15Rey is dying.
Or at least she thought she was.
The days after Exegol passed by in a blur. Celebrations lasted a good week and a half after what had become known as the Battle of Exegol. Rey remembered some of it. She remembered being offered drinks. The stench of alcohol had turned her stomach. Brought unbidden memories to the surface; of half-forgotten faces and words shouted in anger. Rey had declined the proffered drink politely.
She remembered watching the following festivities from her hidden nook till the emptiness inside her threatened to overwhelm her as she watched everyone dance and drink. There were others like her. Sitting on the outskirts, eyes hollow and faces long with sorrow as they grieved those they'd lost to the war.
Finn and Poe expressed their concern when they noticed how withdrawn she'd become, shadows making a home under her eyes. Thankfully, they kept their distance, sensing correctly that that was what she needed. Although, Rey guessed she had Rose to thank that for. She was remarkably perceptive about such things.
They believed her despondent mood was because she was still grieving the loss of her master, the closest thing Rey had had to a mother. Yes, she missed Leia but she had accepted her death as the woman had done when she'd called out to her son one last time. Leia was not the one she grieved and she didn't know how to tell them that. There were no words to describe the gaping hole in her soul, how her entire being ached for her other half.
And then Rey couldn't take it anymore. Something in her was building, ugly and hot, and she feared it. Terrified of what would happen when it clawed its way out of her.
So she left, under the guise of putting the lightsabers of the twins to rest. Poe had insisted on BB-8 accompanying her when she refused their company. Rey thought maybe Poe knew more than he let on.
"Chewie, I-I can't." Rey said when Chewie offered her the Falcon. He insisted, telling her it was what Han would have wanted. And maybe it was time he retire for a bit now that the fighting was done.
Tatooine was hot and dry like Jakku had been. It was strangely comforting. Rey had thought, after seeing so many lush planets, she would never want for the endless dunes and burning heat of Jakku. But there was just something familiar about Tatooine.
And it was there on Luke's old home that she finally allowed herself to truly mourn. BB-8 had nearly short-circuited when Rey dropped to her knees with a keening sob. She'd wailed and screamed until her voice left her. And then she had cried some more.
And when there were no more tears, her body spent and tired, but her mind a flurry of thoughts and regrets, Rey decided with BB-8's urging to focus on repairing the moisture farming equipment lest she dies of dehydration. And she was good for a couple of days. Her mind and body too focused on the task to busy itself with her darker thoughts. But then she'd finished and her grief and anger had come rushing back in like a dam that had burst inside her.
She woke up in a pool of her own vomit to BB-8 beeping and whirring like crazy, his chassis bumping against her shoulder repeatedly.
"I'm fine." She croaked. She wasn't fine. BB-8 told her that much. The droid herded her onto the Falcon and into the 'fresher. Rey had to admit it felt good to wash off the sick and sand that had caked her body.
She stepped out of the 'fresher and made her way into the cockpit. She brushed off the ration bar BB-8 nudged towards her. Told him she wasn't hungry despite having not eaten in two days.
Her comms were full of messages from her friends. Rey stared at the blinking lights. She looked down at the ball droid who was looking innocently up at her. She sighed and pressed a button. Rey was immediately assaulted by a flurry of mixed voices as the messages all played at once. Rey scrambled to turn some of them off. Most of them were Finn's but she heard Poe and Rose too. Even Chewie.
"Rey? I don't if you're getting my messages." A pause. Rey's stomach twisted. "We're worried about you. BB-8's been telling us-" The message cut off and switched to another. His tone was pleading now. "We miss you, Rey. Come back. Please ."
Rey nearly crashes into BB-8 in her rush to get to the 'fresher. She clutches the vacc tube as she retches. There's nothing left in her stomach, though. What does come out is acidic and burns her throat. Rey rests her head against the bowl and closes her eyes, BB-8's concerned beeps lulling her sleep.
Thankfully when she wakes this time it's in a puddle of her drool and not her puke. For this Rey is immensely grateful. Rey weakly makes her way back to the cockpit. The messages are still playing. She listens to them in a stupor. She should feel happy that her friends care for her so. But all Rey feels is...empty.
It's not until Poe starts threatening to come down to Tatooine and kidnap her that Rey thinks maybe it's time to go back. Lest her friends come and see the state she's in.
