The living room was empty and quiet. William found himself kicking off his shoes and clambering onto the sofa. He leant against the arm rest bringing his knees up to his chest and resting his head on them somewhat. His arms stretched out in front of him and he twisted his wedding band continuously.
The feel of his ring against his skin once again, a small smile appeared on his face as he acknowledged its meaning. He was back with his husband, his Sonny, the one who still loved him, who didn't have to not be with him because he killed his mother, he was innocent of that, but he was aware that he was still in the wrong to have been driving and looking at his phone, he could have caused the accident and could have done that to someone else had they been on the road that night.
He continued to think that only less than an hour ago he stood in this room and said goodbye to Maggie who was now going to prison, but his mind wandered back to that night and to Adrienne, could he have done more, made her stay in the car, called an ambulance sooner...
Sonny had come down the stairs with his phone and stopped for a few seconds in the doorway and watched Will. He was relieved to have his husband back but he was also swept up in this whirlwind of events. Saying goodbye to Maggie, watching Victor go with her, as much as he was angry with him for keeping Will away from him and their daughter, some sympathy was given at that moment.
Sonny took a few steps into the living room and kissed the top of Will's head which startled his husband slightly.
"Sorry my love didn't mean to scare you." Sonny apologised
"No, no I was so lost in thought I didn't hear you come in, are you okay?" Will asked
Sonny took a seat next to his husband who unfurled his legs and curled up to Sonny and drew circles on Sonny's jean leg.
"I think I need to be asking you the same question, are you alright Will?"
"I was just wondering and you can say no if you want to, but would you mind… could we… errr"
"Will ask me anything, come on."
"Can we visit Adrienne?" Will whispered
A sharp breath exhaled from Sonny and he was caught off guard "Ohhh… well that certainly wasn't what I was expecting." Sonny responded.
Will pulled away quickly and wasn't sure if that was a good or bad response, he rose from the sofa and began to pace and apologise simultaneously "Sorry, sorry, no I get it, I shouldn't have asked, errrmmm, I have a paper for the Spectator to do, I need to do some research, I errr sorry I will see you later"
Will turned and began to leave this awkward situation, his cheeks red from embarrassment and tears welling, he hadn't realised that Sonny would say no"
Before he could grab his bag and keys he felt arms embrace him from behind halting him in his tracks and inability to move.
"No… Will stop, you misunderstand…" Sonny sighs and he unfurls his arms around Will and turns him on the spot to see Will's crimson face with tears trickling down his cheeks. He brings his thumb up to one side and wipes gently the droplets away.
"Will, you have nothing to be sorry for, I wasn't going to say no, truthfully I haven't been there since the funeral, I haven't been strong enough to see her… to see where we laid her to rest… I would love if we went there. Please don't think my response was because you asked, she was just as much a mother to you as she was to me. We both haven't really been able to grieve her, well you because I thought… I thought"
"You thought I killed her…" William answers and sniffled "Sonny, I miss her, I miss hearing her in the mansion, giggling with Ari as they played together… I'm sorry I made you feel that you couldn't grieve"
Sonny brushed Will's other cheek "Please, the truth is out it wasn't you, you don't have to apologise for me not being able to grieve that is my burden, but a burden I can now share with you."
Will threw his arms around Sonny and hugged him tightly. "I happily share your burden my love. I will stop by the florist on my way back from the office, when I said I had a paper for the spectator I wasn't lying, see you in an hour?"
Sonny smiled "Sure, see you in an hour" he leant and kissed his husband before Will grabbed his things and began to leave, he glanced back and dropped his bag and returned to Sonny's side and gave him another kiss"
Will stood by the entrance of the graveyard he twirled the bouquet of flowers in his hand one more time inspecting the choice of flowers, hoping they would be poignant and meaningful.
Sonny arrived shortly after and when he saw Will with flowers he started to well up himself, this was definitely going to be tough.
"Hey" Sonny said and gave William a hug attempting to not crush the bouquet his husband held.
"Hey, I errr hope these are okay, I was trying to think what to get so I went with white roses and yellow lilies."
