I Don't Want the World to See Me

A very short Stacy Morasco-centric piece. I thought the character had a lot of unrealized potential. It's a shame they never gave her a solid foundation. Le sigh. That's what fan fiction is for though, right?


Part 1

It's all over before she even had time to get used to the idea.

She's reaching for the phone. She's crying. No, she's sobbing. Her body feels like it's being ripped apart internally. She closes her hand around the hard plastic phone, knocking over the table in the process as she writhes in agony on the floor, each cramp feeling as if someone is taking a steel vice to her abdomen and twisting it around her insides ever, ever tighter.

She's thinking too. Thinking she is going to lose this baby. No, knowing she is going to. She can tell it's already over for her. She's thinking not of the father, a boy-man who she has been obsessed with since she was thirteen. No, she's thinking about the life inside her now spilling out on the floor with her blood. She's thinking not of him, but of the baby. For the first time it's not about her, it's about the baby. And how they are never going to grow up and they're never going to take their first breath of clean air, or take their first bite of baby food, or say their first word …

All thought is gone but the thought that she has died inside. A little more and more as each millisecond ticks by until the paramedics arrive. She waits for the pain to stop, to subside, but when it finally does, there is still a hollow ache left inside her stomach, inside her heart. Everyone says she doesn't have one but she knows she would have loved this baby in her own fucked up, screwed up, obsessive way. She knows things will go on as they were before, that her obsession with Rex will rear its ugly head again the minute he walks in the door and sees her there on the floor, that she will go back to hating and despising and trying to ruin her sister's life, that she will be hell-bent on having what's hers. But she knows she won't be happy. That those things are just distractions from the real issue that she is nothing but a sad, pathetic, lonely little girl inside who never really grew up, never learned how to share or even how to be happy.

She knows she will care about all that soon enough, but for now, she just cares about the life that has gushed out of her. She does have a heart. Even if she will never let anyone ever see it.