Rey takes another shower, changes her clothes once again, and accepts the ration bar BB-8 pushes towards her before plugging in the Resistance's coordinates.
The Falcon lands a few hours later. Rey slowly walks out, BB-8 dutifully following her.
Finn and Poe are standing in front of the platform waiting for her. Poe had his arms crossed but he looks relieved to see her. BB-8 croons happily and rushes to his master.
"Rey." Finn sighs in relief, his face relaxing as he approaches her, arms spread wide. Rey smiles. Or at least she hopes what her mouth is doing is a smile. She hasn't smiled since Exogol. Rey steps forward to accept the embrace when she promptly collapses.
"Rey!" Is all she hears before the darkness takes her.
"She's what ?!" Finn exclaims at the same time Poe asks, "Come again? Because, it's funny," Poe fakes a chuckle, "for a second I thought you said she was-"
"Pregnant," Rey says numbly.
"Two months, I say." The medic smiles. "Congratulations."
Rey thinks she says thank you or something similar. She distantly hears Poe and Finn squawking in the background, asking if the medic is sure. That it's not some fluke and that the machine isn't picking up a tapeworm or something.
Rey is released a few days later with strict instructions to eat plenty and no more off-world adventures. Finn is the one who escorts her from the medbay to her room on the Resistance base. There are significantly fewer people around, many having returned home.
Home. Rey doesn't think she'd ever had a real one before, but she plans on making one. She won't have her little one grow up without one. Rey doesn't how and where, but she'll find one. It won't be some rusted, scrapped AT-AT, that she knows for sure.
Finn talks the whole way there and Rey is more than happy to have fill in what would have been a silently awkward journey. He talks about the Resistance's plans, how they've begun reaching out to different planets in hopes of creating something new. Not a dictatorship like the First Order and not the flawed bureaucracy of the New Republic. They want something different, something that will finally bring peace to this war-torn galaxy. Finn talks about how the missions sent out to hunt down the last of the First Order are going. Of the stormtroopers that have been slowly trickling in, inspired by stories of Finn and the ex-stormtrooper Jannah and her company.
Rey is happy for him. Truly. Even when the ugly, nasty thing in the back of her mind screeches as Finn embarrassedly talks of Poe, his cheeks dark. She roots for the creature and casts it deep down into her subconscious with all the other things she'd rather not think about.
Rey steps into her room. Her eyes determinately do not stray under her bed where a box containing the only evidence of her dyad partner's existence lays.
"So, uh, Rey?" Finn starts, leaning against the wall in an attempt to appear casual. He fails spectacularly. Rey watches with growing amusement as he slides off the wall. Her friend scrambles to right himself. He clears his throat once he has both feet planted firmly on the floor. Rey tries to be patient as Finn stumbles over his words, but she's tired. All she wants to do is hop in the fresher, wash the smell of the medbay off her, and hopefully fall into a dreamless sleep.
"Finn," He jumps when she addresses him. She raises one brow. "What is it?" And then immediately regrets asking him.
"Who's the father?" Finn blurts. Rey's breath catches in her throat. Finn's eyes widen and he brings up his hands. "Not that it's any of my business! I mean you don't have to tell me or anything if you don't want to." He rubs a hand over his face and groans. Rey would have laughed if it had been any other time and about a different question. Because, truthfully, Rey hasn't got the faintest idea who the father could be.
"I don't know."
"You...don't...know…?" Finna repeats back slowly, confused. Rey sits on her bed. She's looking down so she doesn't see when Finn joins her, only feels the slight dip in the bed as he sits. He swallows heavily. "You weren't- someone didn't...do something to you, did they?"
Now it's Rey's turn for her eyes to go wide.
"Oh, gods no!" She faces Finn and grabs his shoulder. "It wasn't anything like that!" Finn melts and grabs her opposite shoulder.
"Thank the Maker." He breathes a sigh of relief. He finds her eyes. "You had us really worried, Rey."
Rey looks down. "I know," she replies quietly. "I'm sorry I just needed time to…"
"It's okay. You don't have to explain yourself to me. To anyone, if you don't want to."
"Thank you." Rey meets his eyes again. "But I want to try."
"Rey-"
"No, no, it's okay." The corner of her lips lift up and she nudges his shoulder a little. "You're my best friend." It's true. He's her first and truest friend. She wants him to know this.