"Will, they look lovely, Mom would have loved them"
"Yeah, so the yellow lilies symbolise happiness and remembrance and the white roses, well they mean new beginnings but also everlasting love… because well we will forever love her and celebrate her life."
"Will, that's so beautiful. I could never, would never even think of something like that, you amaze me every day."
Will blushes slightly "come on now, they are just flowers, you ready?"
Sonny slips his hand into Wills and answers "I am now".
They walk through the gate into the gardens and wind the paths to the rose garden where Adrienne was laid to rest. They pass the last two cherub statues before reaching her headstone. Will feels a tug on his hand and looks back to realise Sonny had stopped walking, his legs refusing to step closer.
Will steps closer to his husband "you okay?" he asks squeezing Sonny's hand a little trying to convey reassurance.
Sonny's face staring at the floor, he gradually glances up to Will to reveal the tears had already started to flow "I'm sorry, god I am so sorry, I… I…. she is really gone…"
Will lays the flowers down to allow himself to embrace his husband who begins to bawl on his shoulder "Oh Sonny, darling, I know, I know, I am so sorry." He rubs his husbands back trying to soothe and console his him who clearly had been holding back these emotions for months.
10 minutes later and Sonny's breathing had calmed and he wiped away the stray tears from his face. It was Will's turn to stroke his husbands cheek and this grounded Sonny and calmed him more, Will was truly his anchor tethering him to warmth and compassion.
"Thank you, I …"
"What was it you said to me, stop saying sorry, we all have to grieve, you every right to break down like that, you are so strong, it's taken you this long to break."
"I buried it that's why; I didn't have time to grieve. I had our daughter to take care of and a husband in prison"
"Yes, a husband who refused to see you, but you had people to rely on… your dad, your family… Evan"
Sonny's head shot up at Evans name
"Evan? Will no… I thought we were …"
"Sonny come on now, he is a part of the past, however brief you two were together, you talked to him surely."
"About you mostly, never about mom, the only person I wanted to talk about mom to didn't want to see me."
Will cocks his head and sighs "Yes well we have both done some questionable actions in the last year, best lay them to rest as well. You think you're ready to go forward?"
"Forward? What as in closer to mom's grave or to move forward with our lives together? I know how you like your double meanings."
"Both, my dear, I adore you, but I know you, we are alike in one thing, we dwell on past transgressions and will continually beat ourselves up for things we have done. We need to draw a line in the sand and accept that we are two flawed men, who will go to the ends of the world for each other, but would hurt ourselves in the process to protect the other. Sonny you have a way of filling voids, clouding the pain with another."
Sonny stares into Wills eyes "You truly know me don't you? How could I ever not want this?"
Will bends down and collects the flowers and when he rises he holds his free hand out to Sonny who takes it and they walk the last few metres to her headstone. Sonny bends down on one knee and brushes the leaves off it and Will hands him the bouquet to which he lays over one edge of the granite headstone.
"Hi mom, I am so sorry it took me so long to come see you." Will stands to the side of him and squeezes his shoulder he encases Wills hand with his own hand and they stare at Adrienne's name etched into the granite.
"The truth came out; Will is back where he belongs, with his family, well nearly all his family. Mom I love you so much, I miss you."
"I do too, I will look after them both don't you worry." Will says squeezing Sonny's shoulder
Sonny rose and Will slipped his arm around his waist allowing Sonny to lean his head on his shoulder "We will hug Ari a little tighter tonight for you mom"
They stood there for a few more minutes giving their own silent prayers to Adrienne and to the world, both praying for the same thing for each other and promising they won't leave it so long till their next visit.
Eventually they begin to leave and a small breeze whisks past them making them believe Adrienne was responding to them affirming her love to them both.
Will looks to Sonny and catches Sonny doing the exact same which causes them to both chuckle.
"Ice-cream?" Will suggests
"You know Ari will kill us if we do ice-cream without her."
"Oh of course, I wouldn't dream of it."
They interlock their fingers as they begin to walk to collect their daughter from school and indulge in ice-cream.