17Sunlight. Sunlight and dust.
She saw the little particles floating aimlessly in the line of sunlight that shot through the window as she layed down with her arms securely around her knees. She blinked and felt her eyes burning tiredly.
It had been two weeks. Two whole weeks and no sign of him. There was someone bringing her food every now and then and even though for a while she had tried to escape, she gave up on any plans. She was so tired. She felt as if her body could no longer sustain her existence and she even started questioning her will to eat.
She kept replaying the last time she saw him. She kept trying to find what it was that made him so angry at her as to keep her in here like an animal. On the contrary, for a moment she had thought that he actually liked her. And even if he didn't, she couldn't understand why he didn't just kill her or send her home. She was just locked in there. Frozen. For no reason.
She once again heard the door opening and closing as the man brought her food. She stayed still, observing the particles of dust that floated freely in the room and for a moment, it seemed to her that they froze into place as her eyes closed.
She stumbled through the park looking down at her bloody hands. She was breathing heavily and for a moment she felt as if her guts had been spilt. She looked down at her bloody t-shirt and cried in fear as she kept walking aimlessly and helplessly.
"Mummy" she whispered desperately "Mom" she kept whispering over and over again as she finally found a main road. She wanted to weep harder, to cry and shout and scream. But every muscle she chose to flex sent waves of pain in her whole body. She collapsed on her knees with the blade still in her body as she saw the headlights of a car approaching her. The car slowed down for a moment before driving away fast.
"Come back" she tried to scream but her voice was merely a whisper. "Come back" she said again just as she felt her head connecting to the pavement. She could only make out shadows as she stared into the night sky . A man. A silhouette of a man standing above her made her open her eyes a little bit more.
"Hey" he said but his voice felt like an echo in her ears. He leaned down towards her as he spoke again.
"Hey"
She jerked awake and looked up. The man was looking at her apathetically as he spoke.
"Boss said you need to eat" he said bringing the tray of untouched food to her.
So he was there after all. She felt sudden anger boiling in her blood but she was too weak to do anything about it.
"Tell him he can take it and feed his dogs with it" she said in a hoarse weak voice, not even shifting positions.
He pulled her up by the arm and forced her to sit normally placing the tray of food in front of her. He took the chair from his office and turned it around, sitting backwards before taking out a gun. He clicked it and pointed it at her head.
"Eat" he commanded sharply.
"Do I really look like I care if you kill me?" she spat back.
"No" he replied and lowered the gun towards her legs "but believe me when I tell you, it's not very pleasant to bleed to death" he said, his blue eyes boring into hers. She sighed and turned towards the food in defeat. She began eating slowly and closed her eyes as she gulped down the water. The food seemed tasteless to her by now even though it seemed well cooked. When she was done, she pushed the tray away from her and stood up to go to the bathroom.
"Nono" said the man reaching out and stopping her with the gun on her stomach "All of it"
"I can't" she said weakly as he stood up.
"Eat the fucking food" he said and she sighed, sitting back down to finish her meal.
"Happy?" she said after a while as he put the gun back in his pants and took the tray. She walked to the bathroom for a shower as he walked towards the exit.
"I couldn't give two fucks to be honest" he murmured before closing the door behind him.
She got in the shower and felt her stomach hurting as the water hit her skin. She washed her hair and body before feeling the dizziness again. She blinked and sat down on the floor, leaning against the tiles as she tried to dissolve the darkness in front of her eyes. She blinked frantically feeling her ears buzzing and her heart pounding in her chest and after a moment, she could finally feel the tingling in her fingers and hear the water pouring down on her.
She wrapped her arms around her legs comforting herself as the steam made it hard to see. She wanted to lie down there in the water and just sleep. She wanted to sleep. The idea of getting up right now and going to the bed felt so difficult to her. She didn't want to walk out there and sleep in that cold damp hellhole alone.
