom was fucking attacking me. I turned another corner just in time, and I kept turning corners until I came to a deadend. Glancing around, I swallowed and stared at the fire escape. With a sigh, I started climbing it, pulling myself up two rungs at a time, and I made it to the roof, glancing behind me to see no sign of the man.
I flopped onto the roof, gasping heavily as I stared up at the sky. I tried staying as quiet as I could anyway. I swallowed a lot, and closed my eyes, exhausted. Holy fuck. I almost died there. Admittedly, my lie gave me more time than the truth would've, I bet. I glanced at the roof, not sitting up, and quietly released a measured breath. Okay. Not a hallucination. Got it. I pulled out my phone and checked it.
Okay, transcripts will literally be what saves me, I recognize, and immediately looked for that section of episodes. It doesn't say specific times, I mourned, briefly closing my eyes, but it does have an indicator. A helicopter is quite noticeable around these parts, especially one going close to the ground. I just… I just need to survive. I swallowed heavily.
I was dead. The moment I let the Master catch my scent I was dead. The only thing that could save me now would be the Doctor, and what then? I sighed, closing my eyes.
I needed to listen. The chirping of birds, the sound of cars, the buzz of insects, the humm of people. Being eaten alive didn't sound too appetizing, even though it'd be done in seconds. Focus. The patter of rungs being climbed. The whoosh of air. The raspy breathing of a starving man. I opened my eyes, almost at peace. I stood up, and ran, jumping to the next rooftop. I did it again, and again, hearing his chuckles just behind me.
I had to do something. Fast. An idea came to mind, and my running, while just as fast, turned into a beat. 1-2-3-4. Two breaths in, two out, in time with the beat. Ba-da-da-da. Grip that railing there, flail as you almost don't make it to the next building, continue the pace. The laughing stopped, turning into inhumane growls. I jumped again and again and again, before suddenly stopping and running immediately backwards. I jumped the gap that the Master was flying over, and continued.
They were looking for him. Surely this would make him visible to those who were searching? I tripped, slamming into the end of a ventilation system that I had once vaulted over.
My heart pounded, my breathing in disarray. I'd not get up in time. Ah, well. I felt so free, running. Terrified, but that was the most alive I had felt. I jolted to the side, giving myself a few seconds extra. My eyes widened and I flailed. Noticing what was happening, the Master grinned at me. He took a few steps forwards, and I lunged forwards, gasping as my stomach hit the side of the building. I grasped for purchase, but found none as I fell.
I groaned as my back slammed into the railing on my way down, my head snapping back and slamming into the bars as I flipped on the wrong side of the fire escape. Nothing broke, I didn't think, but ow. Falling those six feet onto a metal bar fucking hurt. My vision blurred, and my breathing was almost nonexistent as I slammed into the trash bin below. My body had been entirely relaxed during the fall due to the concussive force behind the hit to my head, which was probably the only reason I survived the fall.
I woke up, not having realized I had fallen unconscious. I gasped, unable to move as sheer pain coursing through my veins. My eyes were open, and I stared the Master in the eyes. He threw me out of the trash, and I tried moving. It worked. I couldn't feel anything. I slumped against a wall, unable to move properly due to my entire body having ice shards coursing through my veins, making me feel cold, tingling all throughout my body as I tried regaining my breath.
I was pushed against the wall further, eyes unable to focus properly as adrenaline rushed through my unfeeling veins. Only the cold electricity coursing through me instead. I could almost feel my individual atoms vibrating.
"You lied to me," He said, and my eyes closed, tears building up behind them. Oh thank fuck. He's a monologuing villain.
"I'm an avid liar, and the truth is less believable," I admitted, gasping, "I figured lying would keep me alive longer."
My ears strained with the hope of hearing something that would cause the Master to let me go. Like, for example, the fucking TARDIS please Sexy… Please hear me and send him here, please.
"Bwahahaha!" He laughed, and I winced. I had read that from him way too much in the episode transcripts. I was so tired of his laugh, and this was the first time I heard it in person. I groaned deep in my throat, emulating Loki post-Hulk Smash spectacularly.
"Tell me the truth, and I might keep you alive as a pet… If I'm not too hungry," He decided, and I gave him a confused look. He should be insane with hunger, shouldn't he? That was pretty much the entire episode. Tears continued to build up from the pain.
"Okay," I forced out, the pain slowly creeping up on my very bones, "I'm from another universe. Where this one is a TV show. You're the Master. Known as… Well, I don't know how to pronounce your Academy name, but I know it's either Russian or German in nature, and is about some overlord or whatever. Earthian in nature," I gasped out, unable to catch my breath. I'm fine, I cried to myself, totally fine.
