Trigger Warning: The first two chapters reference suicide and suicidal thoughts.
Viola lay on the small bed pushed up against the white wall in what she supposed was her room now. It wasn't overly comfortable, the mattress a solid, institutional thing nothing like the down feather monstrosities in her grandfather's house. Somehow it still managed to feel too soft for her to relax into it.
After so long sleeping on the hard ground any mattress at all just felt wrong.
Everything about this felt wrong.
A sob threatened to work its way out of her throat but she swallowed it down before she could make a sound.
She rolled over, her face expressionless as she stared out of the small window which made up the only feature of the otherwise blank walls. There wasn't much to see. The view was broken up by metal bars meant to keep her from breaking the glass and hurling herself towards the city below.
But from her vantage point she could still see the trees of the private garden on the asylum property. She liked to think she could also see the river far off in the distance, barely glinting between two of the adjacent buildings. She was fairly sure she was imagining it but she clung to that belief anyway.
It all looked so familiar. The sort of mundane, everyday beauty that had once brought her enormous comfort.
Now all she saw was how the green of the garden paled in comparison to the rolling hills of the Shire.
How the hint of the river was nothing to the dangerous beauty of the Forest River that flowed out of Mirkwood.
All she saw were reminders that she wasn't where she longed to be. She wasn't with those she loved. She never would be.
Once this city had been her home but she knew it would never feel like that again. Not truly.
It didn't matter anyway.
Even if she was standing right in front of those she had left behind they wouldn't recognize her at all.
Viola rolled over so that her back was to the window not wanting to see outside any longer. Seeing only made her remember. Seeing only made her want.
Both were more painful than she could bear now.