She felt her heart cracking open at the thought. She missed him. Even as he was. She wanted him. That's all that she could think of. It killed her to know that he was mad at her for some reason or that she meant so little to him that he would lock her up in a hole and forget all about her. She thought there was something between them. Maybe it was twisted and weird and unhealthy but, she had genuinely believed he had cared. Even for a while. Otherwise why was she still alive?
Her head kept rushing back to the first memory of him in the car and she buried her face in her hands to shake the memory away. She felt embarrassed. Scared.
And somehow. She knew how this was going to end.
She observed the rain as it rolled down the window with lighting in the background. She could feel her ear hurting by how long she had been lying on her side but she didn't want to move. She heard footsteps at the staircase but her stare didn't waver. The door opened but she didn't hear the sound of the tray as it touched the floor. Instead there were footsteps heading for the desk. She lifted her head and her eyes filled with ache as he walked to her direction. He paid no attention to her as he grabbed something from his desk. He was in full makeup and his shoulders were hunched forward. His greasy hair fell in front of his face, hiding it from her and she got a whiff of gasoline as his coat moved behind him before he stopped.
"Please talk to me" she said weakly as he put something in his pocket. She felt tears in her eyes as he walked away silently "Don't leave me here alone please" she managed to sob softly before the door closed behind him.
She let her head drop on the pillow once more as tears began streaming down her cheeks. She closed her eyes and drew in a shaky breath before bringing her knees up to her chest. She stayed there for a while, before opening her eyes in realization. She hadn't heard footsteps down the stairs.
She lifted herself up and stared at the door, as if something magical was about to happen. She stood up and walked towards it slowly, her heart pounding with fear she might make a sound. She stood in front of the door and listened for a moment. There was nothing.
"Are you there?" she said quietly.
Nothing.
"I'm sorry" she said with a trembling voice as tears blurred her vision "Whatever it is I did to you I am so sorry. I keep replaying everything in my head trying to find what it is that made you hate me so much and I can't! I'm sorry I can't! I mean I thought-" she sniffed in desperation. "Please don't be mad.." she whispered leaning against the door "let me out" she managed to choke out before she broke down into silent sobs.
She collapsed on the floor with her head on the cold metal door "Is that what you're trying to do? Trying to make me hate you?" she whispered almost to herself closing her eyes and becoming a pathetic ball in front of the door. She rocked her body back and forward and found that it was rather soothing as she dug her nails in her skin. She felt as if she was going crazy. Even though she was devastated and confused by his behavior, the only thing she yearned for was to feel the air on her face. To just get out. She wouldn't die in here. Not after surviving for so long. She hadn't even lived as a normal person. She had wasted so much time from her life hiding and looking over her shoulder and she couldn't believe it would just end like this.
It just couldn't.
She stood up slowly as she realized that nobody was there and walked to the bed. She lied down and closed her eyes, feeling the room spinning for a moment before she drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
The door slammed open and she jumped from her rest, startled. Her heart was beating with adrenaline at the sudden sound as the man looked at her for a moment.
"Get dressed. 30 minutes" said the blonde man tossing her a pile of clothes before leaving. This time though, he left the door of the room open and Emily frowned in confusion. She stood up and picked up the clothes as she got dressed. When she was done, she hesitantly walked towards the open exit. She walked down the staircase with caution as her weak legs could barely support her body. When she reached the last door, she held her breath and pushed it. To her surprise, it opened, revealing an empty, dark and quiet warehouse.
She gazed around her, unsure of what she was supposed to do and finally walked towards the exit. She opened the door and looked outside as the sudden winter breeze made her shiver with coldness and bliss. She closed her eyes and opened them again, making sure that this was not a dream as she walked down the stairs and into the street. She gasped as she looked up in the night sky, seeing stars hanging over her head. Finally, she turned her attention to the parked van across the lot.
She walked towards it with her arms wrapped around her body as the wind lashed against her fragile frame. She stood in front of it and waited, until she saw the man on the wheel. He was smoking one of his cigarettes and paid her no attention as he spoke.