Finn's eyes soften and he returns her smile. "You're my best friend too."
Rey nods and pulls away, hand slipping into her lap as she sits criss-cross applesauce on the bed.
"I wasn't lying before. I really don't know who the father is."
Finn frowns. "But how?" He blinks. "I think I'd have remembered unless…"
Rey shakes her head. "I don't drink, Finn. I've also don't," she clears her throat awkwardly, "do that. I've never had."
Sensing her embarrassment, Finn simply nods, and offers a, "Me too."
Rey's heart warms at his honest confession and continues, "Right. And two months ago I was training with Leia and then there was the…"
"Battle of Exegol." Finn finishes for her. His frown comes back. "You never did tell us what happened. Not really."
Rey takes a deep breath. And then chickens out. Well, she tried. "I will. One day." And she will. Preferably when just the thought of what happened no longer threatens to bring her to her knees, a three-lettered name stuck in her throat as she sobs. "So there wasn't any time for me to...you know…" Finn nods again, Force bless him.
"You don't think…" Finn lowers his voice and leans in. "...it was the Force, do you?"
Rey blinks. "That…" it's ludicrous; crazy, but... "actually makes sense." The Force is weird like that. She wouldn't strike it off the list of possibilities.
Rey yawns. Finn stands up and bids her goodbye, telling her to rest.
"If you need anything. I mean anything, you can always count on me. On all of us."
Rey swallows, "I know."
Finn leaves, the door sliding closed with a quiet hiss of air. Rey gets up and walks over to the 'fresher attached to her room. She undresses and catches her eye in the mirror. She takes a step back and looks at herself.
She doesn't look any different. She'd been eating more since joining the Resistance, minus her breakdown on Tatooine. She's gained a bit more weight, no longer skin and bones. She looks the same.
Rey places her hands on her belly and closes her eyes. She focuses until she can feel the Force and all the living things beating in tandem to its mysterious tune. She can feel the person in the next room over. Feel the fly in the hallway. The crowd of living beings in what she assumes must be the mess hall.
And then she feels it. Him. Her. She doesn't which it is yet except that they're there.
Rey gasps and her fingers tighten.
A heartbeat. Small and faster than her own. She focuses on that and is surprised when she hears a second heartbeat. A smile, small and genuine spreads on her face. The Force hums softly around her.
And just like the fleeting moment she'd shared when Ben, when she'd kissed him and they'd been one, Rey feels at peace.
Rey's pregnancy was pretty normal for the most part. If you exclude the fact that apparently the Force was to blame for her pregnancy.
"A gift from the Force." Chewbacca had told her when she'd informed him of her new situation.
"Really?" Rey had asked, stunned to have it confirmed so quickly.
"Not the first time." He'd seen a lot of strange things over his long life and heard many stories. This wasn't so bizarre to him. Especially not when the Force was involved which he just knew it was.
It was just another run of the mill Force pregnancy. No hiccups… at least if she didn't count the three times she had to be rushed to the medbay. Apparently, chronic childhood malnutrition and dehydration hadn't done any good to her body. Who'd have thought? The medics were surprised she'd even been able to conceive, much less hold the babies this long.
Okay, so maybe it isn't so normal.
Her friends are all so wonderful, though. Supportive, if confused, and soldier through her erratic mood swings with the solemnity of war veterans. Maker, Rey's never felt so off-kilter with her emotions. She'd be laughing one moment, crying the next, and then had narrowly clocked Finn with a wrench when he'd commented on the fact that she waddled like a porg. She and Chewie were still rooting the little creatures out of the Falcon.
Finn and Poe, despite their busy schedules, make time to check up and spend time with her. Poe is too good at cards. Rey is decent and wins a couple of rounds but Finn is terrible at it. Rey suspects Poe had intentionally allowed him to win the few times he'd managed to do so.
Before Rey had been confined to bed rest she'd spent a lot of time with Rose and Chewie fixing up and restoring the Falcon to her former glory. Or as close as they could get to it. She'd never be her original stark white and some scars were permanent without completely replacing the parts but she was perfect.
It was nice. Almost made her forget the yawning hole in her soul.
Almost.
Rey's pregnancy had been going relatively smoothly as of late. She was drinking water and eating enough for four people. Her children would never know what it was like to be hungry if she could help it. Rey was enjoying the rare stroll outside through the jungle, Rose holding onto the crook of her arm when it all went to shit.
