I own nothing


1. practice on the range at least once a week, you'd be amazed at how quickly accuracy will fade, and that scout trooper who was supposed to serve as overwatch for you squad suddenly can't hit the broadside of a barn

2. our weapons are not bottomless, they do have an ammo limit, remember to reload your powerpack, trust me, 'click' is the last thing you want to hear in a firefight, and often it is the last thing you here before a rebel shoots your sorry ass as you stand their dumbfounded at your own stupidity.

3. treat all walkers like you would an unstable tree: like it is going to fall on top of you and make you an unsightly mess that well will have to skip our lunch breaks to clean up.

4. when (not if, when) said walker inevitably falls, keep in mind the direction it is falling in and don't run that way, run to the side and be out of the way.

5. Please, please, PLEASE pay attention in the academy when they tell you what the timing is on a thermal detonator, if you by some misfortune have forgotten then READ THE MANUAL.

6. At the same time, don't read the manual unless you have to,I know its paradoxical of me but I have a reason. It's amazing what can be done if you don't know the rules. I know it's technically impossible to carry an E-web by yourself DON'T READ THE FUCKING MANUAL NEXT TIME AND YOU WON'T CARE SO MUCH. because while you were carring to much, said one man E web will have you in his sights and I'll be mopping up your remains within the hour.

7. Karma is very much a thing between a garrison and the local civilian population, if I had an Imperial Credit for everytime a preventable rebellion started on some planet because of a scout trooper or imperial NCO being an asshole, I'd probably be able to buy a super star destroyer made out of solid cortosis.

8. I know loyalty is important, but don't follow orders blindly, look I know that sometimes we have to do things that are unpleasant, but when your orders are to, and I quote, "Blow up the Imperial Barracks" please get confirmation on those orders, or at least a reason, because when it turns out that those orders to blow up the barracks came from the Rebels who had somehow gotten the communication frequency, it turns out that you can still be charged with treason even if you "where just following orders"

9. don't ignore droids, the Rebellion seem to like using droids, they can be programed to do anything no matter how imoral, and even the smallest droid can end up causing over two hundred casualties (an airlock was involved) because no one bothered to stop an astromech with a paintjob that didn't conform to imperial standards from having free mobility.

10. If something goes bump in the night, go check, Rebel's love stealth operations, and being that one guy who did absolutely nothing to stop them from blowing up the base's generator you are gonna find yourself at the mercy of the most callous individuals the sector can offer, and they can easily give you either an execution, or a punishment so bad you'll wish they had killed you.


Feel free to review, or share your own "stupid death" stories.