"Get in" he simply said tossing the cigarette stub out of the window and turned on the engine. Emily gulped at the sight of him. He was not wearing any makeup but he was heavily dressed with a black coat and scarf around his neck. He wore black gloves that rested casually on the wheel as he waited for her to get in and Emily felt her heart jerk with agony and fear by the way he ignored her movements.
She got in the passenger's seat and closed the door as they drove away in silence. She was glued on the door at her side and was looking out the window, unable to cross a word with him. She didn't want to. All she wanted was to go home. She just wanted him out of her life and she didn't want to have anything to do with him again. This craziness had to stop. Now.
She didn't know if he was going to kill her, but she doubted it. After all, if he had that in mind, why keep her locked up for two weeks? Not that he had any other reason to –at least in her head- but the truth was, she didn't really know what to expect of him at this point.
Her theory was confirmed when she saw the familiar neighborhoods around her block. He finally turned to her street casually and parked opposite her building. She half expected for something to be said there but he didn't even turn off the engine.
"Off you go" he simply said not even looking at her. Even though she had convinced herself that she didn't want to be around him, his dismissive attitude and lack of eye contact startled her.
"What?" she replied "You're just letting me go?"
"What does it look like?" he said sharply "Go home Emily"
The sound of her name was odd on his lips and for a moment she had the temptation to tell him. To scream at him to show him who she was, where she'd come from, why she was here. But the hardness of his face as he looked out the window told her that it wouldn't matter anyway.
She clenched her teeth in anger and opened the door hopping out of the van and slamming it shut. She strode towards her building and contained the tears of anger that threatened to roll down her eyes as the wind almost pushed her to the side.
She finally felt the first one rolling hot on her cheek and for a moment she was surprised she had any left. She could still hear the engine behind her but she didn't dare to turn around as she got in the building.
She walked up the stairs when suddenly she realized she had no keys to her apartment. They were in her bag which she had dropped on the ground the night the Joker took her.
"Fuck" she said running a hand through her hair. She walked up to her floor and stared at the closed door in front of her. She sighed and knocked on the neighbors' door in hopes they might let her use their phone. She could call Maria and tell her she needed a locksmith.
She knocked again and finally heard feet dragging against the floor.
"Who are you?" said a male voice.
"Hi my name is Emily? I live next door" she began. "I got locked out-"
She was interrupted as the man closed the door with force and unlatched it before opening it and looking at her in awe.
"You're Emily Willows aren't you!?" said the old man. She frowned but smiled politely. She didn't really know any of her neighbors and she had no recollection of meeting this man.
"Have we met?" she asked.
"You're that missing girl! I knew it was you who lived next door! Come! Come inside!" he said as he let her in. She frowned confused and turned towards him as he closed the door.
"Um… what do you mean missing girl?" she asked curiously.
"Oh dear" he said giving her a depressed look at her appearance "You've been all over the news darling. There is footage of you kidnapped by the Joker two weeks ago or so. The whole city is looking for you"
Emily went white. She gulped and felt her heartbeat in her ears. "What do you mean I've been all over the news?" she asked with a trembling voice.
"You were missing child. Gone. Poof!" he said.
Emily stayed quiet and tried to compose herself. She finally licked her lips and blinked uncontrollably "Can I use your phone please?" she said quietly as the man handed her it.
She got in the police car as James Gordon turned around to look at her.
"Miss Willows" he said with wide eyes as they drove "I didn't expect to find you…well… alive"
Emily looked at him with a blank stare "The whole town learnt about me" she said accusingly.
"Well it was public news after a moment. The news about the Joker never stay hidden for long. I am sorry"
She looked out the window as they drove with her heart racing. She gulped and felt her chest tightening as she tried to breathe. They arrived at the station and, fortunately, found no reporters there yet. It didn't matter anymore anyway. Once her face was out in the public for good, there was nothing she could do.