"I swear if those two don't stop dancing around each other and confess, I'm going to go insane!" Rose complains. Rey chuckles.
"Don't worry. It won't be long." Rey soothes. "They're absolutely smitten with each other."
"Ugh, I hope your right." Rose looks at her out of the corner of her eye. "So…"
Rey raises a brow. "So?"
"Is there anybody your 'smitten' with?"
Ben's face, his radiant smile, pops up in her mind's eye.
"No." Rey turns the question on Rose. "What about you? Are you really okay with, er, Finn and Poe… you know."
Rose shrugs. "We're just friends. I'm happy for him."
"Me too."
They continue their leisure pace. Birds and other creatures chirp around them from within the trees.
"Rey?"
"Hm?" Rey is trying to remember the name of the animal croaking. Poe had told her the name just yesterday. Did she forget it already?
Rose's next words are hesitant and for good reason. "Are you...okay?"
Rey stiffens. She struggles to loosen herself. "Why do you ask?"
Rose shrugs and smiles sheepishly. "I don't know it's just you're so quiet sometimes and you get this look on your face."
"Look?" Rey hears herself ask but her mind is far away, trying to run away from the conversation. Her stomach is twisting terribly.
"Sad. Depressed. Beaten down." Rose shrugs.
Rey stops walking. Rose is yanked back by her sudden stop.
"Rey?" Rose looks back at her. Her brows furrow in concern. "I didn't mean- did I push too hard?"
"Rose." Rey croaks. Something warm leaks down her legs. Rose tenses and her eyes go to her stomach. She's always been so perceptive. It's made Rey a little uncomfortable. For once she's glad for it.
"Is it the baby? Do you need to sit down?"
Rey opens her mouth to say something. Rey doesn't know what she says if she says anything, the blood rushing in her head is so loud. Her legs give out and Rey is only dimly aware of Rose fumbling to catch her. The pain in her stomach blooms and takes her voice with it so all she can manage is a small whimper.
Rey thinks she blacks out because one moment it's her and Rose among the trees and the next she's lying limply in Finn's arms. Rey tries to lift her head and ask what's going on but she's hit by a wave of pain from somewhere in her womb and it takes everything she has in her to keep her eyes open.
"It's going to be okay, Rey. It's going to be okay." Finn keeps repeating the phrase. Rey's eyes roll from his panicked face to her lower half.
That's a lot of blood. She thinks before she passes out again.
Finn is hysterical. The doctors know this. So do the infirmary droids. Everybody within a five-mile radio knows this. He knows this. Rose and Poe are equally as panicked. Because Rey is dying.
Her light is dimming more and more as the seconds pass by. Finn tries to break into the medbay and demand what's going on, his friends close behind him. They stop him. Tell him that complications have come up and they're doing their best to help his friend. Assured him they had the most skilled doctors and newest medic droids working on Rey. It does little to reassure him when he can feel Rey slipping away further and far away with every second that drags by.
Poe doesn't understand what's going on but he takes Finn's hand and squeezes.
"Listen, buddy, if anybody can do this it's Rey. It's going to be okay." Finn wants to believe him. Desperately. With all his soul. But Rey is dying. Can feel it, see it with this weird connection he has to the Force and her.
Tears cloud his eyes and run down his face.
"Finn? What's wrong?" Rose asks. Finn feels Poe take hold of his face, thumbs wiping at his tears.
"Hey, hey, it's going to be okay. Rey's-"
"Gone." Finn chokes out. He meets Poe's dark eyes. "She's gone. " And just like a candle, Rey's light is snuffed. Her once bright presence drifting into the Force like smoke in the air.
"Oh my gods." Rose gasps and collapses into the chair next to Finn. Finn means to breathe out, hadn't known he was holding his breath. A broken sob rips out of him instead. Immediately Poe grabs the back of his head and pulls it to his shoulder, holding him closely.
Finn closes his eyes and cries against the other man.
It's dark one moment and then it's not. A burst of light floods Finn's senses through the Force. It's so bright that if Finn hadn't already had his eyes closed he'd have shut them. Poe must feel something too because he freezes. You'd have to be dead not to feel that, Force-sensitive or not.