"A TV show? Based on me?" He asked dryly, not believing me.
"N-o," I grit out, "Based on your bestie," I snapped out unwillingly. Oh god, I'd get killed for my attitude before I'd get killed out of his insatiable hunger. That was skill, I mentally hissed at myself, "Come on," I groaned, "TARDISes are fucking godesses, shouldn't they be able to hear wishes?"
"Based on my bestie?" His tone was venomous, "He's not my bestie. We aren't teenage girls."
"Well you bloody act like it!" I snapped out, "Mr. "Nah I'm gonna die just to win like life is a fucking game" or no, no, Mr. Loki-ass-motherfucker doing fuck-all except cause mischief and chaos. You're like the offspring of Loki and the Joker!" Is what I didn't say, but it seemed he was listening to my fucking thoughts because he punched me.
I woke up on the ground, barely able to pick myself up before he kicked me in the stomach. I gasped, groaning as I pushed myself up again. And again. And again.
"Stay down," He ordered, and I sat up, leaning against the wall. I stared at him, eyes dulled. He stared back at me in turn, as if wondering what to do with me or not. Or, more likely, whether to eat me now or save me for later.
"Sexy save me now," I drawled, having entirely given up on surviving. The pain was bearable, I acknowledged. I was desperately hoping to be heard by my Goddess-of-Choice in this universe. I don't think the Goddess of Stories was on my side, seeing as my predicament fucking sucked right off the bat. Broken Bird trope, mixed with a poorly used childhood, and I was pretty fucked up, along with being put in the Master's path instead of the Doctor's… Well.
I took note that my tune changed from "This isn't realistic fuck you universe" to "I wish I was a Mary Sue that totally jumped around the Doctor's timeline and was a Time Lady". Yeah, I admitted to myself. Everyone wants to be great. Everyone wants to be loved right off the bat by someone they look up to. That's why Mary Sue's exist. That's why the timeline-jumping cliche existed.
"Who's Sexy?" The Master asked, staring down on me like I was a cockroach.
I stared up at the Master, hesitating for a moment before speaking slowly. I was trying not to say something stupid by speaking carefuuly as I could, "The Doctor calls his TARDIS that," I claimed, "Though, you can be Sexy too, if you want," My lip twitched. Fuck, what did I just say about doing something stupid?
At his disgusted face I relaxed, grinning up at him, knowing my eyes were sparkling, "Aw, you look like you love that nickname, Mr. Sexy." I laughed, shaking my head. Was I going through the stages of grief? The stages of denial, maybe?
My eyes widened, and both the Master and I snapped our heads to the side in unison. I stood up, eyes as wide as they could go and grin even wider. Fuck yeah, The Goddesses are on my side baby! I watched in awe as the blue form of the Sexiest Being in Existence™ slowly materialized in front of us. I let out a chuckle of relief as the Master took off running, and I fell to my knees as I stared at her beauty.
The TARDIS doors opened, and I didn't even hesitate as I threw myself at her and kissed her exterior, "Oh I fucking love you." I hugged her side as tight as I could, squishing my cheek to her.
"Who are you?"
"Oh my beautiful goddesses thank you for granting my every wish I will forever be in your debts," I muttered, half-delirious with relief, "Oh my Sexy you're the best. I knew you'd hear me."
"Are you the one who's been sending a distress signal? How'd you manage that?"
"I'll never let you go, oh I owe you so much," I squished myself against the TARDIS more. After a small silence I heard a TARDIS-esque laugh, and was thrown off as the doors closed on their own. I slumped against the doors, pushing myself as much as I could against them, "Oh fuck man, I've never felt more grateful for life, ahahaha."
"Can you stop caressing my TARDIS?" The voice snapped, and I glanced up.
It was silent for long moments as blue eyes met blue. I frowned, "You're not David Tennant," I muttered. He gave me a look.
"No, I'm not. How'd you send that distress signal? You're human, aren't you?" The leather-wearing Doctor asked. I swallowed.
"I prayed to her," I pointed at the TARDIS, "And I know she is like… Omniscient… So maybe that helped?"
"How do you know of my TARDIS?" He grilled.
I blinked, grinning at him, "Oh, spoilers, but am I ever so glad to see you."
"Spoilers," He said, unamused.
"Sorry, your rules," I raised my hands, "But, uh," I glanced to where the Master ran, "You really shouldn't be here. You need to leave. Thanks for saving my life," I nod at him and bow to the TARDIS, "Uh, but truly. Leave. Before you get killed. By your future. And a paradox."