They got out as they escorted her inside, James Gordon never leaving her side. She lowered her eyes in irritation as the whole room stared at her as she walked. They were wondering how she was still alive after being kidnapped by the Joker and she couldn't quite blame them. But neither answer them.
They walked her to an interrogation room as Gordon offered her a seat and began for the door.
"Bring some coffee for the girl" he said quietly to one of the guards and began to close the door.
"Could you-" she jumped from her seat "not close it? Please?" she said. He looked at her behind his glasses but left the door open.
He took the two cups of coffee and gave her one as he sat down in front of her.
"Two times" he simply stated. Emily looked at him blankly "Third time is the charm they say"
"Is this a wish commissioner?" she joked and he smiled humorlessly.
"Of course not. I would never wish any harm on you"
Emily took the cup and warmed her fingers as he went on. Something felt weird about their conversation.
"Can you describe what happened the night of the kidnapping?" He began.
Emily stared back at him confused for a second. She hadn't registered the event as kidnapping before.
"Um… I was walking home from work and…this guy who worked across the street he came to say hi. We…had an argument and then out of the blue, a van stopped by and I was taken" she said simply.
Gordon stared at her for a second "Miss Willows-"
"Please just, Emily" she said.
"Emily then… the man's name was Tom Jeffersons. He worked at Hair n Fare across the street from your work place and he got murdered by the Joker the night of the kidnapping. Do you remember that?" he said. She nodded. "Emily, why would the Joker kill Tom Jeffersons? Why not kill you for instance? He let you go the last time"
"I don't know" she whispered and shook her head as she felt her eyes watering up. She fixed her gaze on Gordon's shirt as he spoke.
"He must had said something to you about it. He likes playing mind games with his victims"
Emily pursed her lips in an attempt not to cry "He didn't say anything" she said flatly.
The man across her remained quiet for a moment. "Emily" he said taking off his glasses "Did he tell you to cover for him?" he said.
"No" she answered confused as she looked up at him.
"Then tell me what happened" he said. She stayed quiet for a moment before wetting her lips.
"I told you what happened. He just took me after killing Tom" she said and shrugged.
"It's just sounds to me like he saw something he didn't like"
"Well what can I tell ya?" she answered sharply, getting irritated. They both knew what had happened but she was not in the mood to discuss Joker's rage issues.
He looked at her "You are not under arrest here. You don't have to worry about anything. We're just trying to catch him that's all. He seems rather interested in you and we don't know why"
Emily felt her chest tightening for a second before she spoke "I don't think he'll bother me again" she said swiftly.
"Did he hurt you?" he asked softly. Emily felt tingling on her stomach where her scar was but didn't reply. Instead, she shook her head negatively. What was she supposed to say? Yes he did but I didn't tell you guys cause I was waiting for him to fuck me?
"Did he do something to you? Against your will?" he asked. Emily remained frozen for a moment before shaking her head again. That was true. it wasn't against her will.
"What did he do then?"
"He locked me up in a room" she said.
Gordon stared at her dumbfounded "He…locked you up…in a room"
Emily heard the irony in her own words "Yes" she stated.
"That's it?"
"Well I would like to see you try and stay in a small room for two whole weeks but yeah, that's it" she said.
"I didn't mean anything by it it's just, compared to what it could have happened…" his voice trailed off. Emily clenched her teeth and crossed her arms. She felt so angry that she wanted to cry. She wanted to bash this guy's head in and break the glass behind him stabbing everyone that watched her like a circus animal in the process.
"Is there anything else you remember?" he said.
"No" she said flatly "I would like to leave now please" she said standing up.
"Yes of course. I will arrange for a car to drive you home"
"Thank you"
Gordon stared after her as she walked away. He got in his office and sat down.
"Hey Bullock" he said as the tall man approached him "Find me every footage up to two weeks prior to the kidnapping"
"What route are we talking about?"
"Just follow her footsteps"