Chapter 2 'Blu's Enlightenment',
I wrote this immediately after chapter 1, so I can near upload the first two chapters consecutively, and quickly. Anyways this is where the story goes bananas.
Enjoy or suffer.
The next day the two of them got up. Both Blu and Jewel went to get mangoes to eat. When they encountered a strange bird.
''Hi'', he said.
''Whomst'd've are you?'', Blu and Jewel asked
''Why I am Malarestropolostedivivianismalackalyienas Kopolononoaseriroplanenneger Schwarzlilianisporelyasmophoreis, the third, but you can call me 'Garry'.''
''Gee, writing your name must be a pain in the ass,'', Blu commented.
''It sure is!'', he replied.
Garry is an epic Milicinth Macaw, he is very handsome, awesome, perfect, and never makes a mistake. His perfect perfection is perfectly perfect to perfection.
''Anyways, nice to meet you Garry. We have to go and get ourselves breakfast. Bye.'' Blu said.
The two Spix's Macaws got mangoes, and returned back to their hollow. They ate, and it was awesome. On a whim, Blu decided to go out for a fly.
''Is it alright if I just go out for a quick fly? I'll be back in 10 minutes.'', he said.
''Sure, just make sure you're back in 10 minutes…'', she said and smiled, and giggled. Blu took this as being risqué, or something.
Blu headed out, and reached a secluded, open space. He sat down, and was about to just start daydreaming when,
''Blu.'', a thunderous voice cried out.
''Who the fuck are you? '', Blu cried out.
''I am god.'', the voice, who turned out to be god, said.
''Oh, I guess there really is a god after all! Huh, go figure. Anyways show yourself to me!'', Blu said.
''Sure thing.'', god replied. He showed himself and Blu was shocked at his appearance.
''Uhmmm…That's, not how I expected you to look! I imagined you as being some old crusty dusty dinosaur, not a…'', Blu commented.
''Flying Spaghetti Monster. That's me, the FSM for short.'', the FSM answered
''So, FSM, what do you want?'', Blu asked.
''Well homie, I chose you to spread the word of my existence. I'm deadass sick of mofos not believing in me. Instead they believe in those other fake ass niggas, like the Holy Wine, Alloy, Jesofa, and Yowie. Dose dumb mofos built a giant ass statue of jeezus! Like, bro, he was sum fake ass fraud, I'm telling ya homie! Dey fake as hell, dawg. So I want you to tell dose mofos dat da real deal, is me! And you have been chosen to do so!'', the FSM turned ghetto mode, and said.
''That's cool, but why did you choose me?'', Blu asked.
''Because nutters will take you as a miracle. If you were a human, dey would think chou' were sum crazy asshole, and throw cho' ass in da asylum. So, I instruct you to tell all yo niggas about me, got it homie?'', the FMS answered, and instructed Blu.
''Sure thing, FSM! I won't fail you! By the way, is there any commandments for how to live one's life?'',
''Sure thing. And call them commands, because commandment is redundant, and too long! Anyways, I got ya covered, homie:
1. No gods before me, I'm god #1, bitch!
2. Don't take my name in vain
3. Honour yo mama and faja, unless dey don't believe in me.
4. Don't kill peeps, unless dey assholes, den its cool.
5. Stay faithful to your bitch. Unless she be fuckin' some other mofo, den its cool.
6. Don't steal peep's shit, unless dey stole yo stuff, or if dey don't believe in me.
7. Don't be lying and snitching on yo homies.
8. Don't covet yo neighbour's shit, unless dey do dat to you.
9. Eat Spaghetti at least once a year, unless you have a really, really good excuse.
10. Be good to yo homies.
All rules have exceptions, for example, if dose mofos don't believe in me, den its cool.''
''Uh, thank you FSM. But, that is a lot to remember, can you have that written on a stone tablet, please?'', Blu asked.
''Sure thing, homie.'', the FSM said, and a stone tablet materialised in front of Blu. It had the 10 commands, and had FSM's signature at the bottom, a copyright disclaimer, and a message at the bottom that said 'Follow these rules or yo ass gon' be boiling for all eternity, bitch!', and on the other side it said 'Tablet made in China', plus the message, 'Turn the other way, dumbass!'
''By the way Blu, yo mama was a virgin when she popped you out. I cucked yo 'dad', so yeah, you're my son, homie!'',
''O-kay, dad…Ummm, so is there any other things you need to tell me?'',
''Yeah. Pray to me once a day, unless there's a good reason to send me another prayer. Coz' I don't want my heaven homies overloaded with prayers. Also end every prayer with 'Ramen', and don't pray before a meal. Coz' yo homies don't wanna be waiting for sum praying. Yeah, that's it homie, tell yo wife, and all yo niggas about me. Peace out, homie!'', the FSM said, and disappeared. Blu was speechless, as not only was his 'dad' cucked by god, but he is supposed to tell everyone about the FSM, without being seen as a crazy asshole.
''Today's going to be fun…'', Blu said sarcastically.
That wraps up chapter 2. Hope you enjoyed it.
The decision to make the FSM speak like he's from the hood, was inspired by the depictions of the Grim Reaper in 'Manuel Samuel', and 'Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey'. I think that depicting god or death as being ghetto is really funny, and I'm not sure why this isn't done as much as it should be.
Anyways, I'll write chapter 3 shortly, and I will publish these first 2 chapters in quick succession.
Until next time, goodbye.