He observed me for a moment before nodding. He walked into his TARDIS, before pausing and turning to me, "Are you still in danger if you stay here? Is it an alien threat?"
"Oh, world-ending, but don't worry about it, it's your future's problem, not yours. I'll… You wouldn't want me hanging out with you. I know too much, and I know you hate it when people know too much. Oh! But for, you know, future reference, keep this place and time in mind when like, uhhh… Yeah, that's like all I can say."
"How much do you know?" The Doctor asked curiously.
I stared Christopher Eccleston in the eyes, before blinking and seeing all the differences between the two. For one, Crissie boi didn't look so old and scary in the eyes.
"Everything," I admitted, rubbing one of my arms above the elbow awkwardly, "Too much to be left alive, really… Not that I want to die…" I sighed once I realized my position. Even if I deleted the damned app, I still had entire events memorized. More than enough to be useful to all of the Doctor's enemies, and even some of his tentative allies.
Torchwood would kill to have me. I blinked. I had access to Jack's Torchwood life too, I mused. Fuck. I'd get so many people killed if any information leaked out.
"Don't worry, though," I piped up after a small silence, looking up at the building I just fell from. I estimated that if I dived head-first I'd be taken care of. All I'd need would be to factory reset my phone. I looked back at the Doctor, who glanced where I did, "I'll take care of myself. Nothing you need to worry about. Have a good life," I said.
He frowned, "In the TARDIS. Now. I'm not letting you kill yourself to protect me."
I shook my head, frowning at him, "You don't understand. The information I have… It's enough to end the universe, though it could be argued that you're the most important component of said universe. I don't even know why I was allowed in this universe! I mean, what universe would allow a literal self-destruct button to exist within its depths! Oh," My eyes looked up as I had an epiphany, "Maybe that's why it immediately tried killing me!" I clapped my hands, pointing at the Doctor, "Final Destinations style."
He gave me a confused look, and I gaped at him, "You've never seen Final Destinations? Unacceptable," I grinned at him, the grin falling immediately, "Heh, so, uh, yeah. Put that on your to-watch list… I'll just, you know. Take care of the self-destruct button. So the universe doesn't have to."
I nodded solemnly, turning away, only to be dragged into the TARDIS by an annoyed Doctor, "No, you're coming with me."
I frowned, trying to tug myself out of his grip. I obviously failed, limbs shaking with the strain of just standing due to my run and subsequent fall. Pulling me a bit too fast, I trip, too weak to catch myself as I face-plant. Ow. I shakily try and stand up, only for my limbs to give up on me. I try again. I pout when I fail this time, before shoving myself up, stumbling to a stand, slumping against the railing on the side, having backpedalled to stay standing.
The Doctor observed me for a moment, "You're hurt."
"No. Yes. Maybe," I denied, "I just… Well, I was about to get eaten by an enemy of yours, so I prayed to the Goddess of Stories and also to, you know, your Goddess of a ship, and uh, yeah. So I ran as fast as I could, and did shit, and uh fell off the building that you saw…"
The Doctor gave me an incredulous look, "You prayed to my TARDIS."
"Yes. She's a literal Goddess," I said, giving him an incredulous look, "Did… Did you not know that?"
He gave me a glare, "She's a ship."
"Yes, a sentient Goddess ship," I agreed.
"No, a non-sentient Time Lord ship," He disagreed.
I frowned at him. I guess he didn't admit it until Matt Smith, did he?
"Okay. Say that again when her sentience and Godhood is proven, I'll wait… Or, well, no, I won't, because I'll be dead, but still," Whether by old age or alien reasons, either or.
"This isn't something you know, is it?" The Doctor asked, unsure.
I frowned at him, "I mean, kinda? I guess it's not one-hundred percent positive that she's a Goddess, but she is essentially one, so yeah. Whovianism, the worship of the TARDIS. New religion. You should join it."
He gave me a confused look, "You can't just create a religion."
"Yes. I can. I just did. All hail the TARDIS," I said flatly, "And the Goddess of Stories," I added. He shook his head, and I saw his lips move. I frowned, tilting my head. Was he speaking? The rush of my blood pounded in my ears, and I heard the cyberman-steps that my pulse sounded like. I barely noticed the worried look on the Doctor's face as everything turned staticy, going grey before blackness encroached on my vision.
Everything felt odd, and I felt as gravity pulled me to the ground. I was passing out, wasn't I?