The light. It should be blinding with how brilliant it shines. Brighter than even Rey's who's always been a beacon of light, lighting up the darkness around her. The light eventually dies down into two small pinpoints; soft and twinkling like starlight.
Finn is on his feet and rushing to where he feels Rey's steady presence in the Force. Poe and Rose are hot on his heels.
The human medics are fluttering around in kind of hurried frenzy. They're so distracted they don't even attempt to shoo the three new arrivals. Which is good with Finn. He isn't planning on leaving Rey's side.
She's pale and drenched in sweat but her chest is rising and falling as she sleeps.
"It's a miracle." He catches a doctor murmur in awe, looking at Rey's vitals.
"I thought you said…" Poe trails off, watching in a sort of trance as Rey breathes in and out.
"She's not," Finn says. Poe looks away and then blinks rapidly.
"Did you know she was having twins?"
"They're so small…" Rose coos from behind his shoulder. Finn looks away from Rey and to the two pink bodies being checked over by an infirmary droid. Finn doesn't think twice before approaching. The droid finishes wrapping the two newborns in a white blanket. Finn reaches forward and takes one of them. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Rose take the other.
"Rose wasn't kidding. She is small." Poe comments next to him.
"He." The droid corrects. "Human male. Approximately four point seven pounds. Fifteen inches in length. Birthing time is two-forty PM standard time."
Rose lifts the baby in her arms slightly. This one is bigger than Finn's with a head of already thick dark hair. "Is this one a boy too?"
"Human female. Approximately seven point three pounds. Twenty-one inches in length. Birthing time is two thirty-six PM standard time."
"Looks like Rey lucked out; got the whole set and everything," Poe comments with a smirk. Finn pretends not to notice the way his voice shakes towards the end. It's been a pretty traumatic four hours.
Finn's attention is called back to the baby boy in his arms. He stretches, pushing against his cloth prison and smacks his lips together twice before going back to sleep.
"Okay. Now that's cute." Finn nods in agreement with Poe.
"Awww, look, guys, she's opening her mouth-"
A piercing wail cuts through the buzz of monitors and the doctors walking around them. Poe grimaces and Finn holds the baby closer to him in a vain attempt to muffle the noise.
"Okay. That. Not so cute." Poe says over the baby's cries.
Rose looks bewildered as the newborn in her arms makes it known how much she doesn't care for this new outside world.
Finn laughs. It's wet and a little creaky but that's alright.
Poe was right. Everything is going to be okay.
Rey's never held a baby before now. She's holding the twins, one in each arm. Plutt had put her in charge of the younger scavengers back on Jakku, trusting her to show them the ropes. But she'd never interacted with anybody that didn't yet know how to walk and talk, much less clean themselves. Jakku's sun would have burnt their fragile skin. Babies this small were either kept inside or tightly strapped to their mother's back in a thick cloth.
Rey looks down at the sleeping babe on her left. He's small, much smaller than his twin. His eyes are closed so Rey has no idea what color they are. The few wisps of hair on his head are brown, like hers. Rey turns her head to her right. She couldn't be more different. This one already has a whole head of dark hair. Her skin is paler and she's a lot heavier than her counterpart.
They're so different. Rey thinks they're the most beautiful things she's ever seen.
They do share one thing in common, Rey's noticed. Their ears, they're large and stick out proudly from the sides of their heads. Like someone Rey knew. Had known.
Rey closes her eyes and feels the babies with the Force. She recognizes her presence within them but if she looks deeper, closer…
Rey's eyes snap open as she senses it. A familiar presence, so faint Rey doubted she'd have been able to catch if she hadn't been so connected to him.
Ben.
She can feel him. A mixture of her, Ben, and something that is uniquely the twins swirling inside them.
Rey had died. Again. But just before she'd gone she'd felt it. A faint quiver of their bond, severed by his death, or so she thought.
Ben? She'd projected into the bond. There was no answer. There never was. And then she was gone. Floating among the stars. But something bright and powerful had grabbed her and pulled her back and here she was again.
It'd been the twins. She was sure of it. Just as she was sure it had been Ben who'd guided them to her.
She owed them her life, their father twice over now. And she'd give it to them. Rey leans down and presses a kiss to each of the baby's foreheads. She'd be the mother Rey had yearned and begged for. Even if she knew squat about being a mother. Much less a good one. It's a good thing Rey's always been a fast learner.