2The cadets were all buzzing with excitement and had been since finding out that the Chief Enforcement Agent of UNCLE North America, Napoleon Solo, and his Second in Command and partner Illya Kuryakin, the first and only Soviet UNCLE agent, were at the Survival School to give a lecture on The Methodology of Undercover Work. Jules Cutter hadn't had to mandate attendance; every cadet and the majority of the instructors had crowded into the auditorium and taken copious notes while Agent Kuryakin discussed how to create disguises before handing off to his partner who spoke at length about creating personalities.
"In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen, the successful undercover agent is able to blend personality and disguise into a credible persona." The CEA looked around at the fresh faces and thought, Was I ever that young before asking, "Any questions?" Dozens of hands shot up and Napoleon pointed and said, "You then you and then you. Stand up, tell me your name and then, ask your question."
The first cadet, a tall, curly – haired man stood and said, "Hi. My name is Arturo Lopez and my question is: What do you think is the best way to approach an undercover assignment? I mean, how do you prepare?"
Napoleon smiled. "Good question. Remember, when you get your assignment there is some programming that's done in the office, but you can't rely on just that; you have to do your own preparations. Read the dossier your superior gives you and if it's possible, find out about the country you're going to, what the people are like. Also, if your cover is a certain profession, take the time to learn the basics. You don't want to be posing as a mechanic and the first time you pop open the hood of a car you have no idea what you're looking at or for. Does that answer your question?"
Lopez replied, "Yes, thank you" and sat. The second cadet Napoleon had pointed to stood.
"Hello Agents, I'm Charlotte Meyers and I wanted to ask if you could tell us about some of the characters you became in some of your affairs."
"I've been a prince, a playboy, and a gigolo, but I think the personality I took on that is the furthest from who I am was a timid, insecure secretary. I wore glasses, a bowtie and my hair slicked back. I had to learn shorthand and typing. Illya, would you like to weigh in here?" Turning back to the audience he said, "Illya is the master of disguise between the two of us."
The Russian stepped forward. "In my time, I have taken on the roles of a thief, a newspaper reporter, an alligator hunter and a rickshaw driver. The secret is to blend in as much as possible. I passed as a Chinese rickshaw driver by applying makeup to my hands, wearing the hat and taking advantage of the fact that most people don't really look at the driver; they get in and tell the driver where they want to go."
Charlotte spoke up again. "But how were you able to pull that off?"
"The most important thing is you have to believe that you can pull it off. You have to have that belief so that you can project sincerity and blend in; you have to believe that you are who you say you are. You have to be real."
"In other words," Napoleon said as he came alongside his partner, "Make your mark feel like what he sees is what he gets; you're not fake, you're not plastic, you're for real."
Those comments caused the cadets to murmur amongst themselves as they processed the information. "Does the third person I pointed to still want to ask a question?" Napoleon raised his voice to ask, causing the group to quiet again as another woman stood.
"Yes, I do. I'm Candace Murphy and I just want to know …I guess I don't understand how you're able to maintain your sense of self without breaking character, especially when you go deep undercover for weeks. How can you do that?"
Illya motioned to Napoleon that he wanted to answer and when Napoleon yielded center stage he said, "The short answer is: You do it or you die. Remember, you are undercover to gather information or collect evidence or to sabotage something or someone. If you are discovered, you will be ended." In the ensuing shocked silence, he took the water pitcher on the dais and poured a cup of water which he handed to Napoleon before pouring one for himself. He emptied the contents in one long drink and said, "I see I have stunned you. Undercover work is the ultimate in espionage; not everyone is capable of performing it or being successful at it. Some agents go through their entire career without going undercover though I admit that is not an exciting career."
"If you decide to pursue undercover work, do what you need to do to not lose yourself. Use what you were taught in Sex Training to compartmentalize your life. Take advantage of all UNCLE offers its operatives, including counseling if necessary."
A hand went up and Illya acknowledged it. "Is that what you do, Mr. Kuryakin? Go to counseling?"
It was Napoleon's turn to be shocked when the Russian smiled at the man who had spoken. "I am fortunate enough to have been assigned a partner who provides me the opportunity to vent my feelings and emotions in a safe place and I afford him the same opportunity. Some of you will work alone, some of you will be assigned permanent partners. If you are, I encourage you to build a bond with that person because that will help you remain you more than anything else."
At that point, Mr. Cutter stood and thanked the agents for speaking to the class before leading the cadets in a round of applause before dismissing them. "I'll give you a few moments to decompress. Stop by my office when you're ready to leave."
They watched him leave and then walked down the stage steps and sat in the first row. Napoleon loosened his tie and remarked, "I thought that went rather well." Illya nodded his agreement silently. "Thanks, Illya, for paying me such a great compliment."
"It is the truth. We could not do what we do without speaking to someone. I am glad that we have each other."
Napoleon laughed as he stood. "You can't get more real than that. Let's get out of here. I have dates lined up back in New York."
"Of course."
"Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get"
Hey, some people are made of plastic
And you know some people are made of wood
Some people have hearts of stone
Some people (some people) are up to no good, ah
But baby, I'm for real
I'm as real as real can get
If what you're looking for is real loving
Then what you see is what you get, ha
What you see (what you see) is what you get (is what you get)
What you see (what you see) is what you get (is what you get)
I said what you see (what you see) is what you get now baby (is what you get)
And the real thing is the best thing yet (the best thing yet)
You know some people are made of lies
To bring you down and shame your name
But baby, I have good intentions (good intentions)
Cause breaking hearts just ain't my game (breaking hearts ain't my game)
All I want to do is love you
And sugar, I won't pin you with regret, no, no (ow)
If what you're looking for is real loving (real loving)
Then what you see is what you get
I got to say it, gee (huh)
What you see (what you see) is what you get (is what you get) (look at me)
What you see (what you see) is what you get (is what you get)
I mean what you see (what you see) is what you get now baby (is what you get)
And the real, real thing is the best thing yet (the best thing yet)
What you see (what you see) is what you get (is what you get) (look at me)
What you see (what you see) is what you get (is what you get)
I mean what you see (what you see) is what you get now, baby (is what you get)
And the real, real thing is the best thing yet (the best thing yet)
What you see is what you get
I got a real love, gonna get it
You know what you see, baby, baby, is what you get (is what you get)
Look at me now, what you see (what you see) is what you get (is what you get)
I got to say it now, what you see (what you see) is what you get (is what you get)
Every day now, what you see (what you see) got to be what you get (is what you get)
I got to say it, what you see, baby, baby (what you see) is what you get (is what you get)
I got to remember, what you see (what you see) got to be what you get (is what you get)
Look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, ha is what you get
I got to remember, what you see